Silver onion

The best opportunities to pick up women arise during everyday errands. In spring, for instance, I was in the process of recycling my old jam, mustard, and pickle jars. I had collected them for about a month in my container "fuulsvang" from the big Scandinavian furniture store, then brought them to the recycling bins, and was now tossing them nicely color-sorted into the right openings, as is proper.

Then a woman stepped next to me, late 50s, silver-gray hair, torpedo tits and a thick backside in tight jeans. I like to call such women after menopause "silver onions." They're often good in bed--experienced and no longer worried about pregnancies--but they usually have whimsical notions about the world.

The silver onion beside me glared at me angrily. My jars weren't washed--just scraped out with a spoon, paper still attached and lids on top--to prevent smells. The silver onion's jars were immaculately washed, surely with an expensive, extra eco-friendly dish soap--and without lids.

"Good morning," I said amiably and smiled at her. "Good morning," came back gruffly.

"Aren't you aware that what you're doing isn't good for the environment?" I continued.

"WHAT?! You need to say that, with your dirty jars!" she shot back nastily.

I tossed in my last jar. "No, really!" I insisted. "If you read in the community newsletter or search online, it says you should just scrape out the jars and can leave the lids on."

She gave me a pretty skeptical look. On her hand there were no rings, as I noticed while she was putting in her jars. "I don't believe that!" she said decisively.

"This isn't a matter of faith," I said, pulled out my phone and searched for "recycle jars wash." "Here, convince yourself if you'd like?"

She tossed in the last jar, then deigned to take a look. "Oh!" she said. "But that doesn't make sense, does it?"

"It does," I said. "At the recycling plant the jars are washed in a much more water-efficient manner, and no organic residue gets into the sewage system where it would feed stinking bacteria. Foreign particles and lids are removed effectively there too--they call it flotation. I mean, there aren't only perfect households like yours, but also all-male households like mine." I tried to smile charmingly. Actually, she smiled back shyly.

"Well, I certainly learned something today!" she said, looking at me.

"That's a karmic entanglement!" It was a shot in the dark, but it hit home. Like practically all silver onions, she was on an esoteric trip.

"Oh, my karma.." she wanted to start, but I interrupted her: "Maybe you should follow your karma and have a coffee with me? My treat, we can meet at the café at the supermarket around the corner?"

"I don't know.." she hesitated.

"Do you have something important planned?" I asked.

"No, not really, today is Saturday after all!"

"What's your star sign?" I pressed on.

"Libra."

"Yes, you're very balanced, you can tell right away. So here's the deal: you invite me for coffee, in return for me explaining jar recycling to you. Then the scales are back in balance!"

I grinned cheekily at her, and she had to laugh too.

"All right," she said. "But you're buying cake. Raspberry!" We both laughed.

Ten minutes later we were sitting opposite each other in the café, between us two Latte Macchiatos and two raspberry cakes.

"That's really excellent!" I had to admit. "By the way, I'm Nick Hecker, but please call me Nick.

"I'm Laura," she smiled at me. "Laura the Libra.. Nice to meet you, Laura."

We started talking about star signs ("There's more to it than most people believe!") and got hungry in the process. I ordered a couple's breakfast, which we ate together. When it was finished, our conversation paused briefly. We looked at each other. "Do you have anything planned for today?" I asked.

"No, you?"

"Well.. if I'm lucky, my new acquaintance will come home with me--I met her at the café today."

She paused briefly, then smiled. I was lucky!

So we went to my place. When I come home, I sometimes bring someone along, even if it's not always about sex. Anyway, my apartment is always presentable.

"Oh, cozy!" Laura said as she came through the door.

"Wait until you see the living room," I replied. "My couch is very comfortable!" I waited until she had taken off her shoes, then took Laura by the hand into the living room and nudged her onto the couch. I touched her arm, which wasn't unpleasant for her, so I got bolder. I tried putting my arm around her, that was fine with her too. We didn't say anything anymore, yet we were in contact. I smelled her hair.

"I wanted to shower after shopping.." she apologized.

"I like your scent, and we can both shower afterwards.. that'll be necessary and saves water!" We giggled foolishly and my hand wandered under her blouse.

"Oh.. my stomach!" she demurred.

"I found it!" I joked. "I have one too. Is your stomach embarrassing to you?"

"Well.. I used to be slimmer!" she said, looking at me.

"Laura.. honestly: When I first saw you earlier, I thought WOW -- I wonder how she looks naked?"

"MEN!"

"Don't you like men?"

"Yes, but they don't like me! They don't find me attractive anymore!"

"I can only speak for myself, but I like you." She wanted to say something, but I kissed her and she willingly opened her mouth. We kissed for a while, which obviously pleased her very much.

"Could it be that you don't get kissed enough?" I finally asked.

"YES," she said and pulled me back to her.

"May I now see your belly?" I asked cheekily when we briefly caught our breath again.

"Could you make it a bit darker?" she asked me.

I lowered the blinds halfway. "Good?" -- "A little more?"

Finally we had a dim atmosphere. I sat down next to Laura again and tried to lift her blouse. She raised her arms, I pulled the blouse over her head without messing up her hair, and kissed her.

"Unfortunately, I'm not wearing a nice bra," she said coquettishly.

"I'm interested in the contents," I replied and cupped her breasts from below. She clearly liked that, so I continued. I kneaded her breasts, which I exposed by pushing the bra slightly to the side. Her nipples had large, dark areolas, but hardly any protruding nipples. I licked and kissed, which made her sigh. Finally I simply stood up and pulled her by the hand into the bedroom. The bra flew away, the jeans were unbuttoned and then she stood naked before me like a fertility goddess.

"Wow!" escaped from my lips. Her pubic hairs were as light gray as the hair on her head. "You've got a silver bush!" I laughed.

"Quiet! Your turn!" she said and started pulling my shirt over my head. Then she unbuttoned my jeans and pulled my pants down. "You have no hair, are you even legal?" she teased. I had just shaved.

She pushed me onto the bed and sat on my chest, rumpling in my few remaining hairs on my head. We kissed, then she slid down.

"I think now it works!" she said, while she pulled my glans through her slit. I could feel how slick she was, and--florp--I was inside her.

She belonged to those women who slide back and forth with their hips when riding someone. She went quite slowly at first, while I played with her big soft breasts. But then she picked up speed, leaned back, and came with a kind of primal scream. Then she looked at me with a bewilderment that I didn't handle well.

"That wasn't your first orgasm now, was it?" I broke the silence.

"Funny guy! My first not self-made one in a long time."

"Ok.. doggy style?" She slid down and stretched her butt out toward me, which was even hotter naked than in jeans. I grabbed her by the hips and started pounding her vigorously. We both had quite a bit of fun before I finally came inside her. "Give it give it to me," she had invited me to do. Silver onions hate condoms. I was pretty spent when we lay there together for a while.

"I need to use your bathroom.." she said, stood up and walked that direction. But she came back right away. "What are those injections? Are you a junkie?" she asked, irritated.

"No no, those are vaccines. I research stuff like that at the university."

"WHAT?!? You murderer! Vaccines are the last thing humanity needs!"

Laura grabbed her clothes, dressed at record speed and was gone.

I hate it when they want to stay longer. I lay down next to the wet spot and nodded off for a while. I put the syringes for my cat away near its food later, and made myself a coffee first. The weekend had started very well, but I wanted to rest a bit. I had been sitting at my desk at the bank all week.