I'll Hug Olivia

A note about Running From Danger, the story I published before this one. As I planned the storyline, I carefully laid the foundation for that unsatisfying, even jarring ending. This was no attempt to inject a little controversy or loss as an afterthought. Nor, do I believe, was it needless.

One of the comments asked why I didn't kill off the first wife, because she was the evil one. The answer is Matthew 5:45: "he maketh his sun to rise on the evil and on the good, and sendeth rain on the just and on the unjust." Killing off only the bad, while rescuing all the good might be a world we prefer, but it is not the one we have.

The question any reader should ask was why I included that death; what was I saying? I set out the facts and left it to the reader to fill in the blanks. Some got it.

The title of the story included the word, "danger." Based on his prior experience in criminal law, Josh easily recognized the danger to which Heather carelessly exposed herself. He warned her and agreed to run with her, and that launched their romance. Before that, however, there was one day he didn't see her running. That worried him.

I introduced Kate, with her wonderful sense of humor. The most fun I had writing this story was her banter with Josh. He was there several times and got to know her better, and was thrilled when she announced she was engaged. She was going to have the same joy he and Heather had found.

I chose to have Kate die to make several points. Josh saw Heather's risk, but failed to perceive Kate's. Was this also going to be an unsolved crime, leaving behind a grieving father and a fiancé? (And yes, the single 'e' is correct for a male.)

Kate's death demonstrated how fickle life can be. Surely the risk Heather took was greater than Kate's, but Heather lived and Kate died. Ultimately, there is no satisfactory answer to the one great question: Why?

Josh and Heather chose to remind themselves of their great good fortune by honoring Kate every year with Kate's favorite flowers.

Thank you for including your comments!

Now, on to this story, one that begins with Dan and Madison, childhood friends.

-- (--) --

I think it was during my senior year of high school when I approached a girl who lived around the corner from me. We had been friends for a couple of years, so I asked her to go out with me. She simply said "no" and walked away.

That was over fifty years ago, but the memory inspired this story.

-- (--) --

I'll Hug Olivia

I spent most of my junior year in high school wanting to ask Madison Tippets to go out with me. I was down to the third week of April and five weeks left. Then one day, the stars aligned.

It was during a class period, and my teacher asked me to go get something at the library. On my way back, I saw Madison walking toward me. There was no one else around. It was now or never.

I smiled. "Hey, Madison. How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Good. Hey, would you go out with me on Friday? Maybe go see Toy Story 2."

"No, Dan. See you later."

The only good thing about what happened was there was no one to see my humiliation.

That rejection was about as cold as possible. No line about having another date or having seen the movie. Just a no from my oldest friend and she moved on.

-- (--) --

I suffered through a miserable senior year. Every time I saw Madison, and I saw her a lot, I relived my humiliation. To make things worse, she lived four houses down the street from us. Our moms were close friends who often had lunch together. Worst of all, Mom kept pestering me to date Madison.

I couldn't even tell Mom I had tried.

Now and then I relived that rejection in a dream. I wouldn't call it a nightmare, but it still hurt.

-- (--) --

I got accepted to Louisiana State University (LSU), where I wanted to study civil engineering. My goal was to design highways and bridges. I loved LSU, both the classes and campus life. The football games were incredible, and I usually had a date. Cute southern girls were all over. I dated a surprising amount, but I was never serious about anyone. I still had a thing for Madison, as irrational as that was.

The thing was, Madison was cuter. More personality. I knew that because we went through grade school together, back when her family came over and partied with us in our pool. She and I were best friends back then, but later, for some reason, we drifted apart.

-- (--) --

During my senior year at LSU, I had multiple job offers. I had worked my butt off to be the top student in CE graduating that year. Ironically, one of the best offers came from my home state, and my family lived in the capital city, so I moved home while I looked for a condo.

I was sitting in the family room one evening, watching Monday Night Football. My parents had met another couple for dinner somewhere, so I had the house to myself. The 49ers were playing the Bears, and the score was tied with just under 2 minutes left. San Francisco was driving and only needed about 20 yards to be within field goal range.

I couldn't sit. I stood and paced the room, then sat again. I lectured the coach, then shouted at the players. I yelled at the officials and screamed at the quarterback who failed to see that his tight end was wide open. It was 3rd and long for a first down.

The doorbell rang.

"Damn!"

Reluctantly, I went to the door. Whoever it was, I had to get rid of them quickly. I yanked open the door.

It was Madison, crying.

My kryptonite.

"Hi, Mads. It's been a long time. Want to come in?"

She nodded, still wiping away tears.

We walked into the family room. I saw that time had expired and the game was going to overtime. I turned it off.

I sat on the sofa, a couple of feet away from Madison, and looked at her.

She didn't say anything. Too emotional.

I waited. Damned if I was going to say anything just to get chopped down again.

"Remember when we were in 6th grade? You were my best friend, Dan. You were Danny then."

I waited.

"Those were good days. I'm not sure why we grew apart. Junior high and all its weirdness, I guess."

"And then we were juniors." My first contribution to advance our "talk." Get right to the moment that still hurt.

"Our junior year. Yeah. Not my finest moment ... actually my worst year."

There was a long silence.

"Dan, do you remember Drew Boyles?"

"All-state in football and basketball. Yeah, whatever happened to him?"

"You mean after he got me pregnant?"

Hit me over the head! For the first time since I sat down, maybe the first time since April of our junior year, I felt compassion for her.

"Was that ...?"

"Just a few days before you asked me out, I learned I was pregnant."

"Madison, would you like something to drink?"

"I'd like some water. That's all."

I went and got us each a glass of water and then sat a little closer to her.

"Dan, the day you asked me out I was embarrassed and terrified and didn't know what I was going to do, but I couldn't tell you."

"I don't remember you being pregnant."

Madison started crying again.

"I had an abortion."

"Is that why you avoided me our senior year?"

"I couldn't explain to you what had happened and didn't want you to be disappointed in me."

"Disappointed in you? So, what happened to Drew?"

"He made it clear he wouldn't marry me and told me to 'get rid of it.' That's what I did, and after that, Drew wanted nothing to do with me."

"Madison, I feel terrible about what you went through."

"I've thought about you ever since that day. I've wished hundreds of times I could go back in time and confide in you as my friend."

"How did we lose that?"

"I wish we hadn't, but today is more important. Can we start again? I mean start as if it was almost six years ago and we get to have that day in our junior year over again?"

"A mulligan?"

Madison smiled and reached out for my hand.

"I think you wanted to ask me something."

"Wait a minute, Madison. I like your idea, but we hardly know each other now."

"Isn't that one reason for going on a date? To get to know each other?"

I stood in front of Madison, who also stood, facing me.

"Madison, may I cook dinner for you tomorrow night? Here, at our house?"

She reached out and slipped her hand in mine.

"I'd love that. Do you want to dress up and have a candlelight dinner?"

"I like the idea of that, but mostly I want us to have plenty of time to talk. There's a lot we need to catch up on."

"Can I bring a tossed salad?"

"Good idea. Mom has taught me a lot about cooking, so I manage main dishes well. I just drop the ball when it comes to full meals. How about if we plan on you coming over at 6? No, wait. I'd like to pick you up to emphasize this is a date, not just two neighbors getting together for dinner."

I could see there were tears forming in her eyes.

"That's sweet, Dan. I'll be ready at 6."

-- (--) --

"Mom, Madison came over tonight."

"Oh? What did she say?"

"She explained why she was so abrupt with me when I asked her out."

"She told you about Drew?"

"You knew? Why didn't you tell me?"

"It wasn't my story to tell, Dan. Did she tell you what happened?"

"The abortion? Yeah."

"How do you feel about it?"

"My heart went out to her. I wish she had confided in me. I would have been there to help her through it."

"She should have, but she was too embarrassed. Her mother told me she cried for days after saying no to you. It's taken her this long to be able to tell you. You probably sense this, but the most important advice I can give you is to show her kindness, not judgment."

-- (--) --

Mom and Dad decided to go out on a date so Madison and I would be alone for dinner and to talk. I bought a small cross rib roast and had it in the oven with a digital thermometer set for medium rare.

I'm not good at doing anything creative for vegetables, so Mom helped me with a cooked carrot recipe she liked. Once that was done, she and Dad cleared out.

The whole house was filled with the delicious smell of dinner cooking when I pulled out of the driveway, on my way four houses away to pick up my date.

Her mother, Ruth, answered the door and gave me a kiss on the cheek, then called for Madison to come down. I watched her walk down the stairs and decided she had never looked more beautiful. She was smiling from ear to ear and came and kissed my cheek, then whispered in my ear.

"You are incredibly handsome in a suit, Dan."

"If we were going out in public, all eyes would be on you. I'm convinced you've gotten more beautiful since high school. I brought you some flowers, so maybe your mother can put these in water for you."

I had known Madison for many years, but I had never seen her smiling more genuinely than at that moment.

I drove around a couple of blocks to make the drive last longer, and she mocked me for getting lost. I insisted she remain seated until I opened her door, and we walked into the house.

She put the salad on the table, and I found the large utensils we used for serving. I lit the candles and turned out the room lighting, and then held the chair while Madison sat.

I plated the food and brought it out. There were tears in Madison's eyes, which didn't help my composure. I sat and reached over to take her hand.

"I know we have a lot we want to talk about tonight, but let's enjoy dinner first. Before you ask, you're not allowed to help clean up."

I took a bite of Mom's carrots and knew this would be a success. The roast beef was sliced thinly and served with a baked potato. Madison kept complimenting me on the food, so I finally confessed the carrots were done by my mother.

"Every great chef has a talented sous chef," she said.

Dinner was wonderful, and I simply stacked the dishes in the kitchen. Something I would take care of later.

Madison and I sat on the sofa, and she leaned against me. I put my arm around her.

"I suppose my story is easier, so I'll start. After graduation, I got a scholarship to study civil engineering at LSU. By graduation, I was first in my class in civil engineering, so if your family ever wants an eight-lane bridge or freeway in the backyard, I'm your guy."

Madison laughed over that image. "I think I'd rather have a pool like yours."

"I dated a lot but never got serious about anyone. I was consciously aware at times I compared other girls to you, but I suspect it was consistent even when I wasn't aware of it. It wasn't that you were the one that got away; it was this feeling our friendship was incomplete."

"I've felt that as well, Dan. All right, my story now. After graduation, I just wanted to get away from here. I didn't want to drive by your house and remember hurting you. I applied to a few places, and got a scholarship offer from Colorado State.

"I was one of those who went to college having no idea what to put down as my major. I chose 'undecided.' I figured that's what general ed is for, right? Of course, I'm not at all surprised to learn you knew from day one what you wanted to study.

"I eventually chose architecture, so if you build the freeway, I'll design the destination. I really should get a master's degree, but for now, I found a job with the largest firm in the city, so I'm getting exposure to a variety of great projects, along with some that are more mundane. A couple of weeks ago, I designed a bathroom for a planned city park."

"Are you solving the lines for the women's side? I mean, pointers are quicker than sitters."

Madison laughed out loud over that and swore she would use it when she introduced her plans.

"I insisted on twice as many stalls as on the men's side, I mean twice as many as the combined totals of urinals and toilets.... Sorry. I can't believe after hoping for over five years to see you again that I'm talking about urinals and toilets."

"I get it. Can I interest you in a description of basic freeway interchange designs?"

"I think we're avoiding other topics."

I nodded but waited. This needed to be her moment.

She took a deep breath.

"I told you a little about Drew, but I need to start earlier. Maybe junior high. You and I had been close before about 8th grade. You said we drifted apart, but it was more than that. I got snobbish about status. Looking back, that seems extremely odd in the context of junior high, but it mattered deeply at the time.

"I was a cheerleader and loved hanging out with athletes. I pulled away from you because you were studious, not an athlete. I was so shallow."

She was crying and had to pause there.

"Can I get you something to drink? I have water, sparkling water, Coke and Sprite."

"Sparking water, please. Thank you, Danny ... sorry, Dan."

I got her drink and a glass of Coke on ice for me. I needed the hard stuff.

"Dan, I'm embarrassed now for how I behaved in junior high, but I didn't get any better in high school, and that got me into trouble. Drew wasn't the first I went to bed with, but the second. I hated myself for those choices and thought about you. I wanted to reach out to you, because I knew I needed that healthy friendship again. I know there was a part of me that hoped it might be more than friendship.

"Then I missed my period and I was terrified. I saw you one day from a distance and wanted to confide in you and seek your loving friendship again, but I was too embarrassed to tell you. Ironically, it was just a couple of days later when we met in that empty hallway and all I could do was say no."

She turned and put her face on my chest ... and sobbed. I knew I needed to be quiet and allow her to work through her story, but my heart went out to her in that moment. I felt her pain in some way I would never be able to explain to myself or anyone else.

Finally, she continued.

"I was such a fool. Instead of turning to the one person who had been a better friend than any other, I ran. I avoided you for that painful senior year, I was carrying the guilt of what I'd done and what I'd done to you, and all I could think of was getting away from here. Getting away from you. I never wanted to tell you these things."

"Why?"

"Isn't it obvious? I was too embarrassed and angry with myself for how I had turned away from you in the moment I needed you most, and I had hurt you."

"Why are you here now?"

She lifted up her head and looked into my eyes through her tears. There was another pause.

"Dan, I realized this last year that I've loved you since we were about 10 years old. I was the one who chased after stupid things, but I still loved you. I wondered whether you could ever love me again."

Neither of us spoke for an eternity. At least, that's how it seemed. In reality, that pause only lasted fifteen or twenty seconds.

"Madison, I'm not sure we loved each other back then. What we had wasn't romantic love, but it was a genuine friendship, so that day when I saw you in the hallway, I was thrilled. I had been thinking about you that whole school year. Maybe even longer. Usually, when I saw you, it was when there were guys around you, but that day, there you were. Alone."

"You asked me to go see Toy Story 2 with you."

"You remember that?"

"I've still never seen it. I knew I couldn't watch it without feeling pain. Yours and mine. Maybe you and I should watch it together now."

"After you turned me down, I was hurt. We had been close friends, and you turned me down abruptly, with no explanation. Several times over the next couple of years, that scene played out again in dreams I had.

"I'm telling you this not to cause you pain, but to explain why I never allowed myself to think about my feelings for you. After all, I didn't dare act on such feelings and try asking you out again. I didn't need a second bite of that apple.

"However, this tale may have a happy ending. You and I are here, sitting on this sofa together, against all odds. I'm thrilled you stood outside my door yesterday and rang the doorbell. That took amazing courage."

Madison put her arm across me and hugged me. When she lifted her head she was smiling through tears.

"Dan, since that day when you tried to ask me out, I've dreamed that someday you would kiss me."

I lifted her head and our lips met.

-- (--) --

That wonderful dinner, and all that followed as we sat on the sofa, were the start of a renewed love affair. She got reacquainted with the pool in our backyard, and I got accustomed to staying in the water to hide a massive erection that resulted from seeing Madison in her tiny bikini.

We were hot for each other, but we had agreed on something early. She had been used, twice, by men who pretended to love her, but who just wanted to bed her. The second of those led to a shattering experience of dealing with an unwanted pregnancy and deciding to end the life of that fetus.

As we talked about that one night, during another tearful talk, I held her in my arms and we talked about children.

Yes, we both wanted them. No, we weren't sure how many.

I told her I never wanted her to think I was there just for conquest. I asked her to wait, with me, until we committed our lives to each other.

We streamed Toy Story 2 together. Actually, we watched both of the Toy Story movies, and laughed through them.

We were both still living at home. I had planned to buy a condo, and I had a large down payment ready, but I explained to my parents that I thought Madison and I would marry, and our first home should be one we bought together.

During the period of several months, I worked on a major expansion of one of the beltway roads that circled our capital. We had approved a proposal that our legislature agreed to fund to begin the first phase, which would result in an added lane for six miles, and three overpasses to eliminate traffic lights. I worked on the widening part, which included exits before the overpasses and on-ramps after.

That project neared the end of the planning phase, and I felt I had a life again. I had apologized many times to Madison for having to work some long days and to cancel a few dates.

That was the excuse I gave when I asked her to go to dinner with me and celebrate the completion of that project. I had in mind the completion of another project that had been under construction: our love and future together.

I chose a high-end restaurant, an expensive place featuring Mediterranean fusion that had recently been awarded a Michelin star. I told Madison I would wear a suit and suggested she choose something appropriate.

When I drove four doors away to pick her up for our special date, I gave her two dozen red roses. She wore an incredibly sexy black dress, one of those that treated me to a view of her breasts and her legs.

As we drove, she turned and asked, "Is tonight really about an extra lane of road?"

"Don't forget the three overpasses, dear. Thousands of drivers will rejoice at the improvements that are coming."

She simply smiled. Her expression suggested she doubted my answer.

The food that night was amazing. Both of us talked about the wonderful flavors, the interesting influences of multiple cultures. Although I was incredibly nervous inside, she told me later I had successfully persuaded her I had nothing else planned.

"Dear, did you save room for dessert?"

She rolled her eyes and shook her head.

I handed back the dessert menu to our waiter and reached out to hold Madison's hand.

"I'm here tonight to mark the close of a silly highway project and to invite you to join me on something more meaningful."

I knelt at her side and watched her eyes fill with tears as I held a ring.

"Madison, although we didn't know about romantic love then, I loved you as my best friend when I was in grade school. Now, we both know this love we share is genuine and lasting. Will you marry me?"

She nodded her head and continued to wipe away tears as I slipped the ring on her finger. A waiter had been standing nearby and appeared now to place glasses in front of us and pour the champagne I had ordered for us to celebrate our decision to marry.

I opened the door for her to get into the car, but when I got in, she came across the gap between us, leaning over the center console, and kissed me.

"I hoped you would propose, but you had me totally fooled by all your talk about that damned road! I love you so much, Dan. Let's go see my parents."

Madison didn't know I had lunch with Jim the week before, so he knew what was coming. I didn't know whether he had tipped off Ruth.

When we walked in the door, Madison called out to her parents. They were back in the family room, streaming something.

Madison held up her hand and Ruth screamed and came to see her ring. Jim shook my hand and put his arm around me.

Ruth asked us when we planned to marry. We just looked at each other and laughed.

"Ruth, I think it's TBA."

My parents had the same question, but my answer wasn't good enough for Mom. She got out the calendar, and we decided on May 5th, a Saturday.

When we pulled out of the driveway, Madison asked me to drive to the park.

We got out and walked, then sat together on a bench.

"Dan, can we talk about a honeymoon?"

"Location or sex?"

We both laughed. The desire we felt for each other was immense.

I asked her what her dream destination was.

"Paris. Walking along the Seine on a warm evening. Going back to our hotel to make love. Showering together."

"You're driving me crazy, but you know that, right?"

She smiled and we kissed.

"Dan, I know we both want children. I'd rather not wait. I need to replace bad memories with joyous ones. Does that make sense?"

"It does. Let's make that a priority. I haven't asked whether you're on birth control."

"I have been, but I'm stopping now. Is that ok?"

"A honeymoon baby made in Paris?"

"I'd like that."

"Madison, there is something else we need to shop for: a home."

"A home?"

"I have money for a down payment. I had planned to buy a condo before this, but I was thinking as a single guy. I've saved even more money now, so maybe we should look for a house as our first home. One with a yard for our children to play in."

"I'd like that. That's so sweet of you wait to make that decision with me, and I have some money I've saved as well."

"Dad is friends with an excellent real estate agent. I'll set up an appointment to meet with him this next week, so we can start looking."

My arm was around her shoulders, and she rested her head on my chest. We sat like that for about 10 minutes, and then I drove her home.

-- (--) --

Madison came over the next day, and we sat next to the pool, talking about our plans for the future. I had to concentrate, because Madison wore a bikini I had not seen previously, and I could hardly take my eyes off of her breasts.

I knew she saw, so I apologized.

"Dan, I don't mind that you get hard every time you see me. That's probably a good sign."

I sat there pondering that.

"Babe, I'm not sure anyone knows how he or she is perceived by others, especially someone of the other gender. We focus on the wrong things when we look at ourselves."

"I think you're right. When I look in the mirror, I see thighs that are a little heavier than I think they should be. I think one boob is a little bigger than the other. Oh, I also have weird looking toes. What do you see when you look at me?"

"I'm a guy, so naturally I see your beauty and how sexy you are, but I've known you a long time, so mostly what I see is a friend with a beautiful smile, a sense of humor that makes me laugh. I also see a friend who is still haunted by guilt."

She hugged me tightly. "Do you know what I see in you?"

"Go ahead. I can take it."

"I see my oldest friend who has now turned into a handsome man. I see a smile that reminds me you love me. I see someone who listens and cares. And I see a man who regularly rocks my world."

-- (--) --

We met with our realtor, Chad, and he showed his experience by spending an hour talking with us about search parameters. He asked about price, down payment, bedrooms, bathrooms, age of house, size of yard, fencing, pool, hot tub, garage, remodeled kitchen, and a bunch of other details I never would have thought of.

When we finished, he said he wanted to spend the next Saturday seeing homes with us.

"You might find something you like and want to submit an offer, but probably not. At this point, we'll mostly be looking at homes that have been on the market for 60 days or more. Usually that happens because there's a problem or the sellers are asking too much.

"My reason for insisting on this is you may see other features you like, but mostly it will confirm our search parameters.

"Each day I check a couple of times a day for new listings. Don't be surprised if I ask you to rush over and see something on short notice."

Saturday was fun at first and grew tedious. We saw why these homes were still on the market. I was exhausted at the end of the day.

A few days later, Chad called, excited. A new listing. We might love it. Could we come now?

I was about to leave the office, so I called Madison, and we drove separately to where the home was. Chad was there, standing in front.

"This listing popped up this afternoon. The listing agent is a great friend, and we are transparent with each other. He said this is a home he would urge his mother to buy, and that the sellers are extremely motivated. The wife got a big promotion, but they need to move to Chicago, and it needs to happen soon. They will want a buyer quickly. Come on, let's go in."

We were thrilled with what we saw. Three bedrooms, plus a professional office. Two and a half baths. Modern, spacious kitchen with two ovens and a large island. Modern recessed lighting throughout. Fresh paint. The house was 15 years old and had a new roof due to a windstorm three years earlier. Two car garage, hot tub, large yard, fenced.

The best part was the asking price was in our budget. Barely. Chad thought it was priced to sell, but saw no problem with an offer $10k lower. I insisted on giving them a check for $10,000 earnest money, so they would know we were serious.

I insisted on a home inspection, but we didn't need any other contingencies since we weren't selling a home. We sat down at the island and wrote out the offer. He called his friend and said he would send it over.

We drove home separately, but I'm sure she was as much on pins and needles as I was.

At about 9 that night Chad called. The sellers had accepted our offer. Thirty-four days later, the sale closed and we owned our first home. There was a huge complication. That was the week before our wedding, and we didn't have any furniture.

We looked at each other and agreed. First things first. The wedding.

-- (--) --

We had been caught up in searching for a home, but fortunately for us, our mothers never paused in planning the wedding. Madison had dreamed of a big wedding, and that's what she got. I wanted to skip ahead to the wedding night.

The moment that sticks out most in my mind is when she entered the chapel with Jim. She was the most beautiful woman in the world, at least to me. Our eyes met, and we both smiled and wiped away tears. It was a lot like when a person yawns and provokes a yawn from others.

She stood by me and the minister spoke. I was having trouble concentrating. There was a moment when the minister looked out on the people who were there and spoke to them. I leaned over and whispered in her ear.

"I hope there's not a test afterwards."

She whispered back.

"There is, but it's simple. If we disagree, I'm right."

I was stifling a laugh when the minister spoke to me next. I had memorized my part carefully.

"I do."

Madison nailed her line as well and became Madison Nehring. I got to kiss my wife for the first time.

-- (--) --

We had agreed to spend one night at the Four Seasons Hotel before flying to Paris the next afternoon. I carried her into our suite, and we stood together at the window.

"Wait a second, Dan."

She walked over to the door and turned out the lights. The city lights lit the room. In the softness of that light, I looked into the eyes of my best friend.

"I think we need to become lovers, Mads. No more waiting."

"I'll be a few minutes. Don't fall asleep or leave."

What happened that night was a whole collection of moments I will never forget:

Seeing her come out wearing a white lace bra and thong, with white stockings.

Holding her in my arms and caressing her ass as she moaned.

Kissing the tops of her breasts.

Removing her bra and seeing those beautiful breasts for the first time.

Watching her orgasm wash over her as I sucked on a nipple and inserted a finger below.

Listening to her cries as I entered her and drove balls deep for the first time.

As I started thrusting, I loved her noises of pleasure. I was reduced to incoherent groans by the time I filled her with my seed. As I lay on her, exhausted, she slowly caressed my back and whispered in my ear.

"I love you, Danny."

-- (--) --

Of course, once was not enough.

I discovered she only knew missionary position, but now she's a dog lover. She cried out as I entered her, unprepared for my size and depth that way.

We showered together, made love there, and fell into bed, naked and holding each other.

During the night, Madison kissed me awake and said she wanted me. I had promised to always be there for her so I was willing.

She rode me like a barrel racer. Aggressive, shifting her weight, finding the perfect form. Racing to the finish. It was her turn to collapse on me, worn out and catching her breath.

-- (--) --

The week we spent in Paris was relaxing. If we had been only sightseeing, those five nights might have been too long. Sightseeing played second fiddle to making love. We both knew conception was possible and both wanted a baby made in France.

She got her wish. We walked along the Seine one night and bought crepes from a street vendor near the Eiffel Tower. We also did one of those night cruises on the river. I stood behind her at the boat's railing and kissed her neck. Later, she started unbuttoning my shirt while we were yet in the elevator.

By the fifth day, she admitted her hips hurt. She walked a little slower but warned me she planned to have her way with me that night. She did. It was amazing to watch her breasts move as she rode me.

As is the case with most return flights from Europe, it was daylight throughout. She slept most of the way.

-- (--) --

When we returned to my room--our room now--we found a card on the bed. Madison and I sat and opened it together. It was a wedding card sign by our four parents and inside were two checks for $6,000 each. For furniture.

We held each other and cried. Then we began making a list, beginning with a bed.

We went back to work a couple of days later, after spending one full day shopping and arranging delivery for the next weekend.

That week, as we continued living in what had been my bedroom, I began work on the next phase of that highway upgrade. Ten miles this time, and six overpasses, two without exits. I was asked to assist (which I knew meant learn from) a more experienced engineer.

Madison came home excited, because the city wanted to build a new senior center. She was to do the work, but with a mentor. She visited the existing senior center and asked the aides there what it lacked. It was a big list, but that excited her.

On Saturday our furniture arrived. The men set up our bed and a queen bed in one of the bedrooms. Madison had already shopped for bedding, a trip I saw no point in going on, since nothing I selected would be chosen.

That night, we made love in our bed for the first time.

-- (--) --

We had been home for a month. We knew Madison's period was late, so we made a trip to the store and came home with a test--she was pregnant! She turned and sobbed on my shoulder. I knew her well enough to know it was part of her healing process. This was a child she wanted and would get to keep.

We soon learned we were having a boy. We bought a crib and she chose blue bedding. She bought a blue stroller and a blue car seat.

The senior center plan was coming together, and she prepared a list of all the things she learned from her interviews of aides there and attached that to her artist's concept document. Nearly every night she excitedly told me about the plans. She finished the final plans on time, but barely.

I held her hand when she gave birth to Grayson. I saw just a glimpse of a crying red face, but he was our son. I kissed Madison's forehead and wiped away her tears. A few minutes later, Madison was holding her baby, so I took a photo of the three of us and sent it to our parents.

-- (--) --

I brought them home the next day. Madison and I stood by Grayson's crib as he slept. I'm not sure I'd ever seen her happier.

She got the standard doctor's recommendation not to have sex for 4 weeks, but that went out the window just over three weeks later when she came out of the bathroom wearing only a sheer long gown. She stood in front of me and slowly pulled the top down to expose her breasts. I didn't think it was proper to disappoint her.

It had been about four months since we had made love doggy style, but that's what she wanted. She groaned so loudly as I plowed her that she woke up Grayson. However, I plowed ahead, almost literally, and she reached a satisfying climax as well.

Grayson wasn't happy about the delay but soon had a nipple in his mouth and I didn't. It wasn't long before he fell asleep again.

-- (--) --

Even before Grayson's birth, Madison had been working with her employer to transition to working from home four days a week. An IT guy from her company came one day and set up a desktop with two big monitors. It had the architectural software they use and access to their digital resource library.

She arranged to work Monday through Thursday at home, and on Friday, I would stay home. I loved the way she explained it to me when we talked about it.

"I told my boss I knew working at home would be less efficient, subject to baby interruptions, but I committed to a full 8 hours of work each day, even if I had to work until 10 at night. I can't stand the thought of not having these experiences with Grayson, and if he needs his mom, I'm here."

I came to treasure evenings and Fridays with Grayson. When he got to about 7 or 8 months, we had a lot of fun playing. He had Madison's smile and was a happy baby.

I usually skipped lunch so I could get in an extra hour or two without and not come home too late for dinner and to take care of Grayson while Madison worked.

Soon Grayson was a year old. He started holding onto the sofa or a leg of a chair to pull himself into a standing position. Then it was the post-to-post era, where he walked along holding on to furniture. I focused on teaching him to say "dad," hoping it would be his first word.

One night as we sat on the floor, Madison walked into the room, Grayson looked up and right to my face said, "Mom." Madison picked him up and hugged him.

Madison and I were having a great time in bed. We made love 2-3 times a week and often slept naked, at least until one of us needed to run to get Grayson and change a diaper.

One such night, I had just taken her from behind as she faced the wall--I never tired of hearing her cries of ecstasy. Afterwards I carried her to the bed and got in beside her, holding her in my arms.

"I love you, Mads."

"I know you do, and that means everything to me."

Then there was a pause, but somehow I knew something else was coming.

"I've been thinking lately. I want another baby. How do you feel about it?"

"We never said we would stop at one, and I happen to believe kids are better prepared for life growing up around siblings. When?"

"Now. Is that really ok?"

"Now is a good time. When's your next period?"

"In about a week. If I go off the pill now, then in about 2 weeks we might be able to make another baby. Do you want a girl this time?"

"I do, but I don't really care. If you and our baby are healthy, that's all I care about."

The bottom line: I knocked her up, and we were having a baby girl. That was two wins for me and my work was done. (I said that to Madison and she didn't laugh. I should Google "loss of sense of humor when pregnant.")

We knew several months before her birth that we would name her Olivia. Madison had an easier delivery, since Olivia was half a pound lighter than Grayson.

Two days after her birth, we stood by the crib again and marveled at her perfect fingers and toes. This time, I held Grayson, who was almost two years old. Although he had a vocabulary of about 30 words, "baby" was not one of them. He spent nearly a minute staring down at Olivia, which is a long time in the crazy life of a two-year old.

When Olivia was about 8 months old, we went to a photo studio and had a big framed family photo made. The night Madison and I hung that portrait over our fireplace, we sat together on the sofa and looked across the room to that beautiful image of our family. We pondered it in silence for several minutes.

"Madison, can I ask a question? How did you ever find the courage to come and see me?"

"It took five years. I couldn't face you, not only because of how I turned you down, but because of all I would have to explain. It was too much."

"What changed?"

"I saw you drive by, and all I could think of was wanting to see you again, maybe a second chance."

"We're both glad you did, aren't we?"

-- (--) --

One day, Jim pulled his boat down to a nearby reservoir and launched it. When he didn't return, we went looking for him and found his truck and trailer by the boat launch. A search started, but it wasn't until morning that they found the boat, rocking gently by the shoreline.

Jim was in the boat.

The coroner said he had been dead for at least 12 hours. Heart attack. He was 64.

Madison and her mother cried a lot in the days leading up to the funeral, but to my surprise, Ruth chose to speak. She talked about meeting Jim, falling in love, and about sweet and funny experiences they shared. We alternately laughed and cried, and I was amazed at Ruth's strength. That taught me something about Madison source of strength.

-- (--) --

Olivia was 18 months old when Madison called me at work. She was worried about Liv, who was listless and pale.

I didn't think much of it but suggested she make an appointment with the pediatrician. That happened the following week, and when I came home that night and casually asked about the appointment, I didn't get a reaction I expected.

Madison's was worried and asked me to follow her to our bedroom.

Leukemia. Possibly.

"What's next?"

"We're going in tomorrow for a couple more tests. Dan, what if it's leukemia?"

"We'll cover that with the doctor if that turns out to be the diagnosis."

And there is one the of differences between men and women. I was willing to put that on the back shelf until we knew more. Madison wanted to talk about things we knew nothing about, seeking a solution to a problem we did not yet know we had and could not define.

I held her in my arms. At least I could do that.

"Mads, we'll get through this together. That's all we control right now."

-- (--) --

Acute lymphoblastic leukemia, referred to as ALL. We learned a lot the next week, starting with ALL being the most common form of childhood leukemia and the most treatable.

We met with Dr. Singh, who was a child oncologist. When I was given his name, I expected a native of India with a thick accent. Neil Singh is a third generation American who played basketball in college and doesn't even understand Hindi.

He was very positive, although we were likely in for about two years of chemo. He said the five-year survival rate for childhood ALL was above 90%. As an engineer, I found that comforting. Then he said five years was in important marker. Most children cancer free for five years after treatment ended were considered cured and should live cancer-free lives.

I was adding it up in my head. Olivia was 1 year old. About 2 years of chemo, then 5 years of checkups before she would be declared cancer-free. Age 8. At a minimum.

We were assigned a case worker on the oncology staff. Janice would be our point of contact and almost always available by phone, text or email. She would schedule appointments and have Dr. Singh call if we needed to speak with him.

Olivia's first appointment for chemotherapy was set for the later that week. Dr. Singh explained they would be giving her a "cocktail" of drugs, some to boost her immune system and some to kill cancer cells.

"Now, Dan and Madison, feel free to call me Neil. I approach each case with a lot of positivity. This form of childhood leukemia is the most curable, but I also need to caution you that the survival rate, while slightly higher than 90%, is not 100%. Olivia will feel sick at times. She will cry. She will hate coming to the hospital.

"We will manage the chemo in waves, mostly by IV, but sometimes by injection. She will have some time off of chemo, because recovery periods reduce side effects. The early cycles of chemo are designed to send the cancer into remission. Then we move to a phase where we are kind of looking under bushes for any cancer cells hiding. This helps prevent remission.

"One more thing. Leukemia is not communicable. Hold her and kiss her and play with her. She won't break and no one else will get sick. Smile around her and cry privately and ask everyone in your extended family to do the same."

As we drove home, Madison was crying quietly. Then, without me saying anything, I saw her shake it off.

"Dan, can you pull over? I want to get in the backseat and play with Liv."

Listening to them play games and looking at things outside made me smile, and to cry a little. I had an immediate impression Madison was going to be the stronger of the two of us.

-- (--) --

That night after we put Liv and Grayson down for bed, we had a previously scheduled video call with our parents. We broke the news about Olivia's diagnosis and the positive long-term prognosis. We also passed along Neil's advice about our interactions with her.

We tried to make the message clear. Don't come over here to cry. Come over and play with all three of our children. Smile and laugh.

On Thursday, I took the day off and went with Madison and pushed Liv in her stroller as we entered the hospital. Mom was at home with Grayson.

We had been given instructions about what floor of the hospital we were to go to and on this first visit, we followed the signs once we got there.

This first treatment was an IV, and the nurses were worried about Liv's reaction to the IV in her arm, and whether she would try to pull it off. They told me privately they could switch to an injection, but they preferred a slower drip.

Madison had brought a few of Liv's favorite toys and had a video queued up on her iPad. She was ready and kicked into action as soon as the nurses began prepping for the IV. We knew the IV would take about 30 minutes, and they wanted to observe Olivia for 30 minutes after that.

Madison kept Olivia entertained for those first 30 minutes, and the nurses removed the IV. I noticed one of the nurses hung around for most of the next 30 minutes. I knew she was watching for any reaction to the chemo.

Finally, Neil came in and told us everything had gone well. He was especially pleased that Olivia tolerated the IV.

That was the first of 26 visits that first year of battle.

-- (--) --

After about 9 months, we had a meeting with Neil. He was pleased that tests showed the cancer was in remission. His plan was to continue chemo for at least another six months and then reevaluate.

At her next appointment, a nurse brought a pill and showed Madison a way to get Olivia to take the pill. It worked.

We had no trouble smiling coming out of that meeting. The next few visits were going to be pills taken orally. Shorter appointments.

Liv looked forward to her visits, because at the end of every appointment, Janice arrived with a box of candy and let Liv choose.

That night, Madison and I lay in bed, talking.

"Dan, we've spent this last year so focused on Liv that you and I have let sex drop to maybe once a month. What can we do to fix that?"

"I agree. You still light my fire, babe, but you're right. We've been so preoccupied by other things we've been careless about intimacy."

We decided we would begin by having a date night every Friday night, and that would always have a happy ending. We also got out a calendar and picked out a weekend each month when we would leave the kids with grandparents and go off to some resort. There, according to Madison, we would "screw like bunnies."

"Dan, I realized I haven't made any effort. I don't remember the last time I wore sexy lingerie to bed. I'm going shopping this week and will correct that. I'll surprise you."

-- (--) --

Grayson had his 4th birthday, and the grandparents were all there for the cake and ice cream. Madison brought out the birthday cake with four burning candles, and Grayson was asked to make a wish and then blow out the candles. We obviously left out the part about not telling everyone.

"I wish for Olivia to get better."

Kids notice more than we realize. He had quietly listened to whispered comments and had noticed worried looks and tears.

Olivia's treatment ended and she had two checkups a year for five years, and Neil announced she was cured. She was 8 years old and full of life. I noticed also she and Grayson had grown closer.

Neil still wanted to see her once a year.

-- (--) --

Mads and I breathed new life into our intimacy, and we were regularly making love at least twice a week. That first week after our talk, she came out of the bathroom with a burgundy set that included bra, thong, garter belt and stockings. High-end stuff, all matching in color. It was fun to undress her and go down on her. I rolled her over onto her tummy and put a pillow under her pelvis so I could take her doggy style.

We loved our monthly "retreats." I surprised her on the second of those with restraints to tie her to the bed. I teased her at length that night and used a vibrator to drive her to an orgasm as she pulled on the cuffs.

When I entered her, she cried out, her head up off the mattress. I reached for her hair and pulled her head higher as I rammed into her. She was panting and crying out with each stroke, but then she surprised me.

"I've been a bad girl, Daddy."

I almost laughed out loud, but I took the hint and spanked her. I saw her smile as she moaned, so I spanked the other side. After about four good whacks, she climaxed with a loud groan.

I finished her off and rested on her back.

"Dan, you absolute beast! That was amazing."

The very next night, I was the one in wonderful agony as she tied me spread eagle, face up, and gave me a long, wet blowjob, stopping several times short of my climax.

As she lay on me, she said she wanted another baby.

We decided to update our family photo, so a few weeks later I took down the old one and put the new one in its place. We had no inkling of the storm that was about to hit.

-- (--) --

Madison and I began our baby-making campaign and two months later we knew she was pregnant with another girl. Olivia was thrilled.

However, Olivia's next checkup caught us off-guard. Neil sat with us afterwards and explained her white cell count had shot up.

"We need to run more tests in the next week, but I'm all but certain her leukemia is back. I know this is discouraging, but I'm about to add to your worries. The long-term survival rate with a recurrence drops to well below 90%. It depends also on the location of the cancer. We'll know more in a week or two."

The next week, Neil met with the two of us and talked about a treatment called CAR T-Cell therapy, that genetically engineers a child's own immune cells to target and kill leukemia cells. It is often used for children with relapsed ALL, and increasingly with first time cases.

"There is good news and bad news. The good news is this is cutting edge treatment, and we have a great team in this hospital. The bad news is the survival rate for patients with relapsed ALL, is lower, even with CAR T-Cell therapy, and may be as low as a coin toss."

We had gone from thinking the finish line was behind us, to having it reset, now with a tougher course.

We were still in shock as we walked out to the car.

Madison stopped by the car door and turned into my embrace and cried softly on my shoulder.

"Oh, Dan. What do we tell Olivia and the other kids?"

"We tell them the truth. Her cancer is back, and we're fighting it. There's no need to talk about survival rates. We need to be positive."

We went home and called our parents on a video call. They needed advance warning.

The next night we told Olivia, who cried. Grayson and Heath hugged her and cried with her.

-- (--) --

She began the new therapy the next week. Three months into it, Neil reported no sign of remission, but a worsening of her overall prognosis. Two months later, Olivia was admitted to the hospital because she couldn't keep food down. She was wasting away.

Neil met with us in his office, and I knew him well enough to know he was grieving and hated this part of his work.

"Dan and Madison, I met with our team yesterday to go over Olivia's case. We've run out of options. She isn't responding to any treatment, and we've concluded the cancer is winning. I'm so very sorry."

I asked how long she had.

"Weeks. Maybe a month."

"How do we tell her?"

"I think she knows, Madison. Just go sit with her and tell her. Hold her in your arms and tell her you love her. If this were my daughter, I would want a family member with her all the time. Don't let her feel alone."

Neil took us to a waiting room where we could be alone as we gathered our courage.

"Oh, Dan! We're going to lose our baby girl."

I hugged her and nodded.

"Do you want me to tell her?"

"No. I will."

It reminded me of the day she made me stop the car so she could get in the backseat with Liv. I saw that same resolve and strength.

We walked down the hall to Olivia's room. She was asleep, so we sat and watched her. She looked ghastly. It was clear to us she was not far from the end.

Liv woke up and saw us. She smiled. We walked over to her bed and Madison sat on the edge of the bed.

"How are you feeling, Liv?"

"I feel bad. Am I gonna die, Mommy?

Madison held her hand.

"Yes, Liv. Your cancer is not responding any more. Nothing the doctors have tried is working."

She nodded her head and smiled.

"I don't have to do homework."

Madison laughed, then hugged Olivia.

"Liv, we're going to make sure someone is always here with you. I think in a few days Dr. Singh will let you come home and sleep in your own bed. Would you like that?"

"I want to see Grayson."

Madison and I had already talked. She would stay. I would go home and tell Grayson and Heath. I would be over later to relieve Madison.

-- (--) --

On the way home I called my boss and explained what was happening. He told me not to show my face at work for at least a week, longer if necessary.

My next call was to Ruth and then to my parents. There was a lot of crying. Ruth wanted to spend that night with Liv. Mom said she would go over in the morning to relieve Ruth,.

When I pulled into the driveway and parked in the garage, I still had no idea what I would say to our boys. When I walked into the house, Grayson came running.

"Where's Mom?"

"She's with Liv. Where's Heath?"

"Downstairs. I'll go get him."

We sat around the table. I knew they could see my eyes swimming in tears.

"Guys, we need your help. Olivia is not going to live. Her cancer is winning. Mom is staying with her until a little later, when Grandma Ruth will be there to spend the night with Liv. In a few days, we'll bring her home and probably have a nurse here at times during the day, but one of us will always be with her, ok?"

An eleven-year-old boy and his six-year-old brother nodded. In my heart, I knew neither of them had a clue how hard this would be. I resolved to be the one in charge of being with them and lifting their spirits.

"Mom showed me how to bake chocolate cookies. Can I bake some for Liv? Those are her favorites."

"I think that's a great idea. She doesn't eat much, though. Make them. It will make her happy."

"Tomorrow's Saturday, but I'm going to get up at 7 and bake cookies."

A few hours later, I drove over to the hospital and kissed Liv's forehead and hugged Ruth.

"Come on Mads, let me take you home so you can rest."

On the way, I told him what Grayson had planned.

"Dan, most of her nutrition is through an IV now, but my bet is she will want to eat at least one cookie. I'll get up and offer to help."

"Let him do it, Mads. It's his offering, his way of doing something for his sweet sister. Don't take that away from him."

-- (--) --

I woke up the next morning and could smell cookies baking. Just then, Madison came in the bedroom, dressed in her robe.

"He's doing great. I snuck a taste of the cookie dough. It's perfect. While I was puttering around the kitchen, Grayson took the first dozen out of the oven. He gave me one to try and I made a big fuss over how good they are. I hope Liv can eat one."

I took Grayson over to the hospital. When we walked in the room, Liv was awake and lit up when she saw us.

"Gray, did you make those for me?"

Grayson nodded. "I knew you'd love these."

Liv took one and took a bite. "Oh, that's so good. Thanks Gray. I love you."

A nurse came in to check on Liv and saw her eating the cookie.

"That looks good. Who made those for you, Olivia?"

"My brother, Grayson. You should try one. I know I can't eat more than one or two."

Grayson picked up the plate of cookies and held them out to Nurse Sara. She took a bite and hugged Grayson.

"That's a great cookie, Grayson. Thank you."

As she left the room, I saw her wiping away tears.

Mom--Grandma Suzanne to my kids--showed up and made a fuss over Grayson's cookies. She hugged Ruth and relieved her for the next shift. I learned that in four hours Dad would be there.

"Your wife has been busy this morning, she made up a schedule for next week and got us all on the phone to make assignments. She emailed this to us about an hour ago."

She showed me the spreadsheet Madison had made. My name was the first column, and my assignment never changed. I had Grayson and Heath. Later, Madison told me she knew I would see Liv a lot as well, but she didn't want the boys overlooked.

-- (--) --

On Wednesday, Olivia came home. She wanted to sit by the pool and enjoy the sun, but after about 20 minutes, she asked Grayson to help her walk back to her room and get in bed.

Hospice started that afternoon, when Shirley Manning arrived and set up Liv's nutritional IV. Liv ate another cookie and insisted that Shirley have one as well.

Shirley explained she would be there from 8 to 6 each day, making it possible for us to work or shop or whatever we needed.

I kept looking at Olivia, who now weighed about 35 pounds and looked awful.

The schedule having been abolished, the three grandparents came over at different times of the day and evening to sit with Olivia. Her pain became unbearable, so Neil gave her a morphine drip. That allowed her to sleep, but she was not awake often.

Neil came by.

"I didn't know you doctors still made house calls," I joked.

"I had to come see her one last time. I'll give you my thoughts after I sit with her."

A few minutes later, Neil came out, wiping away tears. Madison came out of the kitchen, and we all sat around the table.

"I truly believe the good news is Olivia will not last much longer. It's good news because she's in pain and so are all of you. It's anyone's guess, but I'll be surprised if she lives three more days."

We had instructions telling us what to do when she died. Shirley would take care of calling the coroner if she was there. Otherwise, it was up to us.

Neil was wrong, but only by a day. Olivia died on the fourth day, having been unconscious for the last 20 hours or so.

The coroner came and took her away. We had selected a funeral home and bought a plot in the nearest cemetery to our home. I walked into Olivia's room that evening, and found Madison there, stripping the bedding to wash it.

I took her hands and pulled her away.

"Come with me."

We walked into our living room and sat on the sofa, looking at our family photo.

"I'm glad we had that done when she was still healthy. Look at that beautiful smile."

"That's not the only wise thing we did to prepare for this. I'm pregnant with a daughter, and due in about two months. We can turn our attention to something happy."

-- (--) --

Sophia was born two months after Olivia died, and two weeks after Olivia would have turned 9 years old. She was a source of radiating joy in our home. Another happy baby, she reminded me of Olivia.

We left that family portrait in the living room but moved it to the side when Sophia was four years old. Grayson was fifteen and tall, and even Heath, who was now 10, had almost caught up with Madison. That was the new photo.

That was also the year that we faced another crisis. Madison found a gray hair. She was only 38 but carefully studied the mirror for another.

To my relief, there were only a few more over the next seven years, the year Grayson graduated in accounting and got married. Heath was starting his junior year of college.

Madison and I talked in bed that night about each of our children.

"Dan, this may sound funny, but I no longer remember what it was like not to be married to you. We've been married half of our lives."

That was also the year when Ruth got remarried. She met a man, Ralph Mangum, who had lost his wife two years before. We were at their wedding, and after they got home from a honeymoon in Europe, Madison got Ruth to admit her hips hurt.

That made Madison smile, but it also inspired her. She came out of the bathroom that night dressed in her sexiest lingerie.

By then, another thing had happened, although it happened gradually. Our pain over our loss was replaced with memories of all the wonderful moments we had with Liv. We were also deeply grateful we still had a daughter.

Sooner than I thought possible, Sophia was eleven and playing soccer on Saturdays, the only true athlete in the family. She was tall and had long legs and was going to break some hearts in the future.

She also had me wrapped around her finger. I spent a lot of hours playing basketball with her and kicking a soccer ball around.

Then she discovered volleyball and became one of the state's top recruits as an outside hitter. When she graduated from high school, she was off to Nebraska on a full scholarship.

Madison colored her hair once a month. She settled on a brunette color with bronze highlights. She was still the sexiest woman I knew, and we still made love a couple of times a week.

We were empty nesters, so we enjoyed sex in the pool and the hot tub, and anywhere else we thought of.

-- (--) --

Every year on the date of Olivia's death, Madison made chocolate chip cookies, and we took them to give to the doctors, nurses and staff in the child oncology wing of the hospital. We always took a few minutes to thank Neil for his kindness.

One of the most touching moments came a few years later when Ruth was dying of pancreatic cancer. I sat on her bed a few days before she died and thanked her for raising Madison to be such a wonderful wife and mother. She smiled and nodded her head.

She tried to speak, but she could only manage a soft whisper. I leaned down to hear.

"I'll hug Olivia for you."

-- (--) --