The Prodigal Daughter

I hadn't seen her in almost a year. My little sister had taken a commission and disappeared into the far flung star systems of the Alliance galaxy. I wiped sweaty palms against my trouser legs.

I had missed her more than I had dared to admit to anyone, even to myself. Elza was only two years my junior, but she had been my closest friend and greatest adversary. Every sport I tried, she practiced. Every hobby I pursued, she perfected. Some siblings might resent such a sister, but I relished every minute. She pushed my to be my best while being my biggest fan.

And then, all at once, Elza was gone. She came home from her second year at university and announced she was joining the Secured Alliance. Within a week, she was off world for training. Then, another stupid war in another stupid star system had pulled her into deep space. Some weeks, she went messages every day. Some months, we heard nothing at all.

Only four months ago, the two uniformed officers had come to our door. My mother had collapsed, wailing, while my father tried to comfort her. I remember being unable to speak as they droned on and on about courage and sacrifice and honor; my little brother punched a hole in the wall. She had been - she was - only twenty.

She was a donor. Once brain death had occurred, they had wiped her synapses and imprinted the neural pattern of a dead colonel, some woman whose research was necessary to the war effort. The officers told us what a miracle it was, that Elza had died that day, because it meant they could save the colonel: Dahlia. Something - something Dahlia. Like the flower. Elza would have liked that.

I steadied myself against the railing around the landing pad. Elza was coming home - at least, a part of her was. My mother had lived the last four months in denial, convinced that her baby girl would be "a little different", but mostly unchanged. She had cooked for a week and scrubbed all the dust from Elza's room.

My father never spoke of her.

The crowd grew louder as the air ship arrived, hovered above us, then landed behind the hangar gate. My little brother, Neil, kept shoving at the people in front of us for a better view of the landing pad. Our father was distracted by her comm, scanning the images and articles for financial news. And me? My heart was thundering.

Elza had meant everything to me. This past year, while I had assisted my parents with the family corporation and finished my graduate work, I had used every kind of distraction to fill my life. But I had missed my best friend. And I knew she was gone, the best part of her was gone, but it didn't seem real. I wondered what would make it real.

The transport's airlock hissed at the gate; loud, sharp clanks of metal forewarned the bay doors opening. Passengers spilled onto the landing pad and were swallowed by waiting families. I craned over the heads of the crowd for any sign of her, but Elza is petite.

Our mother saw her first, and shoved her way through the crush of bodies to envelope her daughter. Her daughter's body. Who knew what was inside?

She had Elza's voice. She had Elza's expressions. But she wasn't my sister.

Dinner was hell. I tried to eat, but my attention kept wandering to the beloved face, the sparkling smile. How could it be possible to feel such love and loathing for the same person?

Elza told us about the war, the ship, the battle. She spoke lovingly of Elza, and gratefully recounted her 'sacrifice'. My father rose from the table and left the room. My mother smiled and squeezed her guest's hand, whispering, "Thank you." Neil looked like he might vomit onto the table. I did my best to remain neutral.

"I didn't ask for this," Elza confessed. "I never agreed to neural transplant. When our deck lost pressure and we were all... sucked into... " She shuddered and shook her head. "I thought it was over. And in a way, I was relieved." She stabbed her fork at the mostly empty plate. "But I hadn't indicated acceptance or refusal on my medical file, so the Alliance was legally permitted to make that decision for me. And I... I woke up, expecting to see my grandparents, but it was only a lot of medical personell."

"That must have been very difficult for you," I said, dryly. "To be given life."

Elza shot me a look that was incredibly familiar to everyone who had known her originally. "It was," she said sharply.

"Don't mind him," our mother said, patting her arm. "Joel has had the worst time adjusting. Elza was his best friend."

"Oh, I know all about Joel," Elza said, and her dark eyes bored into mine. "What I didn't know about neural transplant is that... residual memories are very common. I remember almost everything about her life. My life. Elza's life."

Did she? My stomach churned and I wished I could follow my father's example. But I'd be damned if this Person scared me away from my own table. I chewed and swallowed while returning her hard stare.

"Do you remember me?" Neil asked.

Her face softened into a gentle grin. "I remember pulling you out of the cow muck pit and having to wash you in the yard before mom would let us back inside."

Neil guffawed and slapped the table so that the cutlery jangled. "That was a great day."

Elza turned her smile to me, but didn't dare to offer an anecdote. Maybe she remembered enough of our relationship to know how much I would resent such an attempt at intimacy. "I remember being very good at springball."

"You aren't," I said.

She snorted. "I'm better than you."

"Do you still play?" our mother asked.

Elza shook her head. "I can remember - but the fact is, I'm awful at it."

"Should we call you Elza?" Neil asked. "Or Dahlia?"

She shrugged. "This is as awkward for me as it is for you. I don't feel like... me or her. Maybe we should try a new name? Our ship's counselor thinks I should forge a new identity."

Neill nodded. "I'll try to think of a good one."

Elza laughed. "I know you, Neill. I know you'll think of something horrid."

"You can count on me!"

"I'd love to see your new place."

I hated her for sounding like Elza. And I hated her for acting like we had any relationship at all - but some part of me needed to pretend that she was still my sister. So I drove her to my place after dinner. She complimented my hover vehicle and its tech, which would have given me immense pleasure only half a year earlier. She teased me about the grandeur of my building downtown and pestered me with questions about my "wild, bachelor life". I tried to brush her off, but it felt so natural to parry and tease her in return.

Just a few minnutes, believeing Elza was still really there. Surely that couldn't hurt. Just a half hour. Maybe an hour.

My flat was an glorified studio, with high-tech windows and low-tech fixtures. I showed off the immense projector screen, but in a very Elza way, she dove straight into the kitchen to mock my dirty dishes. "When was the last time you used this?" she asked, opening the oven door and pointing at its contents.

"There aren't enough cabinests for a pantry," I denfended myself. I pushed the door shut, but she opened it again.

"Do you eat anything other than noddles?"

"I had a whole vegetable last week."

Her gugrle of laughter cut through me. "How can you stay so fit living like this?" she demanded, poking my stomach.

I rolled my eyes. "As if you aren't a gremlin."

"We aren't talking about my candy addiction. We're talking about you." She bounced her hip into mine as she pushed past me, knocking me into the counter the same way she had done since we were kids. "Where's your bed?"

"Hey!"

Too late. She had found the switch that lowered the bed from the ceiling. It was rumpled and coated on one side with clean laundry. She shook her head and ran a hand over the sheets to knock crumbs onto the floor. "Shocking."

"I was saving those!"

"The crumbs?"

"You don't know," I pointed out. "Maybe you lost that memory."

"Oh, I don't think so," she answered, smirking. "I think I have every memory of you. Her memories of you are the strongest."

The wind was knocked out of us both in a moment. I saw the regret on her face, felt the churning in my stomach. I stumbled back and turned blindly away.

"I'm sorry - "

"It's fine."

"It's not fine." Her hand was on my shoulder. "Joel -"

I shook it off. "Don't."

I focused on breathing, the way our family counselor had taught me. Counted in, counted out. I could feel her standing behind me, waiting.

"I'm sorry," she said again.

I spun around. "I know this isn't your fault. I know you're sorry. I know - I know - I know! But it doesn't fix anything, does it? She's still dead! And you - you're some kind of monster with her face!"

Elza's lips trembled. Dahlia's lips. Whoever she was, she swallowed hard. "I know."

"Don't act like you know! Remembering is not the same as experiencing." I paced away from her, then back. "You weren't there."

"I know."

"You don't know what she felt!"

"Joel - " she held out a hand, " - I know that she loved you."

I had sworn to myself that this Thing wouldn't see me lose my control, but the sobs broke out of me before I realized what was happening. I don't remember making it to the couch, but then we were side by side and I was crying into my hands and her arm was over my shoulder and she kept murmuring, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I know - " and the worst part was, I believed her. I believed that she hated everything about this as much as I did.

I don't know how long I cried, but she disappeared into the kitchen at some point and returned with a Truscan gin and two glasses. It was nasty, cheap stuff, but we both finished two glasses before I managed to croak, "Thank you."

"Don't mention it."

"That's the first thing you've said that doesn't sound like her," I said. "Elza would... she would have driven it home."

"She would have said, 'You're lucky I'm benevolent'?"

I nodded.

"I promise I'm not trying to be her," she said.

"I know." I poured another glass.

"Her personality is just... very strong. I've gotten in trouble a few times; I visited my parents and they were horrified. I - Dahlia - never talked back to them. And now, I'm what my aunt calls 'feisty'."

It hadn't occurred to me that another family might be feeling lost in all this. "How are they taking it?"

"My sisters are the best; very kind, very welcoming. They turned it into a game, trying to determine whether everything I did or said was me or Elza. They took my shopping and kept picking out outfits that were either 'only when you feel like Dahlia' or 'just for Elza spicy days'." She smiled. "They made it feel less insane. But my parents... I don't know if they will even want to see me again."

"I'm sorry."

"You're lucky I'm benevolent," she said, and winked. Then we both downed another glass.

She fingered the lip of the glass. "I know you're angry."

"I'm not angry," I said, clenching the glass. "I'm not. I just... I don't think you understand how she left things. Elza just left. It was so fast.."

"I know. I'm sorr-"

"I don't want you to be sorry!" I rubbed my throbbing temple. "Damn! it was like you - she - you couldn't get away fast enough. Like... you hated us."

"I don't hate you. She doesn't hate you."

I scowled at the rug, my tongue tied.

"You can yell at me," she said. "I am in here. Elza, I mean. I'm here."

"That's not-" I was mortified by the lump in my throat. I refused to cry. "We... Elza, we did everything together. We were so close and then you just... fled."

"It's not... It wasn't what you thought. I had to. I can't explain it."

"You could try!" I shouted, and put the glass down hard on the table. "You could pretened like you cared what happened to me when you ran away to play star police!"

She was silent for so long that I looked up. She was staring at her hands in her lap. "Joel, do you remember the last time, before I left? The last time we hiked the Boulder park?"

"Yes, of course," I snapped. I had begged her not to go. I had hated myself for begging.

"Didn't you ever suspect why I had to leave?"

I shook my head. "You were getting good grades! Everyone liked you!" I tried to think. "You weren't being harassed by that ex-asshole, right? You hadn't gone out with him for months!"

"No, not that. I hadn't seen him - like you said, for months. Joel, I hadn't dated anyone for months. Don't you remember?"

"Of course I remember!" I snapped. I needed more gin. "I hadn't been dating either!"

"I know." Her pause was long. "Memories are tricky things," she said at last. "Maybe I dont' remember everything clearly. But I know why I - I mean, she - oh for fuck's sake!" She shook her head. "I know why I had to leave, Joel. I just... I just thought that you knew, too."

"How would I know?" I demanded. "You never told me!"

"I thought you knew."

"Then you're a damned idiot!" I snapped.

Elza's head sank to her chest. Her slender shoulders trembled and when she gasped for breath, my heart broke. She was crying.

"Oh, no, I'm sorry! I'm sorry -" I knelt on the floor and took her hands. "I shouldn't have said anything. I'm sorry. Elza, I'm sorry, I'm an ass."

She tried to say something, but hiccupped and cried harder." I wrapped my arms around her and she buried her face against me. Just as she had always done. After every match lost, every tough test, every stupidly awful breakup. I could feel her wet cheeks against my neck. I stroked her hair and murmured, "I'm sorry, E. I'm not mad at you, believe me. I'm so glad you're home."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. Every little breath shuddered against my chest. "I thought you already knew! I couldn't stay here another minute."

"That's ok," I said, not understanding at all. "It's ok. You're allowed to go. Whatever you need."

"No, you don't understand," she said, pushing away from me. I wondered if she could feel my heart hammering just under her firm hand. Even with tears on her cheeks and her little nose turning pink, she was beautiful. "I don't hate any of you. I love you."

"And I love you." I squeezed her arms. "We all love you, Elza."

"No, stupid," She shook her head. "It's not like that."

"Hey," I cupped her cheek with my hand. "Look at me."

Her lips trembled, and her eyes focused on my collarbone. "Joel! I'm trying to -"

"Look at me."

She did. Big, chestnut brown eyes with little gray flecks, staring straight through me. I don't know how I found the breath to speak. I tried to bury the overwhelming feelings, the same way I had buried them for years. I was her big brother. I had to be supportive. Strong. "Whatever it is, Elza, it's ok."

She closed her eyes, and little tears sparkled on the ends of her lashed. She exhaled a shuddering breath. "It's really not."

"It is. We love you. We support you. Whatever you need, we'll-"

Elza kissed me. She leaned in too quickly for me to react and then her warm, soft lips were pressed against mine. The kiss was desperate, eager, too long to be a familial kindness. Every nerve in body longed to return it, but I was frozen.

The kiss was over as abruptly as it had begun. She pulled away and wiped the tears off her cheeks. "God, I really am an idiot," she said softly. Her hands released my shoulders and she shifted away from me.

My frozen hands finally responded to the brain's frantic signals. One hand gripped her arm and pulled her closer. The other slid around her back and pressed her into me. Then, I did what I had ached to do for years.

I kissed her. Gentle, tentative. I held myself in check until I heard her sigh and felt her relax against my chest. She returned it in earnest, and I felt my tentative self-control giving way. She was warm, alive in my arms. It was more than I could have ever dreamed.

We broke apart for breath and I said, "Elza?"

She gripped my shirt and looked up at me with an expression I had never seen on her face before - and I felt it burn through me. "Joel, shut up. No more talking." She took my hands and pulled me to my feet. She dragged me across the room to my bed and insistently pulled my hands around her tiny frame. I was shaking, but she my hands down her back, until they cupped her tight, round ass. "There. Better?"

I think I may have temporarily left the planet. I do remember swaying with giddiness, and she laughed and pushed me. I sat down hard on my bed. Elza climbed on after me, spread her knees over my torso and took my face in her hands.

I will never forget the way she kissed me then - passionate, hungry, wild. My hands wandered her slender body, trying to feel every part of her at once. Still, I hesitated when my right hand slid up her waist and brushed the outside of her breast.

She giggled and broke with my lips long enough to growl into my ear, "Don't you dare stop."

I didn't dare. My fingers spread across her breast until it filled my palm. I could feel the hardened nipple beneath and she moaned when I rubbed it with my thumb.

"You like that?" I asked.

She sat up, straddling me and unbuttoned her blouse. "No," she said. "There's too much fabric in the way."

I'm not saying I've never seen a woman naked before, but Elza was different. I could hear my blood pounding in my ears. When she freed the last button and threw the shirt across the room, my hands moved automatically. She leaned down so that I could reach the back of her bra and smirked when I struggled against the clasp. Black, lacy tits swung just above my face, and I struggled with the hooks while the scent of her filled every breath. At last, the stupid bra gave way, and silk straps slid down her shoulders and arms until it landed on my face. She laughed and threw it aside.

Elza's tits were bare, in front of me, and for the first time, she blushed. She was bashful? I looked up at her and breathed, "You're so beautiful." That seemed to help; a beautiful, brilliant smile lit her face. I took her waist and swept her down onto the bed. It was my turn to take control.

The gasp she made at being tossed so firmly was cut off by a squeal - my lips had found her nipple. It was firm against my tongue, her breast was soft in my mouth. I sucked at it playfully, licking the swollen, pink nipple while she wriggled beneath me. One of her hands was lost in my hair, and the other squeezed my bicep. "Oh, Joel!" she cried when I nibbled it gently with my teeth.

I moved to other breast to ensure it received its fair share, but her hands moved between us and began to pull at my pants. One worked the button while the other stroked the hardest erection I had ever experienced. "More," she moaned.

It was difficult, tearing myself away from her perfect breasts long enough to take off my pants. While I danced awkwardly to free the last ankle, she shimmied her skirt down to her knees, and then to the floor. I paused to be savor the image. She was propped on her elbows, breathing hard, her cheeks were flushed, her eyes bright and speaking, her lips curved in a delicious, hopeful smile - wearing nothing but lilac panties.

"Are you going to just watch?" she asked. Her long, white fingers moved across her thigh and traced the soft indentation of her labia through the silk. "Do I have to do everything myself?"

I don't remember if I said anything. I do remember gripping the edge of those panties and pulling them so firmly that she squealed and slid down the bed. Once they were gone, I took her knees and pulled them over my shoulders until her perfect little ass was almost hanging over the edge. "Joel!"

"Lie back," I commanded, resting my chin on her soft inner thigh. "I'm hungry."

I felt her whole body tremble against me, eager but nervous. "But - "

"Shhhhh." I pressed my nose against the soft, tightly trimmed hair. She smelled incredible.

She moaned and squirmed as my warm breath bathed her soft bush; I pressed my lips to her labia and reveled in the gasp that issued from her. I didn't have a lot of experience with women, but I knew enough to take my time and, more importantly, pay attention.

I pressed her thighs further apart and, as her lips parted, slid a finger along them from top to bottom. Her thighs clamped around my head and I chuckled as she exclaimed, "Oh! I didn't mean to - fuck!" She arched her back as my tongue caressed her clitoris and shuddered. The next "fuck!" was moaned with desperation, and I understood.

I ate Elza's pussy. Gently at first, probing with tongue and fingers while I learned what she liked. Her ass lifted right off the bed the first time I sucked at her clit and slid a finger inside her tight, hot vagina. Eventually, her hands found the top of my head, and her fingers gripped my hair. "Don't stop-!" she gasped. "Please!-"

As if I could possibly get enough of this. Her sweetness was wet across my mouth, nose, and chin. I lapped at her like a man dying of thirst, and in a way, I had been. At last, I felt the telltale tremble in her thighs, her knees tightened on my shoulders, and the grip on my hair became frantic.

"Oh, oh, fuck! Joel..." Her whole, tiny frame went rigid. I pressed my face into her and inserted a second finger. She screamed as it washed over her, and I swear I could taste her orgasm. It was tangier than the rest, the best taste I had ever experienced. I removed my fingers and slid my tongue inside her, desperate for more. Her hips thrust against my face and she cried out, the sound of ecstasy and release. It seemed over too quickly, and she whimpered, pushing my face away from her pussy and moaning, "Fuck... I need a minute... oh fuck."

I moved onto the bed and lay next to her while her breath came in shuddering gasps. Her face and body glowed with little flecks of perspiration, and her eyes were dark with dilated pupils. Her hand found mine and gripped it fiercely. "That... was incredible."

I was embarrassed by my dick, tenting my boxers against her leg, but she didn't seem to notice for a few minutes. She stared at the ceiling with a look of idiotic pleasure.

She turned, panting, to me and squeezed my hand. "I need... more," she murmured.

"Oh!" I grinned and moved to kneel on the floor again.

"No!" She tightened her grip on my hand. "I need you inside me."

I think my heart stopped in my chest for a moment. "Elza, are you -?

"Sure? Yes. I'm very sure." She sat up and traced fingers from my lips to chest to my navel, until her hand rested on my throbbing erection. "I need you. Now." She pulled at the waistband of my boxers. I stood up so she could pull them to the floor. My overeager dick nearly bounced into her face as it came free, but she didn't smirk at it. She stared at it for a long moment, then took it gently in warm hands. My knees went weak.

"This," she said, looking up at me, "this is magnificent."

"I..." I didn't know what to say.

She stroked it gently and said, "I think I'd like to taste it. Soon. But first," she scooted back on the bed until there was space for us both, "I need to feel it." She spread her legs invitingly. "Now."

It felt like a dream, a dream I had wandered through many times, but never reached this moment. I lowered my body over hers, aware of the way our knees brushed at each other, the way my stomach felt against hers, the feeling of her fingertips on my back. I pressed my forehead to hers; we breathed in and out together. My penis pressed against her warm, wet lips insistently, determined to hurry this perfect moment.

Elza's hand wrapped around my dick and guided it down, across her clit, down to the pulsing, hot entrance of her. Her other hand caressed my cheek. "I have dreamed, "she whispered. "I have dreamed of this. Dreamed of being with you."

I nodded, unable to speak. My body was tense as a bowstring, wanting to thrust forward in a mighty rush and feel everything at once. But I was terrified of hurting her. She felt so small and fragile beneath me. My dick pressed against her willing channel, growing wet with precum and her arousal.

"I... I did. I do."

"Show me."

My hips pressed forward, but I held the weight of my body off. Slowly, my penis pushed into her, and she gasped as her tight walls gave way. When she moaned, I started to pull back, but her fingernails dug into my back. "No, more. Please." I leaned into her, allowed the weight of my body to press into hers. I felt her stretch until I had filled her completely. For a moment, I paused, and I heard her take a deep breath. "Are you all right?"

She nodded, and her forehead grazed my chest. "Yes," she said. "It's... so big. You feel amazing - I just -"

"I'll be gentle." I pressed a kiss to her eyebrow and gently pulled back. I could feel her inner walls gripping the length of me, unwilling to let me go.

I thrust again, more firmly, and slid more easily this time, fully enveloped by heat and wetness. Her pussy throbbed against me, pulsing to meet every thrust.

Beneath me, Elza slowly relaxed, melting against me and matching my rhythm. Her hips opened wider, and her legs wrapped around me. "Joel..." she whispered. Her eyes were closed, and her head was thrown back.

"Are you all right?"

She opened her eyes. "Yes." She panted for breath and her legs squeezed against my waist. "Harder, Joel. I want all of you."

I gave myself wholly to the task. I ground myself against her, as if I could meld us into a single body through sheer will. And with every thrust, she moaned, gasped, whispered my name. My dick swelled within her.

Our rhythm changed; one moment, we were intimate, passionate - and the next, we were fucking. She cried out for me, dug her fingers into my shoulders and thrust her hips to meet me. I felt a flood of power rise in me, and I drove myself into her with abandon, swelling with purpose.

I held back until I felt the telltale tautness in her, waited for the crest of her orgasm to break and her wail of ecstasy to begin before I allowed the dam of my own passion to break. Thrust after thrust, I flooded her with my cum. She shuddered through the climax, and we came together, shouting each other's names and groaning with the release we had waited our whole lives to fulfill.

After, we lay tangled in each other for a long time. No words, only gentle hands speaking all the things we had wished we could say before. Elza fell asleep in my arms. I lay awake a long time, tracing sweet curves with my fingers, to be certain that this memory would never be lost.