Open House Ch. 06

This question catches me off guard. Why is the obvious answer not no? Why am I frozen now, processing the thoughts of allowing this beautiful woman to meet with my husband? And what does that even mean? He has a wife. So his meeting her is about... lust. A crazy thought enters my mind - can I blame him? Tina is strikingly beautiful and a master of conversation. Of course he wants her. I want... Wait. What am I saying?

"I think... um... I think I should just ask him, ya' know? I mean maybe we've got this all wrong?"

"Becca--"

"He could just be... I don't know, flirting and--"

"Becca!"

I lock eyes with Tina.

"He told me about you." She says, leaning in to me. "He told me he was married."

I feel so isolated right now. Like I'm being left stranded and alone. Looking into Tina's eyes warms me with a strange comfort. I think how if I could just stay locked in her gaze maybe my problems would just evaporate.

"Becca, he wants an affair."

"Then I want to know. I want to know if he will really meet you behind my back."

"I don't think you're understanding. He doesn't want to meet me to talk sports."

I stare at her for a moment, in total disbelief at how naive I am. He's married, so of course he doesn't have time to drag out a romance. He wants to, um... get right to the point. "So then you can meet him somewhere, and then just decline to sleep with him, right?"

"Yes, and then he can deny that anything was going on."

"What are you saying Tina? You wouldn't actually sleep with him would you? I mean he's still my husband."

"Becca, I'm giving that choice to you. So the bigger question is... if he fucks me is he still your husband?

The words leave Tina's mouth and ignite images in my mind of John having sex with Tina. I have experienced John's lust and now cannot help but envision him pleasuring Tina to quench his own physical desire. The images excite me in a way I have never experienced before. I am stuck in Tina's eyes, still processing her question. And again I find myself not saying no. We have a history. Things are not right with us, but it's mostly about being, I don't know - stuck. Being at a mundane point in our lives where everything seems hard. And we've just gotten so comfortable with each other that we've just begun to treat everyday as business as usual. I can't believe I'm saying this, but... maybe Tina is just what John needs. But as I fall deeper into her eyes I wonder - could he be with Tina and ever love me again as deeply as he once did? I want to reject all of this, but I am lost in the strange soup of emotions that swirls through me.

"I'm going to reply to him" Tina says, picking up her phone.

I stare at her in silence.

Tina talks as she types, "W-h-e-r-e?"

My stomach falls out of my body as I sit in anticipation. Tina turns and stares at me in silence, but I am in a trance, anxiously anticipating his reply. I cannot see Tina's screen, but instead her reaction to what she sees. Tina is drawn back to her phone and with a raised eyebrow says, "Hmm. Well that answers that question."

"Where did he say?" I implore.

"It's a hotel lounge."

"Which one?" I ask as places we have been through the years race through my mind.

The waiter unintentionally interrupts, "May I clear these plates?"

Tina bites her lip as she turns to me and shakes her head, no. She's not going to tell me.

"Oh, yes please. Thank you." I say, breaking away.

"What else might I bring for you?" the waiter asks.

"The check will be--" I try to answer but Tina interjects.

"Two more wines if you please!"

"Tina I'm not sure--" I try, but again...

Tina, looking to the waiter, "Is it time for us to leave?"

"Of course not madame. You are welcome as long as you like."

"In that case another wine sounds wise don't you think?" Tina says with a sarcastic flourish.

"Immediately madame." the waiter quips and before I realize it, new glasses appear and the night has seemingly been restarted.

Something significant has just changed in this moment. Tina has now become something completely new and foreign to me. I search over her with my eyes as she sits observing me - allowing me to indulge myself. It's as if she knows what I'm thinking. I've just opened my marriage to her and am about to share my husband with her. And now I cannot stop taking in every ounce of her being as if doing so might reconcile the conflict I feel. I cannot explain it but the night is suddenly not about John, but instead... Tina.

Tina, empathically, reads me like a book. She leans in close again and whispers to me. "Now remember what I said. I'm going to need you to stay with me through this and not go all dramatic or turn into some dark psycho chic."

Her breath caresses my lips. Tina's physical closeness amplifies the emotional connection I feel.

I look away, self evaluating. Maintaining the close whisper I say in breaths. "I know. I won't."

"How do I know you won't?" Tina whispers, the sweet smell of wine on her breath.

"Well, I told you I won't. I don't know what else you want me to say."

Tina's eyes burn into me as I continually look away, struggling to match her.

"I have a question. Will you answer truthfully... without hesitating?"

"Yes, I guess so. What is it?" I say with a puzzled look.

"You guess so, or yes you will?"

I huff, "Yes. I will."

Tina uncrosses her legs and leans even closer to me, placing her hand over top of mine on the table. I almost expect her to kiss me, but she instead leans to my ear. Then in a soft warm voice I hear, "Did you like it when I called you a good girl?"

I'm instantly drawn to Tina's eye's, attempting to find her motive. But I feel myself flush and immediately look down. A discreet smile creeps across my face as I try to hide my loss of self control.

"You're hesitating," she says.

Without looking at her I reply, "Yes."

"Sorry, what?"

I don't know what she's doing but she's touched something in me. I've never felt like this before and there's... I don't know. There's something between us that I crave time to understand. What am I hiding then? Why can't I just say what I want to say? I'm committed. I look up and turn to meet Tina's eyes. "Yes... I liked it."

Tina smiles and mercifully releases me from her gaze, turning instead to my cheek, then down the nape of my neck. She makes her way down my body and then silently returns to my eyes. As I watch Tina opens her small clutch purse and retrieves a safety pin. Methodically she opens the pin and bends it so that it stays open. Then she moves it over the candle in the center of our table and heats it in the light.

"What's that?" I ask.

Tina turns the pin to hand it to me and says, "It's how I'm gonna know you'll stay with me."

"I don't understand."

Tina places her hand palm-up on the table. Then with her other hand she points to the tip of her middle finger and says, "Prick me."

"What? Why? I can't do that."

"But you said you could."

"No I didn't. I said I wouldn't freak out--"

"But you are freaking out."

And now I get it. She's showing me that the moment I question something I turn inwards and lose the ability to perform. I've shown Tina that I trust her, but how can she trust me if I cannot do the simplest of things without question?

"But I might hurt you."

"Yes, you will. I'm quite certain of it."

I look into her eyes trying to understand.

"Becca, think about what we have discussed tonight. Then look at me and decide."

I look into the distance and suddenly feel the pang of betrayal as my mind depicts John and our life together. I see our daily routines playing out and I wonder where we went wrong. Then the images return of John with Tina. I see their lust being acted out and imagine the passion they share. I turn my gaze back to Tina and look her in the eyes. She sits quietly and vulnerable, searching my face for a clue to my thoughts. Then, almost mechanically I place my hand over hers and force her hand flat to the table. I am momentarily taken by my control of her delicate form and the softness of her skin under the force of my hand. But I quickly refocus and take the pin straight to her fingertip, piercing it decisively.

Tina gasps. But remains silent as she watches me slowly release her. A tiny jewel of bright red blood emerges onto her fingertip and we both find ourselves momentarily lost in thought as we stare at it.

What have I done? I surprised myself, but more troubling is... why did I enjoy that?

Tina slowly lifts her hand to more closely observe it. I watch as her scowl of scrutiny turns to a smile of contentment as she realizes what I have done. We again make eye contact and she slides forward in her chair, moving ever so close to me.

My eyes dart back and forth between Tina's face and the tiny red pearl she holds before it.

"Now suck it." Tina turns her hand, angling her middle finger just so I might take it into my mouth.

I'm stunned and stare desperately at Tina, both trying to understand her wishes and at the same time the crazy jolt of arousal that I cannot explain. I look again at her soft hands, with her beautiful fingers gracefully poised in front of me. I look away - around the restaurant - to see who spies on us, but no one seems aware of the drama unfolding. No one can detect the fire inside of me pushing me to, well... to act without question. I freeze in conflict, my eyes locked on her fingertip until...

"Open!"

And with that my mouth instantly opens, and Tina gently places her finger inside of my mouth. I taste the blood on her fingertip and without thinking close my mouth to suck. I use my tongue to search the softness of her skin and realize my eyes are now closed. My arousal has grown into a fever and I instinctively reach up to hold her wrist, pulling her hand into me. For several seconds I become lost in a strange ecstasy, not of my own choosing. I hold tight to Tina's wrist, now with both hands and allow myself to suck her finger without any concern for onlookers or implications. I am at peak elation, and just when I think the feeling could not escalate any more, I hear the warm purr of Tina's voice say,

"Good girl."