Full Disclosure Ch. 13

Number 13: The Widened Rift

Upon seeing the red numbers read 9:00, Natalie blinked a few times, trying to get her bearings. It was so dark in the room, but she knew she hadn't fallen asleep until somewhere around two in the morning. An arm was around her waist, a chin resting against her head, chest against her back. Etienne.

The curtains had been fully closed, the thinnest sliver of light on the far sides aimed at the wall instead of her face and the symbolism Natalie had used in her early morning thoughts was not lost. Every second of the night before had been remarkable, enough that Natalie wondered in her early morning confusion if maybe it had all been a dream. Perhaps it was Elijah behind her.

But no, they did not sleep this way. Aside from a few nights ago, their standard had taken them to opposite sides of the bed with their backs turned. She distinctly remembered falling asleep on her side with her head buried against Etienne's chest, and though she'd shifted, they'd remained together through the night.

Rubbing her cheek against the pillow, she felt Etienne's head behind her lower to the back of her neck, placing a gentle kiss upon her skin. "Bonjour, ma belle," he whispered, his breath tickling as he pulled her closer. Her butt pushed against him as she arched into a stretch before rolling onto her back. "How did you sleep?"

"Mmm, too well," Natalie murmured. His hand trailed up over her chest to her cheek and she received another gentle kiss, this time on the lips. "You?"

"A la perfection," Etienne responded. "Pardon, je reviendrai."

Sliding off the far side of the bed, Etienne disappeared into the bathroom while Natalie took the opportunity alone to fall into a full stretch, arms across the bed in reverie. Her sleep had been peaceful, not a moment of restlessness, and flashes of their intimacy strobed through her brain. She was unable to contain her smile.

When he returned, he walked over to the curtains. "Do you mind?" he asked, peeking through where they met in the middle. "It's a beautiful day. Some fresh air?"

"I don't mind," Natalie replied, rolling back to her side and propping her head on her arm as she watched him pull the curtains open, slowly enough the sunlight was not a shock. But it lit his skin, his naked body, and she felt a rush of desire wash through her in seeing his full form again. The doors followed and as fresh air poured in, Natalie sucked in a deep breath, at peace with the world.

Upon turning back around, he paused, staring at Natalie, and her smile turned bashful. The sheets were at her hip, and she could see the admiration in his eyes. "You are in my bed," he said, as though he couldn't believe it himself.

"I am," Natalie grinned, stretching her right arm out behind her back, knowing it would give him a fuller view by lengthening her torso. The desired effect was achieved as Etienne's gaze turned wicked, and he rushed over and leapt on the bed beside her as she squealed with delight.

Taking her into his arms, he showered her body with kisses while sliding his hand across her upper body, not leaving an inch of skin untouched. Weaving her fingers into his hair as she sighed and moaned, she began to ache for him again. And as though he were reading her thoughts, his hand drifted beneath the sheets and between her legs.

To return the favor, she began to stroke him, finding him fully erect and he groaned as he sunk a finger inside of her. "Do you know what you do to me?" he asked, shaking his head.

"If it's even a fraction of what you do to me..." Natalie countered, letting the thought trail as he crooked his finger. Raising her leg and letting it rest over his hip, she stopped stroking him. "Take me," she pleaded.

"Always," he responded, rolling atop and gently easing himself inside. After a long exhale, he brushed her hair. "I could live in you."

His strokes were long and languid. "I wish you would," Natalie moaned with her arms around his neck. It was the last they spoke, instead kissing and feeling until a climax was shared.

Once finished, Etienne was once again on his side as Natalie suddenly ached with sorrow. Almost ten.

"I don't want to leave," she said suddenly, then bit her lip in despair as she turned to look at him.

Gathering her in his arms against his chest, he kissed her brow. "Then don't," he cooed. "I'll hide you." Natalie exhaled a single laugh that felt more like a sob. "I will," he continued, stroking her back. "I'll hide you here, then I will steal you. Take you to Paris with me."

A pipe dream, and the ache intensified as she curled further against him. Her heart ached because of the impossibility of it, and she realized for the first time that he would not be the one hurt out of this, as she'd originally posited in their earlier days. She'd assumed she would break him, knowing how his feelings had formed early on. It was now that she realized her feelings had begun at the same time, she'd just chosen not to pay them any recognition.

For a moment, she was back in France. After dating Elijah exclusively for seven months, she spent the summer there. It had been her proposal that they allow freedom, which Elijah had argued, but she didn't want him to spend a summer waiting for her, just as she didn't want to spend the summer missing out on experiences she might otherwise take if she were single. It had worked out well, but she hadn't hooked up with multiple people like Elijah had. There had been one, then she'd met Philippe.

And when she'd had to return, she questioned if she could. Even as she boarded the plane home, she entered a fight or flight, where for a few manic minutes, she fought the urge to run off the plane. No real plan. Figure it out as she went.

She wondered now what would have happened if she had. No job, no permit for work or school, and part of the mystique with Philippe had been that their time was limited, heightening the passion as to not waste even a minute. If she had gotten off the plane, they may have been happy for a little while. But it would have fizzled, she was certain of it.

While Elijah was in law school, she'd had her share of one night stands here and there after parties, but no one had ever meant anything to her in the way Elijah did. And she'd never felt the urge to sleep with anyone more than once in the way she had wanted Philippe every waking second.

Applying it all to this very situation, it was identical, clear down to the fact that it was another Frenchman. She was head over heels in a whirlwind romance, off in a foreign land that was not reality. It was not home. And it hurt as badly as it had when she was nineteen.

Leaning back from Etienne, she wet her lips. "I have to go," she said plainly, placing her hand on his cheek. "I don't want to," she added. "But I have to go."

Rolling over, she sat up in the bed, spotting her dress near the table. Her panties were on the floor, and she slid into them, then hurried over to grab her dress, which she worked into as quickly as possible or she might just change her mind.

At the foot of the bed, she began sliding on her sandals. Etienne had remained silent, but was sitting up on the bed, watching her; she guessed he hadn't stopped as she'd dressed. Finally, she crossed around the bed and picked up her handbag, which had contained toiletries in case she'd needed them, but had fallen asleep in exhaustion without brushing her teeth or hair.

"Wait," Etienne said, then climbed off the end of the bed, slid into his boxer-briefs.

The fight or flight. It was there, still. She did not want to be on this plane going home. But there was nothing here for her, not really. Etienne, of course, who was far from nothing. He was everything. But she had more than everything two floors down, and that was reality.

Her hand was swept up into his as he pressed his chest against hers, face inches away. "I'm an adult," he began, gently closing his eyes and shaking his head. She could see his own torment, and it felt horrible. "Please respect that when you answer my question."

Swallowing heavily, Natalie nodded. "I will."

Caressing her hand with both of his, he hesitated, stroking her fingers with his eyes locked between them. "We are both here for another week," he stated firmly. "I don't need a promise, but I do need to know if this is over."

Natalie felt a black hole form in her stomach, nearly moaned from the acute pain of it. She opened her mouth to answer, but he interrupted her, bringing her hand to his chest.

"You feel this," he continued. "I know you feel this. But you have also been very clear with your reasons for being here. I will respect your answer, but before you decide, you need to know that I feel this. You told me you were using me. Don't let that decide for you out of some, ahh... misplaced guilt. Allow me to decide for myself, and tell you now that I want to take the journey with you. If it's to be anyone, I want it to be me."

Closing her eyes as they began to sting, Natalie craved time. More time. Time to think, time to decide before answering this question. But he was offering it to her. Not the time to answer, but time to continue. She did not have to board the plane yet. And miraculously, she suddenly didn't need the long jog to determine the answer to this question.

"This is not over," Natalie stated vehemently, opening her eyes. Pressing closer to him, she shook her head. "It's so far from over, it's only begun."

She felt the tension physically leave his chest as he exhaled air she hadn't realized he'd been holding. "Je te remercie," he breathed, releasing her hand and wrapping his arms around her waist. "Je ne pense pas être capable de te laisser partir," he continued rapidly, with such speed it was difficult for Natalie to follow, but he was pulling her until he sat down on the bed, and she climbed upon his lap, straddling him with her knees on the mattress.

Truth be told, she didn't think she'd have been able to let go, either.

Their kisses were rapid fire as he breathed compliments against her skin in fluid French, telling her he craved her, he needed her, she was gorgeous, she was exquisite, then finally saying that all of these facts were the least interesting thing about her as he cradled her neck and kissed her lips.

Elijah laid on the bed in the second room of their "suite" atop of the comforter, staring out the window at the view of palms and the ocean in the distance as he faded in and out of sleep. He was exhausted. His night had been one physical exertion after another, and when he'd awoken this morning, it had continued twice more with Leah before he'd left, assuring her he'd get another night in before she left Wednesday.

Just as he'd nod off, he'd remember taking her from behind with that little purple plug and feel the blood rush, astounded that it would jolt him awake. He'd decided at one point this morning that he would go to the resort's sex shop and pick up some things for another night with her.

Despite all of it, however, he'd been surprised to arrive back to the room to find Natalie missing, and their bed had not been slept in. Of course he'd known she'd take advantage of the night alone, or 'not-alone', as it were, but he'd always been the jealous one between the two of them. He understood his hypocrisy, it was a battle he'd fought throughout college and was roiling up in him here. And he'd always been able to conquer it before knowing that they had made conscious decisions as consenting adults to behave in the way they did, but that in no way erased that he'd feel protective and possessive in regards to Natalie.

Before, it had been her decision. She'd presented it, he'd argued that he didn't mind three months through the summer of waiting for her, but had convinced him not to waste their youth and miss out on experiences because they were in different locations. It had felt weird, but she had been right; his summer had been more fun because he'd been able to meet women and not hold back. To do the same through law school seemed natural, especially considering they shared partners while together often enough that it wasn't that huge of a leap to make.

But here it had been his decision. He'd presented it. The difference was that she'd put up no argument, because that was Natalie. Completely immune to fear or jealousy or, as she'd put it, the need to own another human being. Honestly, it made him feel like shit that he was positioned as the hypocrite just because he felt more, while she was just this pillar of strength and triumph that he couldn't live up to.

Thinking about it, perhaps that had played a role into their decline over the past year. People need to fight. They need to say things to those close to them that they would never be allowed to say to strangers. But she never argued back. He'd see her recognize a disagreement before it even rose, and she'd disappear into something; a jog, yoga, or even just a nap. By the time he'd noticed the need to take affront to something, really hash it out, she was the cool headed one who would nod along and smooth it over.

All it achieved for him was a feeling of weakness. And here he was, having received exactly what he'd wanted while feeling the anxiety that she, too, had been with someone. And knowing fully that she wasn't dwelling on it the way he was made him feel resentment.

When he heard the door open, he inhaled deeply to prepare to hear things he didn't want to know, have some discussion where she would come out as the victor because of her righteousness.

Another door closed, then he heard the sound of the shower and went back to considering the picture as a whole. Their relationship was better, he'd had an amazing night with a sexy blonde, they had another week at an island resort... who cares what she did last night? He could match her levelheadedness if he set his mind to it. He'd done it before.

Really it was his own hypocrisy that he resented, and he returned to thinking about his time with Leah and what the next week could hold instead of dwelling, despising himself.

The shower had done more than just wake up her body, cleansing her physically. It had cleansed Natalie emotionally, given her the time to consider the week she'd had, and the week yet to come. Further, what came next; what it would mean to go home. And when Natalie had dried and dressed in a bikini and sarong, she walked out running a brush through her hair to see if Elijah had returned.

Not finding him immediately, it dawned on her that they'd discussed the necessity to sleep in separate rooms, should one return early, and she walked into the adjacent room to find him laying atop the bedding facing the balcony.

"Good morning," she said easily, though it was only to cover the initial wave of unease, not knowing what she was walking into. For all she knew, he'd spent the night in here, though judging by the bedding, it was more likely he'd returned this morning.

"Morning babe," Elijah responded, rolling onto his back and offering her a soothing smile. She continued running the brush through her damp hair as she crossed the room and sat down on the edge of the bed, facing the windows. Gently touching her shoulder, he asked, "Can we just get it out of the way?"

Natalie sat the brush down on the bedside table, then spun, placing her hand on the mattress behind him as she leaned against his stomach. "Yes," she agreed, pastoral in nature. "What do you want to know?"

Pressure accumulated in Elijah's chest. He did want to ask, but he'd hoped she'd just offer what she wanted to share, keep it simple. "Nothing, I guess," he responded. "Only that you had a good time, that you weren't unhappy, that this arrangement is still okay."

"It's still okay," Natalie responded, feeling light and airy now with the simplicity of it. There had been times with Elijah where it had not been so simple. But he'd taken it upon himself to make the request that they try a night apart, which must have meant an attitude adjustment. "It will remain okay until we leave, though I'd still like nights alone with you."

"Absolutely," Elijah agreed immediately, brushing his hand down her arm, admiring her bikini. All the overt sexiness of Leah's body still didn't rival Natalie's natural beauty. "Is there anything you'd like to know?"

Natalie shrugged. "The same?" she asked, raising a brow.

"I had a good night," Elijah said. He wanted to admit his reservations, only to receive her counseling that it was alright, they were fine, no matter what happened. But if he opened that door, it may hurt worse than the previous one that had, indeed, smacked him in the face the night at the hot tub. But he did have more to say. "Can I be honest about something?"

"You can always be honest with me," Natalie assured him, running her fingers through his dark blonde locks that she so adored. A flash of Etienne's hair suddenly appeared, how he'd taken care last night to make himself presentable, and how much she'd liked it. Both ways; messy and wispy, perfectly coiffed and combed.

She shook the thought away.

"We have a week," Elijah began hesitantly. "I do want nights alone with you. Do you feel we've become stronger here?"

Not knowing exactly where this was leading, Natalie had a moment of panic, as she had promised Etienne it was not over. But... Elijah was who mattered. He was reality. If he wanted this to stop, she would. It would hurt immensely, but above all, she wanted to save her marriage.

She loved him.

"Much stronger," she stated firmly. "What do you need?"

Another hesitation, this one longer. What he needed was what he'd decided yesterday. Space. Freedom before he returned to his wife fully. The break. "I don't know what I need," he said. "I need you," he added openly, which was the truth. "But we are here, and the door is open now. I think we should keep it open, maybe more than I initially thought. Because when we leave, I promise you we are shutting it fully. I love you, we're stronger, we can make it work. But, well... I guess I'm saying I want a bit more freedom, and I think you do to. Do you?"

It had been unexpected, and Natalie took a long moment to think it through. Her initial thought was 'thank god' because she had arrived at a severe impasse, failing her test. She'd need time to see it through, and the fact that he was so sure they'd make it work both relieved her and terrified her, as she still wanted it to work, desperately, but Etienne had thrown a much larger wrench into things than she'd imagined possible.

"I agree," she finally said. "Freedom is good. I think it will allow us to do the things we know we shouldn't while assured we'll return, which ultimately means that it's exactly what we should be doing. But I think it's important to clarify exactly what we want with our freedom, because it absolutely must fall in line with the other."

Elijah's turn to think. Perhaps a schedule? He didn't know, as usually it was best to take things as they came. "Tonight we share," he proclaimed, giving her leg a squeeze. "But maybe we keep to our own daily activities? Even if we're together, we remain comfortable in our freedom with others?"

"Well, we've been doing that all along, I think," Natalie countered. "But I see what you're saying. Like the day you golfed and I walked the beach."

"Exactly," Elijah agreed instantly. "And as we continue to spend a few nights with others, we need to start heavily considering what it means to us." This said with Etienne weighing heavily on his mind. He had no doubt she'd been with him; he'd seen Natalie run yesterday. He's seen Etienne's wish to find her. To give her this freedom was the most difficult thing he could imagine, but what he received in return was more time with other women, the 'break' he so needed, as well as the necessity to get both of their ultimate questions answered. A sacrifice of his sanity was worth all of that, though nothing less.

"Okay," Natalie drawled, surprised he was offering this much. He'd never been as eager when it came to time with others; not that she felt he didn't enjoy it. But it made her wonder exactly what he'd been up to that had him this ready to set their time aside. Unfairly, considering she was so emotionally attached to someone else at the moment.

But, he apparently needed to confront an ultimate test of his own. It was only fair. "Okay," she repeated, this time more firmly. "I trust you. I hope you'll trust me." Leaning down, Natalie kissed him as he wrapped his arms around her. After a few minutes, Natalie asked, "Beach?"

"Pool, I think," Elijah responded, rising from the bed. "But you can go to the beach. Assuming we're allowing more freedom... though you could go to the beach anyways!"

Natalie laughed. "Pool it is," she said. "But feel free to do as you like."

After Elijah changed into swim trunks with a navy tee, they took off for the pool, finding the others in the exact same place like any other day.

And everything seemed fine. It had all gone so smoothly that Natalie allowed the excitement to flood her upon seeing Etienne upon a lounger beside Luc, huddled with Melaina, as per usual. She found herself adoring coupling around her; people finding someone they stuck with. Though upon seeing Erin's face, alone this morning, her heart broke for the girl. Terrance had definitely left on the ferry this morning, as she'd assumed was happening.

But as though the wind had changed directions, things abruptly turned to shit. It began with Jessica showing up, looking wounded and stand-offish as she sat on the far end of the row, opposite Luc and Melaina, settling into the group without really belonging. Certainly Natalie didn't really want her around, as she felt Jessica might be trouble, even though she'd said only a handful of words to her in the week they'd been here. It was the look she'd given Etienne that had clued her in. Like Elijah, Etienne was easy to fall for in a very deep way. Stunningly attractive, in a very different way. Smitten by Natalie, in the very same way.

Call it a gut feeling, but Natalie didn't feel good about her.

Finished covering her body in lotion while sharing furtive glanced with Etienne, Natalie handed the bottle to Elijah, who was talking with the three sorority girls. Nothing unusual. Until he took the bottle, giving Natalie a quick 'thank you', then pulled his tee from his body, and Natalie gasped.

His back was covered in red scratches. The way they lined up, the direction they took from his spine to his sides; it was clear they were from nails. Of course she wasn't stupid; he'd been with someone last night, probably Leah, but who knows. They'd both refused to name the party, despite Natalie figuring Elijah knew exactly who she'd been with.

But this crossed a line, in her eyes. He was openly wearing the marks of wild sex, and it made her sick to her stomach. No, she did not feel a need to possess someone, but the fact that someone else had felt a need to mark him pissed her off.

It was then that she was overwhelmed by gratitude that they'd decided to take more time apart, because she needed to get the fuck away from him before her anger became a public display. This coming from someone who rarely felt anger over anything. That being said, she didn't have to be nice about it.

"Etienne, vous voulez prendre un verre?" she asked sweetly, done in French specifically to leave Elijah out. And Jessica. Fuck them both. And she really did need a drink.

"C'est midi," Luc said, his tone half scolding. Fair point, it was only noon, just going to show how badly Natalie needed a drink.

"À l'intérieur ou à l'extérieur?" Etienne asked, looking genuinely concerned.

It was too nice of a day to sit inside, though maybe a drink at the restaurant would be preferable, because it would be farther away from the others. "L'extérieur," Natalie decided. The pool bar would be nicer; why should she hide inside when she could be in the sun? Also, a part of her wanted to be rude. Elijah wearing sex scrapes was a sickening amount of disrespect.

Etienne rose, removed his watch and tossed it on the towel, instructing Luc to keep an eye on things. "Allons-y," he said to Natalie, then ran for the pool, diving into it with perfect form.

Turning to Elijah to let him know where she was going, Natalie opened her mouth, then abruptly shut it. They'd made their decision; a decision she was now angry about. Gently closing her eyes, she reminded herself: Time. I just need time. Then totally changed her mind. Time would not cure this one. He needed to know that if they were going to fuck around, respect was key. But that conversation could wait.

Without a word, she dove into the pool, swimming over towards Etienne to follow him to the far end of the bar.

"I really don't get why they can't just speak fucking English," Leah growled, and Elijah rolled his eyes.

But she was right; their rapid exchange and her sudden disappearance had definitely rubbed him the wrong way. They'd promised honesty, and that had been purposeful; he knew it because he knew her.

Though he wasn't entirely sure what had changed.

"Don't let it get to you," Elijah said, still watching Natalie swim off with Etienne until they disappeared around a bend. Looking over at Leah though, his eyes narrowed. "But don't repeat anything Etienne tries to teach you in French, either," he warned her. Amused as he'd been upon hearing about what Etienne had made Leah say, he was wary of the guy due to the relationship he had with Natalie. Further, after last night, he felt a bit more protective of Leah, if not even slightly possessive.

Erin shrugged, having been too wrapped up in Terrance to have a clue on the tensions of the past week. "I think he's sexy," she said, sliding lotion over her right arm. Glancing up at Beth, she added, "I could look into those blue eyes and listen to his French for hours," with a widening grin.

"Aww, my girl is back!" Beth cried, throwing her arm around Erin. "I'm sorry about Terrance, but I'm so glad you're able to pick right back up for the next three days."

Leah raised a brow, obviously not giving a shit. "He was great, and I know you were happy, but I really didn't want to see you moping before we leave Wednesday."

Groaning, Elijah ran his hands down his face. He had no fucking clue how it had come to this, ran a mantra through his head: I get more nights with Leah. I get more nights with Leah. Though sometimes, at least when she was with her friends, he really questioned if it was necessary to spend any time with her during the day. She definitely had the bitch part down pat, and his mantra altered: I get to punish Leah, I get to punish Leah.

Caught in the direct center of two very different conversations between two very different groups, Elijah felt himself sinking into the chaise, leaded. To his left, Jessica was asking Luc if there was something she needed to know, and to his right, Erin was quietly asking the same of Beth for different reasons, inquiring about Etienne with an element of interest.

Natalie would get up and find something to do in this situation, separate herself and return with a clearer head. Probably what she was doing now. Maybe taking a page from her book would be worth a try, he decided, and in the next second he sat up. "I'm taking off for a bit," he said. "Couple hours, will you guys be around?" He eyed Natalie's bag and their towels meaningfully.

"We're here," Luc chimed in.

"Thanks, man," Elijah responded, then took off to check out what was going on around the grounds. See if there were any group activities where he could meet some new people, because, while he did like the girls, and Luc and Etienne were alright enough, he needed some separation.

Drinks were set on the bar in front of Natalie and Etienne, and she dove at her 7&7, taking a third of it down and feeling better by the second. Etienne gave the bartender his room number so they'd go to his bill, then turned to Natalie in apprehension. "No complaints from me getting more alone time with you, but you seem, ahh... troubled?"

Setting the cold glass down on the bar, Natalie spun it in deliberate circles. "Troubled," she said under her breath. It wasn't exactly the right word, but it was closer to what she felt comfortable addressing. Looking at him sideways, she said, "I like to get away from things when I'm uncomfortable. It's how I cope. I find that, with enough time, I'm never troubled. I can easily let go of anything that might bother me."

"And something bothered you," Etienne said, the question in his statement as he placed his elbows on the bar, giving her his full attention.

"Nothing I can't let go of," Natalie responded with a weak smile. After a long pause, she took another sip of her drink, Etienne always bringing her comfort level up when it came to her darker secrets. "You know, I grew up in a wealthy family. Nothing was out of reach for me when it came to things I wanted. We were always travelling, I went to private schools, my parents showered me with stupidly expensive things. And I didn't really come to understand the deeper, darker layers as to why I had everything I wanted."

After a deep breath, she laughed without humor. "My parents hated each other," she confided, finally turning to look at Etienne head on instead of out of the corner of her eyes. "My dad had a powerful job that carried a lot of prestige and brought in a ton of money, but not nearly the amount my mother had as a trust fund. They had so much resentment and anger because neither wanted to lose the luxuries of what the other brought to the table. So because they just... bitterly despised each other, they gave everything to me, but only to like... one up the other, if that makes sense? It was a competition to them who I would love more, and I think that was the only thing they actually enjoyed. The game of it. I was a pawn between two spoiled brats."

"That would be hard on a child," Etienne said consolingly.

"I'm not trying to complain," Natalie explained. "I've had a good life. I'm only trying to explain why I am the way I am. Until I was ten, I didn't really know what was going on. I actually thought my parents just loved me more than other people's parents loved their kids. And maybe they did, in their own way, because they had more love to give considering they hated each other. But when I started to figure it out--when I'd hear their fights and just the vile, vile things they would say to each other--I'd remove myself. Given enough time, I could become immune to what bothered me. Still, that's not what I'm getting at.

"As this became more routine--as I started to analyze my parents instead of letting it bother me--I determined probably around fifteen that I would never, ever put myself into anything that remotely resembled their relationship, and I decided on a few things. One, that no person has a right to another person's happiness. They'd made the mistake of allowing each other to dictate their happiness, because my dad probably wouldn't have had his job and prestige if it weren't for my mom's family's wealth and connections, and my mom needed to stay with someone who lived up to my grandparents' expectations. But two was that I'd never own someone the way they owned the other. Because the threat of what their split would mean in regards to how our lives would be affected was far greater than all the reasons they had to divorce."

"Are they still together?" Etienne asked.

Natalie laughed loudly. "Oh fuck no," she said. "And it cost them both in both money and mentality, because they're now so jaded and bitter that they'll never be happy." Natalie remembered the reason she'd began to unload all of this, and shook her head to get back on track. "I don't own Elijah, I don't own you," she finally said with a deep exhale. "But the little girl in me sometimes needs to swim off to a pool bar to remind herself of the decisions she's made. Take the time out to avoid discomfort when the storm starts brewing. And... well? I could always tell when my parents were going to start fighting long before they even knew it was coming, just like I could feel the tension rising back there."

Head aimed at his cocktail, Etienne looked at Natalie through his brows, a quirk of a grin. "So was it the scratches or Jessica?"

Natalie could feel the blush enter her cheeks. "A little of both?" she responded self-consciously, then groaned. "Of course you noticed, I should have known."

Sweeping at her hair, Etienne's hand began to gently stroke her upper back. "Not owning someone does not mean you must be, ahh... immune to affect," he said, though with an upturn in tone with his final word, unsure he'd said it accurately. "What I mean is, I understand you. You're so much stronger than any woman I've ever met."

"Sometimes I'm strong," Natalie responded, pursing her lips. "Other times I feel hypocritical, allowing a weakness over decisions I'm solely responsible for." Eyes darkening, however, Natalie lowered her gaze. "But I would never mark someone as mine."

Etienne peered at her with a frown. "Without trying to sound critical," he began slowly, then rested his chin in his hand, eyes on the circles he was drawing down Natalie's arm. "I have to believe such a thing an accident. I'm not defending it, whomever he was with has less of a right to him as you, and here you are explaining freely that you do not believe in any sort of ownership. But... I have had marks. I have left marks. I cannot imagine you have not had your share of marks."

"Thus the great hypocrisy," Natalie said, widening her hands out as though presenting a gift to the world. She smiled as Etienne laughed. Sinking a hand down into the water, she placed it on his thigh and leaned toward him. "I was with you last night, and I wouldn't take it back for the world. I'm also happy he was with someone. It is the entire reason we are here. But he definitely does not want to know who I was with because, I know him, it would feel too real and he's always carried a jealousy that I don't have. And I don't like seeing his back scraped up from some other woman, not out of jealousy, but because I read it as someone staking a claim they have no right to." Exhaling, Natalie suddenly felt shame in telling this to Etienne, whom she cared for more than she felt she could own up to, and who clearly cared for her. "I should not even be talking about this with you," she added, removing her hand and leaning back in disgust.

Before it left the water, Etienne had snatched her forearm and pulled her closer. "I want to remind you of a few things," he said in a low tone. "The day we met, I told you that you were my friend. No matter what we share, we share that above all else. I want you to tell me everything about you. Hopes and dreams, troubles, regrets... everything." With a pause, he brushed his cheek against hers in the way she so loved. "I also want to remind you that all of those girls combined are not a fraction of what you are. Let them scrape him up, try to plant a flag of ownership. You told me it would be more his loss than yours, and I believe it."

The way he said he believed it intoned more than the application to Elijah. It was about his own loss in regards to her, and Natalie became acutely aware of how deep her hypocrisy ran. She was hurting someone, even through his assurances that he was a willing party despite her situation. And that didn't even touch the tip of the iceberg. Beneath the water, the largest hypocrisy was that she was becoming aware of her great loss in regards to him. She was falling in a way she had never imagined; if someone had warned her she might meet someone here who rivaled her feelings for Elijah she would have laughed in their face and never spoken to them again.

Yet here she sat, upset by scratches across her husband's back while beside someone she just might be falling in lo--

That thought stopped short before she allowed the word to finish. "I'm so happy with you," she told him brightly. "You make me happy. And seeing now that Elijah and I are offering more freedom than ever, it's you, Etienne. Until I leave, let it just be about us when we're together. No more talk of scratches or my husband, or whatever women you're sleeping with when I'm not around." Philippe came to mind, only to remember her attitude when she'd been with him so many years ago. Taking his hand and giving it a squeeze, she said, "When we're together, there's no one else. If you're okay with living in the moment like that."

"It's all I want," Etienne responded, then gently kissed her lips. A warmth ran through Natalie's chest, straight to her heart. It was more than she could ask for.

Elijah had spent the afternoon driving golf balls into the ocean with Vincent, Heath and a few girls they'd been hanging out with named Daisy and Amber, both athletic and competitive. It had felt better being away doing something he enjoyed outside of the sexual atmosphere, which was feeling more tense than he'd like today.

When he'd made his departure once hearing they'd be at one of the clubs tonight, asked him to swing by, he left to search for Natalie, learning from Beth that she'd recently left to their room once back at the lounge area. He gathered up his things, began to tell them they may go to the club, then decided against it. It was probably best to take a break from the people he spent the bulk of his days with for an evening.

Opening the door, he was surprised to see Natalie laying on the bed, a book open with her thumb between pages, but fast asleep atop of the bedding. She looked angelic; her golden hair spread about the pillow, the form of her body in the green bikini with the yellow sarong around her hips, and an ease drifted through his body as he quietly made his way to the bed and eased himself down beside her, hoping not to wake her from her slumber.

She did stir, however, brushing her cheek against the pillow with her eyes still closed. Smacking her lips, she asked, "What time is it?"

"Early," he responded. "Only five. You can keep sleeping, I wouldn't mind a nap myself."

Natalie let out a low moan, bordering on a groan as she clenched her eyes closed, then opened them wide. "No," she said, determined but reluctant. "I mean, yes. I want to nap. But I need to talk to you."

As usual, Elijah braced himself for things he didn't want to hear. Perhaps while he'd been off golfing, she'd ended up drunk at the bar and acted on something, however the door was wide open. Still, he didn't care for details. "Alright," he sighed. "What is it?"

Sitting up, Natalie pointed toward the dresser. "Stand up and walk over there," she said lethargically. She was tired, but this needed to be addressed.

Peering at her quizzically, Elijah asked, "Why?"

Rolling her eyes, Natalie shook her head. "Just do it, please."

Feeling annoyed, Elijah acquiesced, rose, and walked over to the dresser. Holding his hands out, he said, "Alright, I'm here. What now?"

Climbing from the bed, Natalie walked over and began raising the hem of his shirt. A small grin crept across Elijah's lips; if she wanted to do something, he supposed he could forego the nap. After all, they'd decided this morning that they'd spend the night together. Maybe he wouldn't go to the club after all. They could order in...

"Take this off," she said, physically assisting with the action. Elijah pulled the shirt over his head and reached for her, but she deftly maneuvered away. "Now look over your shoulder in the mirror."

Elijah complied, then saw the red lines across his back, and his eyes widened. "Oh shit," he blew out in amusement, reaching his hand over to graze one of the marks across his shoulders. He hadn't felt it today, though upon touching it, there was a little rawness.

Crossing her arms, Natalie's eyes narrowed. "You think this is funny?" she demanded.

When Elijah turned to face her, one look at her features told him they were not about to play. He could count on one hand the times he'd seen her pissed, and this was definitely one of them. And he instantly turned defensive. "You're kidding, right?" he asked, jaw dropping. "This upsets you? Some scratches on my back."

"Yes, it fucking upsets me," she cried, storming a few feet away. "You have scratches all over your back from last night. You think I want to see that shit?"

Stunned. Elijah was absolutely mystified over her reaction. "Oh, I'm sorry," he drawled sarcastically. "You think this was purposeful! That I asked to be scratched up just to piss you off. Totally reasonable, Natalie." He began to walk away, grabbing his shirt and pulling it back over his head.

"That is not the point," Natalie stated firmly. "If it wasn't clear this morning when we talked, both of us avoided any questions that would matter, because I know for a fucking fact that you're more prone to jealousy than I am."

"Yet here you are," Elijah retorted, sweeping his hand out. "Jealous, none the less."

Natalie began to pace, pointing at the ground. "This is not about jealousy at all, Elijah. This is about whoever you were with marking you for all to see. And don't think for a second it wasn't done on purpose, just in the heat of the moment. If I've guessed it right, you were with Leah, and I think I've gathered enough on that bitch to know she'd do that to spite me."

"Good, Natalie," Elijah said, sitting down on the bed and kicking his feet up, crossing his ankles as he casually leaned back against the wall. "Very good. You go right on ahead and judge me for my choices in meaningless sex while you fawn all over Etienne, and don't you dare think that I don't see the very real emotional attachment you have there. Totally fair play, wouldn't you say?"

Feeling her blood boil, Natalie wanted to walk over and slap him. "I'd say so," she said defiantly. "Lust drives you, emotions drive me, but we're still doing the exact same thing."

"Except it's not the same," Elijah disagreed, shocked she didn't see the stark difference. "I'm not sleeping with Leah with any inclination of leaving you for her."

"Oh, and you think I'm considering leaving you for Etienne?"

Elijah shrugged. "Honestly, yes. I do."

"How fucking dare you," Natalie breathed. "We're both here to test what we have. My test is my emotions, your test is a need to take a break and find out if you still want to be married. They are equal. I'm not the bad guy here."

Inhaling deeply, the resentment roiled up in him, despite always believing it was something he'd never share. "And who the fuck do you think made me that way?" he hissed angrily, eyes narrowed, lower jaw protruding in defiance.

"I'm sorry?" Natalie asked, blinking.

Elijah straightened, crossing his legs. He'd never wanted to address it, but here it was nonetheless. "When you first asked for a threesome with your friend, I thought I was the luckiest guy on earth. Woman that I loved, so beautiful, someone I'd craved the second I saw her, and she wanted to get wild! Holy shit! Every man's dream, right?" His tone grew more severe. "Then you came to me with your great plan to allow affairs on the side before you left for Paris. I argued with you, Natalie," he spat. "I told you I didn't have a problem waiting it out, mostly because it had never occurred to me in my entire life that I'd ever cheat. I didn't even know people did things like that consensually."

"And I told you why!" Natalie cried.

"You sure did," he agreed. "And it all made sense. I was twenty-one, you were nineteen, we were too young to turn down experiences for three months, and then it just seemed logical. And still, that entire summer, I would be miserable wondering what you were up to. The only reason I followed through on my end was to just briefly forget that you were up to things."

Natalie sneered. "Oh please, don't act like you didn't enjoy it. Like I'm the villain here. I thought I was doing the right thing by you, because I've seen misery; I've seen people hold one another back from happiness, and I never, ever wanted to do that to another person!"

Elijah, impossibly, leaned further forward in earnest. "Only, had it never been presented, I would still be under the impression that things like that are not okay. So you wouldn't have been holding me back from anything, because it would have never struck me to behave that way."

"So it's all my fault," Natalie contended. "My bad, I turned you into this lust driven monster. You seem so miserable here with me allowing you to have sex with other people without batting an eye. I mean, I do own you, right? That's what this stupid wedding ring means."

"It is what it means, to most people, Natalie," Elijah countered. "No, you didn't turn me into a monster, but you made me feel it was okay."

"Because it is okay with me!" Natalie screamed. "What the fuck are you complaining for?"

Elijah inhaled deeply. Exhaled for repose. "I'm not complaining," he stated. "I like it. There you go. I like that while we're in this slump, I can actually take a break and follow urges. But you began this eight years ago, then rage at me when I wear the marks of it. Be pissed at Leah if you think she did it on purpose. She might have, who the fuck knows. But don't act like you're the innocent one who was betrayed because you see the evidence of something you started."

Natalie gently closed her eyes. Despite it all, they were on the same page, but this had brought out years' worth of dirty laundry that she hadn't known had piled up. All of this... this was how the rift had widened, among other, simpler things; late to dinners, general complacency, making her feel as though he no longer desired her. But she had a card to play.

Turning her back to him, she looked over her shoulder. "I want you to look at my back," she said, then grinned cruelly. "I want you to imagine it all scratched up from getting fucked last night. All the evidence right there, worn across my skin, of details you don't want to know about. Because while you sleep with other women, you've openly stated that you don't like me sleeping with other men." She could see that this was affecting him; how his jaw had tightened, the bob of his adam's apple. "Maybe a reddened ass? I don't know, you tell me how you'd feel seeing me today physically marked by someone else."

With each phrase, Elijah had felt sicker by the second. Though he blamed her for many things, she understood one thing clearly and had never crossed the hard line; that Elijah did not like knowing she was with other men. He hadn't liked the idea of it when she was in Paris, he didn't like it now. It was his greatest hypocrisy. Call it pride, as that's likely exactly what it was, but it did bother him, and he'd never hidden it, which is why she'd always been respectful of his feelings on the matter by never offering up any detail.

"We have a problem," Elijah finally said. "I thought things were getting better, but it's clear now that I was wrong."

This sent a wave of nausea through Natalie; she'd received the desired effect, only he'd one upped it. Yes, they did have a problem, but she'd now crossed a line. It was the worst thing she could possibly imagine hearing, yet here it was.

"I think I'd like to be alone tonight," Natalie whispered, staring at the ground.

Elijah rolled his eyes as he exhaled a groan. "Of course you would. Because anything can be fixed given time, am I right? Just work through your thoughts and then act like nothing ever happened."

Sitting on the bed with her back toward him, she felt her eyes water. "I guess you really know me well," she said bitterly. "Take time so I can turn off my emotions and pretend it's all right. Cause that's what I do, right? It couldn't possibly be that I escape to choose my battles or find a way to accept something that hurts me."

Oddly, Elijah hadn't considered that. He had assumed she was a wall of strength; that whenever she'd escape, she'd return in a better frame of mind because she was turning off what she felt. He began to reach for her, but paused, brought his hand back. "A night alone is a good idea," he finally said. He had no idea what he'd do with it. Probably go to the club, maybe meet up with Leah, though his mood was sour that neither sounded appealing. "I'll leave you be."

That said, he gathered a change of clothes, then with one last lingering look at Natalie slumped at the far edge of the bed, he walked into the other room and shut the door.