Home for Horny Monsters Ch. 143

Hi, all!

Annabelle Hawthorne here with the next exciting chapter of "Yes, I am still writing these, but thank you for sending emails asking if I'm okay." Family life is just tough right now in terms of time management, and unlike almost a decade ago, I just can't stay up until 2 AM every morning to try and catch up.

(Seriously, I used to laugh at those ads about what hurts when you wake up, but the real joke is on me!)

New reader? Mike Radley got to nut in a nymph's mouth while jerking off in the bathtub and now he's caught up in a soap opera of dunking his dick in sweet treats from around the world all while dodging evil wizards and taxes. Pretty much the plot of every Adam Sandler movie, only with the scope of the MCU (yes, all of it, I see you, She-Hulk fans!). In case you're lost, go back to Ch 001 and start there so we can gradually slide the plot into your eyeholes like a Bad Dragon Horse Dildo with more knots than a Caribbean Sunset Cruise Pirate Vessel slipping into a stay-at-home mother trying to reclaim her pelvic floor in the safety of her bathtub while watching Season One of Bridgerton on repeat.

(That's a new sentence that exists now and it's all mine.)

Returning reader? Welcome back, and thanks for keeping the faith! Yes, it's no lie that I am usually in the trenches, and they have gotten particularly deep in the last year or so. Some authors like myself are forced to dedicate more time and attention to their families in order to stave off future therapy bills while others are too busy rolling in their own money and jerking off while on the phone with HBO instead of writing their next book, but I promise you all that I am still trying my damndest to keep the words coming as well as stay in the game.

I do put chapter updates in my bio, so make sure you check that for info. As for people who still keep messaging me about "missing" chapters, I will remind you all that I don't own the site and the chapters do exist. It sucks to see a massive percentage of you all vanishing right around the time Lit broke and stopped putting all my chapters on my Series List, but I have no control over it. I gave you a way to find them in my bio, but will also say that a reader told me if you try to organize my stories in alphabetical order, they show up there.

(Interestingly enough, my ratings are higher on the chapters that are harder for others to see, which makes me suspect people are still hopping on to one star me, but that's just a theory backed up by coincidental evidence based on how I am treated on a certain social media platform that starts with a color).

I may be a bit snarky today, but that's because I have been working hard and need a break. What I really want is an unlimited supply of margaritas and nachos all day while hanging out at a

Beach Party

When Mike arrived at Di's lair early on Sunday morning, he didn't know what to expect. He was the fourth person there, not counting the dragon herself.

Quetzalli stood next to Pele. They were chatting amicably while they waited. Ratu was also there, and had pulled a small wooden stool from the folds of her robe to set up a little tea tray. The others looked up at him as he walked in, and he gave them a nod of greeting, then yawned.

"I guess we're just waiting for one more." He yawned again, then looked toward the stairs. "Is she coming the long way?"

"No idea," Ratu replied as she poured some tea. "But since she called this meeting, she gets to arrive fashionably late."

It was only a few minutes later when the elevator was called to the surface. It eventually returned, carrying just Dana. The woman briefly made eye contact with everybody, then walked toward the center of the room.

"I'd like to thank everybody for agreeing to meet with me so early this morning," she said.

"Is everything okay?" Mike asked.

Dana chuckled. "Honestly? Yeah, things are great, actually." The zombie looked at Ratu, who gave her a nod. Dana stuck a hand in her pocket and pulled out a small box that was held shut with ribbons.

Pele cocked her head to one side and narrowed her eyes. "Is that what I think it is?" the goddess asked.

"No idea," Dana replied. "I don't know what you think it is, so I can't answer truthfully."

Quetzalli nodded her approval of the statement. When Pele gave the dragon a dirty look, the dragon shrugged. "What? I lived among the Fae for a very long time. That's a very solid answer."

Ratu walked up to Dana and produced another small pedestal from her robe. Mike made a mental note to discuss inter-dimensional pockets with the enchantress. Sure, she had said it would be very difficult to create outfits that would allow him or other members of the family to carry whatever they wanted, but maybe it was the kind of magic he could at least learn for himself.

Or if he couldn't, Beth would probably figure it out. Her natural talent for learning new magic would at least mean she'd finally have enough pockets for all the things she wanted to carry.

Dana set the box on the pedestal and looked at Mike. "A few days ago, Ratu came to me with news of a potential cure for my condition."

"Congratulations," Mike said.

"Originally, this artifact was required to return me to my previous state. However, we have discovered that it is no longer necessary for my cure. With that being said, I give this as a gift to the Radley family in exchange for a promise." Dana opened the box, revealing the Dragon Seed inside. From where Mike stood, he heard draconic whispering as he stared at the pearlescent surface. Behind him, Di's coils undulated in the lava as the dragon gazed down upon what could be the salvation of her race.

"Technically, it isn't a gift if you're demanding something in return." Quetzalli raised an eyebrow at Dana. "I'm just saying."

"It will be a gift for the family one way or another," Dana replied. "I am hoping the promise itself will be offered as a gift of its own."

"Hmm." Pele didn't seem so certain about the exchange, but it was clear her curiosity was piqued. "Go ahead, child."

"I have some big decisions to make in the days ahead," Dana said. "And I want to be able to make those decisions without fear of either my own place or the one I love losing a place to live."

"Do you mean Tasia?" Mike asked.

"I do." Dana took a deep breath, which may have been partially performative. "The possibility exists that the cure turns me back into an ordinary human, or perhaps kills me. I was hoping to secure a promise that I would be allowed to keep living here with you all, or, if I don't survive, that Tasia still has a place to stay."

Mike frowned. "I have no idea why you think we would do otherwise," he said. "Both of you are family. Do you really think we would turn you out?"

"No," Dana admitted. "But if there's one thing I've learned, it's that nothing is certain." She turned away from Mike and looked up at Di, then over at Pele. "And I mean no disrespect by saying this, but I'm not just asking the Caretaker."

The room went quiet. Mike felt the shift before he fully understood it.

"You are many things, Mike Radley, but immortal is not one of them." Dana's voice was steady, but there was a weight behind it that he hadn't heard from her before. "I've died once already. I know how quickly the world moves on. If something happens to you, I need to know that the promises made here still hold."

Mike opened his mouth, then closed it. He wanted to argue, to tell her she was being ridiculous, but the truth was that she wasn't. He had come close to death enough times that the concern was more than reasonable. It was the thing nobody in the family liked to say out loud.

Everything died, or was supposed to, anyway. Out of everyone present, his lifespan would be just a blip on their calendar someday, no bigger than a reminder to do the laundry.

Dana looked at Pele. "This is your territory, your volcano, your domain. The land itself answers to you, and I would hope it would continue to serve as a safe haven should the time come."

Pele studied Dana for a long moment, her expression unreadable. "You have some nerve, child," she said, though not unkindly. "Coming in here and asking a goddess for promises."

"I've been dead for years," Dana replied. "Nerve is all I have left."

Something that might have been a smile flickered across Pele's face. "Anyone who gives up a Dragon Seed of their own free will has earned the right to ask." The goddess inclined her head. "As long as these islands stand, you and yours will have a place on them."

Dana nodded, then tilted her head back to look at Di. The dragon's massive eye regarded her with an intensity that would have sent most people running.

"The fate of dragonkind has not long been in the Caretaker's hands," Di rumbled. "And if a day should ever come that our fate is truly our own, then you and yours shall have a home among us."

"Thank you." Dana turned back to Mike, and some of the rigidity left her shoulders. "You allowed me to keep this artifact, even though it was perhaps far more important to dragonkind. You've given me both the space I've needed, along with the support to survive. Part of me wanted to just hand this over to you and be done with it, but I wanted to make everybody here aware that I know how important this artifact is. I thank all of you for your patience."

Mike studied Dana for a moment, his brow furrowed. Dana wanting to make this transaction so formal felt a little off to him, but with Ratu standing nearby, he could only assume that the naga had recommended it. For all he knew, this had something to do with the Seed itself. Dana had taken it from a man who had been using it for his own personal gain, and was now willingly handing it over. Perhaps there was some magic in the formality?

Even so, there was something else. He wasn't worried about what it could be, but was definitely curious.

"I swear to you that as long as there is no ill will in your heart or the heart of those you love, then you shall have a place here," he replied.

Di made a rumbling sound in the back of her throat. "You willingly part with such power that dragons may once again rise and travel the world?"

"I do," Dana replied.

Mike caught Ratu nodding out of the corner of his eye.

Di cleared her throat and looked at Mike. "Technically, this is a gift offered to the Caretaker, and he must accept. The nobility of this act will have left its mark on the Seed, should you choose to ever use it."

Mike nodded. "I will accept this gift and promptly put it into the hands of the dragons themselves. I do not think the fate of dragons should belong to mortal men." He looked at Quetzalli and Di. "I would leave it in your care."

The earth dragon laughed. "And just like that, you would let dragons return?"

"Well, that's just it. I don't know that now is the right time or place for dragons." He looked at Pele, who nodded in agreement. "But I can't think of anyone else more qualified to make that decision than you two."

"Well put." Pele looked back at Dana and smiled. "This momentous occasion calls for a celebration, though the details of why will have to remain a secret. Nobody outside of this place can know what has transpired."

"Agreed," Mike and Dana said at the same time.

"So what should we tell everyone is the reason for the party?" Quetzalli asked. "They'll want to know."

Mike shrugged. "Do we need a reason for a party? Let's just tell everyone the Radleys are having a massive beach party to catch up on personal celebrations and that anyone who wants to come celebrate with us is welcome to."

The goddess chuckled. "Well put." She took the Seed and did a trick with her hand that made it disappear. "By your leave, I have a celebration to plan."

Quetzalli immediately engaged in an animated conversation with both Di and Ratu. This left Mike and Dana to walk quietly to the elevator together. The lift carried them away from the central chamber, causing the temperature to drop down into the low 80s.

"That felt like a lot of pomp and circumstance," Mike said.

"It was deserved," Dana replied. "Ratu explained to me that these things matter, especially to ancient beings like dragons and gods." The zombie studied him for a moment and Mike got that weird feeling again. Her soul was mottled and unreadable.

"What is it?" he asked. "I feel like there's something else you aren't telling me."

She snorted. "I hate that you can do that. But yes, there is." Dana stuck her hand in a pocket and pulled something out. "I wanted to know if I could have your blessing on something."

"You shouldn't need my blessing for--oh." He looked at the object in her hand, then smiled. "Really?"

Dana nodded. "I don't need your blessing, but I do want it for personal reasons."

Mike pulled her in for a hug. "Have you told anybody else yet?"

"I have not." Dana hugged him back stiffly at first, then relaxed. "Well, Lily and Lala, but only because I asked them first."

Mike took a step back and put a hand to his chest in mock indignation. "You told me third? Am I the third blessing?"

"Maybe." Dana smirked. "There's an order to these things."

"There certainly is." He laughed and looked up the elevator shaft. "When are you going to do it?"

"Maybe after the party," she replied.

"I know a perfect spot that overlooks the ocean. Nobody ever goes there. You won't be interrupted." He didn't feel the need to mention that it was his favorite fucking spot on the island. Nobody else seemed to know about it. "But I'm relying on you to keep it a secret."

The zombie smirked. "In that case, you should probably not plan on using it for anything on Party Night."

"I'll find other ways to keep myself occupied." He saw the edge of the shaft up above and knew this particular conversation was running short. "Just let me know if you need anything else from me."

"I absolutely will." Dana smiled and closed her hand, then stuck it back in her pocket. "I finally have a life to look forward to, and I'm not about to let anything get in my way. There is something else I want, though."

"Oh?"

"Paper-Rock-Scissors," she said, turning to face him. "Winner gets to tell Lily we're having a beach party."

Mike narrowed his eyes. With Dana's reflexes, he had no chance in hell. "I'll let you have this one," he said.

????????????

The party started simple enough two days later. Mike had Callisto and other young centaurs help him carry coolers full of child-friendly beverages that came in flavors such as Arctic Chill and Cool Breeze. These were quickly collected by the children playing in the surf, many of whom were merfolk. Several of the Moon Tribe were in attendance already, including Nima. The old man waved his walking staff at Callisto, and the two of them went off with Grace to hunt for treasure in the tide pools.

Mike noticed a few sour glances being thrown his way by some of Zel's people. Though it didn't trigger any sort of danger sense, it did give him an itchy feeling all along his brain. He would check in with Zel about it later, because he felt there was a really good chance she was underestimating the problem.

Wild pigs, dozens of them, were wrapped in leaves and buried in coals along the shoreline for dinner in roughly sixteen hours. Humans, centaurs, and merfolk alike mingled on the beach. Mike's family had a special pier built for them to sit at, which had gotten a couple of dark looks from the same culprits earlier.

"Do you get the idea that some of the people here are harboring ill will toward me?" he asked Leilani.

"No," she replied. The princess was busy watching the kids play in the tide pools while a pair of attendants fanned them from the sides. Leilani eventually put her hand on his knee and squeezed. "I think you worry too much."

He gave the mermaid a frustrated look which she didn't see. Maybe she was the wrong person to be asking this question. "I think you don't worry enough."

"Then perhaps we are the perfect pair," Leilani declared just as a massive cooler was nearly dropped on her foot. She jumped to her feet to glare at Lily and Tink, who had been the ones carrying it.

"Oops," Lily said, putting a hand to her cheek in mock embarrassment. "I'm so clumsy."

"And husband graceful," Tink added.

"I guess we're--" Lily was casually pulled by her bikini-top straight into the water by Leilani. Tink raised her fists and threw some mock punches.

"Tink fight next!" she declared.

"I only punch above my own weight cl--" Leilani didn't see Kisa slip behind her and crouch down. When Tink shoved the princess, she fell over the catgirl and into the water.

"Yeah, I'm out," Mike said. "When you all are done killing each other, come get me." He stood as if to leave, but Tink grabbed one arm as Kisa grabbed the other and they both pulled him into the surf with the others. Halfway through their splash fight, a tiny green figure cannonballed into the water and climbed onto Mike, biting his shoulder.

"Ow, Matilda!" Mike grabbed the toddler by her leg, which was the only part of her he could reach. The child giggled and splashed him, then tried to bite his hand.

"Little booger now a snot," Tink declared as she took Matilda away. The little goblin tried to bite her mother, then locked eyes with a table full of snacks up on the beach, managed to squirm free, and scurried out of the water faster than her mother could keep up. Centaurs standing by the table skittered away nervously at the sight of the child. They were well aware that she was a literal ankle-biter.

Mike swam toward the pier and was interrupted by a ball of orange fur that slammed into the surf next to him. A hand yanked him underwater where Yuki locked lips with him for a moment before allowing him to surface.

Back above the water, he saw Charlotte standing on the dock. The vampyr was wearing a black and red bathing suit that looked like it had been painted on. She was pulling a large wagon full of supplies in one hand while slinging a massive cooler over her shoulder.

"You're quite popular today," she declared.

"Need help?" he asked.

Charlotte shook her head and turned to pass the cooler off to Abella. "We've got this," the gargoyle replied. "You can keep having fun."

Mike didn't get a chance to reply, because he was dunked again, this time by Lily, who then stole his swim trunks. He managed to get back on the pier, flashing his ass at anyone who might be looking.

"Who will defend my honor?" he cried dramatically as Charlotte tossed him a towel. This rapidly turned into an underwater wrestling match that had Leilani, Yuki, Lily, and Charlotte fighting over his trunks. The game of keep-away was taking a while, so Mike wrapped the towel around his waist and moved to sit in one of the chairs on the dock.

Beth and her cabin mates showed up next. The lawyer caught several looks of longing from some centaurs and many merman, but she ignored them. Bigfoot plopped into an oversized beach chair and pulled it next to Mike, then handed Mike a cold beer.

"This is quite the party," Bigfoot said.

"We're just getting started." Mike popped open his beer as Tink came marching down the dock with Matilda over her shoulder. The goblin handed her child to Bigfoot, who was promptly bitten on the hand. The sasquatch immediately hurled the child into the ocean.

Sulyvahn plopped into the seat next to Mike and watched as Matilda bobbed up to the surface and came swimming back. "That 'un is half fish. Never seen a lass take to water like she does."

Bigfoot waited for Matilda to return to the dock, then picked her up and threw her again. Mike heard his child's laughter as she flew through the air. He couldn't help but laugh when she changed course on her way back and decided to bully Lily. The succubus let out a high-pitched shriek as the goblin grabbed onto her horns and dunked her. When the two surfaced again, Mike's trunks were on Matilda's head.

"Think we'll tire her out today?" Beth asked.

"No," said Mike, Bigfoot, and Tink at the same time. The goblin was busy messing with a stone box the size of a birdhouse that had a spigot attached to it. She waved toward the shore where Ratu was busy using her magic to form a basin made of lava rock. In the center of the basin was a small platform with a spot for the box along with a sitting area underneath an ornate trellis.

"We're all set," Ratu said.

"Can I?" Mike asked, holding his hand out for the box.

Tink grinned at him, then handed the box over. "Special project ready." She goosed him under the towel as he walked toward the stone basin, then fell in step behind him.

At the basin, Mike installed the box and grinned as several protective runes locked it in place. He turned the spigot. Seconds later a torrent of water spilled free, filling the makeshift fountain with swirling liquid.

The liquid rose, forming into the shape of a woman. Those on the beach came over to watch Naia step onto the fountain's edge and bend down to kiss Mike on the lips.

"Hello, lover." The nymph's eyes briefly flickered gold as Hestia winked at him, and then Naia was back. "Hi, everybody!" She waved at the assembled group, most of whom greeted her back with equal enthusiasm.

In the latticework above the basin, thick vines coiled in place and leaves bloomed. A miniature version of Amymone made out of wood slowly formed on the pedestal. She stood and stared out at the ocean, her mouth open in awe.

"Wow," the dryad whispered. "It's so beautiful."

Naia grinned and took her sister's hand to help her stand. Water flowed from the nymph into those roots, causing them to thicken and further solidify Amymone's presence.

The dryad wasn't technically here. Her consciousness ran through the special portal box, which had just enough room for a tree root and the pipe inside.

By his feet, Mike heard a dry chuckle. He looked down to see Reggie standing there in a pair of tiny board shorts and a metal crown.

"It works," the Rat King declared. "It finally works."

"I'm impressed," Mike said. The rats could chew tiny holes, but the box Tink had crafted was so small that the portal size was almost large enough to destabilize the structure. It was partially reinforced by the pipe, which was magically enchanted for stability. The other end of the pipe was in a similar box back at Naia's fountain. "You guys did great work."

Reggie let out a squeak of pleasure, his tail whipping back and forth. Mike grinned, then couldn't help but notice how many of Reggie's hairs had gone gray along the front of his face. It was a sudden realization that drove home what Dana had earlier said to the others.

One day, Reggie wouldn't be here anymore. It would be sooner than he thought since Mike had no idea how long magical rats lived. Most of the people at this party would be gone in the next seventy years, while others would remain for centuries, or even thousands of years. It wasn't enough to spoil the mood, but definitely felt like the beginning of a very weird mid-life crisis.

"You seem lost in thought, Mike Radley. May I be of assistance?"

Mike laughed when he looked at Death standing there with a surfboard tucked under one arm. "This party might be the most ironic thing I've dealt with this year."

The Grim Reaper shook his head. "No matter how many times I have listened to that song about irony, nor how many times Sofia has corrected me, I still fail to grasp the definition. Would you like to hang ten with me?"

"Um..." Mike looked out in the bay. "I need to get my spare board shorts, but then we could do that."

"I look forward to it." Death grinned and then raced down to the surf, pulling his robes up with one hand to keep them from dragging in the sand. "Last one in is a smelly clam!" he declared before throwing himself forward into an incoming wave and lying on his surf board. He shot over the wave and moved out into the water, pausing just long enough to yank Matilda off of Lily's head.

"Gotta focus on the present," Mike muttered under his breath, then headed for the nearest portal home to get spare trunks.

Death wasn't the only one surfing by the time Mike got back. A few villagers were participating, along with Yuki, Beth, Sofia, and Eulalie, which surprised him. The Arachne was wearing a white bathing suit that looked like it was woven straight out of spidersilk. She clapped her hands with glee every time she wiped out in the shallow surf by the bay.

All around, merfolk were helping to manipulate the waves. It was clear they were having plenty of fun with the land dwellers. Up on the beach, sand sculptures were now being built. Callisto's group was busy making what looked like a beached whale next to a small castle with a seaweed roof.

Higher up on the beach, some nets had been set up and multiple games of beach volleyball had begun. The fairy quartet could be seen buzzing about, occasionally chasing the ball as it flew out of bounds.

Mike sat on his surfboard, just beyond the waves. He couldn't help but smile as he watched the scene. Cerberus was watching the volleyball game in a swimsuit of their own, their fluffy tail wagging as all three heads followed the balls back and forth. Asterion was on the beach with Matilda now, the two of them digging trenches.

"Quite the scene, isn't it?" Beth's board moved next to Mike's, propelled by her magic. "One big happy family."

Truth be told, it made his heart feel like it was so full, it might burst. This was something he had helped to build, a seed he had planted, and it was flourishing greater than he could have imagined. He was the luckiest bastard in the universe.

"Yeah," was all he said. He really couldn't think of adequate words for the moment.

The two of them watched in silence for several minutes. Mike couldn't be sure what Beth was thinking, though her soul seemed to radiate a sense of discontent.

"What's on your mind?" he asked.

"Nothing much."

"I don't wanna be that guy, but I feel I should remind you that I can tell that you're lying."

Beth furrowed her brow in frustration. "Crap. Soulsight?"

"Uh huh. What's bugging you?"

"It's not really worth talking about." The waves shifted underneath her board, and Mike watched as her magic slid down her skin like water in an attempt to generate a wave and push her forward.

His own magic wrapped around hers and canceled it out. She looked up at him in surprise.

"What are you doing?" she asked.

"Up there, on that beach, there are people who are unhappy," he said. "Moon Tribe centaurs, along with some villagers. There's a rot that is beginning to fester, and I should be cutting it out, instead, I am trusting Zel to do what is best... for now." He smiled sadly. "I need to let people make their own mistakes, but sometimes that means stepping back and potentially allowing bad things to happen."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Something is bugging you. You're not just a part of this, you know." He waved at the island. "Maybe you still think of yourself as just my attorney, or maybe we're just friends. I'm not even sure myself. But you're important to me. And if something is wrong, I at least want to hear what it is so that I can decide if it's something I should let you handle on your own."

"Oh? Is that how it is? You'll let me handle my own problems?" There was no mirth in Beth's voice, and a slow spiral of anger formed along the exterior of her soul. "You get to decide what I do and don't handle?"

Mike snorted. "Are you kidding me? The fact that something seems to be bothering you actually scares me. I'm surrounded by women who are on the cusp of godhood, one who is an actual god, and am married to the Queen of the Fae. The idea of something bothering them is a little nerve wracking, sure, but they keep me informed and I try to help where I can.

"But you're different. You've always been simply unstoppable. To see something bugging you so badly in a moment of peace like this... well..." Mike shivered. "Makes me feel like somebody is shoving ice cubes up my ass."

"You could have just said chills up your spine." Beth gave him a dirty look, but he could see the ire leave her soul.

"I could have," he said. "But somehow Lily would be disappointed in me. So tell me what's going on. I don't care if it ruins the moment. Although..." A sudden thought occurred to him. "It's not about the lawsuit, is it?"

Beth snorted. "No. That fucker's lawyer is just a scumbag--he's easy enough to ignore. I had Reggie open a portal to the asshole's office in the middle of the night and dropped off copies of forms that I've already filed on his desk. He sent me a nasty-gram accusing me of trespassing, but he's got no proof. The guy has been quiet for a few days, though, which means he's already running out of steam."

"So what is it, then?"

She sighed. "I hate to even bring this up, but... fine. It's all this." She gestured at everything. "I don't feel like I earned any of it. This goes beyond the definition of winning the lottery, Mike. I've dreamed of a world like this since I was a little girl, and now I'm surrounded by gods, demons, magic, you name it. You pretty much handed me a magical cabin in the woods, and I get to fuck Bigfoot. There's a whole industry being propped up by books about such an experience, you know."

"I do," he replied.

"And the only reason I'm here at all is that I happened to be the estate lawyer for Emily's home," she added. "That was it. Dumb, stupid luck. I like to earn things for them to feel like they're mine. It's how I've always been."

"And you think you haven't earned it?"

The woman let out a long sigh. "I really don't."

Mike paddled closer to Beth's board and reached out his hand for hers. She reluctantly took it, locking their boards together.

"How have I earned any of this?" he said. "What special thing have I done? Emily wasn't even my aunt, so I shouldn't be here at all."

"That's part of my point," Beth replied. "I'm only here because you are, and that bothers me."

"So we're in agreement. Neither of us should be here." He squeezed her hand and sent a pulse of comforting magic into her. "However, let's say some other lucky bastard was chosen. Do you think they would have managed all of this on their own?"

She shook her head. "Not likely."

"I agree. We may not have done anything to earn this, but we are working damned hard to make sure we succeed." He leaned over and threw an arm around Beth for a side hug. "And I couldn't have done this without you. I would have failed so many times."

"You're not wrong," she muttered.

"They say that behind every man is a great woman." Mike felt Beth tense up. "But you've always been right at my side. Or even standing alone against a problem I couldn't tackle. And it hasn't been just you, either. I am pretty much just a guy being propped up by a tower of magical women."

Beth laughed, and the tension went with it. "At least you don't have a big head about it."

"Nope. If I ever got a big head over it, I honestly worry about what my magic might do."

She looked at him with curiosity. "It's still evolving?"

"Always." He withdrew his arm and put a hand on his stomach. "At its core, it's still the same as before. Sex magic with a heavy dose of chaos. It always feels like it's just waiting around for the next desire to be fed, as if it's hungry to grant me whatever I wish."

"That's a big responsibility."

"Yeah." He watched the beach for a little bit longer. "Neither of us earned our way here. But I know we'll both bust our asses to earn our keep."

Beth grinned. "It always comes back to busting my ass, doesn't it?"

"Er..." Mike chuckled, his face suddenly hot. "To be fair, it is a good ass."

Beth laid down on her surfboard and paddled, the water surging beneath her. "If you can beat me in, you can have--hey!"

Mike's magic formed a tether against her board and yanked him forward while pulling her back. She spun out of control as he belly-flopped on his board and paddled frantically.

In the distance, he saw Leilani bobbing in the waves.

"Assist! Assist!" he yelled. The mermaid turned to look in his direction, then just past him where a swell of water could be heard forming. Beth surged past on a small wave of her own making, flipping him the finger as she went past.

"Oh sure, ask your wife for help!" she taunted. Mike paddled some more before catching a small wave and got to his knees, his legs a bit shaky. In front of him, Beth's wave was nearly five feet high and carrying her in fast.

Leilani seemed to catch on. "For the King!" she cried, then pointed in his direction. The water surged so hard that Mike nearly lost his balance, but his eyes were focused on the top of Beth's head just above the wave carrying her.

"C'mon, c'mon," he muttered as he picked up speed. Other merfolk were participating now, and his wave was becoming much larger than Beth's. He pumped his hands in victory as he passed her, only to see her make eye contact and grin.

Beth's eyes flashed, and her wave doubled in size. Merfolk helped others scramble out of the way as both of them rode in on monster waves, magic now surging through the bay and powering them both forward. The mermen were all helping Beth now, and the two were nearly neck-and-neck.

About fifty feet from the shore, Mike locked eyes with Naia. Thinking she would surely be on his side, he used sign language to communicate what was happening. From the corner of his eye, he saw Beth doing the same. Who would Naia choose to help?

The nymph giggled, her laughter somehow carrying across the water to both of them. Water surged out of her lava-rock fountain, heading for both of them. Mike felt his own surfboard slowing and was about to call the nymph a traitor when he realized that the wave still persisted. Off to his side, Beth's wave had similarly stalled, and she briefly met his gaze.

Naia was holding their waves in a loop now. "First one to fall, loses!" she declared, and the merfolk all cheered as the magic in the bay shifted.

Mike narrowed his eyes in concentration as he rode back and forth along his stationary wave. He had seen something similar in a waterpark once. As long as he maintained speed and control, it would be possible to ride in the wave forever.

Off to the side, he noticed that Beth was actually doing tricks on her surfboard. She was using her wave to gain speed and then go back up the wave to go airborne to the cheers of everybody on the beach.

"Slow and simple," he muttered. If he waited long enough, Beth would absolutely make a mistake, and then--

A hand clamped down on his ankle. Stunned, Mike looked down to see a tiny green hand holding his leg. Matilda was on her belly, her red pigtails fluttering in the spray. She looked up at him with wide, yellow eyes, then grinned. He could see all of her teeth.

"I'm not even going to bother asking how you got out here," he said. She opened her mouth wide and slowly hovered her fangs just over his shin.

"Please don't," he begged.

She bit down on his shin and pulled, taking his leg with her. The board flipped sideways, launching both of them into the air along with the surfboard. He pulled Matilda close as jets of water cushioned their fall, allowing them to land safely in the bay. When he surfaced, his daughter clapped her hands and burbled in his face.

"I thought you were playing with Asterion," he muttered. He turned his head to see the minotaur waiting for Beth on the sand. "He didn't throw you at me, did he?"

Matilda shrugged, then splashed him.

Beth was busy soaking in accolades from beach-goers for her surf performance. Mike couldn't help but notice that the magical waves were being held in place and Death was already jogging out there with his own surfboard. People lined up to try the new experience.

It was now lunchtime. Mike sat with the kids and ate. He and Tink did their best to keep Matilda from stealing food from the other kids, though Grace seemed content to let her little sister take certain things off her own plate. When the goblin tried to take a slice of pineapple, Grace smacked the goblin's hand without even looking.

Near the end of lunch, a shadow fell across Mike. He looked up to see Zel standing over him. She was holding a volleyball in her hand.

"So me and your wives were talking," she began.

"I'm in danger," he whispered.

"And after watching Beth crush you at surfing, we would like to crush you at volleyball."

"Is that all?" Mike brushed some food off of his hands and looked past Zel. Tink and Leilani were standing behind the centaur. "A little three-on-three?"

"Four." Kisa stepped out from beneath Zel. "Familiars are like wives."

"Okay, well, if you insist." Mike turned to Yuki. "Want to be on my team?"

"Nope." Yuki laid back in her seat. "I'd rather see you get creamed."

"Now hold on--"

Sulyvahn slapped Mike on the shoulder. "I'm your huckleberry," he said.

He high-fived the dullahan. "Just need two more."

"Three more." Cecilia drifted over to the women. "I will face my brother."

"Er..." He did a quick scan of the beach to see who might be interested. "How about--"

"Boys versus girls!" Lily shouted from nearby with a bullhorn. "Let's see some man-flesh!"

Bigfoot grumbled from nearby as he stood. "Your funeral, ladies."

Asterion surprised Mike by joining the men's team. Mike noticed Death was sitting nearby.

"You wanna join the men's team?" he asked.

Death nodded and wandered out onto the sand. The women exchanged a look that quickly informed him that this match was not as spontaneous as it seemed.

Tink moved to serve first, and the goggles slid into place over her eyes. Cackling, she tossed the ball into the air and then did a jump serve that arced just barely over the net and into Death.

The Reaper took the ball straight to the face and fell on his butt. "It occurs to me that Tinker Radley has realized I am the weakest link," he declared.

Tink got the ball back and served it to Asterion this time. The minotaur smacked the ball so hard that it took a couple of minutes for someone to run and go get it. Ratu called a time out and spent a minute casting a spell on the ball that would make it roll back toward the court.

The goblin stuck out her tongue and served to Asterion again. This time, the minotaur was more prepared, and set up the ball for a spike. Sulyvahn leapt up to hit it, only for Cecilia to appear on the other side. The banshee deflected the hit back, then disappeared from view.

Bigfoot snorted, then took a deep breath. His body expanded, making him nearly double his original size. When Tink served to Asterion, the minotaur set up the shot and Bigfoot took it.

Cecilia appeared again, only to be blasted so hard by the ball Bigfoot spiked that she went incorporeal. Kisa intercepted the ball, sending it sideways toward Zel. The centaur sent it back over, but Mike spiked it and got the point.

"Boo!" Beth shouted. She was sitting on beach chairs with Lily, Dana, and Eulalie at her side. Tasia was standing at a nearby table, obliterating a meat and cheese platter.

"Crush their balls!" Lily shouted, then waved a pair of pom-poms in the air.

The rest of the match played out with Bigfoot as their MVP. Kisa's ability to vanish fooled the other guys more than once, but Mike and Death were able to keep track of her. Tink handed her goggles off to whoever was serving, though Cecilia was barely able to smack the ball over the net.

In the end, the men won by two points. Mike was exchanging high-fives with his team when he heard Lily shout. "We challenge the winners!"

"You think you ladies can handle this?" Mike asked as he flexed his arms. Asterion mimicked the pose to his left while Death pulled up his sleeves and did the same.

"Oh, we've got this." Lily blew a shrill whistle. "Dead and horny girls, assemble!"

Dana rolled her eyes dramatically and got out of her chair to join Lily in the sand. Tasia came after, followed by Eulalie. They all looked around and saw Jenny on a chair of her own next to Papaw Cyrus. The doll had been dressed in a bikini and someone had given her a toy tropical drink to hold.

I don't want to, Jenny declared. It's too hot.

Mike raised an eyebrow, then glanced at Lily. Truthfully, it was probably better if the doll didn't play. She would just cheat.

"I guess we can have someone sit out," he said. Both Death and Asterion immediately raced to be the first one out.

"I've got a better idea. Hey, Charlotte!" Lily pointed at the vampyr, who was sitting down by the dock and kicking her feet in the waves at some kids. "You're on our team."

The vampyr appeared next to the succubus with an audible rush of air. "I shall play," she declared. "For I, too, am dead and horny."

Mike had no idea what sort of inside joke this was, but liked it. "No problem, boys. Get back on the sand."

Death and Asterion reluctantly took their positions.

"Ladies first," Lily declared. She flared her wings and shot into the sky. Mike used his hand like a shade as he watched her ascend.

"We should have established some ground rules!" he shouted.

"THE GROUND IS FOR PUSSIES!" Lily smashed the ball toward them. Mike stepped beneath it and let out an oof when the ball impacted his forearms. It sailed sideways where Suly sent it back over to the other side. Dana casually passed it to Tasia, who spiked it to Death.

The ball hit the Reaper so hard that it popped into the air. Bigfoot followed and smashed it down toward Eulalie, who casually swatted it high into the sky. Mike squinted against the light as a dark figure appeared far above them. Charlotte's auburn hair framed her like a blazing halo, and he could see the blood lust in her eyes as she brought her fist down on the ball.

"Now I'm really in trouble," he whispered as a loud boom filled the air. Bits and pieces of volleyball fell all around him. Charlotte landed in the sand, filling him with a small amount of pride as she assumed a proper superhero landing.

"Um, Mike Radley?" Death tapped him on the shoulder. "Unless we replace some of the members of our team with those who are actually good, I rather think we are very out of our depth."

"Hardly." Bigfoot snorted. "It's just a little intimidation. Keep your head in the game."

Several minutes later, a new ball was enchanted to both return and not explode. Lily served this one, and Asterion returned it. This time, Eulalie was the one to go airborne, and she slapped the ball with the palm of her hand.

Mike's magic flared and a vision of getting his nose broken jumped through his mind. He leapt out of the way and the ball hit Bigfoot in the chest so hard that the sasquatch fell backward into the sand.

"Out of bounds!" Beth called as the rebound sent the ball flying into the water.

"You ready to quit already, you damned yeti?" Mike helped Bigfoot stand.

"Um..." Bigfoot looked over at Eulalie, who was wiggling her butt at him in what was clearly a taunt. "I mean... I feel like we should at least put up a solid fight."

Sulyvahn chuckled and shook his head. "If ye really think we can make a stand, I'm all fer tryin'."

On the next exchange, Sulyvahn was pelted so hard with a spike from Dana that his head fell off. The dullahan laughed as he tossed his head to Beth to keep it safe, his body now playing on its own.

The match was a one-sided slaughter. Bigfoot was the main defender, only managing to return a few of the serves. Mike got a couple himself, and Death had given up entirely. The Grim Reaper started letting the ball pass through him out of frustration.

Lily and her team taunted Mike and the others as they walked off the court. On his way out, he saw Yuki and Ratu walking on with Opal, Abella, and Quetzalli.

"Fresh meat!" Lily declared, then licked her lips.

Abella grinned, her tail whipping back and forth. "Not all of us are made of meat."

Yuki and Ratu exchanged a look. Mike was suddenly very grateful that he wasn't the one who was about to play them. He wasn't entirely sure what Opal was planning to do, but Beth's primordial clone was wearing a very sexy bikini top that looked at least a size too small, causing her jiggly bits to spill over, but not quite fall.

"You girls can go first." Ratu summoned a beach chair made of sand and sat on it. "I'll play if you need me."

"Cocky little snake, aren't you?" Lily tossed the ball to Dana. "You're up, dead girl. Try not to break the sound barrier."

Dana calmly took the ball to the edge of the court, threw it straight up into the air perhaps thirty feet, then jumped up and spiked it hard toward the center of the other side of the net. Opal moved into position and her amorphous body formed into a giant fist, which deflected the ball sideways. Abella swatted the ball with her tail, putting it in position for Yuki to leap above the net and spike it.

The kitsune did just that, sending a spiral of frost magic with the ball. When the werewolf deflected it, she was covered in a thick layer of frost that clung to her bare skin. Tasia hit the sand with an audible thud as the ball was sent far out of bounds.

Charlotte shot across the sand and neatly smacked the ball back toward the net. Lily did a flip in the air, her tail sending the ball just across the top of the net.

Several hands made out of ice appeared in the air. The volleyball ricocheted between several of them as Yuki's eyes flashed with every impact.

"That's cheating!" Lily shouted.

"Eh." Beth waggled her hand back and forth. "On a base level, technically each of those hands is not Yuki, therefore--holy shit!"

Quetzalli's eyes lit up with purple fire as a blast of lightning fired the volleyball across the net. Eulalie slid underneath it and punched it sideways where Charlotte was already waiting. The vampyr hit the ball into the sky, then laced her hands together and helped launch Dana into the air.

There was a loud smack, and the volleyball came down in a weird spin, much like a curve ball. A hand made of ice tried to catch it, but was shattered and the ball hit the sand.

"This is some clash of the titans shit," Mike said.

Beth nodded, then jumped to her feet. "Opal, it's headed your way!"

Dana served the ball directly at Opal. Abella intercepted, spreading her wings wide to deflect the hit. The ball went wide, and Yuki went after it. She passed it back into play as a pillar of sand rose up beneath Opal, lifting the slime girl into the air.

When the ball landed on Opal's chest, it sank into her body and her insides began to swirl. She braced herself against the ground and fired the ball out of her own body like a cannon. Charlotte was unable to intercept it, and the ball hit Lily in the face so hard that the succubus flipped over backward.

Up above, the clouds rumbled. Pele, sitting nearby, clapped her hands with joy.

"Now this is a party!" she declared. "A glorious--OH!"

The crowd let out a sympathetic "ooooo" when Yuki's serve was returned by Charlotte and promptly plowed through Opal so hard that she burst like a balloon. The slimegirl pulled herself back together, her bikini top now gone. Ratu got off of her chair and took off her sunglasses.

"It's time we turn up the heat," she declared. Three volleys later, Ratu turned her lower half into a snake, launched herself up into the air, and turned the volleyball into a fireball as she spiked it.

"Should we... break them up?" Beth asked with concern.

"Sure. You go do it." Mike gestured at the sand where lightning now crackled along the edges. Charlotte and Dana were a pair of pale blurs as they put pressure on team demi-god. Abella flared her wings wide in an attempt to maximize defense, and was knocked over on two separate occasions.

Eulalie clearly stuck some webbing on the ball next time she spiked it, as she yanked it back after it crossed the net so that Lily could smash it straight down. The score was within a couple points and thunder clouds had formed overhead. Mike used his own magic to dismiss them. He didn't need people getting struck by lightning today.

Fifteen minutes into what had clearly become an excuse for the women in his life to brutally punish each other with a volleyball, a pair of arms slipped around him from behind.

"My king," Titania whispered in his ear.

"My queen," he replied. "I didn't think you would show up."

"I was invited," she replied. "Yet you should know that I am not fully here and only you can perceive me. Would you walk with me?"

He nodded, a little sad to tear himself away from the main event. Tasia and Abella were currently growling at each other through the net as Lily circled overhead. Charlotte and Yuki were now engaged in a brutal back and forth while Ratu and Quetzalli threw fire and lightning at the others. To a casual observer, these women were out for blood.

But for those who knew them, they were just having a good time. Callisto was watching from nearby with stars in his eyes, Grace curled up in his lap with the same expression on her face. He could see the fire, ice, and lightning spells reflected in her tiny spider eyes as if they were lit from within.

"I'll be back," he told Beth.

"You're nuts if you're leaving this," she said, not daring to take her eyes off the match.

Titania led Mike down to a secluded portion of the beach. Everyone attending the party was watching the game, which meant he and Titania were alone.

"Is everything okay?" he asked.

"It is." Titania walked in front of him, her body both shimmering and translucent. "I did not wish to miss this momentous occasion, nor did I want to distract from it. I know well that not all would respond well to my presence."

"A wise choice."

"Yet, I did not wish for my husband to miss out on this." Titania suddenly snapped into focus. She was wearing a red and gold bikini top with a see-through sarong that hinted there was nothing beneath.

"You know me so well. I appreciate your foresight."

Titania grinned and took him by the hand. "Let us walk and enjoy a quiet moment together."

They walked along the shore, then took a small lava rock side path that neither the merfolk nor the centaurs ever bothered with. It was too dangerous for the centaurs to climb, and the merfolk had much more interesting places to hang out.

That, and Leilani had gone up with him a few times to the secret spot he had told Dana about. He suspected that maybe she had asked her people to leave it alone.

The rocky trail climbed the slope a bit, then dropped back down toward the beach. Here, the sand was mostly black and mixed with the white sand found everywhere else.

Oddly enough, neither of them spoke for most of the walk. Mike was just content to listen to the waves, so reminiscent of his own Dreamscape. Titania held his hand and also his upper arm with both of her left hands. At the beach, she let go to kneel down and pick up a stone.

"If I were to skip this, how far would it go?" she asked.

Mike raised his eyebrows. "Depends on how hard you threw it, I suppose."

"And what if I asked it to skip forever?" Titania whispered something to the rock and it crumbled, leaving behind a perfectly smooth circle in her hands. "Or perhaps asked it to skip until it met the sun?"

"Something on your mind?"

"There is." Titania's wings flashed several different colors and she hurled the stone. It played musical notes on the waves as it left, and Mike was only able to track it by the ripples it left. "I am aware of your conversation in Di's chambers two days ago."

Mike nodded. Titania had access to his Dreamscape, and therefore his thoughts. "Did you have a problem?"

"I was just thinking about what Dana said." Titania looked back at him over her shoulder. "About how you won't live forever."

"Oh." Honestly, he thought she had been about to ask about the dragon eggs. Most of the dragons lived in the fae realm for their own safety, so it would make sense if she wanted some input. "I mean... she's not wrong. Nothing lives forever."

Titania smirked. "Forever is a relative term." She gazed out on the horizon, then held up a pair of hands to shield her eyes from the sun. "If I could command a stone to skip until it meets the horizon, what is there to stop me from commanding you to persist as well? To live beyond your mortal lifespan?"

"That..." Mike frowned and looked toward the water. A discussion about his own mortality certainly hadn't been on his bingo card. "Well, for starters, the stone didn't have a choice. Maybe it would have rather spent its days here in the sun."

She turned to face him. "Perhaps. Do you not wish for immortality?"

He shook his head. "The idea of dying doesn't really scare me," he said. "I'm far more concerned about who I might leave behind if I die early."

"You would leave me behind." She stepped up to him and touched his face. "I have become quite fond of you. You mortals are so... brief."

Mike slid his hands along Titania's waist. "Yeah, I'm just now starting to realize the long-term ramifications in engaging with beautiful women who will live for centuries. I feel like the family dog, living amongst legends."

"You are no dog." Titania smiled sadly. "If I were to offer it, though... would you take it?"

This made him frown. "That feels too easy," he replied. "There is always a price, Titania. The hunt for immortality seems to do very bad things."

"But maybe I could prevent those things."

"That's a real big maybe. Part of me thinks the price might be so big because humans were never meant to live forever. And what would happen if you couldn't prevent those things? I definitely wouldn't be the man you married." He touched her face, which was above his own. Titania smiled sadly, then kissed his forehead. He hugged her tight, perfectly aware that his head fit right between her breasts. Her nipples were hard through the thin fabric.

"How is one like you so wise?" she asked. Her hands settled across his back. "You are an old soul, Caretaker."

"A soul which has already spent an eternity with you," he replied. "And you have a piece of me that will persist after I am gone."

"Indeed, but..." Titania squeezed him again. "I far prefer the original. That is also part of why I am here. This realization that our time together is but a drop of water in the ocean of time means that I must make more opportunities."

"That's what my Dreamscape is for," he said. "In there, we have years."

"A rounding error for one like me." The Fae Queen pushed him away to get a better look at him. "Now, if you do not mind, I intend to make good on my words."

"What do you--"

Titania dropped to her knees, her hands sliding down his bare torso and pulling at the waistband of his swim trunks. It was the second time he had lost his trunks today, but this promised to be far more thrilling.

The queen held him by the waist with two hands while the other two stroked his cock to life. The moment he was semi-hard, she pulled down her bikini top and immediately sucked him into her mouth.

My king, you taste so delicious. Her words filled his mind as she blew him. I far prefer doing this here than just in your dreams.

"That's because you have to share me in my dreams," he replied.

I don't mind sharing you there. They are all a part of you. I just like having you all to myself here. Titania lifted her mouth and drooled on the head of his cock, then started jerking him off with both hands. He groaned, then ran his fingers through her hair. The golden strands made his fingers tingle on contact.

"What would the Court say, if they could see us like this?" Titania pressed her breasts together around his cock and started gyrating her upper body to jerk him off with her tits. Her wings briefly fluttered behind her. "Perhaps I will let you finish on my breasts and return to my courtly duties without cleaning myself off."

"If my Queen wishes it."

"Mmm." Titania opened her mouth and sucked the head of his cock back in. Her tongue swirled all around him, the tip occasionally teasing his urethra. His magic caused the air around them to sizzle. She shifted her torso off of him, pulled him deep into her mouth, then used all four hands to jerk him off while sucking on just the head of his cock.

Don't hold back, my love. Titania made a series of gulping sounds as she sucked him deep into her throat. I want to taste your mortal cum.

Mike wrapped his hands tightly in the Queen's hair and groaned. His balls tightened up against his body just as Titania used a hand to squeeze them around the base.

"I thought you wanted me to come," he gasped.

I do, she replied. But I am ensuring I get a royal share.

His magic reacted to her words, and his cock flexed hard as his whole pelvis tingled, then filled with fire. He grunted and tensed up, then came so hard he cried out.

Titania moaned, opening her mouth to allow his seed to spill out across her breasts. His magic tried to shift and move into her, only to be bounced away and turn into sparkling butterflies that danced around the two of them.

"More," she demanded, and the Queen's magic crept inside him as she continued to stroke his shaft.

"What--" Mike's eyes went wide as several thick ropes of semen burst free. The Queen was extending his orgasm now, and his whole body trembled. He stumbled and almost fell, but she caught him in her arms and stood, lifting him into the air.

"More!" Titania sucked him back into her mouth, two of her hands jerking him off at the base. He was now twitching, held aloft and powerless to move as he stared out into the ocean.

"Holy..." His breath came in bursts now. The Queen's top was completely soaked in his sperm.

MORE. The command in his mind turned his vision black as his body and his magic immediately obeyed. He lost track of time, caught in a continuous orgasm as Titania drank him down like ambrosia, moaning and gulping.

By the time she was done with him, he was light-headed. The Queen stabilized him as she set him on the ground, her whole torso shining with glittery spooge. It was all down her stomach as well as in her hair.

"Well, well, my king. You have made quite the mess of me." Titania giggled, then scooped a bunch of cum off her chest and licked it off her finger.

He shook his head and found somewhere to sit. After a few seconds, he chuckled. "I'm surprised it's not all over the ground," he said, then looked up at his glitter-glazed Queen.

"The ground doesn't deserve it," the Queen declared. "For it all belongs to me." Even as she spoke, he watched it drip free of her breasts and stop before hitting the ground. It floated back into place.

"Are you going back to the Court like that?" he asked.

Titania's eyes sparkled. "Would you be rid of me so soon?"

"Absolutely not."

The Queen's eyes faded. "Then I'm afraid I must disappoint you, for my time here is short. Like I said before, I am only here to take more opportunities to be with you."

"This was a hell of an opportunity."

"Indeed." Titania pulled him in for a fierce kiss, her lips suddenly clean. "I'll be watching you."

With that, she vanished, leaving Mike behind in the rocks. He stared off at the water for a few minutes, then chuckled to himself. The Queen had much the same problem he did, she was far too busy.

At least she could teleport. He walked back along the trail and returned to the volleyball tournament just as there was an explosion of magic. Jogging the rest of the way, he saw that the volleyball court itself had been destroyed, leaving behind just a crater filled with women all lying on their backs and panting, except for Opal. The slime girl was busy reconstituting.

"Who won?" he asked Beth.

"I honestly don't know," she replied. "I have never seen such a thing in my life. I can't believe you missed it."

"Yeah." He wandered down into the crater to help the others up. Lily was the closest. The succubus sniffed the air as he approached.

"Dirty boy," was all she said as he helped her to her feet. "I hope you saved some for me."

"I'm not sure I did," he confessed. "I should probably go drink something."

Lily snickered. The others were swiftly retrieved from the crater, which Ratu repaired with her magic. Afternoon came, and the feast began shortly after sundown. The merfolk performed a proper luau celebration prior to eating, one in which the centaurs and some villagers participated. Kisa danced among them, wearing anklets covered in shells that rattled while she moved.

During the feast, Death came up to Mike and sat next to him.

"I must leave early, Mike Radley. I hope you don't mind."

"Everything okay?" Mike asked around a mouthful of the best damned kalua pork he had never eaten.

"I hope so," Death replied. "I am going to the club to meet with Ms. Racquel and straighten things out regarding our relationship. I went last night, but they told me she was sick is all."

"Well, good luck, buddy. Let me know if you need any help." He fistbumped the Reaper, then went back to his meal. His whole family was here, minus Titania.

Or so you think, she whispered in his mind.

His heart was somehow even fuller than his belly. He looked out on the sand where the kids were currently dancing with Tink, Kisa, and Yuki.

He couldn't be happier.

????????????

Death stood outside of Ms. Racquel's apartment. He looked down at his phone to see if she had read any of his text messages about coming over to talk.

She had not.

"Ms. Racquel?" He knocked again, hoping somehow that the fifth time would be the charm. "It is me, Mr. Black. I have come to speak with you regarding our relationship."

Again, no answer. Seeing no other choice, Death became incorporeal and stepped through the door. Ordinarily, he wouldn't cross such a boundary, but he had stopped by the nightclub a little bit ago and learned that Ms. Racquel had failed to show up for her last two shifts.

"Hello?" Death studied the apartment. All the lights were off, so he turned a couple on. It wasn't that he needed them to see, but figured it would make him seem far less creepy if someone else were there.

The shadows of the room receded as if in slow motion. The Reaper narrowed his sockets at the slithering darkness and summoned his scythe. For just a moment, there had been several entities in the room, lurking in the corners like common spiders. However, some of his best friends were spiders, so he didn't want to make any assumptions.

"Ms. Racquel?" He moved through the woman's apartment to see that it looked rather the same as it had when he had departed. Had she failed to leave after he had? If so, then it meant there had been a misunderstanding, and he had likely broken her heart.

At her bedroom door, Death put his skull against the wood and could hear the telltale sound of breathing within. Ratu had once asked him how he heard at all, considering he didn't technically have any organs to do so. He had no idea, either. It was the same mystery as to why he could drink tea and eat snacks, yet never needed to go to the bathroom.

He knew this for a fact because he had tried to go a few times and failed, no matter how many magazines he read.

"Ms. Racquel?" Death knocked on her door several times, waiting a couple of minutes between each one. Perhaps she was getting dressed, or having a private moment. Death had learned long ago in the Radley house that some people needed their special alone time and he didn't need to ask for what.

However, even the Radleys would tell him to go away through the door.

Death tried the knob and realized it wasn't locked. "Ms. Racquel, I am going to enter your bedroom now." He gave the door a push and stepped inside, then froze. What if this was a weird roleplay? Or she got the wrong idea and thought he was coming inside to be intimate.

"I should make you aware that I am not entering this room with any amorous intention," he stated. "In fact, that is the main reason why--oh. You're asleep."

Racquel was lying face down on her bed, the covers cast to the side. It looked like she was wearing a tanktop and underwear, but nothing else. She mumbled something in her sleep, then let out a groan.

"You have missed work," Death told her as he moved to her side. "Though it is none of my business, I remember you saying that you had to work so hard to... to..."

The Grim Reaper sniffed the air, then knelt down to examine Racquel. Her breathing was labored, and the room smelled faintly of pee. Based on a quick examination of her bed, it was clear that the woman had wet herself more than once.

"Are you drunk?" he asked with some concern. He put a hand on her shoulder and shook her. "Ms. Racquel? Wake up."

She let out a rasping sound, and one eyelid fluttered. There was no recognition in her eye, which shifted back and forth.

"Help," she said with a whimper, then started crying. What little light existed in the room briefly dimmed, and Death heard a man laughing.

The Grim Reaper pulled out his phone and dialed the first number saved into his favorites. He held it up to the side of his skull and waited for it to pick up.

"Mike Radley. I am in need of your immediate assistance," he said. Death hung up, texted Mike the address, then lifted his scythe and glared at the entities seeping through the walls like oil.

"All things die," he growled. "Some suffer quite immensely prior to doing so. You should ask yourself what kind of death you want today, for I am not in a kind mood."

The shadows hissed and receded, leaving him alone with Racquel.

"Please hurry, Mike Radley." Death sat on the bed and waited.

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Several hundred feet below a genetics laboratory in Michigan, the Oracle sat with both feet up on an antique 1880's ottoman with fringe all along the edges. Though there were more comfortable seats to be had, the thing the Oracle appreciated most was how it could hear the beautiful melodies of a harp played by a young woman in 1913. Every glorious twang of the strings were now trapped within the very weave of the fabric. Setting bare feet to the ottoman filled the confinement chamber with the temporal echoes of strings plucked by a woman who would sell her harp in the 1920s to keep her family fed and never play again.

It was a shame, really. A simple pluck of fate and she would have become a discovered talent who would tour Europe and somehow become pivotal to the earlier entry of the US in World War 2. The Oracle had learned long ago to quit trying to follow every thread. It was easy enough to get caught up inside of entire sub-realities and forget which one was the true one.

Using one of its favorite colloquialisms, it was the Outsider equivalent of tripping balls.

The speaker box in his room crackled. "Oracle."

The Oracle sighed and set down their copy of Winds of Winter. The creature didn't actually care about the book itself. Instead, it became something of a game watching the last thread of a potential sequel get stretched tighter and tighter until it would one day snap.

"Yes?"

"Alexandros wishes to speak with you."

"Hmm." The Oracle knew Alexandros. In fact, a simple roll of the eye revealed the man holding a cellphone over on the West Coast. Time and distance meant nothing to a being that didn't rely on the visual spectrum to see things. "Put him on."

The speaker beeped, and Alexandros' voice reached the Oracle's ears long before the transmission did. "Oracle. I have some questions about the Kalu Kumara."

"Yes, you do. The one who does not sleep, yet dreams for others." The Oracle picked up the newest copy of Highlights for Children and started doing the hidden image search. It took less than two seconds.

"The Black Prince. That's right." Alexandros cleared his throat, clearly nervous. The Oracle was often picky about questions received, but not for the reason anybody thought.

There was a very particular thread of fate that the Oracle was chasing, which required non-involvement of the highest degree. The Order had often wondered why the Oracle was so willing to work with the late Brother Cyrus. That was because answering Cyrus' questions had put the man exactly where the mage needed to be to ensure that thread's existence.

For Alexandros, there were plenty of answers to be had. None of them would alter larger outcomes, which meant the Oracle could give the man a break.

"You want to know how many people are infected." The Oracle picked up a magazine and looked inside. Vanity Fair had done an interview with Natalie Portman. The text on the page shifted and changed as the Oracle read all the potential questions that were cut from the final interview. "Even if they were stars in the sky, you wouldn't be able to see them all."

"Fuck," Alexandros muttered.

"You also want to know how to contain the Kalu Kumara." The Oracle picked up a warm mug of hot chocolate and sipped at it. "It is beyond your power. For now, it is your job to simply stay the course and let the solution come to you."

"Huh?" Alexandros was writing the answer down in a notebook. "I liked it better when you spouted poetry."

"I liked you better when you had a daughter." The Oracle smirked at the dark look that crossed the man's face. "How is she, by the way?"

"I have no idea." This was a mostly-true statement, one the Oracle wasn't ready to touch on yet. "Can you tell me where she is?"

The Oracle's eyes swiveled to look through the magical barrier that separated a magical volcano from the real world. Tasia was standing on a cliff overlooking the ocean while Dana was bent on one knee, holding up a ring box. Inside was a white ring made of silicon, meant to stretch without breaking.

"Far beyond your reach," the Oracle replied, making sure to sound extra mysterious. "On the shores of another world."

The man flinched. He probably thought that meant his daughter was dead. "Back to our current problem. There has to be something I can do."

"There isn't." The Oracle ended the call and sat back in their recliner. There were zero threads where Tasia said no to the engagement. It was nice seeing simple things like this. Not so much the maelstrom of activity out in California where Alexandros met with Dr. Lopez. The Oracle counted their threads. There were at least three where the two ended up fucking, and one of those was out of pure frustration. There was an extremely small chance that Basil would choke to death on a Werther's. The hospital was boring, though, so the Oracle looked elsewhere.

On the East Coast, Peyton's parents were at the hospital, already grieving though their child still lived. The Oracle studied them for a moment, and was content to see that none of their threads had changed nor would in the near future. In a different city entirely, the Oracle watched the Grim Reaper frantically pacing around Ms. Racquel's apartment while Mike Radley sat over her, trying to shake her awake. Another world away, a sharp-faced centaur woman was ranting about the volleyball game to like-minded individuals, pointing out how the Radley clan were essentially gods in the making who would someday strike them down.

"Everything is going as planned," said the Oracle in a frequency too high for the microphone to pick up. Soon enough, the mother of all threads would come together, and the Oracle truly had no idea what decision the Caretaker would make in his hour of need.

The antennae on the Oracle's head twitched and it looked around, aware that it was being observed by those outside of the current reality. No, it did no good to be the center of attention right now, because then the watchers would see, they might guess what was coming.

That would be no fun. It picked up the television remote and started flipping through the channels until something interesting caught its attention.

"When the fuck did they re-make Matlock?" The Oracle set the remote down and moved its feet off the ottoman to hear the TV better. "Oh, wow. I love Kathy Bates!"

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Hot damned, I remember how fun this chapter was to write. I hope you liked reading it. Please hit me up with some stars and argue about what the Oracle was talking about in the comments below.

And when you all are ready to go touch some grass, get a walk in, or maybe call an old friend. Do something nice for that wonderful body of yours, because that meatsuit needs you as much as you need it.

I'm off to drink some water, cause I'm a thirsty bitch. Be good!

~Annabelle Hawthorne