Full Disclosure Ch. 15

Number 15: The Crumbling

Natalie turned in the snorkeling gear after spending the day in the ocean with Etienne. "It's so weird how you can swim for hours on end, barely feeling any effort just because you can see what you're doing," she noted, smiling at him. It had felt so nice to spend a day with zero sexual tension as they'd chased fish around a cove. It had allowed her to have some fun instead of feeling sorrow.

Swinging his arms with a stretch, Etienne grinned back. "Yeah, but it sure catches up with you once you're out of the water," he accurately noted, then stepped close, placing his hand on her waist. "How do you feel about a nap before dinner? We can go to my room..."

"And nap?" Natalie said with a smirk. "I doubt it."

"Absolutely," Etienne protested with feigned astonishment. "I promise, no ulterior motives. If we're going dancing tonight, I think we'll need the energy, no?"

It was worth considering, but while he may promise no funny business, she wasn't sure she could make the same guarantee, as just his hand on her waist had her longing to snuggle up close, and she knew where that would lead. "You nap in your room," she finally said, placing her hand on his cheek, feeling the rough quarter-inch whiskers. "I'll nap in mine." Stepping away, she began to walk toward the path up to the pool. "But I'll see you for dinner in a few hours!" she called, turning to look at him over her shoulder while swinging her hips playfully.

"Can't wait," Etienne called back. She loved the smile on his face, slightly crooked as he gathered up their towels and placed them in a laundry bin; how his eyes watched her walk away with a wistful gaze.

They hadn't once spoken of Elijah, just as they'd agreed. But now on her way to her room, thoughts of him crept in, how devastated she'd been last night. Ordering dinner in alone, falling asleep while reading while still tossing and turning, waking from nightmares of their crumbling marriage throughout the night. But she'd determined to remain strong once she'd woken this morning. Her decision to spend the day snorkeling had not been any form of punishment or escape. When she'd peered into the other room to find Elijah fast asleep, she'd taken off to yoga with a clear head.

He had determined they needed a break. She had agreed. It was only natural that shit had hit the fan; years' worth of unspoken anger had risen appropriately; that cleansing had been important. Though recognizing that didn't mean it hurt any less; she was absolutely wounded. But like counseling, things always got worse before they got better. While she was angry, still, she accepted the inevitability of it all, even though it hadn't once crossed her mind that they'd have fought with such cruelty. It didn't necessarily mean the entire thing was a disaster.

But she was far from ready to forgive, thus the offer from Etienne after yoga to go have some fun had been more than welcome. And while it felt irrecoverable now, that didn't mean it actually was. Natalie was practical enough to know that feeling something did not make it a reality. It was okay to feel angry and wounded, fair for Elijah to feel the same. They would ride it out, just one more step along the way to discovering the ultimate answer of that ever present question mark.

While sitting with Vincent at the pool bar, Elijah saw Natalie pass by, walking toward the entrance of the hotel. When he'd woken this morning, he'd been hung over, and seeing as he'd slept until almost noon, he was not surprised to find Natalie absent when he walked into the other room. She was, of course, at Yoga, though he'd expected to run into her by the pool. When he hadn't, he'd altered his expectations, come to terms with the fact that she deserved whatever time she needed. It was owed to her, after what he'd said. And while recognizing his regret over his words, how they'd poured from him so recklessly, deep down he must have meant them. An amount of resentment was there.

But seeing her pass, he quickly rose from the stool. "Natalie," he said to Vincent, sweeping up his drink and finishing it off.

"Go do what you gotta," Vincent replied. Elijah had opened up to his friend about what was truly going on; what had led him to drinking last night, elements of their fight, along with a brief history, finally able to unload his burden to someone else for the first time.

"Thanks, man," Elijah responded. "I'll catch you around."

With that, he quickly swam for the stairs of the pool. It took him awhile to walk around to the lounge chair where his towel and sunscreen sat with all of their "friends"; people he was viewing far less as friends in recent days, instead finding he much preferred the company of Vincent and Heath. At least they'd proven to be zero drama. After explaining to Leah, Beth and Erin that he was heading out, Leah chased him down just as he was walking away.

"I only have two more nights here," she said through low brows. "When can I see you again?"

Wrong time to be asking; he needed to hurry and catch Natalie. The best he could hope for was that she'd decided to head to their room, but if that's where she'd been headed, he had no idea if she was there to stay.

"Soon," Elijah said, his eyes continually darting to the door of the hotel. "Tonight, tomorrow, at least one of them, maybe both. I really don't know."

Leah looked despondent. "Why can't you tell me?" she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, which really only lifted her large breasts. "I don't like being on hold like this, and I haven't been interested in anyone else. I don't want to end up spending my last two nights wondering if--"

"Leah," Elijah breathed, annoyed. Though he steadied himself in the next second; it wasn't her fault, totally fair for her to wonder. She shouldn't be held up because of him, his tone was just because he felt an urgency to talk to Natalie. "You do what you need to do with your last two nights. Maybe I'll get one of them, as I'm telling you right now, I want another night with you. I'll do what I can, but don't hold back because of me. Now, I really gotta run. Not because of you, I'm not avoiding anything. I just have something to do."

She nodded, and he made mental note that if he wouldn't find time for her--since his priority was still Natalie, despite everything that had happened--he'd need to talk to her very soon so she would still have fun before she had to leave, stop waiting on him. He had nothing to offer her other than a night of fun, so for Leah to hold herself back from other experiences made zero sense.

After a goodbye, he rushed toward the hotel, a good ten minutes after he'd seen Natalie enter.

Settling onto the bed after a brisk shower to remove the salt from her body, Natalie closed her eyes. It was less than a minute after finding the comfort to fall asleep that she heard the door behind her, and she groaned. Damnit, his timing was off; she really, really needed to nap so she'd have energy to go out tonight. With reluctance, she rolled onto her back, seeing Elijah shut the door behind him.

There wasn't really a smile on his face, just a hesitant tightening of his lips. "I get it, we need to talk," she pleaded, "but I just got back from snorkeling all day and I really, really need to nap."

"We don't need to talk," Elijah said, setting his stuff down on the dresser before walking over to the bed. "A nap is good."

As he climbed onto the bed, pulling at the single sheet, Natalie groaned loudly. "Elijah," she whined, his name exiting her in about seven syllables that sounded like she was crying. "Really, I just want to sleep. Alone," she added with emphasis, scooting away from him.

"Well, you're stuck with me," Elijah responded defiantly, scooting closer to her. "A nap is fine, but we've been alone for twenty-four hours now."

Giving up, Natalie rolled onto her back once more. "What is it you want?" she asked, realizing he would not give in until they hashed it out. Then maybe she could rest.

Propping his head up with his hand, Elijah opened his mouth to let out everything he wanted to say, but came up empty. In his rush to catch her before she disappeared again, he hadn't thought to prepare a speech. "I dunno, Nat," Elijah said, disappointed in himself. Placing his hand on her stomach, he caught her annoyance. "I mean, fuck! We're supposed to be figuring things out."

"And that's exactly what I'm doing," Natalie sighed. "As are you, obviously. Either something changed or it was there all along, but we are not happy and it's all coming out now."

"I'm happy," Elijah cooed, sliding his hand over her tank as though the erase motion could wipe out all their problems. "Fine, I wasn't happy, but I was comfortable. Still, something had to give, and it's giving, Nat! We may be fighting, but we needed the range. The highs and lows, because we were just existing."

"Great," Natalie said, exasperated. "Nothing I don't agree with, so can we just get on with it?"

Elijah blinked. Twice. "I don't even know what that means," he finally said.

With a sigh, Natalie shook her head as she laced her fingers in her hair. "It means I'm still fine with things because, as you said, we need a break. We need the freedom. But I'm also ready for it to be over. End of the week, we have whatever answers we need and we figure out how to move on. So you need to do everything you need to do to come to a firm decision, as do I. Let's just get on with it."

"You think just because I used the word 'break' that I don't want to be with you?" Elijah demanded, aghast. "If we don't still focus on the other, isn't that a pretty clear indication?"

When he saw her shrug, his jaw dropped. "No," he stated firmly, refusing to accept it.

"I'm not saying we're over," Natalie groaned. Why couldn't he just leave her alone, let her nap. This would go so much smoother if she didn't feel so tired. "I'm saying we get it all out of our systems so we can finally determine how to move on."

Elijah felt an anger brewing again, stirring to life in his core. "I don't know what you need," he said bitterly. "But I refuse--absolutely refuse--to let you separate from me this much."

To emphasize his point, he rubbed his hand over her chest, braless beneath her tank, travelling from one side to the other. She started to roll away. "No, Elijah. I don't want this, not right now," she said.

Placing his hand on her shoulder, he kept her put. "You do, you just don't know it yet," he said determinedly, climbing up and placing his knee between her legs to hover over her.

"I really don't," Natalie argued, brows drawn. "You can't just fuck your way out of this. I'm not in the mood, I just want a nap!" The latter said with a desperate whine, as Natalie was starting to feel even more drained.

On Elijah's end, he was absolutely sure of his actions. It was becoming rapidly clearer that she was losing focus on what mattered; their relationship. Shared time. And he was certain this was over Etienne; all the more reason to remind her that what they had was real. One week could not possibly rival eight fucking years.

Kissing her skin that the tank didn't cover below her neck, he lowered his hand between her legs and began to stroke her over her panties, receiving a bit of a physical fight, though if she really wanted to leave, she could easily push him off. The fact that she didn't proved her half-assed verbal protestations weren't fully felt.

"Argue with me," Elijah dared her, rubbing her more firmly. "Fight me. Take it out on me, all your anger." Clutching the neck of her tank, he yanked it down so one breast was exposed. "But I'm still going to remind you that I'm here, with you, and we matter."

With his mouth locking onto her nipple, Natalie squirmed, wanting to smack him. "So this is what it's come to?" she protested, infuriated. "Your wife says she wants to nap and you just go for it anyways? What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Yes," Elijah cried, encouraging her to continue. "Get mad, do it. Get it all out so we can move on, because I refuse to allow us to spend the next few weeks apart. I'm here with you now, fuck everyone else."

Natalie shoved at his shoulders. "Exactly what you're doing," she spat.

"There it is," Elijah continued, then slid his hands down her panties. Sure enough, she was damp. His assessment hadn't been wrong. He would have truly despised himself if it had, as he would never ever force her in any real way, but he knew her in a way no one else ever could. "Natalie Elise, immune to jealousy." He located her hard little clit and began to toy with it. "Get jealous, it means you love me."

"I'm not fucking jealous!" Natalie yelled, yet her hips pressed against his hand without consciously making the decision to do so. "You hurt me! Those scratches, then blaming me for turning you into something you didn't want to be when I know you fucking love it. You fucking love the freedom or you wouldn't have suggested this place at all."

He removed his hands and gripped her wrists, then purposefully wrapped them around his back. "Scratch me," he ordered. Natalie freely gaped, stunned in a way she hadn't been. "I mean it," he continued, then brought his hands back down to the pillow at either side of her head. "Mark me up. We are not your parents. You own me whether you like it or not. You're pissed. Hurt me."

Natalie shook her head vehemently. "I'd never do anything like that on purpose," she said defiantly. "That's the stark difference between me and Leah. If you want marks, you're free to go receive them elsewhere."

Bringing a hand down between her legs, he entered her panties once more, and this time didn't stop. He sent a finger inside of her, baring his teeth, and as he'd hoped, he felt her fingers dig in. "Scratch me up," he again demanded. "You're furious. You want to nap, but here I am taking you anyways. Dig in your nails, let your anger loose."

With reluctance, Natalie dug at him, livid. It was a long swipe outwards. "That's what you want?" she spat, glaring at him as she bit her lip.

"That's exactly what I want," Elijah said, feeling the burn left behind. "And I want this," he added, emphasizing exactly what he wanted by probing her forcefully before he sat up, backed up, then yanked her panties from her body.

Natalie took this opportunity to kick back at him, but he gripped her legs and held them in place as he climbed between her knees, pulling his swim trunks down. "No," Natalie whispered, but she didn't mean it. She just wanted the fight. And she knew he did, too.

"Yes," Elijah breathed back, and without preamble, he buried himself inside of her, watched her face contort as she cried out, then clutched her jaw near her neck to keep her gaze in his. "Now fight me. Let the rage go. I'm here and I love you and we are not leaving this room until you remember that, even if it takes all week."

The thrusts began, and as he'd hoped, Natalie fought back, clawing at him and shoving at his shoulders. But she stopped saying no, and it was done though moans, albeit angry ones. It only made him pick up his tempo, thrusting harder and harder.

As Natalie made another angry shove, he caught her wrists and pinned them above her head. In that very next second, she raised her head up and kissed him, pulling at his lip with her teeth. It felt good to be angry; she'd never really allowed it before. And while she'd wanted to nap and he'd refused, pushing this upon her, she was losing herself into it, driving her passion and need while still feeling something very close to hate, but of course that wasn't it. She loved him, but she was so pissed it was manifesting in hate, and with her arms pinned with his grip on her wrists, her back arched as she screamed, "Harder!"

Biting his lower lip, Elijah complied with a loud grunt. "Yes," he proclaimed, feeling his victory. "You're mine. Only mine. And I'm yours, don't you forget it."

"You're mine," Natalie panted, the assault so reckless and painful she was losing her grip on reality. Fighting against his grasp, she was able to release her hands and with one firm shove on his shoulders, she sent him over while following without his cock leaving her. Staring down at him, propped up and impaled by him, she placed one hand near his neck and rode furiously. "You are mine," she repeated, peering at him with anger. "I don't care who you're with, remember that none of them will ever fuck you the way I do."

Gripping her hips and thrusting against her, he stared at her body, the sheen of sweat that had accumulated. "You're right about that," he grunted, well aware of her deep knowledge of his body; what sent him over the edge, and this was one of them. How majestically she'd ride, taking her own pleasure over his while still knowing which ways to lean that sent him over the edge. And absolutely no one compared to how she felt. Absolutely no one, despite the thrill and fun of being with other women.

She was all there was.

Rising, he sent an arm around her waist while continuing to thrust, and she wrapped her arms around his neck, fingers lacing into his hair and pulling, which made him return the action, yanking at her wet hair. Bringing his head down, he sucked on her neck, bit at her shoulder, listened as her cries enhanced.

"Come for me," he ordered, knowing she was near. He knew every sign, even the most subtle and sent a hand between them to toy with her clit again. "I want to feel you come around my cock."

A minute later, her body flushed and she shuddered; he loved how the muscles of her pussy would quake against him, milking him for his own release, which was there a minute later as he filled her with his seed. "That's right," he cooed, slowing his motions as he felt his cock jerk with the last of it emptying. "That's right," he repeated, this time in a whisper.

She was putty in his arms, and he laid back, bringing her with him, collapsed on his chest. Running his fingers through her wet tangles, he held her tightly. Didn't want to let go. He worried what might happen if he did. "Stay with me tonight," he urged. "Just you and me."

Her sanity was returning. She'd been so lost in her rage fueled passion that she'd forgotten completely that she had plans, and she began to roll, feeling Elijah release his grip and allowing it. With a glance at the clock, she still had an hour before meeting Etienne for dinner.

She still wanted to. Yes, this had helped. He'd been right, despite her protestations. She'd needed to fight--physically fight. Get out all that aggression that had built up. But deep down, she still knew nothing had really changed.

Progress. There had been that. She still felt it. They were closer now, but they were also farther, only in a different direction. But if she had another week here, she needed to spend it away or she'd never know.

Shaking her head, she inhaled deeply. "I'm still angry," she admitted, embarrassed that was the case. But she'd swallowed her anger since she was a child, and it had taken this to release everything that had built up that she'd been unaware of.

Elijah rolled onto his side, ran his eyes over the shine of her body. "I know you are," he acquiesced. "I said things I never meant to. I didn't even mean them, not really. You didn't turn me into this, it just awakened. But I mean it when I say I can leave it all behind. Even if we stop it all now, I will leave it behind for you."

Turning to face him, Natalie placed her hand on his cheek. "I know you would," she said, though that wasn't right. "I know you will," she corrected herself, because she was still holding onto the hope that once this was over, they'd return all the better. It had happened after her time in France, just as it would now. She'd had her doubts boarding that plane, yet returned more in love with Elijah than ever. "But I'm not ready to leave it behind. You may have started it this time around, but I want to see it through. I know that hurts you--"

"It doesn't," Elijah interrupted, then rethought his immediate response. It was honest, but it wasn't the whole truth. "It hurts sometimes, but no worse than I know it hurts you. You're right, we need this. I thought I needed it more, but that's not the case. You need it more than I do, and I want to give it to you."

Natalie could easily see that it wounded him, while also being honest. And she knew she had to give back. "Tonight," she agreed, trying to hide her reluctance. "You and me, tonight." As she saw his spirits raise, she shot him a look of warning. "I do not want to spend the night fucking, however," she insisted with warning. "I'm not saying sex is off the table. But maybe we can just spend time together. There's too much sex here. I snorkeled all day and it felt so good to just... be. No sex, no drama. Just enjoy the resort for the weather and beauty. Maybe we can spend the night working on us instead of, well? What we now know works again after forgetting it did over the last year. If that's okay with you, then yes. Tonight."

"That works for me," Elijah agreed with a firm nod. "I actually think that's the best plan we've had yet."

Smiling, Natalie kissed him. But the lethargy had doubled, now that she'd been truly physically exhausted. "So can we nap now?" she asked with a quiet laugh. "Then order in. Maybe walk on the beach tonight later, but... can we just nap now?"

Wrapping his arms around his wife, Elijah kissed her brow. "Sleep," he breathed. "We'll figure out what to do with our evening when we wake up."

As she settled, she realized she was standing up Etienne, and suddenly became alarmed. "Yes," she agreed, rising quickly. "Only... I need to make a phone call. I didn't know we'd run into each other and I'd made plans for dinner."

Etienne, Elijah thought bitterly. But he'd won the greater battle, and knowing she was cancelling on the guy he'd come to both respect and despise was a victory. "Make your call, I'll go use the bathroom."

When he'd closed the door to the restroom, Natalie dialed up Etienne's room number with a sickness in her stomach. But it needed to be done.

In the end he was very understanding, which amplified the sickness, and she promised him they'd have much more time after tonight. That she had a responsibility to fill and, once followed through with, she intended to spend as much time with him as she could.

And the pit in her stomach amplified as she hung up, Elijah walking back into the room, knowing she truly meant it.