Do It Yourself

Do It Yourself

The first time I managed to suck my own cock, I was nineteen.

I'd always been pretty flexible. My mother was seriously into yoga, and had even worked as a yoga instructor when she was between other jobs. She didn't have to introduce me to it. She more had to discourage me. Even when I was young, I was fascinated by the poses she did, and by her tremendous sense of balance. I would try to imitate what she was doing, falling over most of the time, but she let me have my fun and promised me that, one day, I'd be able to do it just like she did. She also taught me some simple poses, just to keep me out of trouble, I think. But it let me do yoga with her, and anything I could do with Mom was good by me.

For my sixth birthday, Mom got me my own yoga mat, and it was the best present I'd ever received. She took me to see Miss Sherry, who specialized in yoga for kids, and she taught me a few more poses. Now I could really do yoga with Mom. I later learned that Mom was consulting with Sherry, who was also a close friend, and who was monitoring my progress remotely. Yoga is great, but it can also be dangerous if you don't know what you're doing, and obviously I didn't. I learned that the hard way, trying on my own to do one of the more advanced poses I'd seen Mom doing. I seriously injured my back and was laid up in bed for several days. After that, I decided it might be a good idea to listen to what Mom and Miss Sherry told me.

As I grew older, I developed other interests. But I would still practice yoga a few times a week, almost always with Mom. Even when I got older, and entered my rebellious phase, I never stopped practicing. And the more I did it, the more flexible I became.

* * *

I didn't even discover masturbation until I was eighteen, so I was a very late bloomer. I guess I had grown up pretty sheltered. Mom and Dad were not particularly open about sex. They had made it clear to me that it was a 'normal' part of life, and nothing to be ashamed of. But they also convinced me that sex was for adults, and that it was something you shared with someone you loved, and I knew that I was nowhere near that stage. I was also a total nerd, obsessed with computers and math and music much more so than girls, though of course I'd had the occasional crush. And, though my friends at school would occasionally refer to 'jerking off', I didn't really know what they meant, and the way they talked about it made it seem like something only a total loser would do.

One afternoon, though, I was rummaging around in the attic looking for an old game that Mom thought must have been left in storage when we moved into our new house. I had to move quite a few boxes to find the one marked "Games," and there behind the stacked boxes, way under the eaves, was a small filing box that wasn't the sort of thing we would have put up there. Curious, I crawled over the insulation and retrieved it. It may have said "File Folders" on the outside, but what was inside was something entirely different: eight copies of Penthouse and six copies of Playboy.

The one on top was Penthouse, from June 1984. I knew enough to know what Penthouse was, and to know that this was not the kind of thing Mom and Dad would have wanted me to see. But I was also really curious about it. I'd seen my Mom naked from time to time--nudity wasn't a huge deal in our house--so I knew more or less what a naked woman looked like. But that was Mom, and the woman on the cover of the magazine was definitely not Mom. (My mother is actually quite an attractive woman, but I did not then and do not now care to think of her in a sexual way!)

The model on the cover, I would later learn, was Teddie Treacher, then 23 years old with brown hair almost to her waist. She was lying on a raft in the middle of a pool, topless. She was mostly on her stomach, but had rolled a bit to one side, and she had one leg pulled up, so you could see the side of her right breast. Her 'behind', as I would then have called it, was almost completely visible, because she was wearing a thong bikini, the likes of which I did not even know existed.

I had never seen anything remotely like this photograph, and my body responded in a way I did not understand. I'd had occasional 'morning wood', but I didn't think anything about it. It was more an annoyance than anything, and it would always go away as soon as I went into the bathroom for my morning pee. But this was different. The minute I saw that cover, my penis got hard, really hard, much harder than it had ever been in the morning. I could feel it straining against my jeans. My whole body felt different, kind of tingly, and I could feel my heart beating faster. It felt almost like nervousness, but the big difference was that it wasn't at all unpleasant. It felt kind of invigorating.

I reached down to touch my penis, mostly just curious about what was happening to it. When I touched it, it was like a bolt of electricity shot through my body. It was the most incredible thing I had ever felt. I was so stunned that I pulled my hand away and just sat there looking at my crotch, my hard-on clearly visible through my jeans--another new thing. I felt like I'd discovered nirvana in my own pants and wondered, for a moment, whether this was normal: whether the other boys knew about this. But then, somehow, I realized that this must be what sex was really about, the reason it was talked about in such hushed tones: Sex made you feel the way I felt now.

Well of course I had no idea what else awaited me.

I heard the attic door open, and Mom called up to find out if I needed help. "No, Mom, I'm fine!" I quickly replied. "I've found the right box now." I opened the box of games, found the one for which I'd been looking, and put the copy of Penthouse inside the Clue box, hidden for the moment underneath the game board. The box of 'file folders' went behind the chimney. I'd retrieve it later.

"Found it!" I told Mom as I came down the stairs. I told her I'd take it to my room for now, holding the game a bit awkwardly in front of my crotch as I passed by her.

"We can play tonight, if you want," she said, and I thanked her and made my way to my room as quickly as I could, so I could take the Penthouse out of the box and hide it in my closet until I had a chance to look at it again. Just knowing it was there, though, and the memory of the cover, was enough to make me hard again whenever I thought about it. It was starting to become a bit uncomfortable.

My chance would come two days later, when Mom and Dad went out, which they did most Friday nights. I put on my pajamas--something a bit looser--and debated whether I should close the door to my room. What I was about to do was quite definitely Private, with a capital P, so that suggested I should, but the need to hear my parents when they returned suggested otherwise, so I left the door open. For further safety, I decided to turn on the alarm and pretend, when Mom and Dad got home, that I'd gone to bed. They had always told me to set the alarm if I went to bed. In this case, the beeping would signal their arrival when they got back.

I grabbed the magazine from its hiding place and lay down on my side. Teddie was still there on the cover, looking every bit as amazing as she had before, and my penis immediately sprang to life. I decided not to touch it right away but to wait and see what would happen. I decided to check out Teddie's pictorial first. Nowadays, it might be hard to understand just how exciting this was. But this was well before porn was readily available on the internet. I'll try to make it vivid.

There were six photos of Teddie: two that seemed to be taken inside the house before she went out to the pool, three on the raft, and one on the deck by the pool. My was she beautiful! The first photo showed her from behind as she sat on a chair, facing the wrong way, with her legs spread around the back and nothing on her body but the top of the bikini, untied and hanging from her neck. Now I could really see her 'ass' (which seemed a much sexier word than 'behind' or 'bottom'). In the second photo, she was standing, in about the same place, facing the camera, both parts of the bikini hanging off her body. So she was essentially naked, and I could not only see but study her firm, ample breasts, which were much bigger than my mother's. (Not that big means beautiful. I actually prefer smaller breasts.) I could also see just the very top of her pubic region, curly black hair just visible at the bottom of the picture. (Even the women in the 'girly' magazines back then usually had a full bush: trimmed, but shaved only around the bikini line.)

It was the third photo that took my breath away: Teddie was on her back on the raft, naked except for the ties of the bikini bottom that were draped across her tummy. She was holding her breasts, from the side, and her eyes were closed, as if she were enjoying touching them. Her legs were parted, the right one out to the side and bent, so I could clearly see between her legs. Her dark pubic hair obscured her vulva, but I wasn't so ignorant as not to know what was there (though I had no idea what it really looked like), and my 'cock', as I decided to call it, knew, too. I felt it jump, and that shock from before went through my body again.

I decided it was time to try touching my cock again. I reached down toward it expectantly but not at all sure what it would be like. I found it to be exquisitely sensitive. The lightest touch through my pajamas sent shivers through my soul, and I could feel my balls being pulled up against my body, a sense of tightness spreading through my loins. I tried touching my balls, too, ever so gently, and found my scrotum, much to my surprise, also to be extremely sensitive. It felt like something was building inside me, but I didn't really know what.

I wanted to see what was happening to me, so I took off my pajama bottoms, and then the top as well, since that was hanging down over my lap. It was the first time I'd ever undressed except to take a shower or change clothes, and it felt like freedom to be naked on my bed just because I wanted to be. My cock looked like it never had before: hard and shiny, pointing sharply upward toward my stomach. The head--I'm circumcised, to my eternal disappointment--was swollen and a brilliant pink, and some sort of fluid, which seemed to be leaking from my urethra, had coated the head, making it look slick and, I thought, sexy. I'd heard of ejaculation. Was this it?

I reached down to touch the little drop of fluid that was sitting at the opening, finding (a) that it was slippery and slightly viscous and (b) that it felt fantastic to spread it slowly around the head. It was not a lot, but it kept coming, another little drop appearing as soon as I'd spread the last one. But now the head was starting to become so sensitive that it was almost too much to touch it, so I tried slowly stroking the shaft instead. That felt great, too, and not quite so sensitive. I decided to just lightly stroke the shaft with my right hand while having another look at Teddie's pictorial, turning the pages with my left hand.

The fourth photo was the same as the one on the cover, but the cover was a bit zoomed in, her straight left leg visible only to the knee. In the fifth photo, she was in much the same position, but she was wearing sunglasses, the bottom of the bikini had been undone, and droplets of water glistened on her skin. I could just see her pubic hair peeking from below, and for the first time I was able to imagine what it might be like actually to have sex with a woman. Although I couldn't see it, I knew--so the sex education classes weren't completely useless--that the opening to her vagina would be right there. I couldn't quite picture how it would work, but I knew that 'sexual intercourse' would mean putting my penis inside her vagina. I realized, somewhat suddenly, that my hardness was what would make that possible. So being hard meant, more or less, that my body was getting ready to have sex! Wow!

I felt wetness spreading under my fingers. Looking down, I saw that the fluid leaking from my penis has become a river. Much of my penis was slick with it, and it had dripped onto the sheet, as well. The feeling had grown more intense, too. I couldn't have imagined that my cock would become even harder, but it seemed as if it had, and I was starting to wonder where this was going, if anywhere, and how it would end. Not that I really wanted it to end. I wasn't sure I had ever felt so good. For some reason, though, I knew there had to be more to it, and now my cock was demanding more attention. It wanted to be squeezed, so I squeezed it, and that felt fantastic, too, so I kept at it, squeezing and then releasing in a slow rhythm.

The last of the six pictures showed Teddie reclining on some sort of lounger. She was basically lying back, with her legs spread and pulled up a bit, her hips tilted slightly toward the camera. In her left hand was one end of her bikini, which was pulled taught across her vulva and seemingly parting her labia. I knew instinctively that this was meant to convey that she was in something like the state that I was in, and that she was applying a kind of pressure to her 'pussy'. The bikini once again obscured part of her vulva, but I had some sense now for what a woman's sexual parts really look like. And I had a much better appreciation for how intercourse really worked: With her legs spread like that, she could invite a partner into her. His penis would go exactly where her bikini was spreading her labia.

I looked at the picture with something approaching awe. It was as if it had opened an entirely new world to me. I thought about the girl who sat next to me in English class, Kerry, on whom I had developed a crush that was growing by the minute (though I didn't expect she even knew who I was). I was sensible enough to know that what I was seeing in this magazine was a very idealized vision of reality. But what I hadn't previously realized, and now suddenly did, was that Kerry was a sexual being, just like Teddie, and just like me, and that she too must be able to experience something similar to what I was experiencing. So was sex about helping each other to experience these wonderful feelings? Is that why sex was so important to people, even though everyone seemed to pretend it wasn't?

I closed my eyes for a moment and tried to imagine Kerry naked. Her skin was much more pale than Teddie's, and her hair was lighter. Her breasts were smaller, too, and of course I had no idea what her nipples might look like. But her build was otherwise about the same, and I figured her pubic hair would be the same sort of color. So I could imagine, a bit, what she might look like, if she were naked and reclining by the pool the way Teddie was.

And that did it. All of a sudden, I knew that something tremendous was about to happen. As if it had a mind of its own, my hand started to stroke up and down the shaft of my penis, and I felt as if I were racing toward a cliff, having no idea what I would find when I flew off the edge. I felt a rush of energy and a tightening in my groin, and my hips jerked forward of their own accord. A tingle washed over my body, and it was as if the entire world stood still for a moment.

Then it happened. As I felt the first contraction, a feeling of pleasure beyond my wildest imaginings seemed to start at the base of my penis and shoot all through my body. I opened my eyes in surprise, just in time to see a strong jet of white fluid shoot out from my penis and onto my stomach and chest. My hand kept doing what it somehow knew to do, and several more jets followed that first one, each one sending another wave of pleasure coursing through my body. The second stream hit me in the chin. The third one flew over my shoulder and onto the bed behind me. The fourth went right into my gaping mouth, and I swallowed it because, well, what else? The contractions that followed were less strong, but when it was over my torso was covered with ropes of milky white fluid. So that's what semen is!

I lay back on my bed trying to process what had just happened. The first thing I thought was that this was definitely going to become a regular part of my life. The second thing I thought was that this was something my parents did not need to know about, which meant I would need to get both me and the bed cleaned up ASAP. The third thing was that, unless I was God's favorite, this kind of feeling was one that everyone else could have, too. Definitely other guys, and surely the universe couldn't be so unfair that girls couldn't have the same sort of experience. I wasn't quite sure how it would work for them, but I was going to find out, because I definitely wanted to share this experience with someone. That, I now knew, was what sex was about. So I needed to know a lot more about sex.

It was, of course, a complete accident that some of the semen had landed in my mouth. It was an unusual taste, quite salty, but I didn't find it unpleasant, and tasting it seemed like simply one more part of the sensual experience I'd just discovered. That would be important later.

* * *

I was determined to make up for lost time. Why couldn't I have discovered this sooner?

I realized immediately that, whatever it was I'd just done--it would be a bit before I had words for these things--it was not something I could do again right away. After I had ejaculated (that was a word I did know), my penis had gone soft again, and it stayed that way for some time despite the fact that I could not get the image of Kerry that I'd concocted out of my head. The good news was that my parents were not due home for some time, and they called while I was cleaning up the bed to say that they would be even later then expected. The better news was that it was Friday night, and the next week was our spring vacation. And we weren't going anywhere, since my parents both had to work. So I'd have plenty of time at home by myself.

I made myself something to eat, if only to get my mind off sex. It didn't work. I did manage to eat, but that image of Kerry, the memories of Teddie's photographs, and the thrill of what I'd just discovered were never really out of my head. By the time I was done eating, what I'd later learn was called the 'refractory period' had ended, and my penis had once again become my cock. So I returned to my room to find out what else was in that magazine.

There were three other pictorials. The main spread featured Christianna, a pretty brunette, in a very artsy series of photos that was less explicit than the one with Teddie. Tessa Hewitt, a blonde with shoulder-length hair and larger breasts than the other two, wasn't really my type, though I wasn't quite sure why. The photos of Erika Elson had a science fiction theme, which seemed a bit strange, but what made them interesting to me was that they were much more explicit than the others. There were two closeups of her vulva, one from the front and one from the back. I was stunned by how beautiful her 'pussy' was. In three of the photos, Erika was touching her labia, or at least close to them. This, I was guessing, was supposed to suggest that she was pleasuring herself in something like the way I was learning to pleasure myself.

Looking through the magazine had me hard again, and I could sense that it wouldn't take long for me to ejaculate again, if that's what I wanted to do. But I also felt less urgency than I had the first time, so I decided to see what would happen if I took my time. I was enjoying the way I felt--what I'd later learn to call 'arousal' or 'being turned on'--and I wanted to keep enjoying it. So I made my way back up to the attic and grabbed a couple more magazines. Though it didn't seem remarkable at the time, I was hard this entire time, my cock bobbing up and down as I walked. Such are the joys, and sorrows, of being an eighteen year old boy.

When I got back to my room, I took off my pajamas again--luckily, it was a warm spring--and then lay prone on the bed, with my cock pressed against the sheets. I was and am inquisitive by nature, so I couldn't help but treat my perusal of the magazines both as a sexual adventure and as a learning opportunity. I was fascinated by how different the women's bodies were, and I found myself wondering what the women themselves were like. Did they have siblings? What did they like to do for fun? Did they have boyfriends? Or girlfriends? (One of my aunts was a lesbian, so that was not a new idea.)

Mostly, though, I wondered what they thought about sex. Even though my mother didn't talk much about sex, you didn't have to be Sherlock Holmes to figure out she enjoyed it. My parents' bedroom was at the other end of the house, but I knew what they were doing when they 'turned in early', which they did at least twice a week. And I had heard enough to guess that Mom was having a good time. Mom had taught me enough feminism, too, that, even in my state of general ignorance, it seemed only fair to me that sex should be fun for everyone involved, men and women. And I figured that women probably had a quite different sort of experience of sex, and perspective on it, from men, if only because of the bodily differences. But how women might think about sex (not that all women had to think about it the same way), I had not a clue.

As it turned out, Penthouse could help with that too. As well as pictorials, the magazine included a wide range of articles, including some specifically about sex. A regular feature was the 'Forum', which published what purported to be letters from readers describing some of their sexual adventures. I wasn't so naïve as to think that they were all actually written by readers, or that they were all true. But some of them at least purported to be from women, and they gave me some initial source of information about sex and women's perspective on it. Given that I was starving, crumbs would have to do.

The biggest revelation was that there was something called 'oral sex'. It made total sense to me that one might kiss a partner's genitals, but that wasn't all there was to it. One man described the pleasure he took in 'eating pussy'. I'm sure you know well enough what that is, so I won't describe it, but to me it was yet another world opening. Yes, indeed, women could have 'orgasms' (new word) just like men, and the most sensitive spot on a woman's body was apparently the 'clitoris', which we had definitely not been told about at school. I wasn't quite sure what it was, or exactly where it was, so I made a mental note to find out. But being so close to the most intimate and sensitive part of a woman's body sounded like something I wanted to experience, and I made another mental note to find out as much as I could about how to pleasure a woman that way.

Just reading this man's descriptions, I felt like I might be about to ejaculate again. But I didn't want to do so yet. I wanted to keep reading. So I put down the magazine, threw on a robe, and went to the kitchen to get some water and a bit of ice cream. This time, my cock did deflate, at least a bit, which brought me back from the edge of the cliff.

I went back to my room, tossed the robe on the clothes tree, and settled back onto the bed. The same man who had described pussy eating had also described what it felt like when his wife returned the favor. Oh my! I had no idea what it might feel like to have my cock inside a woman's vagina. But I knew what the inside of a mouth was like, and my mind was racing as I tried to imagine how the wetness and warmth would feel on my penis when it was engorged and hyper-sensitive, like it was now. The guy talked as well about how much he liked to see his wife's beautiful lips wrapped around his 'dick', and how happy it made him that his wife was just as enthusiastic about 'sucking his cock' as he was to have her do it. I'll bet!

Best of all, he said, was that his wife liked to 'swallow', which was apparently rare, at least in his experience. It took me a minute to figure out what he meant. But once I did, I remembered what had happened earlier, when a rope of 'cum' had landed in my mouth, and I had 'swallowed'. It was easy enough to see why some women might not like the taste, or the texture, but I also understood, intuitively, just why 'swallowing' meant so much to him. Having had to clean it up once, I had already figured out that 'cum' was going to be a real inconvenience. I also knew that it could make women pregnant, and that it could carry disease. And yet, what is cumming (for someone like me) without cum? Having a partner who regarded cum as a necessary evil, as this guy's first wife apparently did, would be pretty depressing.

About this time, I realized that it was starting to get late. My parents weren't due home for an hour or so, but I didn't want to take any chance of being interrupted, which would be annoying at best and mortifying at worst. The reading I'd been doing had slowly increased my arousal, and I'd been idly stroking my cock from time to time. It was covered, once again, in 'precum' (another new word), which I'd somewhere along the way learned was another way my body prepared for sex, by making its own natural 'lubricant'. But it was time for my body to make some more cum.

I decided to set the magazines aside and create my own 'fantasy' about Kerry. I arranged the pillows against the headboard and lay back against them, my head and neck upright so I could see my cock. This idea of oral sex really appealed to me, so I first imagined 'going down' on Kerry. I still wasn't sure what that involved, so I just imagined being between her legs, looking with awe at her labia, spreading them with my fingers, and finding her mysterious clitoris with my tongue. I also had no idea how long one would have to lick a woman's clitoris before she could have an orgasm, but I figured enthusiasm would count for something, and tried to imagine her body quivering the way the man had described, and her making the kinds of sounds I'd heard my mother make.

"And now I will return the favor," I imagined her saying, just as the man's wife had said. In my mind, I was turning and lying just as I was now, and Kerry was kissing my lips, and then slowly making her way down my body to my cock. As I imagined her lips parting, and my cock entering her wet, warm mouth, the race up the hill began. I could see her tongue gently licking the head of my cock, and when I saw her full lips wrapped around my shaft, I started to cum. Expectantly, I opened my mouth, but the spurts were less strong this time, and the farthest one landed at the hollow between my collarbones. The orgasm overall was less intense, too, than my first, which I later decided should not have been surprising. To complete the picture, I scooped up some cum from my chest and licked it off my fingers, imagining that it was Kerry who was doing so. At least the cleanup was easier this time.

* * *

Masturbation soon became a regular habit. I masturbated nearly every day, twice most days (morning and night), and some days three or even four times. I don't know why, but I never felt guilty or even self-conscious about it, despite the way my classmates seemed to talk about it. Yes, it's private, but so is going to the bathroom, and no one tries to guilt you about that.

I was lucky that my parents were very respectful of my privacy. I kept the magazines hidden, but I am quite sure that Mom would never have gone looking for something like that. Even if she'd found it, I'm pretty sure she would just have left it. I was eighteen after all, and I could legally buy magazines like Penthouse if I wanted to do so. (Indeed, I did want to, and later I would.)

A lot of my masturbation was 'relieving a need' or 'rubbing one out'. But now that I had had my sexual awakening, I saw the world in different terms, and moved through it differently, too. I started to notice how women would look at me sometimes. I was not unattractive (though I'm hardly movie-star material), and yoga and swimming had made me pretty fit. I also started to notice women in a different way. Things my feminist mother had taught me made me careful not to treat women like 'sex objects', but I didn't see how a person's sexuality could really be separated from the rest of their humanity. We are, as a recent song says, because of a million loves. So, when I saw an attractive woman, my mind would often wander. It wasn't so much that I'd imagine having sex with her but just wonder whether she was into sex, what she liked to do, what she might look like naked.

I was also becoming something of a masturbation connoisseur. I had found a lot of resources about masturbation and about sex more generally, a few on the nascent internet, though more at the library, and I had started to experiment with different ways of getting myself off. My second 'session' wasn't intentionally what I'd learned to call 'edging', but it was close, and I was curious what that would be like. But that meant having enough time to find out. Since I had most Friday nights to myself, I had enough privacy to try 'edging' myself a few times. I really enjoyed it.

I also tried different ways of stimulating myself. I tried humping, which I was happy to have tried but didn't find satisfying. I'd started, of course, with my hands, but there were many variations even there: different grips, using different hands, rubbing just the head, or just the underside, or just this one really sensitive spot, where the seam in the head meets the shaft. I tried using a soft-bristled paint brush (the art kind, not the house kind) to stroke that spot, which drove me absolutely wild.

So I was trying all kind of things, and 'turning in early' myself from time to time. I wasn't fooling anyone. "Have fun," my father said one time. My mothers' mock-shock made it clear enough that she knew what I was doing, too. And didn't disapprove.

I made yet another mental note to return that favor the next time they 'turned in early'. "Keep it down" might do the trick.

* * *

It wasn't until there was a lot more porn on the internet that I found out how conflicted most men felt about their semen. Apparently, quite a few men have this intense desire to consume their cum while they're masturbating, only for that desire to be replaced by disgust the moment they've ejaculated. That's given rise to a whole sub-genre of porn: CEI, or cum eating instruction. Mostly, it seems to be treated like FemDom, something no (straight) man would ever really want to do, so he has to be 'ordered' to do it. But for me, it wasn't like that. Maybe it was just the fact that I'd had a mouthful of cum the very first time I'd masturbated, so I'd been tasting my cum from the very beginning.

Whatever the reason, eating my cum had become a normal part of my masturbation routine. It wasn't unusual back then for the first few spurts to shoot up as far as my face, at least if I hadn't masturbated within the last few hours. That was especially true if I was lying down, but it would usually happen too if I was reclining, my head sort of propped up so I could see what I was doing. My aim wasn't great, but I could usually get at least part of a spurt into my mouth, enough to have a taste, and every once in a while I'd get a bit more than that.

* * *

I turned nineteen the day I graduated from high school. But there was something else that happened that day that would have a huge impact on my sexual future.

We had co-valedictorians, one guy and one girl, who had both managed a perfect GPA. Brad was an amazing guy, which meant that a lot of people couldn't stand him. Not only was he incredibly smart, but he was president of the drama club, where he had directed our school musical. He was captain of the baseball team, and its star player: the best pitcher and the best hitter on the team. He was an Eagle Scout who's Eagle project had been starting a food pantry in our town, which had had its share of layoffs in recent years. And he was dating the hottest girl in last year's graduating class, who was now in college. Which would all be unbearable if he weren't also modest and friendly, and the kind of person who would stick up for the kids who were picked on. He'd stood up for me more than once, even though we weren't more than acquaintances. So, yeah, a lot of people were jealous of him.

As Brad was giving his speech to the class, one of the guys sitting in front of me--a real asshole, actually, so this was no surprise--said, loud enough for a lot of people to hear, "It sounds to me like Brad spends too much time sucking his own dick." Ha-ha.

But wait! Was that even possible? I thought about it for a minute and realized that, yes, maybe it was. I'd spent enough time in yoga studios to have seen some really flexible people in what suddenly seemed like really interesting positions. In some of those poses, the distance between their head and their crotch couldn't have been more than eight to ten inches, and it's not like they were actually trying to get close. If you were trying, and if your cock was long enough, I was pretty sure it would be possible.

I had not forgotten what I'd read in Penthouse. But, nerd that I was, I was no closer actually to knowing what it was like to have my penis in a warm, wet mouth than I had ever been. Kerry definitely did not know I existed, a fact that was confirmed when she did not even respond to my invitation to go for a walk but literally just turned and walked away. But getting a blowjob had become my number one fantasy, the one that would push me over the edge even when I was tired, or sick, or just down, and none of the others would. If no one else would suck my cock... then maybe could I do it myself?

As I said before, the internet back then was in its infancy. But there were these newfangled things called 'search engines' that were making it much easier to find things on the World Wide Web. And, as usual, pornographers were early adopters of the new technology, so even though it could take forever to download anything with a dialup modem, porn was already flourishing on the web, and I'd discovered a couple of sites that had nicely done photographs of beautiful naked women. So, the next Saturday night, when my parents were out as usual, I sat down at the computer, dialed up our internet provider, and set to searching for information about... what? What exactly would you call it? I tried a number of different things before "sucking his own penis" led me to the right term: auto-fellatio. When I plugged that in, I found what I was looking for.

There wasn't much, but I found a couple pictures on Usenet (which was like an early forerunner of Reddit but with less moderation, if you can believe it) and some discussion among men who were trying to do it and those who'd managed it. That, at least, was enough to confirm that it was possible. I wouldn't be completely wasting my time if I gave it a shot. Who knew, when I started practicing yoga all those years ago, that it might pay off this way?

The grainy photos I'd seen gave me a basic idea of the method: Lie on your back, and then throw your legs up over your head, rolling back onto your shoulders. One guy mentioned bracing his feet against the wall and then 'walking' down the wall, so as to lower his crotch closer to his face. Another guy suggested doing it on the floor by a heavy table, so you could put your feet on the underside of the table and then use that for leverage. A couple guys said that, after mastering this position, they'd managed to do it sitting, just bending over. None of them, though, seemed to mention yoga, even though several of the positions sounded familiar.

I had been busy recently, though, and had not been practicing yoga as often. I missed it, and was wanting to get back into it, so this was extra motivation. I knew from experience that it would be very easy to injure myself if I weren't careful, and I definitely didn't want to have to explain that one to the doctor at the emergency room. So I made a plan then and there to start practicing again, every day, and to work especially on the Halasana, or Plough Pose. I'd need some time anyway, and some privacy, in order actually to try it.

* * *

A couple weeks later, I got my chance. My parents were invited by some old friends of theirs to join them at their beach house for the 4th of July weekend. I'd been there, and had been invited as well every other time they'd gone, but for some reason I was not invited this time. Which was just as well. It would be the first time my parents had left me alone at the house for any length of time but, as I told them, "I'm nineteen, and I'll be going to college in a couple months. I think I can handle it." Mom left me some meals and the key to her car. I didn't think I'd be needing it.

They left Thursday afternoon and wouldn't be back until Sunday. I decided not to jump right into it but to spend Thursday evening relaxing, doing some stretching and practicing. One of the great things about having the house to myself in July was that I could just walk around half-dressed, or even naked. I'd gotten very comfortable being naked in my room, but it was liberating to be able to walk around without anything on. It was a turn-on, too, the naughtiness of it, and I ended up masturbating a couple times that night, in my usual ways.

Friday morning, I woke up with a raging hard-on. It was partly morning wood, but it wasn't just that. I'd slept a bit fitfully, like it was Christmas eve, and every time I woke up I thought about what I was hoping to do the next day. I masturbated again before I got up. I was so excited that the first five spurts all hit my neck and face, and three of them went into my mouth.

I got up, made some coffee, and had something to eat. I had all day and didn't feel a need to rush it. I was going to do a lot of stretching first anyway, because the last thing I needed to do was wrench my back. I ran a warm bath, which would also help to loosen my muscles, and relaxed while soaking in the tub. Since an hour or so had now passed since I masturbated, my cock was hard again, and bobbing in the water, demanding my attention. I tried to think about something else, but it was useless. I didn't see how I was going to manage to stretch, or do anything else, in this state, so I masturbated again in the tub.

I got out of the tub, dried off, and made my way to the living room. To make things more interesting, I'd decided to stretch naked. Even with the exertion, and even with having just masturbated a second time, my cock was soon half-hard again, dripping precum in copious amounts. I couldn't get what I preparing to do out of my mind, and an image of Kerry's lips wrapped around my cock was there, too, from time to time. (Pathetic, I know.)

Was it time? Amazingly enough, with all the thought I'd put into this, I didn't actually know what would make it the right time. I also hadn't decided where to do it. But I was most comfortable in my bedroom, so there it would be. I wasn't quite sure how this was going to go, either, and it seemed not unlikely that I could make quite a mess, so I took a couple towels and draped them across the bed, and positioned a pillow a couple feet from the headboard.

I looked at the bed, lovingly prepared for my experiment, and for the first time felt a twinge of guilt. Everyone masturbated, I figured, but surely not everyone did what I was about to try to do. Was I some kind of sex fiend? Masturbating was one thing, but sucking your own cock? I decided to sort that out later. Sex fiend or not, it was something I wanted to try, right then. In truth, the naughtiness of it only made it more appealing. I was so excited, I was almost shaking. My cock was about as hard as it got, and everything felt tight down there--like a coiled spring.

I got onto the bed and lay with my head on the pillow. I started by actually doing the Hanasana on the bed. My legs went up into the air, and my torso rolled up toward my face, which pointed my erect cock right at my mouth. It was probably six inches away, but I wasn't really trying yet. I held that pose for a few minutes and then made my first real attempt. I rolled my hips down further, putting my feet against the headboard. My cock was now tantalizingly close to my mouth, just a couple inches away. I stuck out my tongue to try to lick the head, but it wouldn't quite reach. I decided to rest a moment and let my body adjust to this odd position, which was tiring, and it compressed my chest enough that it made it a bit hard to breathe.

I needed a break, and to compose myself. I felt like the excitement was making me tense, so I unrolled myself and just spent a couple minutes breathing. My cock wanted a bit of attention, so I spent a few moments just stroking the underside lightly, and massaging my scrotum.

It was time for a second attempt. I felt like my head was maybe too far from the headboard, so I moved the pillow a bit closer, then threw my legs up over my head again. I was really close! I stuck out my tongue again and was able, just barely, to lick the very tip of the head. Even that felt absolutely amazing. I licked back and forth a few times, tasting the precum that was still flowing out of me, making me even harder (if that were possible) and making me want all the more to get more of my mouth on my cock. So I started 'walking' my feet slowly down the headboard, like I'd read to do, being careful all the while to go slowly. It didn't seem to be helping. My cock was moving, but it was getting closer to the bridge of my nose than to my mouth.

I uncoiled again, breathed, and tried to relax. I briefly wondered whether it was worth the trouble. I didn't expect it to be easy, but I didn't expect it to be quite so much work, either.

I decided to try something slightly different. I'd been spreading my legs apart, which I had to do because I was so close to the headboard. Maybe it would be better to be further away and keep them closer together? That would be a bit more like the Plough Pose. It was at least worth a try. So I moved the pillow down a bit, situated myself again on the bed, and for a third time rolled my hips upward and threw my legs over my head. And, all of a sudden, there it was. My cock actually hit me in the chin and then nestled underneath it. I was so surprised I started laughing, which made it impossible to stay in that position, and I toppled onto my side, still laughing.

By the time I stopped laughing, I'd somewhat lost my erection, but it returned pretty quickly once I'd regained my focus. I rolled onto my back again and, more slowly this time, started to roll my hips and lift my legs over my head. My eyes were locked on my cock, swollen and hard, the head purple with my arousal. Slowly, almost as if I were teasing myself, it approached my mouth as my feet neared the headboard. Just as my toes touched it, the tip of my cock reached my chin, and I reached up with my right hand to point it a bit higher. It made contact with my lips, and I stuck out my tongue to lick the growing drop of precum off the tip, then licked a circle around the head. It felt heavenly! My tongue was so soft compared to the hand to which I'd become accustomed, and I was surprised by the cool sensation my tongue left behind as the moisture evaporated.

My feet were not even flat against the headboard yet, so I slowly relaxed my ankles, and my cock slid just as slowly into my mouth. I held the position once the head was fully inside. I wanted to enjoy each and every one of these new sensations. I stated to suck gently on the head, while rolling my tongue around it. I don't know what, if anything, I'd expected, but I was pleased with the way the head nestled between my lips. My mouth was open, of course, but not so open as to be uncomfortable. (I'm not particularly large, typical length at about six and a half inches, and probably typical girth as well.)

I extended my feet against the headboard just a bit, which caused my cock to slip just out of my mouth, and then back into it as I relaxed my feet again. I was actually blowing myself! Each time, I let my feet relax just a bit more, and my cock would go just a bit more into my mouth. My tongue would slide onto the top side of my cock as it entered my mouth, and I'd swirl it around the tip and then side to side. It was, it seemed to me, unfortunate that the super-sensitive underside was not so easily accessible to my tongue, but we can't have everything, can we?

It was definitely a good thing that I'd already masturbated twice. I was very close to orgasm, and I'd only been making contact with my penis for a couple minutes. Out of nowhere, it kind of hit me what I was doing: I was sucking my own cock! That realization was enough to push me over the edge. At that particular moment, I was on the 'in phase', so my cock was about two inches into my mouth. As I felt myself pass the point of no return, though, my feet tensed, which pushed my cock back out of my mouth, maybe an inch past my lips. I was beyond thought and beyond controlling my body, so that is where it would stay. I saw my cock twitch as the first contraction began, an amazing site just inches from my eyes, and then I was cumming. The first spurt went right into my open mouth. I managed to keep my mouth open, but since I was not holding my cock, it was jerking around with the force of the contractions. The second hit my chin; the third went into my mouth again.

Somehow, I had managed to get my hand on my cock now, and was furiously pumping it, but it didn't help with the aim, and the fourth spurt hit my cheek and the fifth, my nose. I started slowly to uncoil as the contractions slowed. As I emerged out of the cloud of pleasure that had enveloped my body and my spirit, I found myself flat on the bed, except for my lower legs, which were now dangling off the end of it. In there somewhere, I'd swallowed the cum that had gone into my mouth, but I could still taste the salty remnants. I lay there for several minutes, filled with wonder at what had just happened to me. What an amazing thing a human body is.

I got up and went into the bathroom. I wanted, first of all, to see what I looked like. There was a good-sized blob of cum on my nose, and a thread of it was hanging off one side. There was another on my left cheek, which had started to drip down my face, and a third in the crook of my chin, which seemed as if it were happy enough to stay right there. I wished I had a camera, but this was long before the days when digital cameras became commonplace, and I was hardly going to get a photo of myself with cum on my face developed at the local camera store. So I took one more look, and then started to clean my face with a warm washcloth.

I went back to the bedroom and plopped myself down on the bed. I was tired, and a bit sore, so I just lay there for a while and tried to clear my mind. I fell asleep for a bit and, when I woke, found that I was hard again. I'd been dreaming about what I'd just done.

* * *

The other good news was that I had nearly two days until my parents returned, which left me enough time for a few more adventures. I spent the rest of that day listening to music and then, after eating the lasagna Mom had left for me, watching one of the porn DVDs they thought they had well hidden. Like many of the pornos back then, it had a plot, but it was actually pretty well acted. The movie very much revolved around the oral fetish of the female lead, which was perfect for the occasion. I couldn't help but wonder now how it would feel to have another person's mouth around my cock, and I really loved watching this lovely woman enthusiastically sucking her partners' cocks until they ejaculated in her mouth, or on her face. As you might imagine, watching that made me hard again, and the constraint of the clothing I'd put on after showering again was very unwelcome. So I took off my clothes and lazily stroked my leaking cock while watching the rest of the movie.

I was tired when the movie was over but was definitely in the mood to masturbate again. Oral sex seemed like the theme of the evening, so I got out one of my magazines as well. This was the July 1984 edition of Penthouse, and it had a boy-girl pictorial with Jody Swafford, a blonde with a cute mouth. Penthouse wasn't a hard-core magazine, so there wasn't really a lot of sex. But there was one picture where the two of them were in a 69, with her on top. It was shot from close to her ass, and his mouth was firmly in contact with her pussy. There were also several photos of Swafford kneeling in front of her partner, her face very near his dick, and one of the photos, taken from behind her head, very much suggested that his cock was in her mouth.

I set the magazine open on the bed and got into position. I was going to do my best to take my time. It seemed a good idea to stretch a bit again, so I did that while thinking about what it would be like to have my cock inside Jody's mouth, which had me throbbing.

Limber enough, I teased myself by very slowly rolling up onto my shoulders and sending my legs up and over toward the headboard. Knowing that I'd be able to suck myself this time made it all the more exciting as my cock came closer and closer to my mouth. When it was at my lips, I hungrily licked the precum that had wet it, then brought my cock into my mouth. Just the head again, at first, then back out so I could see the wetness all over it. Then back into my mouth. I hadn't managed much more the first time, if only because I hadn't had the time. But this time would be different. Walking my feet down the headboard, I managed to get about half my cock into my mouth. I ran my tongue all around the head and then started the in-and-out motion I could generate by flexing my ankles. It felt fantastic, not just on my cock but on my lips and tongue, too. The combination of the hardness of my cock and the softness of the skin was surprisingly erotic, and I could see why someone might really enjoy giving blowjobs.

As great as it felt, though, I really was getting tired. This time, I was determined to cum while my cock was in my mouth. I relaxed just a bit so about two inches of my cock was in there and then reached up with my right had to start stroking myself. That caused my cock to move about half an inch or so in and out, and I continued licking the head and generating some suction. I could feel my orgasm starting to build and could see my balls being pulled up tight against my cock. I knew I could cum any second now but wanted to hold off just a bit longer. This was just too good.

The decision was made for me when an image from the movie popped into my head: The woman had been blowing her partner, and now you could see his cock throbbing as he emptied himself into her mouth while she moaned in both pleasure and appreciation. I moaned, too, suddenly overwhelmed by it all, and then I started to cum. Even though this was my fourth orgasm of the day, stream after stream of hot cum shot into my mouth as waves of pleasure coursed through my body. I tried my best to hold it all there, but it was too much, and some of it seeped out of my mouth and ran down my chin and onto my neck.

When it was over, my cock began to deflate and popped out of my mouth, so I unrolled myself again and just stayed there with a mouth full of cum. I swirled it around a bit to enjoy its salty, slightly bitter taste, and then swallowed it in one gulp.

I thought about getting up and cleaning up a bit, but I was too tired now. So I just wiped the excess cum off my face with my t-shirt, crawled under the covers, and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

I blew myself one more time that weekend. It had definitely become my favorite way to masturbate, but it wasn't something I was keen to do when my parents were home. You might think I'd have plenty of time during the summer, but Mom worked from home. But, as I said, they went out almost every Friday night, so, well, Fridays became even more special to me.