Full Disclosure Ch. 08

Number 8: The Sobriety of Morning

It was a rare morning when Elijah would wake before Natalie, but he rose with a jolt to his body, quickly looking around to see what had woken him.

Nothing. Just a dream, he realized as he relaxed back against his pillow, glancing at the clock. Thinking it through, the dream was irrelevant. Nothing special. Sexual, of course, since everything here was, and it hadn't involved Natalie, nor anyone they'd met. Just some random women who he'd been fooling around with, but they'd backed him against a ledge and he'd fallen, which had jerked him awake.

They hadn't spoken much the night before once they'd returned to their room. Natalie had crawled into bed, laughing about how drunk she was, and while Elijah wanted to play--really play hard--he let her be, instead masturbating in the bathroom to release what had built up in the hot tub. When he'd returned to the room, she was asleep. He'd laid down, watching her even breathing.

And he'd apologized. Quietly, as not to wake her, he'd told her he was sorry for neglecting her, sorry for his actions that morning, sorry for taking her for granted. He knew what he had. But when he'd laid back, staring at the ceiling, he also thought through what he felt was missing. He still wanted her, knew he would be devastated if he lost her, perhaps unable to fully pick up the pieces if they decided it needed to end. But the awful truth of it was, he wanted a break. He had been in this relationship since he was twenty, and he was in no way unique. He knew other couples must feel it at times; a need for just a week without their spouse or partner, though they must push through it. His parents were still married, and he felt certain they had never stepped out on one another the way he and Natalie had, though again, that was always with express permission.

The realization had hit like a ton of bricks that the reason he felt he couldn't push through was because he was in a relationship with someone who would allow the break to happen. If he'd married a woman who insisted on being faithful, who wouldn't allow a third party or something on the side, it probably wouldn't even occur to him that the option was there, hence the pulsing need for a break would be overcome. An unwarranted resentment began to stir, which made him enraged at himself, because he had any man's dream! A woman who was not only extraordinarily beautiful, she enjoyed a more open relationship!

But because of this, it was so much more complicated than it should be. He was given freedom, which made him wish for more. Like opening a fridge full of food and saying there was nothing to eat. If only one item was in there, the simplicity of having only one option would sate any hunger. It was the dumbest, most asinine thing; so entirely stupid he groaned aloud over the absurdity of it. Yet there it was, none the less. No wonder a rift had opened, after living as they had before they were married; a menu of hundreds of options, four years of the same food had not been enough, even though she was his all-time favorite dish.

Which was why it was so good that they were here. And he realized that if they stuck it out, this would need to happen every few years, as it was helping. He wanted her again in a way that had felt lost, and he was able to have the illusion of a break while not actually taking one.

But was it too late?

Only time would tell, and he had not come any closer to an answer this morning after it keeping him up the night before. He had determined fully, however, that he was glad the door was now open. While it would wound him having the very clear double standard that he wanted to sleep with other people privately, but didn't necessarily want her to, now that he'd determined what it was really about--a break--he was prepared. He would still be with Natalie, continue to strengthen their relationship, because he knew he absolutely did not want it to end, even if it meant they left today, returning to monogamy. But that wasn't going to happen. Natalie needed it as much as he did. She'd certainly enjoyed fucking Vincent last night.

Something he also determined he didn't want to ever see again. Bring another guy in with his direct involvement, sure. And it had been fun last night as a new experience. But if something like that began again while he was in the room, he would not just be a voyeur. He would not be relegated to fucking his hand after because Natalie was too worn out.

Tracing his fingers along her side, the deep curve of her waist and rise of her hip, he hoped she'd stir. He'd awoken so suddenly, but his dream had been arousing. Natalie was like a drug to every man she met, and he was forever addicted. Despite all the "taking a break" shit he'd decided he wanted, he would still crave her during and always return. Just the feel of her skin was enough for his craving to grow, among other things.

"Mmm," she faintly moaned, a slight grin appearing on her lips with closed lids. "That feels nice."

Propping his head up with his elbow, he looked down on her, teasing her skin with his fingertips. "How'd you sleep?"

Biting her lip, Natalie's shoulders rolled. "Great," she responded. "Ugh, I really crashed out hard."

"Yeah you did," Elijah agreed with a low chuckle.

Natalie slowly opened her eyes, her contented smile morphing into a frown. Placing her hand on his cheek, she said, "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to fall asleep on you."

"It's okay," Elijah responded. Okay was relative. He wouldn't have wanted her to try to stay awake just to appease him, which made it okay. Leaning in and kissing her, he gradually urged her onto her back. "I want you," he whispered huskily, his hand trailing from her shoulder to her breast, and he began to massage it. Placing his knee between her legs, he gently coaxed them open. "I need you."

While barely awake, Natalie nodded her agreement through a sigh as she began to writhe under his touch. The way her skin rubbed against the sheets helped wake her body, and when she felt his fingers begin their gentle strokes between her legs, she knew wholly there was no other way she'd want to wake this morning.

He was feather light with his fingers, his kisses down her sternum soothing until he hooked his arm beneath her left leg and began his exploration with his tongue. She had a flashback to last night, when Vincent had buried his head between her legs; how completely skilled he was with the activity. But Elijah knew exactly what spots to hit in a way Vincent didn't, and he was making the rounds.

Just as he knew her spots, he also knew when she was ready, for the moment before she was about to ask him to take her, he brought his head up, keeping his arm hooked around her leg, and a second later he had pushed himself inside. Still barely awake, her muscles gave no fight, the transition smooth, though his girth was always initially a bit painful.

But his rhythm was so slow, so languid, so sensual, and she wrapped her arms around him, staring deeply into his eyes as he silently took her, kissing briefly every few seconds.

While she enjoyed all forms of sex, this was one of her favorites. The passionate love making driven by emotions and expression, instead of based lust and need. She enjoyed how long it would last, how they would communicate in their silence how much love was shared between them, despite every obstacle. She never felt as whole as she would when he was inside of her, just like this.

As their passion began to escalate, as they began to wake up, Elijah rolled onto his back, taking her with him without ever leaving her. She sat upon him as they laced their fingers together, hands brought to either side of his head as she began to ride him. He loved watching her body move. Her bare chest, her firm, lean stomach, her hips rising and falling, swiveling in circles. And in a particular motion that sent a wave of pleasure through his body, he raised his head, only then catching the mirror above the bed. He was fixated by it; his reflection with her body twisting and arching.

Releasing her hands, he placed one on her hip, then pressed his flattened palm on her stomach just below her belly button. He liked to imagine he could feel his cock inside of her, wondered at times if he actually was when he'd apply pressure here. And as the pressure was placed, she leaned back, which offered him an even more intense view through the mirror, her hands upon his knees, chest up and moaning at the ceiling.

It was too much to stand, the addition of watching their passion take place up in the air as someone looking down, while feeling her warmth and friction, and he began to pump back at her, low grunts exiting his mouth. Thumbing her clit, he was able to time his release with her climax, and they cried out in a chorus of pleasure until Natalie fell upon his chest, and he instantly wrapped his arms around her, holding her tightly.

Her muscles were still quaking, aftershocks squeezing him as he softened. "Don't leave me yet," she moaned, pressing her pelvis against him. He felt the double meaning there, though she may not have meant it as more than her wish that his dick remained in her depths.

"I won't," he responded, answering the double meaning. He was not ready to leave her in either case. They fit too well together, personally and physically. If there was a way to accomplish it, his cock would be inside of her 24/7.

As these things do, however, he fully softened and it fell from her, and once gone, she rolled from him onto her back.

Staring at their reflection in the mirror, Natalie felt an acute fear. They may fit well together, the vision in the mirror a sort of approval from heaven that they were meant to be together. But something had changed yesterday. His betrayal, her fuck session in that hot tub while he was right there watching. She knew that a small part of it had been to get him back, though they were all pretty drunk.

Taking a deep breath and speaking to him through the mirror, she said, "I feel lost."

The way his lips pressed together in the reflection affirmed that he felt the same, yet he nodded anyways. "We're finding each other," he said without a change in expression. "But you're right. I don't know where we go from here. Yesterday was a pretty big change."

"Are you okay with what happened?"

Elijah shook his head. "No," he said honestly, though without any cruelty to his tone. "I'm not saying I didn't like it. It actually freaks me out a little how much fun it was watching you like that. But in retrospect, no. I didn't like it, or at least, I don't like how it felt when we'd returned."

Natalie simply nodded. She felt no need to apologize. It had been thrilling. So entirely dirty, but not something she necessarily wanted to do ever again. It was only the champagne and this charged atmosphere that had her behaving as she had. If she'd been sober, she would have been more rational.

"To be fair," Elijah continued after a minute, "you deserved it. I also deserved it. You didn't do anything wrong in the way I did. You had my permission, but it was only given because I felt I owed you."

"You didn't owe me," Natalie breathed, closing her eyes. "I made you feel you'd done something wrong because I was being irrational. In... well? In the clarity of a day after--I'm actually glad you had sex with Beth on your own. At least it was with someone I liked, and I should have been more grateful... maybe that's not the word. I should have taken more from your realization to back away than I did. Instead I was hung-up on the fact that we hadn't discussed it, when I should have been thanking you for recognizing someone else's feelings."

Turning to face him, she laid her hand on his chest. "You are so empathetic. So kind. And you were thinking of me. So thank you. And what happened in the hot tub won't happen again."

Biting the inside of his cheek, Elijah rolled over to face her. "That won't happen again," he agreed. He hesitated, wondering if he should bring it up. But they'd promised honesty. "But you were right when you said the door had been opened. I thought about it a lot last night."

Natalie waited through a long pause until she noticed he was not about to continue. Whatever he had to say scared him, or worse, she realized, could scare her. "Tell me," she finally said, bracing herself for the worst case scenario. Maybe he'd decided. Maybe he'd found the answer to their question, and from the look on his face, it wasn't good. Shaking her head, her tone became insistent. "I want you to tell me."

"I'm ready," he said simply. "We both know I'm the fragile one when it comes to taking someone on the side. You yourself said last night not to be surprised when the door hits me in the face. But we knew it would come to this. I'll only do it if you're ready, but I think it's time we allow the other the freedom we both want."

It wasn't entirely clear what he was saying, so Natalie went with the worst case scenario. "Is... are you saying our marriage is..."

Elijah rushed to her mouth, kissing her deeply as he wrapped her in his arms. She felt so small all of the sudden. So breakable. "God no," he said. Pulling her back, he stared deeply into her eyes. "Our marriage, if anything, is stronger. We've started to rebuild. And I promise you I will spend every night in the same bed, if you'll allow it. But what I'm saying is... well, we discussed it over and over again before we came here. That at some point, the only way to truly answer our questions would be to have experiences that didn't involve the other. I'm not saying I've found someone I want that with yet, but I came to the distinct decision last night that I do want it. And I think you do too."

Etienne's face formed in Natalie's mind. Yes, she did want it. And unlike Elijah, she had someone in mind. Someone who intrigued her enough to finally answer the question if she should love someone else. Though she didn't think Elijah was truly being honest when he said he hadn't found anyone he wanted to experience without her. She'd seen how he looked at Leah.

And Leah would hurt. For some fucking reason, Leah would bring out jealousy that she'd felt maybe once in her life. Only because she didn't trust her. Leah had rubbed her the wrong way from the beginning. But in all fairness, though he hadn't said so, she knew Etienne would bother him in much the same way. While her great strength was practicality, his was observation. There was no way he wasn't aware of what Etienne had awoken inside of her.

"Okay," she finally acquiesced. It was no different than when she'd made the offer before leaving for Paris at the age of nineteen. Only she'd been met with protests. It was now him asking for it, and while she could feel a protest at the tip of her tongue, she made the conscious decision not to make it. "But I think we need to make some conditions, if this is what is happening."

Elijah nodded immediately. He was no stranger to negotiation. It was his profession to negotiate. Rubbing his hand along her side, he asked, "What do you need?"

It felt too early in the morning to come up with any sort of list, where she could prioritize one or two things, but maybe that was for the best. She didn't want to put limitations on anything. "You said you'd promise we'd sleep in the same bed." She inhaled deeply. "I don't feel that's a reasonable promise, and one of us will feel disappointed later if we want to spend the night with someone else. I mean, it's more likely that sex will happen at night, that's sorta the right time for it. So let's promise that we do not spend more than one night apart."

"You're right," Elijah said, agreeing. "That's a more reasonable expectation, and I think we need to make it a rule that remains completely unbroken."

"But here is what I need," Natalie continued. "There are two rooms here, but I will not sleep alone able to hear you with someone else, and I don't think you'd want to either. So we try to take it to other rooms. I think ignorance, in this particular case, will be our bliss."

She never ceased to amaze him, her foresight. Something he hadn't thought of, and she was so entirely right. The thought of sleeping in the other room while she was with someone else on the other side of the wall made him feel physically ill right now. "Really good call," he agreed wholeheartedly. "Is there anything else?"

Considering, Natalie came up empty. "We try to keep it concealed," she said, then reconsidered. "I mean, on the down low. No overt displays of affection where the other can see. I'm not saying we hide who we are with, I'd actually rather not. But maybe we don't ask too many questions. I refuse to fight because of this. But we still answer the others questions with full honesty. Complete transparency."

"Agreed," Elijah said. "As for me, I want to make a promise to you that the second I feel any sort of emotional attachment, I will detach. I'm not looking to start something up here. I don't ask you to promise the same; I know an emotional attachment matters for you. Like the reason you were so okay with Beth. It's just how men and women are wired differently and I accept it. But in return, if you feel one strongly, I don't want you to tell me, even if I ask. I'd rather you just tell me it's over."

Natalie's stomach churned. He was right. She preferred sex with someone she had feelings for. It wasn't about a depraved need for sexual satisfaction for her, she was always attracted to the personality over good looks. But if she ended up feeling that way...

"I'll detach," she said suddenly, her decision made. "If we somehow reach the conclusion that we are over, it will not be because of someone here. It will be because we just didn't realize it. But Elijah..." Natalie stroked his cheek once more, staring deeply into his eyes so he would see the weight attached to her words. "I want this to work. I want to grow old with you. What we are doing is right for us, maybe because we're freaks, I don't know. But if I didn't firmly believe we would see this through, I'd be begging you to leave with me right now instead of risk taking this step. This is just... a break, without it actually being a break, because we're both right here, and we are both still sleeping together. It's about understanding one another's needs and wishes for a brief stretch of time. Offering freedom to get it out of our systems."

In the midst of this, Elijah had begun to laugh. She'd used the exact wording of his thoughts the night before. And this was why they were so right for one another. They were exactly alike. "It's so fucking bizarre that you just said that," he said, then shoved her onto her back, kissing her with a vehemence while clutching her hip. "My mind literally formed the same thought. The exact word. And the specific conclusion you just so eloquently voiced." Spreading her legs, he gazed down with a wicked grin. "The love making was great, because I love you, Natalie Elise. But now I'm going to fuck you."

"Oh are you?" she cried with a gleeful squeal.

"Yes," he said, positioning himself. "And be warned, I have every intention of punishing you for last night, though not yet. Maybe tonight... maybe tomorrow... when you won't see it coming." He thrust inside of her forcefully and paused. "I saw just how much you enjoyed fucking someone else right in front of me. You were a very--" Another thrust. "Very--" Another, harder than the last. "Bad girl."

Natalie let out a scream of pleasure, laughing wickedly. And he did fuck her, for a long time, well into her yoga hour, before they shared a relaxing shower and made their way to the pool.

When they first arrived, they joined the group they'd been hanging out with the previous days, but within an hour everything changed. While Elijah had spent a few hours away at the pool bar without Natalie--while Natalie had sat with Etienne at the club for a few hours, kissing him every so often--they'd more or less spent all their time together.

But with their discussion and decision so fresh from the morning, they naturally split off to do their own things. Elijah had located Heath and Vincent as they walked by, who invited them both to go play golf. Elijah had accepted, and Natalie had dared to decline. And they both knew that this was purposeful. It was time to start doing separate activities, if they were going to ease into their new agreement. Get used to time apart occasionally, so when something actually happened, there wouldn't be a sort of separation anxiety.

Natalie noticed how saddened both Leah and Beth were to see him leave, vaguely overheard them debate if they wanted to go along, but they had not been invited, and that went recognized by both of them even if they didn't necessarily want to accept it.

Turning to Etienne, whom she hadn't seen much since the morning she'd witnessed him sharing breakfast with Jessica, she bit her lip. Staring at him for a long moment, her heart began to race as she considered whether or not she was ready to make the step with someone she had far more of an emotional attachment than any other man.

No, she really shouldn't. Maybe Vincent would be better. When they'd all returned, she could find a way to sneak him off to the side, tell him how much she'd enjoyed last night and that she'd like to take it to a more private venue.

"Yes?" Etienne prompted with a confused smile, and she was back in the moment without realizing how long she'd been staring at him with so much hesitation.

Most definitely, she was not ready to sleep with him alone. It would mean too much to her, and she knew it. But she could start the process. "Oh, nothing," she said, shaking her head. But she felt the heat rise in her cheeks, knew she was blushing, and it had nothing to do with the hot sun shining in the sky. "Well, I was just thinking maybe you'd like to take a walk on the beach."

Etienne's smile dropped, though not into a frown. "Yes," he responded heavily. "I'd like that very much."

After telling the others they were taking a walk--not that it was even necessary; they were more Elijah's friends than hers, though Luc would want to know where his friend was disappearing to, despite Melaina leaning against his chest between his legs--Natalie and Etienne left after sliding on their sandals to take the path down to the beach.

She'd spent so little time down here, just the first day with Elijah. The pool was surrounded by palms that offered a little protection from the breeze off of the ocean. It felt amazing against her skin, which was alight from more than the sun. Aside from the random speckling of resort guests, they were few and far between, paying them no attention when they'd pass a couple or a small group of friends, leaving her truly alone with Etienne for the first time.

They hadn't spoken since they'd left the pool, comfortable in silence, which was, to Natalie, more important than constant conversation. It meant they were able to enjoy the other without feeling conversation necessary.

When she glanced over, saw how the breeze whipped through his fine, dark brown wispy hair that draped over his forehead, she felt breathless. Though tan, he still had the light complexion of the French, and that thin, lithe body-type so common; no way did he weigh more than a hundred and seventy pounds. He had dark whiskers neatly trimmed along his jaw, sparser than what she'd consider a beard, and such light blue eyes beneath dark thick brows. But it was his smile that really made her melt. How wide it was, how smile lines would deepen. A sharp, ski-jump nose just added to an almost elfin look.

All of these things had been noticed before, but not in the rapid succession the way they were now as she studied him in a whole new light. And she knew it was happening because she was now allowed to hope. The discussion had happened, the permission had been given.

As they passed the palapas, Natalie felt his hand brush hers and he deliberately took it in his, lowering his head and grinning. Her own grin hadn't dropped since they'd began their silent walk only a few feet from the surf.

Ahead were large boulders, brought to the island like many beaches from eons ago when the earth had glacial movement, and the beach thinned out due to the land mass rising into a cliffside this far out, though continued on around a bend.

"Something changed," Etienne finally said, looking over at Natalie with a crooked smile. They were far removed from anyone now after a long, fifteen-minute trek down the yellow sand.

"Why do you think that?" Natalie asked vaguely, raising a flirtatious brow at him, their fingers toying with the others in the light grasp.

Etienne shrugged. "I can see a change in you," he said. "Tu sembles détendue."

"I am relaxed," Natalie said cheerfully, agreeing with his assessment, then gazed around, admiring the view; the waves of the ocean, the blue of the sky, the large boulders they were now walking by.

Swinging his arm back, causing her to spin toward him, Etienne pushed her against the boulder, pressing his body against hers with one hand against the rock above her shoulder. "You are," he agreed, releasing her hand and delicately running his fingers up her arm, his chin tucked low while holding her gaze. "What changed?"

Natalie swallowed heavily, unable to form a coherent thought with this sudden erotic action. She leaned her head back against the stone, which was surf-smoothed at this level instead of the jagged, punishing crags were they any higher. She could feel his breath against her neck, her skin tingling where he brushed it with his fingers along her arm.

Slowly closing her eyes, she finally found her voice. "I'm ready," she breathed, then brought her head back down to meet his gaze.

His eyes were so intense. Too intense. She felt consumed by them.

Leaning in, he brushed her cheek with his, whiskers tickling her skin. "Ready for what?" he asked, his voice hoarse as he pressed his body further against hers. His skin, chest against hers, sent tingles through her body, and to all the right places, especially as he drew his head back just enough to trail his lips against hers without moving into a kiss, instead pressing his forehead against hers and pausing.

"Ready to find out what this is," Natalie admitted, her voice quivering. She brought her hand up to his waist, let it rest. "I don't want to rush into anything," she added slowly, her breath hitching. She knew absolutely she wasn't ready for sex, but perhaps it was even more of a mistake to take it slow. Right now, however, that didn't matter. She was ready. "But I feel something, and I'm ready to find out what that is."

Etienne continued to tease her, bringing his hand to her cheek and leaning as though he'd kiss her, but instead shifting her head up with his thumb under her chin, rubbing his lips against her jawline. Natalie could feel herself dampen, began to question her resolve.

But if she slept with him now, she knew she would spend the rest of their time here only with him, and that could deliver the fatal blow to what she had with Elijah.

"Slow," Etienne breathed against her neck, running his fingers through her hair until he held the ends, taking them to his nose and inhaling her scent. He looked up at her. "I prefer that," he said. "If we rushed, it could end." The hand that had been tracing her arm left her shoulder, began tracing her chest just above her breasts. "I feel it, too," he admitted, looking into her eyes once more, then tenderly dropped his hands to his sides, taking both of hers firmly in his and pressing them against her thighs. "Am I weak to admit that it scares me?"

Another harsh swallow, her throat taut, she shook her head. "It's not weak," she told him. "It scares me too. That's why I want to take it slow."

Etienne hesitated, glancing away. Natalie knew what was on his mind without him asking. There was nothing as true in anything they'd said thus far than the fact that she felt she had encountered the only person on this great earth who had the potential to break her marriage, and how sad it was that coincidentally, he just so happened to be here at the same time, even though she had never known he existed.

Releasing his hand, she touched his cheek, turning his head to face her. "He knows," she said, then bit her lips. "And I'll tell you everything you wish to know in regards to it when you're ready to ask the--"

She was abruptly cut off by his mouth, taking to hers with the passion they hadn't yet allowed. Their kisses before had been sweet and subtle, but broken before they ever rose in intensity. It lasted a few seconds, then Etienne backed away... continued to back away while pulling at her hands for her to follow until they were in the shade of the cliffside, where he sat down without releasing her hands, then pulled her until she was kneeling between his legs.

Then she was on top of him, kissing him deeply with the unbridled passion that she'd only ever experienced with Elijah. Etienne rolled her over so he was on top after a minute, raised above her and staring down at her as though he couldn't believe she was real before taking to her mouth once more.

They kissed for a long time. More than minutes. Closer to a half hour, if not even more than that. No clothing was removed, no touching other than upon exposed skin, though that wasn't to say that Natalie didn't ache for him to cross the line. Ultimately, though, she was glad. It made her feel like a teenager with her first boyfriend. Such a thrill to want so much more without receiving it.

Eventually Etienne rolled to his side, propping himself up with a straightened arm while letting his fingers trace her stomach. "Tell me," he said, and he appeared as a man braced to listen to things he didn't necessarily want to hear.

Natalie nodded, sitting up. "Can we move?" she asked, eyes raising to the large boulder. The view was obscured where they were, albeit there was privacy to be had here. But she felt it might be nice to have the discussion elsewhere. "Take a climb?"

A grin formed on Etienne's face as he held out his hand. "Yes," he responded. Helping her to her feet, they walked to the boulder and began to scale it until they finally were able to perch on the top, looking out over the vast ocean that seemed like the world just dropped off into an abyss at the horizon.

"What is it you'd like to know?" Natalie finally asked, a few feet from him, but close enough to take his hand.

He stared at it for a long time, brushing his thumb over her fingers. "I didn't come here looking to meet someone I'd care about," he told her as though admitting a deep guilt. "And then, allez comprendre, I meet a married woman who, ahh... consumes my thoughts."

"Yeah, go figure," Natalie whispered, a repetition of the French used.

"You admitted to me that you were not in a good place," he said, then gently tugged at her hand. Natalie slid down a tier until she was closer to him, making him a head taller, but she rested her arm over his thigh, looking up at him. "I don't want to... what is the word? Fouiner."

"Pry," Natalie told him. She leaned down and kissed his hand that had now rested on her arm. "If we're exploring this, I want you to know everything. Please. Please ask."

Etienne looked tormented. "Then maybe I start by asking why we are exploring this at all?"

After a deep inhale, Natalie laid it all out. From beginning to end. Their time apart, when they'd first allowed an open relationship, how it had closed, then opened once more when Elijah had taken to law school. That they'd enjoyed involving others occasionally, had been wild and passionate, and that had continued through their first few years of marriage. But how they'd only slept together once over the past year, and it had been disastrous. That they had come to the conclusion at the same time that something had to give, and this was their last ditch effort to make it work.

"But the rift is still there," Natalie finally said, looking up at Etienne, who had been listening intently without interruption. "We aren't fixed. We are happier here, we are finally expressing our love physically, but the question still remains. And it cannot be answered until we've explored our feelings for others. For me, that means emotions, like the connection I feel with you. For him? Well, the best guess I have is that he needs to find out through physical contact if there is someone else for him."

Etienne thought this through. "Does that bother you?" he asked. "Your emotions, I mean."

While Natalie considered, she looked out over the ocean. It was quite a question to ask, and not something she wanted to think about. But honesty had been promised. "It does," she admitted. "I don't mind him having sex with other people. If anything, he's more bothered by me having sex with others. It's never affected me before. But it's different this time because this is make or break. Knowing he will be sleeping with women to make a decision on whether or not he wants to stay with me is what bothers me."

Turning to look at him once more, she added, "But it's the same for me, and he fears it as much. He knows that I'm doing exactly the same thing. I'm trying to find out if I share a connection with someone else that I wish to pursue further. Maybe I don't find it here, but I may decide I want to go searching for it." Squeezing his leg with her other hand in desperation, she continued further as she felt her eyes begin to burn. "Or maybe I do find it here."

The largest admission. Without naming it, she knew she was finding it in him, and it terrified her. It wasn't enough yet that she would leave Elijah, but the potential was there and she knew it. The question was whether she wanted it to. She loved him so much, but the rift was so wide, despite how when she was alone with Elijah, there was no one else in the world for her. But away, it was clear there was someone else. And it tore her insides apart.

"Can I tell you something?" Etienne asked, then wet his lips. "Would it scare you if I was just as honest?"

Discreetly wiping her eyes, she looked up at him once more and shook her head. "Tell me."

Etienne inhaled deeply. "I lied to you," he said, his eyes narrowing. "Those girls who have trailed your husband. I told you they were hoping you would fail. But that was not the lie."

"No," Natalie breathed, slowly shaking her head, which became more vigorous by the second. The tears were returning, and she absolutely hated crying. It was so rare. Above that, no one was ever allowed to see it happen. "No, please. Don't say it."

"Heh," Etienne said, tilting his head. "Juste. I will wait until you're ready to hear it."

Wrapping his arm around her shoulders, Natalie laid her head upon his lap, looking out over the ocean. He stroked his fingers through her hair in silence for a very, very long time.