Hannah and Reece

Reece looked with incredulity at his (previously) loving wife, Hannah. "That's it? You have met a new colleague at work, you feel a fucking connection with him, he feels a connection with you and, rather than cheat on me, you are going to dump me in favor of him? What a fucking insult to me!"

Hannah looked at him and said: "I'm not actually dumping you, Reece. Please don't think of it like that. But I am asking you for a divorce. And I certainly don't intend any of what's happening to be seen as an insult to you.

"Far from it, I guess Gary and I could have had an affair, cheated on you and on his fiancée and kept it secret from the two of you, but Gary and I both couldn't do that. Cheaters are not what Gary and I are.

"And before you ask, Gary and I haven't had any sexual contact. Not even a kiss. We started talking at work, then we had coffee breaks together and these progressed to lunch dates and some evening meals when I told you I was working late. It sort of just happened. I'm sorry, baby. I really am."

"It sort of just happened? Bullshit, Hannah! Nothing sort of just happens," he sneered. "Anyway, does his poor fiancée know about you and Gary?"

Hannah nodded "Yes, she does. Gary is having a similar conversation with Lexi, his fiancée, at the same time as us, now."

"Poor girl," said Reece. "How long have they been together?"

Hannah shook her head "I'm not sure. Three or four years, maybe?"

Reece said "At least they aren't married, unlike us. We'll have to divide everything up, sell the apartment and tell everyone who needs to know about what's happening.

"I... I just don't understand this, Hannah. I honestly, genuinely thought we had a good marriage. What did I do wrong? Where did I fail you? Would marriage therapy help, do you think?"

Hannah gently shook her head, smiled sympathetically and reached over and patted his hand. "You haven't done anything wrong, Reece. You certainly haven't failed me. Please don't ever think that.

"We do... rather we did have a good marriage, but then I met Gary and everything changed. Marriage therapy can't work, because as far as I am concerned, our marriage has to be over so I can become Gary's love, his new wife. I've got to emphasise that none of this is your fault, none at all."

Reece said: "How do you see things working out from now on?"

She pulled a legal sized envelope from under the coffee table and said: "I'm not going to humiliate you by having you served by some process server or a deputy in uniform.

"These are the papers I had a lawyer draw up. Because I know you don't want the divorce, I'm making the terms as beneficial as I can for you. I know I'm breaking your heart, I can't see how breaking you financially would help either of us. That wouldn't be fair.

"Look them over yourself, and I think you should have a lawyer of your own choosing look over them too, so you'll be certain the terms are as fair as I can make them. If there's anything in them that you really don't like or don't agree with, tell me. I'll see what can be done to fix it."

"What happens now?" he asked.

"Now I'll take a suitcase of clothes, some odds and ends and toiletries with me and stay with my sister for a while until I can arrange an apartment with Gary. The suitcase is already in my car."

"Have you told your sister about Gary?"

She nodded. "Yes, I have. And before you ask, the rest of my family knows, too. I thought it best to tell them."

"That's too bad. I loved your parents and I got on okay with your sister and even more so with your brother. Pity, really, I liked watching games and hanging out with Paul."

Hannah said: "You can still see my folks, they'd like that. And I'm sure Paul would like for you to carry on hanging out with him, going out to bars, stuff like that. That doesn't have to change for you, you know?"

He shook his head. He stood up and walked across the room. He sounded sadder, more defeated. He turned and looked at her.

"That's not how things will work out, Hannah. You just informed me that you told your family members about the new love of your life, the illustrious Gary, before you told me. And that's fine, they're your family members, after all. But what with the humiliation I'd feel whenever I saw your folks or your brother and sister, I'd not be able to face them, let alone spend any time with them."

Hannah looked at him, puzzled. "Why would you feel humiliated? They'd never say anything, I'm sure."

He sighed. "But they'd know. They'd know I've been replaced in your heart by a man who is better than me."

She spoke crossly, now. "Damn it, Reece! Gary isn't better than you! Please don't talk yourself down. Obviously you're hurting now, but after a time, maybe after some therapy I'm sure you'll find someone else to share your life with."

Reece shrugged. "Can't see that happening, Hannah. Look, you and Gary... the whole thing blindsided me. And I could never see that happening, me finding someone else.

"You told me it wasn't my fault that you needed to look for another man. Maybe you're lying to me so as not to upset me, maybe not. Maybe there is something wrong with me that's making you sneak off with Gary. But that fault in me, that wrongness within me would still be there, so the same thing could happen again. I get married, my faults become apparent to my new wife and she dumps me for another man, same as you did."

By now, Reece was warming to his theme. "But if I did nothing wrong in our marriage that drove you to need to take up with another man, that means I can't trust that the same thing wouldn't randomly happen again in any subsequent relationships, either.

"You've heard of the idea of a win-win situation?" she nodded, dubiously, "I'm in a lose-lose situation here, Hannah. From now on I can't trust anyone. I'm glad my folks aren't here to see this. They both idolised you, my mom especially."

He started to cry, Hannah looked at him; it was as if he was collapsing in on himself. She didn't know what to do. Gary had told her that just before he dropped the bombshell on Lexi, his fiancée, that he was going to text her sister and get her to be there for Lexi, without telling her sister why.

Hannah realised that as his parents were both dead and he was an only child, unlike Lexi, Reece really had nobody for him to fall back on for support. He had friends, but nobody who you would consider close to him.

Hannah willed herself not to cry. She wanted to try to hug the pain out of him, like she'd hugged the pain out of him when his parents died. But she realised she couldn't do that now because that would have been as crazy and as self-serving as someone stabbing a victim in the back multiple times whilst apologizing for the pain the knife was causing.

She walked toward him and was mortified when he visibly cringed away from her. "I'm... I'm so sorry, Reece. I know that sounds trite and like bullshit, but I am truly sorry. But there's nothing I can do to take the pain away from you. I wish there was."

She touched his cheek and said, "I won't insult you by kissing you goodbye. But please know that you'll always have a special place in my heart."

"Hannah, I'm glad you have your family to fall back on and your new man, Gary. I really don't have anyone in my life now you are leaving. But as Nietzsche said 'Was mich nicht umbringt, macht mich stärker' or 'What does not kill me, makes me stronger.' Under these circumstances he'd probably say this to you, also: 'Verpiss dich und stirb, du verdammtes Stück Scheiße, du Schlampe!'

Reece was the person in their relationship who spoke German well and although Hannah didn't understand what he'd said to her, she knew it couldn't be good. He'd often teased her with little snatches of German, but that, she knew, wasn't teasing.

"I'm truly sorry, Reece. I don't know what you just said to me, but I'm sure I deserved every word of it. I'm fully aware you have nobody close for you to fall back on, but please see a therapist, please, I'm asking you, pleading with you, don't go through this alone. Please. Don't let what's happened fuck you up. You're too good a man for that. And I really hope that you do find someone else, no matter what you might feel right now."

Almost as an afterthought she placed her keys to the apartment and her rings on the table near the door and, with tears eventually flowing, she walked out of Reece's life.

That night he slept fitfully and the next morning he called his lawyer to arrange an appointment. His lawyer handled his business requirements, and fortunately he was able to see him that afternoon.

In his lawyer's office, he handed over the envelope that Hannah had given him. Doug rapidly read through the documents it contained, pursing his lip as he did so.

"When your wife told you the divorce she was offering you was 'fair' to you, she wasn't wrong. These terms are actually extremely beneficial to you. She's even included a quitclaim deed in the package, virtually giving you the apartment. She's asking for only 40% of the liquid assets and doesn't want anything from your retirement account, your investments or your business.

"I know that until yesterday divorce was not on your list of things to do, but you'd be an idiot not to give her the divorce she wants. I'm not a divorce lawyer, I'm more of a corporate and contracts lawyer, but my sister Marie, she's the person in our law office that has a better handle on family law so I'll have her look over this and see if she confirms what I think."

They shook hands and Reece walked out into a world that he no longer knew, understood or liked for that matter.

A couple of days later Marie confirmed what Doug had said. "Take this offer before she changes her mind, Reece," said Marie.

And he did. 90 days later, they were divorced.

Her brother and sister helped move the rest of Hannah's belongings from the apartment. Reece insisted they took the wedding album with them. He didn't want it.

After giving the matter some thought Reece decided that he would start therapy.

The therapist, a tall woman in her late 40s, called Donna Smith, heard Reece's story. She allowed him to go through the whole sorry tale until he wound down, happy to have gotten the whole ugly story out to someone else in its entirety.

Donna said: "That's nasty, Reece. You've been through a lot. What do you want, now, after the divorce?"

He shrugged and said: "Ideally I'd like Doc Brown and Marty McFly to take me back a year so I could punch Gary in the face and sweep Hannah off her feet, again, but time travel's fiction and that's not going to happen."

"True," said the therapist. "Okay, let's try a different angle, a new approach. Tell me all about how you two met."

Over the next several months he began unpicking his entire relationship with Hannah. How they met, their dates, their relationship.

As she teased the facts out Donna realised she probably wouldn't have much liked Hannah as a person.

Keeping in mind that nobody wants to be a villain in their own life story, she allowed for Reece's recollections to be viewed through the soft filter that people use in order to protect themselves, but she still thought Hannah was at least 90% to blame for what had happened.

"Reece," she said, "from what you have told me you treated Hannah like a princess or even a queen. I'm wondering if that affected how she saw you, how she saw married life?"

Reece shrugged, thought for a few seconds and replied: "That's possible, I guess. Was her leaving me for Gary my fault, do you think?"

"Oh, hell no, Reece. Everything that happened was a series of purposeful but wrong decisions that she took. The talks in the workplace, the cosy little coffee breaks, the lunches, the evening meals that she lied about when she told you she was working late, at each stage she could have said 'No, Gary! We must stop. I'm a married woman, you have a fiancée.' She could have changed departments or even changed jobs. But she didn't because she was selfish."

"Do you think she's a narcissist?" Reece asked.

"No, that term's used too freely these days. She's not a narcissist, but maybe a spoiled brat?" She gave him a smile as she said that.

Reece nodded, saying: "She did have a cushioned upbringing; that's true enough. Maybe I didn't help much, either?"

Donna shook her head. "Don't do that to yourself, Reece. What she did was all on her. Remember, if you are walking on a path and you don't think you're going to like the final destination, that it's somewhere dangerous, bad for you or bad for other people you're responsible for, you just turn around and head back to safety. She wasn't wise enough to do that, but you are the one suffering as a result."

Donna gave Reece some homework, including a couple of self-help books she'd written and some apps that were based on her books. Combined with her therapy sessions they helped him a great deal.

At month five, Donna suggested that he needed no more therapy sessions but that if he ever felt the need for more help her door was always open.

A while later Reece started getting emails from Hannah. They asked if he was eating well, if he was getting out and enjoying himself, if he was dating anyone, had he got therapy, if he was taking his medication and if he was keeping up with his blood pressure monitoring appointments with his Doctor?

Although the emails were apparently couched in ways to be helpful, as if from a loving friend, they upset Reece. He phoned Donna for a teleconsultation about the emails. "I think it's bizarre," he said. "Why is she bothering about my eating, if I'm taking my meds, visiting the doctor or if I'm going out or dating?"

Donna, having allowed him to get his feelings out said: "She probably still cares about you to one degree or another. Maybe a touch of buyer's remorse? Wanting to prove to herself that she isn't a bad person? How do the emails make you feel, Reece?"

"They are upsetting me, to be honest. I'm just about getting over her and what she did to me and then there's another damn email which sets me back in my recovery."

"Next time she emails you, reply and tell her how bad they make you feel and why that's so."

He did exactly that when he received another email from Hannah. Within 30 minutes he received a reply from her. It was full of contrition.

She told him she had only ever been thinking of his welfare because she did, no matter what he might have thought, still have loving feelings for him even though she was now married to another man. She had not realised the pain her thoughtless but well-meaning emails were causing him. She promised never to email him again. And she didn't.

Reece's life continued. He worked at his business interests, but as this involved mainly working from home, he didn't have the distractions of having to bother himself with face-to-face interactions with employees and colleagues.

He bought himself a treadmill to keep his weight down and groceries were delivered to his apartment courtesy of Amazon Prime. He rarely went out, preferring his own company. Was there a risk that he'd turn into a curmudgeonly, crusty old bachelor? What if he did? It's not as if there was anyone else to care, he reasoned.

Sometimes he would take a break from work and he would have a cup of coffee, sometimes with a Danish at a coffee shop a block from the apartment.

It was during one of these rare breaks from work when he met someone who he regarded as a good acquaintance if not a friend, as she, Clare, had been more of a friend of Hannah.

"Hi, Reece! It's good to see you. I haven't seen you in ages," said Clare as they snagged a table to share their coffees.

"Hi, Clare, That's true. It's good to see you, too."

"Do you get out much?"

"Not really. I'm not looking to date. After all, as the monster in the musical called Avenue Q says: "The Internet is for porn" so that's my love life covered."

Clare wasn't sure if Reece was joking or being to any degree serious, so she took the safe route of ignoring what he had said.

In an attempt to change the subject, she said the first thing that came into her head. "Have you heard the news about Hannah?"

As soon as she said it, she noticed the expression on his face change, she realised she had put her foot in it, that he didn't know anything about the situation regarding Hannah. But due to her faux pas, she'd have to say something.

"I hadn't heard any news about Hannah. Is she okay?" he asked.

"Not really. The thing is she is in the cancer unit at the City Hospital and she's not got long to live,. Weeks if that," Clare said.

"Oh, that's dreadful. How's Gary taking it?"

Donna's expression changed, instantly. "That piece of shit, as soon as the diagnosis was confirmed as terminal cancer the bastard took half of the money in their bank accounts and fucked off to who knows where!"

Reece said: "What a fucking bastard! So he left her when she needed him most?"

Donna nodded and said: "She's been feeling pretty low of late. In fact, she said to her mom and dad that if she'd not let you go if she'd have developed cancer you'd have been there with her every step of the way."

He nodded. He'd presumed since the implosion of their marriage that if he heard news of anything bad happening to Hannah that he'd have experienced at least some schadenfreude, but the news of her having terminal cancer didn't give him even the minimal level of schadenfreude. All it did was make him feel sick with worry and extremely sad.

As they finished their drinks and prepared to leave Donna touched his arm and said: "I hope I'm not speaking out of turn, but maybe you should consider visiting her in the hospital? I'm sure she'd like that."

They hugged their goodbyes and when he got home Reece felt as if he'd been hit in the chest.

He went on to an Internet sub-group that specialised in troubled relationships and laid out his entire story. As he was a regular user of another but professional part of the site, he created a throwaway account to hide his usual account, which was known to people who knew him.

After thirty minutes he was glad he'd not used his regular account, because he'd been slated as AI Slop, a bot, a creative writing student or a troll. Others, however, declared him to be a simp because he should have beaten both Mary and Nigel. (He'd used fake names for himself and for Hannah and Gary and was glad he had.

Eventually someone with what Reece assumed was a randomly generated username intervened in the thread, saying: "You'll get no sense out of these idiots, welcome to Hivemind Corner. The denizens of this particular sub-group offer advice on relationships, divorce, how to deal with cheaters and the more esoteric problems like yours. Anyone offering you sensible suggestions will be drowned out in all the noise. My suggestion is visit Relationship Matters. Google it as this site won't allow URL sharing here."

Within two minutes of that helpful intervention that post was deleted and his thread locked for reasons that would have made sense to the basement dwelling dweeboidal freak who was monitoring that forum, but not to anyone else.

Luckily, Reece had taken a screenshot and was soon on the Relationship Matters website. He registered and he explored the site, eventually deciding to post his story in General Relationship Traumas.

Reece had copied his original post, so he was able to paste that into a post on the site. He found the reaction of the other users to be much more nuanced than on the other site.

Some doubted his veracity, others opined that Hannah had made her bed so must lie in it. The majority told him that he should do as his conscience directed him.

He found two members of the forum, using the user names HurtDude and BritishMan, to be of very great help. They not only gave him useful advice, they sort of did a comedy duo act that actually made him smile for the first time in a long time.

The consensus was that if he was okay with visiting her in the hospital that he should go, but that he should clear it with her parents first.

The next morning, he scrolled through the contacts list on his phone and was grateful to his earlier self for not having deleted the phone number for Susan, Hannah's mother. "Susan, it's me, Reece, Hannah's ex-husband. I was having coffee with a mutual friend, and they told me Hannah is sick in hospital. Is that so?"

"Oh, Reece! It's so good to hear from you! Yes, Hannah is really sick. It's cancer and it's terminal. We don't expect her to last until the end of the month."

"Susan, I'm so sorry to learn that. I phoned you up to ask if you wouldn't mind me visiting her in the hospital, if that would be acceptable, please?"

"Oh! Reece! That would be lovely. Please do. I don't know if you're aware, but that piece of shit Gary ran off with half of their money when he learned Hannah was seriously ill."

"Yeah, I heard that. Some people can't cope with illness," Reece said.

"You'd have stood by her side, no matter what. I told her not to divorce you," Susan said.

Reece sighed "That's true, but not everyone's the same."

They chatted for several minutes, and they established that Reece could visit Hannah later that evening.

When they ended the call, Reece heard Susan crying. That upset him as he had always had fond feelings for Susan.

At 6PM, he found himself in the cancer ward at the City Hospital and a nurse guided him to the individual room where Hannah was being kept comfortable during the last weeks of her life, lying still and breathing quietly, her eyes closed.

He walked to the bed and sat down at the seat by the head of the bed. He looked at her and said: "Hi, Hannah. It's me, Reece, I've come to visit you."

Suddenly tears leaked from her eyes. "Don't cry, Hannah. Please don't cry. I'm here now."

He took her right hand in his left hand and was thrilled when he felt her gently squeeze his hand.

"I forgave you a long time ago, Hannah. Pity we didn't make a go of things, but we don't always get what we want out of life. If you're wondering, I'm not dating anyone as I haven't met a woman to match you. Well, at least, not yet. I heard what Gary did. Still, you can't blame someone for showing their true colors and running away when the going gets tough."

Eventually the same nurse came in and reminded Reece that it was time for visiting to end. He stood up, gave Hannah a kiss on her dry lips, let go of her hand and said: "Goodbye, Hannah. I love you."

The nurse moistened Hannah's lips and motioned to Reece to follow her out of the room. "Hannah's mom told me her ex-husband would be visiting her today. I'm so glad you could come visit her, especially seeing how her husband abandoned her and ran off with the money."

Reece nodded and thanked the nurse for looking after Hannah. He left the hospital and when back at the apartment his stoical resolve fled him and, for the first time since Hannah told him about Gary, he sobbed his heart out for everything that had befallen him and also Hannah.

A week later Hannah died and Reece was invited to the family only funeral. Gary had sent a crappy floral tribute, though nobody was sure how he had been aware that Hannah had died. Susan dumped the flowers in the trash.

He booked several therapy sessions with Donna and realised that it was time for him to move on, to take up some hobbies, get out of his apartment more and start dating. He also hung out on the relationship website, deciding to pay it forward and offer other hurting people the kind of helpful advice he had received.

He became specially friendly with HurtDude and BritishMan, who both seemed to have a pretty good grip on relationship issues, having both been through the mill themselves.