Nothing Left to Hide Pt 8

Human Resources, Again

By this point, I knew the route to Human Resources better than I knew the route to the bathroom.

Kelly and I walked down the hallway holding hands.

She was wearing only the tiny black thong Human Resources had reluctantly approved.

I had the pouch.

Calling it a pouch made it sound more substantial than it was.

It covered exactly two things: my dick and my balls.

That was it.

There was no waistband. No strap around my hips. Nothing covering my ass, pubic hair, thighs or any other part of me. The little drawstring opening fit around everything at the base and tightened there, leaving the fabric hanging over the parts Human Resources had decided the civilized world simply couldn't survive seeing.

In theory, once the drawstring was tightened, the thing stayed put.

In theory.

I'd already learned to walk more carefully than usual.

There were certain workplace wardrobe malfunctions a man could recover from.

Having your company-mandated dick bag fall off in the hallway probably wasn't one of them.

The other problem was that covering something wasn't the same as concealing what it was doing.

And right now, mine was doing something.

Kelly glanced down.

I caught her.

"Stop."

"I didn't say anything."

"You don't have to."

"I'm concerned."

"You're delighted."

"A little."

"Kelly."

She squeezed my hand.

"I can't help it."

"Yes, you can."

"No, I really can't."

Her eyes dropped again.

The pouch was no longer hanging particularly vertically.

"Kelly."

She looked innocently at my face.

"What?"

"You know what."

"I don't know anything."

"You're a terrible liar."

"I just think Human Resources should've conducted more extensive product testing."

"On whom?"

She thought about it.

"Fair point."

We reached the HR door.

Kelly stopped.

"What?"

She looked at me with exaggerated seriousness.

"Do you need a minute?"

"I hate you."

She burst out laughing.

I opened the door.

"Get inside."

"Bossy."

"Kelly."

"I'm going."

We walked in.

Rebecca from HR looked up from her computer.

Then at Kelly.

Then at me.

Then at our joined hands.

Then at Kelly's broken shoe.

Then her eyes dropped toward the absurd little piece of fabric hanging from me.

They stopped.

She immediately looked back at my face.

Her eyes closed.

"Blake."

"Yeah."

"Sit down."

"Happy to."

"Both of you."

Kelly released my hand.

We sat.

Sitting made the pouch situation worse.

There wasn't anything around my waist holding it in a particular position. It was attached only where the drawstring cinched at the base, which meant it went wherever the anatomy underneath it went.

I adjusted my position.

Rebecca noticed.

Kelly definitely noticed.

Her lips disappeared between her teeth.

I pointed at her.

"Don't."

Rebecca looked between us.

"Do I want to know?"

"No."

Kelly said, "Probably not."

"Good."

Rebecca folded her hands.

"I have been in Human Resources for eleven years."

Neither of us spoke.

"I have handled harassment complaints, workplace injuries, discrimination claims, terminations, employee fights, medical emergencies, one bomb threat and an incident involving a raccoon."

Kelly's eyebrows went up.

"A raccoon?"

"Not relevant."

"Okay."

Rebecca continued.

"In the past two weeks, the two of you have managed to create situations for which I have absolutely no existing forms."

"Is that bad?" Kelly asked.

Rebecca stared at her.

"Kelly."

"Sorry."

"Tell me what happened."

The humor disappeared.

Kelly sat straighter.

"A customer came in shortly after lunch."

"Name?"

"I don't know."

"We'll pull the transaction information and camera footage."

"He started hitting on me."

Rebecca made a note.

"Define hitting on you."

"Asking my name. Telling me I was pretty. Asking if I had a boyfriend. Asking for my number. Asking for my Instagram. Asking me to have a drink with him."

"Did you tell him to stop?"

"Repeatedly."

"Clearly?"

"Very."

I spoke.

"She did."

Rebecca looked at me.

"You witnessed it?"

"All of it."

"Okay."

She wrote something else.

"What happened next?"

Kelly took a breath.

"He came around the counter."

Rebecca stopped writing.

"Into the employee area?"

"Yes."

"Did you tell him not to?"

"Yes."

"Then what?"

"He kept coming toward me."

Kelly's voice had changed.

I noticed.

So did Rebecca.

"What happened then?"

"I told him he was too close."

"And?"

"He told me to relax."

Rebecca's expression hardened.

"He took another step. I told him to back up."

"Then?"

Kelly looked down at her hands.

"He reached for me."

Rebecca put the pen down.

"Did he touch you?"

"No."

"Why not?"

Kelly looked at her.

"Because I kneed him in the balls."

Silence.

Rebecca blinked.

I looked at the floor.

Kelly sat perfectly still.

Rebecca picked up the pen.

"Okay."

I bit the inside of my cheek.

Rebecca looked at me.

"Something funny?"

"No."

Kelly made a tiny choking noise.

Rebecca looked at her.

"Something funny?"

"No."

Another silence.

Rebecca wrote something.

"What happened after that?"

"He went down."

"I assume so."

That nearly got me.

Kelly's lips disappeared between her teeth.

Rebecca saw both of us struggling.

"Please understand that I'm trying to document an unwanted customer advance that escalated into attempted physical contact."

That sobered us immediately.

"Sorry," Kelly said.

Rebecca nodded.

"It's okay. People laugh after adrenaline. That's normal."

She continued.

"Did he threaten you afterward?"

"He called me a fucking bitch."

Rebecca wrote.

"Anything else?"

"He said he was going to sue."

"Of course he did."

That was the first hint Rebecca was human.

Kelly looked at me.

I looked at her.

Rebecca noticed.

"Don't."

Neither of us said anything.

"We'll preserve the camera footage. I'll notify management and security. We'll identify him through the transaction records. Depending on what the video shows, we may issue a trespass notice."

Kelly nodded.

"Okay."

"And Kelly?"

"Yeah?"

"You did the right thing by clearly telling him to stop."

Kelly's shoulders dropped slightly.

Rebecca continued.

"Once he entered an employee-only area, ignored your instructions and reached toward you, this stopped being a conversation about whether he was flirting."

"Thank you."

"That doesn't mean management won't review everything that happened."

"I understand."

"But based on what you've described, I'm primarily concerned with his conduct."

Kelly nodded.

Then Rebecca leaned back.

"And now we have to discuss the other issue."

"The nudity," I said.

"The nudity."

Rebecca rubbed her forehead.

"The interim policy was created because our existing dress code did not adequately address the situation you started."

She pointed at me.

"I prefer 'discovered.'"

"You started it."

"Fair."

Kelly smiled.

Rebecca continued.

"Until now, most of the problems have been internal. Distraction. Complaints. Questions about customer reactions. We've been dealing with those."

She looked at Kelly.

"Today is different."

Kelly's expression changed.

"So you're saying this happened because I'm naked?"

"No."

Rebecca answered immediately.

"Absolutely not."

Kelly relaxed slightly.

"I'm saying the company has an obligation to consider whether the current arrangement creates foreseeable safety problems."

"That's different."

"Yes."

Rebecca looked at both of us.

"And I want to be very clear. Your clothing or lack of clothing does not give a customer permission to harass you, enter a restricted area or touch you."

Kelly nodded.

"Okay."

"But if we're going to continue allowing this, we need better controls."

I leaned forward.

"Such as?"

"Physical barriers preventing customers from walking behind counters. Clear employee-only signage. A process for immediately removing customers who become inappropriate. Possibly panic buttons."

That sounded surprisingly reasonable.

Kelly nodded.

"I'd be okay with that."

"So would I."

Rebecca looked at me.

"Nobody asked you."

"I work here too."

"Unfortunately."

Kelly laughed.

Rebecca almost smiled.

Almost.

Then her eyes moved downward again.

Goddammit.

I shifted in the chair.

The pouch shifted with me.

Rebecca stared at me.

Kelly noticed.

Of course she noticed.

Her mouth twitched.

Rebecca sighed.

"Blake."

"Yes?"

"Are you comfortable?"

"Not particularly."

"Would you like to explain what's happening?"

"No."

Kelly made a sound suspiciously like a snort.

Rebecca looked between us.

"Is there something I need to know?"

"No."

"Absolutely not," I said.

Kelly looked innocent.

Rebecca's eyes narrowed.

"Kelly?"

"Nothing."

"Blake?"

"Nothing."

Rebecca stared at us.

Then recognition appeared.

Oh, no.

Her eyes closed.

"Oh, for God's sake."

"It isn't what it looks like."

She opened her eyes.

"I don't know what it looks like anymore."

Kelly lost it.

She bent forward laughing.

"Kelly!"

"I'm sorry!"

Rebecca pointed at me.

"You."

"What?"

"Is this related to what happened?"

I considered my options.

There were none.

"Sort of."

Rebecca's face went blank.

"Explain 'sort of.'"

"I'd really rather not."

"Blake."

Kelly was wiping tears from her eyes.

I looked at her.

"This is your fault."

"My fault?"

"You know exactly what you did."

Rebecca held up both hands.

"No."

We stopped.

"I've changed my mind."

"About what?"

"I don't want to know."

Smart woman.

"Thank you."

"I am documenting that you both stated there is no additional workplace issue requiring HR intervention."

"Correct."

Kelly nodded.

"Definitely."

Rebecca typed something.

Then stopped.

"And for the love of God, please stop making me write sentences nobody in HR should ever have to write."

"I'll try."

Kelly nodded.

"Me too."

Rebecca pointed toward the door.

"Go."

We stood.

"Thank you," Kelly said.

Rebecca's expression softened.

"Kelly."

She stopped.

"Seriously. Are you okay?"

The joking disappeared again.

Kelly thought about it.

"Yeah."

Then:

"I think so."

"If that changes, come see me."

"I will."

"And don't hesitate to call security if anyone makes you uncomfortable."

"Okay."

Kelly smiled.

"Thank you."

We left.

The door closed behind us.

We made it approximately six feet.

Then Kelly stopped.

I kept walking.

"Blake."

"No."

I continued.

"Blake."

"Whatever you're about to say, no."

She hurried after me.

"I just have one question."

"No."

"One."

"No."

She caught my arm.

I stopped.

"What?"

Kelly looked down.

There was absolutely nothing subtle about what she was looking at.

Then she looked back up.

That smile.

The evil one.

"So..."

"No."

"Was it really because of me?"

I closed my eyes.

"We discussed this."

"No. You avoided discussing it."

"I said it was you."

"But what about me?"

"Kelly."

"I genuinely want to know."

"Why?"

She shrugged.

"Because I like knowing you find me attractive."

That took some of the humor out of it.

I opened my eyes.

She was still smiling, but there was something vulnerable underneath.

"You really need me to answer that?"

"Maybe."

I looked at her.

At her long brown hair.

Her brown eyes.

The small smile she was trying to pretend didn't matter.

Her compact body standing comfortably in the hallway as though being almost completely naked at work had become the least remarkable thing about her.

"Yes."

Her smile faded.

"Yes what?"

"It was you."

"Not just adrenaline?"

"No."

"The situation?"

"No."

Her eyes stayed on mine.

"What, then?"

I stepped a little closer.

"You looked..."

I searched for the word.

"Powerful."

That surprised her.

"Powerful?"

"Yeah."

"You just watched me knee somebody in the balls."

"I noticed."

She laughed.

"I'm serious."

I lowered my voice.

"You told him no. You gave him about twelve opportunities to stop. You didn't panic. You didn't need me to rescue you. And when he finally crossed the line..."

I shrugged.

"You handled it."

Kelly looked at me differently.

"That's what did it?"

"That and..."

I stopped.

Her eyebrow lifted.

"And?"

"No."

"Blake."

"Nope."

She stepped closer.

"What else?"

"You're enjoying this too much."

"Absolutely."

"Then I'm definitely not telling you."

Her eyes narrowed.

"You saw me."

I smiled.

"I see you all day."

"No."

She pointed at me.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about."

I started walking.

Kelly followed.

"You saw something when I lifted my leg."

"Goodbye, Kelly."

"We work in the same department."

"Then I'm transferring."

"Blake!"

I kept walking.

She caught up beside me.

"Was it my ass?"

"No comment."

"My tits?"

"Kelly."

She gasped theatrically.

"Oh my God."

"What?"

"You saw my pussy."

I stopped.

She stopped.

I stared at her.

Kelly's mouth slowly opened into a huge grin.

"Oh my God, you did."

"Could you possibly say that louder?"

She looked around.

Then leaned closer and whispered:

"You saw my pussy."

"I've seen you naked before."

"Not like that."

I rubbed my face.

"This conversation is insane."

She was delighted.

"That's why you got hard."

"I was already attracted to you."

"But that didn't help."

"No."

The answer slipped out before I could stop it.

Kelly froze.

Then grinned.

"HA!"

"Goddammit."

"I knew it."

"Congratulations."

She glanced down one more time.

With the pouch attached only at the base, there wasn't exactly anywhere for my reaction to hide. The stupid thing might satisfy the technical requirement that certain parts of me weren't directly visible, but it practically turned everything they did into a public announcement.

Kelly clearly considered that one of the design's better features.

"I'm never letting this go," she said.

"I know."

"Never."

"I know."

"Like when we're eighty."

"Please don't make plans that far ahead based on this."

She laughed.

Then, unexpectedly, she slipped her hand into mine.

I looked down.

She looked ahead.

For several steps neither of us said anything.

Then:

"Blake?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm glad you were there."

The joking was gone.

I squeezed her hand.

"Me too."

She looked at me.

"And I'm glad you let me handle it."

"You told me you had it."

"I did."

"Yes, you did."

A small smile.

Then her eyes dropped one final time.

"Apparently really well."

I pulled my hand away.

"Goddammit, Kelly."

She chased me down the hallway laughing.

And the pouch, mercifully, stayed attached.

In theory had survived another day.