No Longer Alone

I sat at the bar, nursing my second glass of Blanton's. This isn't the only bar in Springfield that offers Blanton's. It is the closest bar to my apartment that does.

Ryan, the bartender, knows my habits. I usually arrive around nine most nights. He keeps the end stool open if he can.

The bar has no official name posted. Neighborhood residents call it the local dive bar.

Ryan said his checks came from the SBD Corporation. He manages the evening shift.

On Friday nights like this, the crowds keep three servers and another bartender constantly busy. His best friend from The Marine Corps manages the bar itself.

He always wears blue, long-sleeved chambray shirts with sleeves rolled to his elbows. G-rated tattoos cover his forearms. XXX-rated tattoos color his biceps.

Exposed brick chipped here and there. Wood shined and discolored by thousands of hands. Faded leather softened by countless butts. A vintage jukebox people seldom use. Muted lighting.

Others call it an intimate bar. A place where people nod their helloes and respect others' privacy.

He put down the glass square on the coaster with one ounce of bourbon as soon as I sat. If he hadn't, I would have moved it.

We nodded to each other. I added a second nod to tell him I wanted two glasses. He kept track and delivered the second glass with two ice cubes when I finished the first.

No reason. A ritual I developed when I started coming here a year ago. A suggestion from my therapist to create replacement patterns.

Sometimes, if I stay late, we chat. He swore off women after his wife of eight years cheated on him less than a year ago. My divorce became final 14 months ago.

We share stories and put forth offers to each other that we never intend to happen. Not because anything is physically wrong. I think we both know if we started, we'd never stop. That's not a risk we want because of the age difference. I doubt Ryan is 30. He wants children. I'm past my prime.

I adjusted my mid-calf dress as I shifted on the stool. Made sure I looked at the rows of bottles behind Ryan or at my drink. Turned my body away from anyone sitting on the next stool. Kept my face flattened with tight lips and an uneven brow.

The man sitting on the stool next to me got the message. He left. I had ignored his offer of a drink. The third no I issued tonight.

People often tell me I'm stunningly beautiful. Tall enough that men over six feet don't tower over me. Not so tall as to be threatening. Chestnut hair falls in waves over my shoulders. My figure is good enough for a men's calendar, even at 45 years old.

Reactions to me are remarkably consistent. Men leer. Women frown.

Thoughts related to my day flooded my mind despite my attempts at blocking them. I miss twisting my wedding ring as I think. My entire body soon becomes one big knot

The ad agency where I manage a team is developing a proposal for a major client. If we don't get this account, I might lose my job as a team manager.

We started at seven this morning and didn't stop until after eight tonight.

Hours upon hours of talking,

Heated conversations.

Arguments that nearly came to blows.

Retreats to individual workspaces and offices to lick wounds or cool down. To allow time to write or draw a new concept.

More arguing. We finally got the draft concept decided around seven. Significant work remains. Based on my misgivings tonight, we may start anew on Monday.

When I started in the ad industry, we planned for specific outlets like TV or magazines. Social media sites and podcasts changed the horizon and amplified the need for adaptable presentations. Concept is key.

Ads as short as six seconds for sites like video clip outlets. Podcasts, video presentations, promos for movie theaters and airlines. Cardboard cutouts for stores. Even banners in the air over large events. The landscape changes hourly.

I'm in a neutral place in my life, barely keeping my head above water. Unsure of which direction to take.

After being married to a perpetual philanderer for over 20 years, I want something different. Not a bull. Not a slut. Tried both after I discovered Mike was cheating. Don't want to repeat.

It still feels strange to live alone in an apartment after 22 years of marriage and a house too large to clean by myself. Bizarre and lonely sometimes.

Wonderful other times. Keys stay on the counter until I pick them up again. No clothes on the floor unless I leave them there myself. No last-minute dirty dishes that appeared just after I started the completely full dishwasher.

Instead of cooking meals for four or more people, I cook for myself. From years of personal sports training and helping kids with their training, I rigorously follow a specific diet and exercise regime.

Over the weekend, I cook the foods I like, and either store or freeze them. I take my lunches to work. I only order in or eat out when I am too tired to do anything else.

I am alone. Mostly, I love it.

Sometimes, like tonight, loneliness creeps in like a foggy night on an ocean beach.

My kids are in college. Josh, 21, is a senior physics student at MIT. Sarah, 19, picked Yale and plans to take law. At least my ex is still paying their costs.

He is off with his latest fling. Not only is Mike a serial cheater, but he also has the attention span of a gnat.

Two years ago, I discovered he was cheating. Sandy, my BFF and one of the few friends who stuck with me after the divorce, told me she spotted him and a 19-year-old girl coming out of an OB-GYN's office together.

The girl was crying. Mike was holding her hand. They kissed on the sidewalk before he opened his car door for her. He hadn't done that for me for years.

Not the door opening. Not the public kiss. Not even private kisses.

Sandy wasn't snooping. She works as a nurse at the nearby hospital and spotted them across the parking lot.

One of my cousins is a former cop who left the force because of philosophical differences. Bill didn't like rich people getting away with acts that ordinary citizens didn't.

He runs a security company. Three weeks later, I had my proof.

God, it pissed me off. The bastard didn't even try to conceal his affairs other than to fuck the women in other cities.

Ironically, the girl wasn't pregnant. Mike moved on.

What we had was good. When we had it. The more he got promoted in his job as a salesperson and later a sales manager for a medical equipment company, the less time he spent at home. Too much money and ego. Too many temptations.

He got lost in the excitement of travel, sales awards, huge bonuses, and ultimately, the chance to screw multiple women. I got to raise two kids, captain activities at home and work at an advertising agency. It is my turn to have fun.

Not the fun that my friends recommended at first. The enjoyment I want.

A life that creates fresh memories and a future that isn't alone. My kids don't have children yet. I'm not sure how to shape my desire.

I'm exhausted. I want nothing more to soak in a mammoth bubble bath with flickering candles that cast shadows on the walls and a glass of my favorite wine. I once had a separate hot tub. The miniscule tub in my apartment will have to do.

I should head that direction. My apartment is in the same building. But tonight. Better the noise of the bar than the silence of my apartment.

Lost in my thoughts and regrets I didn't realize someone sat on the stool next to me. "Do you have Blanton's?" the throaty female voice said. "That is my preference."

I shifted slightly to take her in. Blanton's is more expensive than most bourbons and not a common drink for women.

Far younger than my 45. Maybe 30. At most 35. Wholesome and cute. Dark blue dress from Bloomingdale's or at least a shop of that quality that emphasized all her good points. Matched her dark blue eyes.

Almost too young. Yet...

Something inside me shifted.

Her eyes made an inquisitive, honest inventory of my face, my hair, my dress and my body underneath. The shift gained momentum. She smiled as our eyes met.

"You look exhausted. What may I do to help?"

My mind caught up with my body. This woman interested me in ways other women hadn't.

"That is a question I never expected? Give me a hint of what you have in mind."

"Two suggestions. We have a large hot tub available to us. I once worked as a licensed massage therapist.

"I'm not jonesing for a job. But I like to help people relax and enjoy life."

"You said we. Who else?"

"My husband is sitting in a booth. We've been keeping an eye on you and decided to ask you to join us if you want."

I turned to face her completely. A softer body than I expected. Not fat or pudgy. A body with curves rather than angles.

High, crisp cheekbones with a powerful jaw when she smiled. Her dark eyes smoldered. Her cleavage hinted at unrevealed delights.

"I'm Amanda."

"I'm Chloe. My husband is Tony."

We didn't shake hands. It wasn't that kind of meet up.

She pointed at a booth. The man sitting made me swallow in need.

Dark hair, cut short along the sides. A square jaw that gave his face an athletic, rugged look.

Broad shoulders with olive skin, a classic sky-blue Oxford shirt with the two top buttons undone and a deep chest. A man who commands any room he enters.

"He's quite good looking."

"Yes. He is."

"You are here?"

"Yes."

"Does that mean you've been paying attention and noticed me turn down the man who offered me a drink?"

"Yes."

"Brave. What is it you want, Chloe?"

"We want you to come home with us, Amanda."

I liked her directness. I looked for deceit, the come on, the trick that made this more than a simple invitation. I found interest and challenge. Created an excitement I hadn't felt in years.

"Both of you."

"Both of us."

"You've done this before?"

"No."

Her response jarred me until I surveyed her tanned face. She hid the nervousness well.

"Why me?"

"Because you're the only woman in his bar who doesn't give a fuck."

Her statement startled me because of its truth. I'm an expert at concealing my emotions even when my guard is down.

"What did you have in mind? I'm not into weird games."

"That's fine. You decide. Your rules. Within reason."

"When can I leave?"

"Anytime you want. We have a car and driver who can take you home whenever you're ready."

I finished my drink.

Placed it precisely in the center of the coaster where it belonged.

Turned and slid off the stool.

"Introduce me to Tony." Our hands touched briefly. Not a handshake. More like what happens when two people touch each other after their feet slide across a carpet.

We left a half-hour later. I told them nothing beyond my two adult children and that I was single. It took a little prodding before Tony admitted their real reason.

"We've known each other since childhood and rarely dated anyone else. We've been married for over ten years and our marriage is solid.

"After extensive discussions, we want to experiment and add another person to our relationship. Someone like you who knows what she wants and doesn't want. Reduces the risks. I hope you understand what I mean."

"I do. You sold me on the hot tub and massage. Is your invitation still open if that's all I want?"

"Absolutely. You'll understand more later," Chloe said. "Maybe you'll want to make a pit stop while waiting for our car. It will be at least a 30-minute drive to the place we're staying."

Their "car" was a black Range Rover SV Carmel edition. Last I looked at cars, the retail exceeded $470,000.

Tony drove. I turned down the invitation to ride in front. I wanted to watch the married couple in action.

They shifted positions, but one of them always was in contact with the other. Real love overflows in ways that are small and continuous. The touch. The look. The tone of voice. The way two or more people connect in all the little ways that go unnoticed my most observers.

Mike stopped paying much attention to me after Sarah came along over 19 years ago. Our sex life stopped when she started high school.

"Tony, what is it you do?"

"I work for my father's commercial property management company in another city. Chloe handles the office. The place we're going is a house we're using for the weekend."

That meant somewhere near Quenton Reservoir and the Swiftwater River. Lots of vacation homes in that area. Mike and I opted for a beach cabin, which we sold as part of the divorce settlement. The kids stay at my parent's house when they come home.

Chloe turned slightly to look at me. "We have two children. They aren't with us this weekend. In the interest of transparency, we want you to know that."

I said nothing because there was nothing to say. After the tension of the day, I finally relaxed and nodded off to sleep. Woke with a start when the car hit gravel.

A few seconds later, Tony turned off the car. We sat in the cool while the engine pinged.

"Delightful house."

"Wait until you see the insides," Chloe said. "It's fantastic."

It was. We walked through the living room and kitchen before heading to the rear of the house. I recognized the interior from an article that ran next to ads our firm ran in a major publication.

Chloe handed me a robe and led us through a door. Dress codes don't matter in situations like this.

The lighted hot tub awaited us. To one side was a rinsing shower.

She moved behind me and pulled the zipper down. Tony helped her pull the dress over my shoulders and down my body.

I wore a plain white cotton bra and panties today. The pressure of the dress sliding over my nipples made them tingle.

I felt a small stab of regret. I hadn't trimmed my bush for several weeks. It probably looked like a jungle.

"Marvelous," he breathed, his eyes dark with lust, the ridge of his cock pushing against the pants.

"I told you so," Chloe said. "A real jewel."

Chloe kissed along my spine until her mouth met my bra. She unhooked it slowly while Tony pulled the straps over my shoulders and down my arms.

His eyes darkened more. His hands cupped my D-cup breasts as his tongue traced his lips.

"Gorgeously hard and dark," he said. "Come join me, Chloe."

"Not yet. We promised her time in the hot tub and a massage. We keep our promises."

The crick in the neck I got from napping the car reminded me of my original goal. My cunt clenched in need. They quickly stripped down.

My eyes bulged when I got a glimpse of Tony's cock. The vein diagonally across the top pulsed on his thick, rigid shaft. His size would hurt so good going in the first time. The circumcised head glistened with his precum.

His wife made my pussy clench. No tan lines. Pert breasts with ruby red nipples. Smaller than mine but much firmer.

Her shaved pussy opened slightly, moisture visible on her lips. I wanted to put my face between her legs and feast. Later, perhaps.

After a pass through the rinsing shower, Chloe guided me to the hot tub, sitting beside me while Tony perched across from us. He lifted my legs and moved me sideways on the lowest shelf of the tub.

I moved my feet to keep his cock hard. Each time I touched him, he smiled in a way that kept me going. He held me in that position while his wife massaged me, his fingers constantly in motion.

He worked on the bottom of my feet, my ankles and my calves. I logged over 10,000 steps today walking around my office in high heels. I can still feel each of them.

Chloe's hands shuffled across my shoulders, her fingers finding the tense spots, using her fingers and the side of her fist to massage them away. The swirling water moved against my skin, relaxing other parts of me.

About the time I relaxed enough to fall asleep, everything stopped. Tony helped me from the hot tub and cradled me against his chest, carrying me like I'm a baby. He paused in front of Chloe who pecked my lips.

"I don't want to leave," I murmured. "I need to sleep first."

"As we agreed," Chloe said. "Together or alone?"

"Together," I murmured as Tony carried me down the hallway. He put me gently on the bed. They got on each side of me and wrapped an arm over me.

The sheets smelled like laundry detergent and the faint scent of two bodies who had slept here the night before. I burrowed my head into the pillow and went to sleep instantly.

A motion woke me during the night. No longer in the middle, I recognized the sound and the movements.

Chloe's head moved up and down slowly, her body between his legs. I moved slightly to get a better look.

Tony felt my movement and turned his head. I kissed him.

"Chloe. She's awake."

She pulled off with a slurp, strands of spittle stretching between his cock and her mouth. Her eyes met mine. She smiled like a cat ready to jump on its prey.

"He's ready for you." She held his cock like a prize. Which it was.

I rolled over onto my belly and rose to my hands and knees, opening my legs as wide as I could. Pointing my pussy up. Chloe took the hint.

She moved underneath me, her tongue licking along my inner thighs as Tony's fingers explored my pussy. I was already damp, my nipples hard and raw. My need and his touch soon made my juices flow.

I heard the tear of a condom before he rested his cock on my pussy. I was tense. It had been far too long. At my age, dryness sometimes presents a problem. Not tonight.

He waited, using his hand to guide the tip around the opening until I relaxed. My breasts and my pussy swelled with need. I shoved back at the same instant Chloe's tongue touched my clit.

He tightly gripped my hips as he filled me. His cock opened me, the rim of the crown tugging at my insides. My breath caught as he bottomed out with the head nudging my cervix.

My heart raced. I felt my chest flush.

Her tongue explored my folds, sometimes turning her head to swipe the fluids off his cock as he pulled out. One hand found a nipple and squeezed before she twisted it like a top.

He sped up. Pummeled his massive solid shaft in and out of my cunt like a piston from a race car. I felt his balls slap against my ass with every stroke. Hard enough, the sound bounced off the walls.

I groaned and grunted like a whore as he pounded me. Chloe pulled away because of the impact and used her fingers to explore my lips and clit. She found my throbbing clit and rubbed around the edge and over the hood intensely. Adding to the thrill of pleasure from her husband inside me.

Both hands found my ultra-sensitive nipples. "More." The sound came out in a rasp from deep inside. I made noises I didn't recognize.

I clawed the sheets as my body shook. The heat spread through my body. I felt drunk with pleasure.

"Yes. Yes. Fuck me. Make me yours," I shrieked.

Chloe shifted ends. Her tongue explored my mouth. My taste mixed with hers spurred me on. Her hand stayed on my pussy, pushing me higher with each stroke.

I orgasmed quickly, my pussy muscles milking his cock. My toes curled. My entire body flushed.

He pulled out as I collapsed on the bed. Pulled the condom off, tied it and dropped it in a nearby wastebasket.

Chloe turned me slightly. We hugged while her lips met mine. "Enough for now?"

"For now. You are next."

We slept. Woke up sometime after nine. Made a quick trip to the bathroom to take care of morning duties, brushed our teeth and headed back to bed.

Chloe perched over me, her knees on the sides of my head, her lips tender and juicy. She lowered herself onto my face.

I licked along the labia and tasted her for the first time. "MMM. Delightful."

My tongue moved flat and broad through her pussy, tasting the salt, the heat and the distinct sweetness of a woman in need. She gasped when I ran my tongue across her clit.

"Tony. She wants you inside her, don't you sweetheart." I no longer recognized my voice except for the need.

"Yes. Only go slower than you did last night. I want to savor the girth."

I pulled her back into my face, my tongue darting deep inside her pussy. Her taste flooded my mouth.

Above me, Tony fucked his wife. The same way he had fucked me last night.

He pushed inside her, deliberately pausing as I glimpsed the rim of his head. I licked her juices from his cock. No condom so I got the full taste of his salt and her sweet. He moved inside her again.

His hands gripped her hips. As Chloe had done the night before, I backed and took over with my fingers. He sped up. Pounding her like a jackhammer.

She whimpered. "I'm close. So close."

My fingers danced in her folds, circling and stroking her clit. I wanted to use my mouth, but Tony was moving much too fast.

She tensed. I put the pad of my index finger on her bud and pushed as hard as I could.

"Yes," she screamed. Her juices flooded my face, and she fell onto me.

Tony aimed his cock at my face. I grabbed it with one hand, moved it back and forth, the sounds of her wet echoing in my ears.

"Now," he roared. I opened my mouth. He emptied inside me.

We talked as we headed for the shower. The tiled shower had four rainfall heads, all pre-programmed with unique patterns.

Chloe handed me a robe. "Sorry. You are tall enough, none of my clothes will fit you. I guess we didn't think it through."

"I'm tall enough I can wear most men's clothing. Shirts are sometimes tight and pants loose around the middle. I'd need a belt.

"I see it is drizzling outside. If it clears, I'd like to take a walk."

We ate a light breakfast, found coats and hats to protect us and walked along the lake. We talked. I told them enough of my story for them to understand my history and what I wanted.

I recognized his company's name and his surname. Boston Brahamians. The kind I often ran into in my job but never associated with outside corporate parties.

They were 32. Two children ages six and four. They met when they were 24 when she performed a massage on him.

The house was owned by the corporation and often rented out for vacations and holidays. "I used to live on this property in the summers as a child," Tony said. "Chloe's family usually vacationed on Cape Cod or Nantucket."

After the walk, we sat around in front of the fireplace, sipped wine and drank. When we got hungry, Tony grilled hamburgers and chicken on a grill on the covered back deck. Chloe and I made salads.

As the evening wore on, I became antsy. "Could I please return to Springfield early tomorrow. As often happens when I'm away from my office, I've gotten several ideas for the pitch we're making. This is a big one for us and my job depends on our success."

We made love one more time before we slept. He used his lips at first to tug and pull on my pubic hair.

"Sorry. I seldom have time these days to keep it trimmed."

He looked at me with a gleam in his eye and his face wet. "I don't mind. It gives me another way to play with you."

I could see Chloe's eyes moisten in the morning as they prepared to take me home. I felt my eyes get moist too. This situation filled all my needs.

"Our time has exceeded our expectations," she said. "I'd like to do it again."

"So, would I. You two are exactly what I need. I have no grandchildren yet and probably won't for several years.

"I wanted something more than one man or a woman at a time. You are perfect."

***

Postscript: We didn't get the account. I quit because Tony's company offered me a higher paying position working with his family's company. We seldom see each other during the day. We live in a two-story condo overlooking Boston Bay.

Last night, they took the children to her parents for the weekend. Chloe backed me against the floor to ceiling window while we kissed and fingered each other to orgasms.

We took turns getting pressed face first against the window while Tony pounded our pussies. After he filled both of us, we 69'd to clean each other.

We sleep together each night. If I'm not making love to Chloe, I am with Tony. Most often, all three of us. He travels overnight at least once a week.

The roof includes a large play area for the children who live in the condos with part of it covered for colder weather. Their children call me Grandma Mana.

My children have met them and their children. Luke and Sarah recognize my desire to have grandchildren as soon as they are ready.

After a few questions of disbelief, they encouraged me. Acceptance by their families is hit and miss. The parents are sort of okay. A few others, not so much.

Mike. He hit the ceiling in his company, got laid off after a merger and asked me for money. I helped him find another job. Not as much pay. Almost no travel. He found a widow whose children are through college. He no longer sleeps around. Bastard.

He is the father of my children and paid for their college education. I don't hate him. If we hadn't divorced, I would never have met Tony and Chloe. I'm probably a fool for helping him, but not enough of a fool to take him back or give him money.