Care and Feeding Ch. 12

Chapter 12

"So, James, what's your first question?"

The words echoed in his head as he tried to shake the fog out. There was a pressure behind his eyes, almost like a migraine but not quite. As his brain finally started to make sense of his surroundings he found himself sitting at a table in a cafe across from Sammy, who was ordering for both of them. Hadn't he just been in her office?

"Thank you," she said with a smile as the server walked away.

"Caffeine will help, I promise," she said turning back to James.

"What?" James said, still a little groggy.

"How did we get here?"

Sammy smiled, and there was something to the expression that reminded him of how an adult looked at a child when deciding how much detail they could process.

"How? I brought us here."

She held up her hand before he could ask another question.

"Because when you've lived as long as me and seen as much as I have, you learn how to do things. More than that won't be helpful".

James tried to say something but winced. His mind was still foggy as the server set something down in front of him and walked away.

"Take a sip. It'll help, I promise."

He nodded and took a sip, then another. The fog began to clear.

"This is good."

Sammy smiled and took a sip of her own drink, closing her eyes for a moment to savor it before opening them again. She met James' gaze, and the look in her eyes was intense in a way he couldn't quite wrap his head around. He took a deep breath and shook his head, the last of the cobwebs clearing.

"So, what's your first question? Or did you change your mind?"

James looked at her for a moment, and felt something inside him harden. He wasn't angry, not exactly, but he was tired of being talked around.

"What are you?"

"We went over this. I don't owe you an explanation."

"I'm not asking for an explanation. I'm asking a question. Are you someone who keeps up their end? Because Vanessa seems to think so, and you certainly want me to believe it."

Sammy's smile reached her eyes. She didn't seem surprised, more amused.

"Old."

"That's not an answer."

"Yes it is."

"That's not an answer worth trading a memory for, and you know it."

Sammy thought for a moment.

"Very old. Older than Vanessa. Old enough that I feed on something very different."

"Memories?"

"Something like that. Information."

He felt... something. Like a brief surge of that same pressure behind his eyes, but it was gone in an instant. He scanned his memories before realizing he had no way of knowing whether she took something he couldn't remember.

"Why do you care so much?" She asked, and there was something testing in her tone,

"What is Vanessa to you?"

"Is that a question? Because I believe we've established that explanations aren't owed."

Sammy chuckled softly.

"Fair enough. What's your next question?"

He looked between her eyes for a moment, but her expression betrayed nothing. He wasn't surprised--if even half of what she said was true, he wasn't equipped to read her body language or hide anything from her.

"What is it about you that has Vanessa so shaken? I've never seen anything register as more than a passing annoyance."

"Nothing."

She didn't say anything else, but he also didn't feel that same pressure behind his eyes.

"You didn't take anything."

"No, I didn't."

"So we're in agreement that you didn't answer my question."

"Yes."

"Why?"

Sammy sighed.

"Because it's a hard question to answer without breaking promises. It's not me that has her so shaken. Yes, I definitely put her off balance, she wasn't expecting me to just show up. But there are other... forces at play."

Still no pressure.

"Carmilla?"

"Carmilla."

He winced as he felt that pressure behind his eyes again, and realized he couldn't remember his next question.

"That's not fair. You said memories."

"That was a memory. And if you knew what the alternative was, you wouldn't be complaining."

He heard an edge in her voice for the first time. He crossed his arms and held her stare, refusing to back down.

"So Carmilla is what she's actually bothered by, but the scale of her reaction is because you have her off balance."

Sammy sighed.

"I'll give you this one for free. The short answer is yes, although the sequence isn't quite right. And before you ask for more information, that won't be free, and you don't have a bottomless well of memories to pay with."

"Why? I don't understand-I have a vague sense of what Carmilla is, or at least why she's a threat, but what does that have to do with Vanessa? From what I understand, she can't actually interfere with Vanessa without some kind of cost, or breaking some law I don't understand."

Sammy tapped her fingers on the table.

"Now that's an expensive question."

She leaned forward on the table.

"And out of respect for what you are to Vanessa, I'll tell you this-the question you haven't asked yet is the only thing that would make that price worthwhile. So stop beating around the bush and just ask."

Her stare didn't change, neither did her expression.

"Okay," James said, "no more games. What are you and Vanessa to each other?"

"Are you sure you're rea-"

"Yes. If you know what I am to her, you know what she is to me. So unless you're going to take the memory of the answer as payment, let's get on with it."

He saw her expression finally crack; if only for an instant, he saw something softer and maybe a little sad before the ageless wall came back up.

She dipped her finger into a glass of water and slid it across the table to him. There was a faint shimmer to the water, like a rainbow caused by light and oil.

"If you really mean that? Drink. And don't ask why, you can't afford it."

He took the glass without hesitation and downed it in one go. Before he could ask for clarification his vision went blurry, with Sammy somehow staying in perfect focus.

"Just relax."

It was the last thing he heard her say before everything went black.

********************

James opened his eyes. It took effort, like his eyes were sticky and vision blurry. He didn't recognize anything around him-he was in some kind of structure, in what he guessed was a kitchen, but nothing looked right. The walls seemed like they were made of some kind of earthen material, with clay pots and various herbs and vegetables hanging from the ceiling. He tried to move and panicked when he realized he couldn't.

'Just watch,' he heard the voice in his mind, if it could be called a voice, 'this already happened. You can't control anything.'

The feeling was unsettling, but if this was how he got the answer to his questions, he'd learn to live with it. His perspective changed, shifting down until he could see hands cutting vegetables with a knife. His perspective was first person-he couldn't control the hands but he was clearly looking out from the eyes they belonged to. They were young looking, feminine, and somehow familiar. He watched as they set the knife aside, carrying the vegetables over to an iron pot hung over a fire, plucking herbs from the plants hanging from the ceiling and adding them to the boiling liquid.

The scene reminded him of something from a movie or a TV show that took place in ancient times, like a fantasy story. After stirring the contents of the pot, he felt himself step away and towards a table near the window, which was just an opening cut into the wall. There was a brass tray that the hands picked up, and when he glanced he recognized the reflection-she didn't look exactly the same, but the face was unmistakably Sammy. The realization hit him all at once-he was in Sammy's memory.

'Yes,' the voice said, 'now, if you want the answers to your question, shut up and watch.'

After checking the pot one more time, Sammy/James put the tray into a wicker basket and stepped outside. The sun was bright and the air warm, and as Sammy made her way from the outskirts towards the center of town, he heard the rising din that can only come from groups of people gathered in one place. She smiled as she approached a stall where a man was selling bolts of cloth.

"Amrin," she said as she approached, "do you have anything new for me today?"

The man looked up and smiled when he saw her.

"Only the best for you," his lips moved and he said something else, but the sound didn't make any sense.

They talked for several more minutes but the conversation was ordinary. She stopped at several more stalls in the same fashion, and by the time she finished and started making her way home the sun had moved towards late afternoon. As she approached the edge of the village, a sound caught her attention and she stopped, turning to see where it came from. There were a group of villagers, younger adults, but as she looked James immediately understood why she had stopped-in the middle of the group was a young woman in a simple cloth dress. She looked much different, but it was definitely Vanessa. Despite this memory having taken place what he had to assume was millennia ago, he suddenly understood what Sammy had meant by "when she was very young," - she was already ancient, but by Sammy's standards?

Sammy watched for a moment, and when the group split up she walked parallel to Vanessa, taking her time until they crossed paths.

"Hello," Vanessa said when she saw Sammy, then after a brief pause tilted her head and said, matter of factly, "you're different. Older than you should be. Much older."

"You can tell that from looking?"

"Kind of. It's more like... a feeling. Like you're somehow louder than the others?"

Sammy nodded.

"That's one way to put it. And for the record, that would be a very rude thing to say to a human."

She paused and let that sit for a moment.

"And you're different too, aren't you? You're other?"

Vanessa nodded enthusiastically, and held out her hand.

"And older. Much older," Sammy said, "just maybe not as old as me."

She winked before taking the offered hand.

Vanessa giggled briefly at the joke then shook hands.

"What's your name? I'm..." she started to say something that came out garbled when Sammy cut her off.

"Shhh," Sammy said, holding her finger to her mouth, "you shouldn't share that so freely."

Vanessa looked confused.

"But you're like me."

"Not everyone like us is safe."

Vanessa thought about that for a moment then shrugged.

"You're the only other one I've ever met."

"That makes sense. It's something of a minor miracle that we're in the same place. What do the humans call you?"

Vanessa smiled before answering. "Lilitha. What about you?"

He felt the hesitation in Sammy before she answered, but the sound came out garbled. He had a vague sense of what Sammy was thinking and feeling, and he had the distinct impression that whatever Sammy had said was not her 'true name.' He didn't know why it was hidden, but he couldn't move or ask, so he decided to just accept it and keep watching.

Sammy and Vanessa, or Lilitha in this case, spoke for a while longer before going back to Sammy's house where they shared whatever it was that Sammy had been cooking. The memory shifted, seeming to speed up in some places and skip whole days or weeks in others. He watched as Sammy and Lilitha grew closer, with the former slowly teaching what it meant to be other, and how to understand herself better. Apparently Lilitha had been feeding exclusively on ambient arousal, which given her natural beauty and the limited number of people in the village, was enough to get by on-most of the men and even some of the women directed no small amount of lustful feelings in her direction, and it was enough to sustain her.

"That's not exactly accepted behavior," Lilitha said as she drank the tea Sammy had made. "How am I supposed to, what did you say? Feed? And why do I need to? It seems like I'm doing fine."

Sammy shrugged. "Technically you don't, but at some point you'll need to if you're going to develop."

"What, gain powers like you have?"

"Yes, but also just finish becoming what you are. Your growth will eventually stop and stay stunted until you feed. No matter how many people want you or think at you, there's a limit."

Lilitha thought about that for a moment.

"One of the men in town keeps bringing me flowers. Telling me how beautiful I am. He likes me, and I think I like him too. Maybe..."

He could feel Sammy tense, but it must not have shown since Lilitha didn't react.

"Just be mindful little one. Humans are suspicious and can be inconsistent. Telling them too much about who and what you are can be risky, especially before you're fully grown."

Lilitha nodded her assent, and the memory became blurry. When it cleared again, the weather had turned cold and gray, which James took to mean that they had jumped ahead by months. Sammy was at her pot again, wrapped in furs and sitting by the fire as whatever she had inside bubbled away. She looked up when she heard familiar footsteps, and James could feel the smile as she saw Lilitha in her doorway.

"Little one," she said, her voice steady but with an unmistakable warmth and softness, "come in, be warm by the fire with me."

Vanessa laughed as she stepped inside.

"You keep calling me that. But I'm older than most humans."

She came in and sat down, rubbing her hands and holding them to the flame.

"You're little to me, little one."

She handed Lilitha a bowl of whatever was in her pot today.

"Your furs look new," Sammy said after a moment, "and expensive."

Lilitha beamed.

"They were a gift from the man I told you about, Adamis."

"Oh?" James could feel the concern, even if she hid it in her voice.

"That's very generous."

"He's like that," she said, running her fingers along the fur with a twinkle in her eye, "he said he loves me."

"Mmmmmm."

"I think I love him too. And I did something. I told him."

Sammy stiffened.

"Told him what?" She asked, afraid she knew the answer.

"My name. My REAL name."

"That was reckless," Sammy snapped, and he could feel her surprise at the intensity of her own reaction.

"Did you even listen when I told you why that's dangerous? Do you understand what you've done?" Her voice rose with each word, anger and fear mixed into her tone.

"I understand just fine," Lilitha spat back, and James could hear something familiar in the way her tone was defiant, "and it's MY name to do with as I please. I don't owe you my name, and you're not in charge of me just because you made me some soup and taught me a few parlor tricks."

Sammy was silent for a moment, though James could feel the heat rising in her face.

"Oh is that so?"

"Yes. I am my own person, and neither you nor Adamis gets to decide what that means."

"Yet you gave him so much power over you."

"He loves me. I trust him."

"More than me?"

Lilitha stayed silent, that same look of defiance in her eyes.

"I see." Sammy stood up and walked away from the fire, busying herself to try and hide the hurt on her face.

"Well I have better things to do than spend my time teaching someone who won't listen."

"And I have better things to do than listen to some lonely old woman who just wants to control me. How are you different than the humans you tell me not to trust?"

Sammy hesitated, turning slowly, and James could feel real anger radiating off of her. Lilitha must have felt it too, because he could see her shrink slightly, even if her expression stayed hard.

"Get out." Sammy said it quietly, and somehow that was worse.

Lilitha tried to say something, but Sammy shook her head.

"No. Just go."

Lilitha stood and stormed out. Sammy set down whatever she was holding and sat by the fire, and James was surprised when she put her face in her hands and began to cry.

The memory went fuzzy and shifted again, and when it cleared the weather was warm and the sun was bright. Sammy moved through her normal routine, though it was obvious something was different. Her normal warmth and banter was gone, and she moved through the village quickly before returning home and setting her things down. He had the vague sensation that she was simply moving through a routine, and there was a hollow feeling inside.

He felt her perk up when she heard footsteps, and then her mood fell again when a couple of village women walked by laughing. When she heard footsteps again she almost ignored them until she heard a familiar voice call out to her. She spun around quickly and James felt her heart rise and fall at what she saw. Lilitha was standing in her doorway, but she looked nothing like the proud woman in new furs. She was wearing what could only be generously described as rags, with her hair in shambles and cuts and bruises across her skin. She began to say something that sounded like an apology but Sammy didn't wait, running across the room and pulling her into her arms, and as soon as she did Lilitha burst into tears in her arms. Sammy, for her part, held her without saying anything until she calmed down, and then kept holding her.

"I know you hate me, but I didn't know where else to go."

"I could never, my little one. Even if I tried."

At that Lilitha burst into a fresh round of tears, and Sammy waited patiently for her to calm down.

"What happened?"

"You were right. Once he knew how much control he had, he became awful. I don't know what to do."

"Do you want me to fix it?"

Lilitha stiffened in her arms.

"You can do that? You would do that?"

Sammy nodded without hesitation.

"I can take it back. Your name. But there will be a cost. For you and for him. For all of us."

"Yes, please," she didn't hesitate to accept Sammy's help this time, "what do I have to do?"

Sammy took a breath.

"I need to know what I'm looking for. And why. I need you to show me what he knows, how he knows, and what he did. If I'm going to take it away from him, I need to know what I'm taking."

There was a pause before she nodded.

"I need you to trust me. To let me in your mind, if I'm going to get what I need without consequence."

She held her hands to Lilitha's temples and James saw a flash of memories, like watching a movie at high speed. The day she met Adamis. The long walks and firelight chats. The furs, the sweet nothings he whispered to her. The day she told him what she was, what her name was. At first it seemed like he held her secret in confidence, until one day when she was walking through the village and saw him with a group of his friends and a woman she'd never seen before holding his arm.

She walked up to him tentatively, and called out his name. The expression on his face when he saw her made her blood run cold.

"Oh, it's you," he said with venom in his voice.

"Why are you looking at me like that? And who is this?"

Adamis laughed.

"This is Eva. And she's to be my wife."

"Your what? What about me?"

"You?" He sneered, "what about you? You're just some... thing that thinks herself my equal. Eva knows what it is to be a wife. Knows a woman's place. You're a distraction at best."

His friends snickered, and Eva looked at her with a mix of pity and disgust.

"Why are you being so cruel?"

He didn't answer, instead taking out a piece of paper with something scrawled on it. Lilitha's eyes went wide when she saw what was written on it.

"Please," she pleaded, "you can't."

He tore the paper into four even squares, then said something that came out garbled but James now knew could only be her true name. The paper burst into flames as soon as the last sound was out of his mouth, and he blew the ashes in Lilitha's face. Everything dimmed for a moment, and when the light settled he looked at her with that same sneer.

"Go be a good little thing. Walk to my home and sit against the support beam, on the ground. Wait there for me and do nothing until I tell you to."

Lilitha tried to object but the words wouldn't come. Instead she turned stiffly and walked off towards Adamis' home. Hours went by before he returned, and the look on his face made James' blood run cold. The memory went fuzzy but continued for longer than he expected. Sammy must have wanted him to understand that whatever happened went on for a long time, but wouldn't let him see what.

Sammy pulled her hands away from Lilitha's temples and sat back. Her demeanor was calm, but inside James could feel an anger like nothing he'd known. This was the kind of rage that ended civilizations.

"I was only able to get away because he forgot to tell me to sit and wait for him. But if he finds me..."

"He won't. Not before I find him."

The memory jumped again, and when it cleared he saw Sammy approaching a group of men with someone he assumed was Adamis in the center.

When she reached them he gave her that same sneer.

"Oh, Lilitha's witch. What do you want?"

Sammy said nothing, but walked until she was right in front of Adamis and grabbed his throat, lifting him off the ground. The others turned to run but Sammy opened her mouth and gave a single command in a voice that rattled like thunder.

"Forget."

As soon as the words left her mouth the others froze, looking around confused like they didn't know where they were or where they were going.

Adamis opened his mouth to protest but Sammy simply squeezed harder, and James could see that his face was beginning to turn blue.

"I could reduce you to nothing. Not dead, literal nothing. But I won't. Do you know why?"

Adamis tried to speak but Sammy simply squeezed harder.

"Because she asked me to show you mercy. Because despite everything you did to her she couldn't bring herself to let someone be hurt because of her. Because despite everything, she's better than you could ever be. But you will not live without consequence."

Her other hand came up and gripped Adamis by the face. James watched as his eyes went blank, his body going limp where he had just been struggling for freedom. After a moment Sammy dropped him, and he landed with a thud and a look of confusion on his face.

"Why am I here? Where's Lilitha?" He sounded genuinely confused, like he couldn't remember.

"Somewhere you won't touch her again. Now, for the rest of you."

The memory went fuzzy again and when it cleared Sammy and Lilitha were at the edge of town, walking towards a cart and horse that was loaded with items James recognized from Sammy's home.

"Do we really have to leave?" Lilitha asked.

"I was careful, but a group of people who suddenly forgot the last several months of their life will not go unnoticed."

"But can't you make everyone forget?"

"Physically? Yes. But to what end? How many will need to forget how much? And how long before neighboring villages notice?"

Lilitha considered this for a moment before nodding.

"Where will we go?"

He could feel Sammy smile for the first time since their fight.

"The world is a large place, little one. There are many places we can go."

"Together?"

"Yes. Together."

This time, when the memory faded, James found himself back at the cafe. His head felt like it might explode, and he only just managed to keep himself from vomiting.

"Holy shit," he said.

"The experience can be disorienting," Sammy offered.

"No. I mean yes, but, what I meant was, I can't believe that she had to go through that. And what you did for her."

"So," Sammy asked, "do you understand now?"

"Is that a question?"