Open House Ch. 05

John hands back Tina's phone and they smile at each other as she again walks away. I watch John stand up to watch her walk and know exactly what he's seeing. He then turns to look into the crowd and walks away from the bar.

I walk just inside the door out of the rain and stand motionless. I can feel the glances of onlookers but I don't care.

"Becca, what happened!? Did you get stuck out there?" John says, discovering me in the doorway.

"No, I just wasn't feeling good. I didn't realize how hard the rain got to be." I say in a low tone.

John takes off his jacket and offers to wrap it around me but I decline, and say, "It's okay, I just need to go home."

In the car John, sensing something more is off, questions me to find out what's wrong. "Did you eat anything that you think wasn't good?"

"No, no. I hardly ate anything. Maybe that was it."

"Oh gosh. I wish you would have told me babe. I feel bad now, having been stuck at the bar running my mouth."

I'll bet he feels bad now, but not because he was stuck. He was definitely lingering there by choice. "It's fine. Did you meet anyone interesting?" I glance at his eyes, but look away before he can connect - suddenly realizing that I'm holding my breath as I await his reply.

"Um... no. Nobody that you don't already know."

I hear the words of denial and try to take a breath, but silently struggle to find air.

As if by fate John's phone dings a new message alert from his pocket. He ignores it, which is unlike him.

"Want me to check that for you babe?"

"No, no. I'm sure it's not important. I just want to make sure you're good."

I can't speak. I'm so conflicted right now. I never imagined I'd be in this situation with my husband secretly holding the thoughts of another woman is his mind. That's not cheating, I know. But it is deception - pretending not to have lusted for her. But now hearing these thoughts in my head I realize, so have I. Oh my god. How can I fault him for something that I myself have already done? My mind turns to Tina, and now my dread becomes... excitement? Anticipation? I know I should just want to resolve this, but for some reason Tina's involvement complicates things. I feel as if a game has been initiated and it is now my turn to roll the dice.

* * *

I hear Tina's voice answer the phone, "Tina, hey."

"Hey, I got us a table already."

Tina sounds bright and bubbly. I can't see her but in my head she's wearing some cute little tennis outfit, sitting at a sunny cafe table with a Mimosa in one hand and her phone in the other. Hearing her cheerful enthusiasm makes my heart sink, "Oh gosh, I'm so sorry to have to do this but I'm still with a buyer. I didn't expect them to put in an offer today."

"Oh Becca, that's great news."

"Well thanks, but - I feel bad I'm leaving you there. I really wanted to follow up, you know."

"Well then I guess you're gonna make it up to me by meeting for dinner instead."

"Oh, uh... I'm not sure. I haven't talked to John, but..."

Tina interrupts, "He texted me back."

Several seconds of silence pass as my boring office melts away, pulling me head first into a dark spiraling void.

"Becca?"

My mind is swimming in a kaleidoscope of emotions, so my mouth subconsciously follows the path of least resistance. "Okay. I can be free after, um, six I think."

"Meet at Harlowe's at 8pm. Do you know it?"

"No, I don't think so."

"I'll text it to you. Oh, and wear a dress. It's nice."

"Oh, Tina. Let's just keep it simple. How about, um--"

"Becca, you blew that already. Make it up to me."

I'm still hung up on the texts and feel myself swell with anger - my curiosity taking over. "What did he say to you? Never mind. I should just - ugh! What is he thinking? And who else has he been texting? I'm just gonna ask HIM!"

"Don't do that, Becca."

"And why shouldn't I?"

"Because you don't have all of the information--"

"Well what did he say?!"

Tina pauses to let my emotion pass. Then, with a firm tone, "Eight o'clock. Wear a dress."

I huff. Hearing Tina's calm directive pulls me out of my spiral and causes an odd sensation to run through me. She has the upper hand and she knows how to use it. I realize there's nothing left to say so, "Okay."

* * *

I'm early of course, and no sign of Tina yet. I guess it would serve me right if she made me wait. But then again, it's not like her to be spiteful. Devastatingly precise maybe, but not spiteful. So why am I nervous? Is it because I had to lie to John? I told him I was meeting a new client and wanted to make a good impression. But I don't think he was convinced because I almost never choose a look like this, even when we go out. I couldn't just worn something simple, but I spent extra time digging up something figure-hugging. It's not exactly formal, but I figured black stockings and a pair of heels would help turn my "I'm going clubbing" look into "I know people with money." Irregardless, I still feel self conscious sitting in this lobby. I'm literally by myself. Even the maître d is on the other side of a curtain. I keep checking my watch, seemingly every minute.

Then at 7:59 p. m. blowing in like the breeze, Tina arrives. I stand up immediately upon seeing her, "Hey!"

She stops, allowing me to walk to her and I see her eye's trace my form. Clearly pleased, a satisfied smile emerges on her face causing me to blush. No less than five men have crossed through this room while I've been waiting, giving me the same hungry gaze. But it's not until this woman does it that I get butterflies in my stomach.

"Mmm, good girl," Tina says through a sly smile.

I scoff, feigning indignation. "As if! I just didn't want to get kicked out." But her approval shines through me like a ray of sunshine.

Tina isn't fooled. She gives me a quick hug and takes my hand, leading me to the maître d.

I think to let go, focusing on my posture as we walk. But I don't, instead allowing her to lead me right to our seats. We laugh through the pomp and circumstance of ordering, and quietly toast each other's company. It's been a while since I've had this level of attention poured upon me and I feel as if with little effort I could almost forget why we are here. Almost. "Okay, so I'm dying to know... you've been texting John?"

"Yes. And I say this as a compliment Becca, he's quite charming."

A stab of jealously slices through me. That's my husband she's talking about. I'm the only one who should be on the receiving end of his charm. But some part of me is thrilled by the thought of discussing this with Tina. Like by talking about it we're renewing the excitement of a relationship that has become... mundane. I try not to let the jealously take over and instead stay in the moment, discussing our secret lives as if planning a bank heist. "Well now I'm really curious. Let me see what he wrote."

"I don't think that's a good idea."

"What? Why not? Isn't that why we're here?" I say, confused.

"Because, Becca, I don't want to lose you in the minutia of his words."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean I need you to stay level headed and in the driver's seat, and not picking apart the small details of our exchanges. You trusted me to engage him and that's what I'm doing. But you'll have to keep trusting me that I'm here for you. And that I'm only doing whatever it is that you need of me."

I know in a way that she's right. Seeing his words written to her would probably make me crazy. And I'm not sure I would be able to keep a cool head when next I saw him. The ambiguity of his actions allows me at least the smallest amount of denial. I'm stoic and stare blankly through the table. Tina searches deep into my eyes, but am locked in a million mile gaze and as single tear forms. Is this the end of us?

Tina touches my hand, bringing me back to the moment.

"So far he's only texting you right? I mean... we don't really know that he's been with anyone else. Just texting, that's - I mean, texting isn't cheating I guess - right?" I mumble, trying to find the way to rationalize John's actions.

"You mean sexting. And yes, most people would consider that a way of being unfaithful. But honestly Becca, there's something else." Tina pauses, waiting for her words to register.

"What?" I say, now hanging on her every word.

"He wants to meet me."

"Oh my god. What did you say?"

"I didn't say anything yet. I already told you, everything we do is up to you."

"Fuck!" I exclaim a bit too loudly.

Tina cuts her eyes at me and raises her eyebrows comically. I suddenly realize what I've said and I can't prevent my face from cracking into a laugh that Tina joins in on. "Stop! This is serious!" I say, fighting to mute my smile.

"I know, I know." Tina says placating me with a half-hearted attempt to stop grinning. She redirects, "Okay, so... what should I tell him?"

"What do you mean what should you tell him? You're not going to meet him are you?"

"I don't know Becca. Am I?"