Jocelyn and Aili

Note: this is my first posting to literotica but it's meant to be an interlude chapter of a longer story. If the odd details seem excessive, just remember that everyone is in the middle of their own stories when they experience an event worth remembering.

Description: Lesbian tells story of her first time, with the wrong girl.

[Interviewer: For this graduate study on sociosexual development, we are collecting anecdotes of incipient non-normative sexuality. Interviewer is Beth Zabrieski. State your name for the record, please. All personal information will be obfuscated later. ]

Okay, well, my name is Lisa Grant. Actually it's Jocelyn Elizabeth Grant, but I prefer people calling me Lisa. Plain old Lisa. Absolutely average Lisa. Lisa the lezzie. Not really though - I only hear that name in my head.

I can't say that I knew I was a lesbian when I was fourteen, but that's when I fell in love with my best friend, Cassie. Cassandra Jane Hollis. She always was tall, and blonde and beautiful, and lived down the block. We'd been friends nearly from birth.

We ran track together and we played basketball and softball together. When I say 'tall', I mean Cassie is six foot two inches. Makes her a great first base player and point guard, but not a great prospect for dating, or so she believed. She confessed this to me when I was at a sleepover for her fourteenth birthday, and that was the moment I fell in love with her. And she was only five foot eleven at that point!

I'd just heard, 'No one will ever want me because I'm too tall', and I wanted, I yearned to say 'I want you, because you're you, and tall is just one great part of that'. But I was fourteen as well, so I said, "I'll be there, right next to you. Disappearing into your shadow, but, y'know, happily." Even that sounds too glib in the retelling, but you get the idea. She hugged me tight and thanked me for being her friend and I excused myself to the bathroom and I cried for my weakness and longing.

Clearly I still have some feelings about her but this story isn't really about Cassie, though she does make an appearance.

This is about my first time, with a girl named Reggie, though then she went by Gina. She's picked up a few names over the years. It was our senior year at Fillmore Jr./Sr. High in Buffalo, NY, 1997.

Regina Byrne was the catcher on our high school varsity softball team, with me at shortstop and Cassie at first base. Cassie and I started being friendly with her when we were all on the track team in Junior High. She was struggling to stay on the team, I mean, I'm sorta lean and Cassie was and is a freaking gazelle, but Regina just couldn't keep up -- her legs are a bit shorter compared to her torso, apparently it's an Asian thing. She would run full speed until she collapsed but her shorter stride kept her from qualifying for the first string. Cassie and I convinced her to join the softball team, where sprints were sufficient and her longer torso made her perfect as catcher. She took to it like a fish to water.

A bit of context; Regina is an odd duck. She used to be a geek until Cassie and I intervened. Her family comes from 'the other side of the tracks' - I mean literally; their house was just South of the railyard but within the Fillmore school district. Her mom is Black but her dad was Chinese (he died before she was even born) and the rest of the family comes from her Irish step-dad, Gerald Byrne. They're very... Catholic. Since both her parents worked, she had to help raise and 'ride herd' on the other three kids.

After our success on the prior year's Varsity team, Regina had become more accepted by our crowd of sporty popular girls, to the point she actually came to a few of our sleepovers. She wouldn't say much but listened attentively, and in the course of the normal bullshit about 'how far have you gone with a guy' and 'what sex positions do you like', she took our boasts as truth. She'd had a few boyfriends since turning eighteen that year and so, a month before the night in question, the girls finally coaxed her into confessing her 'dirty secrets'.

None of us were prepared. Regina explained how she wanted to explore sex and keep her boyfriends' attentions, so she had stripped for them. Let them finger her to orgasm multiple times. She'd given them blowjobs -- at home, in cars, at night in a park, behind a convenience store. She wouldn't go all the way, but got very good at oral to ensure they wouldn't get upset about it. To her mind, since they and she were mostly on the same page about what they wanted, going to a movie and a dinner was just wasted time and money, neither of which she had much to spare.

She asked us, "Have any of you done... any of that?"

We all shook our heads.

Most girls would be humiliated. She appeared to pale, but after a loud gulp she just excused herself to the bathroom 'to think'.

The girls whispered at each other about whose fault it was for about a half hour, when Regina returned to the Melanson's basement - it's a great party room despite the paneling and shag carpet - and sat down where everyone could see her. She wasn't hunched or cowed. If anything she carried herself like a guru, even sitting down lotus style.

"Alright, well, my choices are my responsibility, and clearly you don't know what you're talking about so let's play a little Truth or Truth. You ask, I'll answer. If I don't know I can always ask my mom, since she's a nurse."

That was the best sleepover we've ever had. Legendary. She should teach Health class for the next ten years. Of course, that would run contrary to the school's 'Abstinence Always' message, but that hasn't been keeping teen pregnancy in Buffalo under control, so maybe the powers that be should rethink their strategy.

None of the girls who were there looked down on her for it, and any noise from her ex-boyfriends about her sluttishness was shut down by the power of mass shunning. The boys may have been talking about her among themselves, but the girls weren't going to tolerate it.

About two weeks before the night in question, we were at an away game against Overton when Regina took ill. We lost against Overton without her behind the plate. The other catcher Gemma Tataglia just wasn't that good, and she took it out on the rest of us. Regina ended up staying overnight in a motel room, puking her guts out. Ever since then, she had been much quieter than normal, and I had been growing concerned.

So, the night in question; practice was called early due to rain, and I offered Regina a ride home instead of her riding her bicycle through it. Regina unlocked her bike from the rack and wheeled it over to my car - oh, it was this three door Ford Fiesta, painted in ultra-safe Signal Orange. It was a ritual with us whenever I was going to give her a ride. We'd stand in front of the car, sigh together, she'd ask, "Free car?" and I'd nod and confess, "Free car." I mean, my parents bought it as a surprise when I got my license, so for me it was free.

Regina released the front wheel of the bicycle then fitted the two parts into the hatch space with the seats folded down, along with our gear bags. "It's very practical."

"Whatever my ambitions," I said, "my parents want everyone to know my destiny is to be a virgin librarian."

Regina made the sign of the cross.

"Did you just bless that idea?"

"Oh, no. I'm thinking this may actually have been a yellow car until it was soaked in the blood of the innocent. Don't want either of us adding to the tint."

I smiled and said, "Innocent blood - you?"

"I'm sure your demon car will take all contributions." Oddly, she added, "You gotta give your parents credit- they're only trying to keep their baby girl safe."

"Ugh, Gina, what is with you? It's like you're siding with adults now." I hopped into the driver's seat.

Regina wrestled the passenger door open to get in, then slammed the door closed hoping that the rust would match up close enough to give it a water-tight seal. "We're eighteen. Technically--"

"Nah-nah-nah-nah this isn't about that. You've been eighteen since November, but you've lost something, ever since getting sick."

"Lost something? No. Found something."

"Really? Because you've been looking like you're hunting for clues that are missing. What are you looking for? Do you suspect one of the team is really an alien infiltrator?"

"No, I'm the only alien. I mean, ALIENS? No such thing. The government denies all knowledge!"

We cackled for a bit but I had to concentrate on traffic for a few minutes before returning to the subject.

"Seriously, Gina, what's going on? You know I'm your friend, so I'm just going to say it; you're looking at the other girls differently. Like a guy does."

Regina looked over at me. "Was I drooling? No."

"Ginaaa... "

"Okay, okay." Regina sunk into the seat as if ducking for cover. "I kissed a girl, a woman. For like, a while. Not that long but long enough. I liked it. I like her."

I stared at her in surprise, wide eyed. I remembered I was driving just in time to hit the brakes and clutch for a red light.

"But you're the one who's had sex with boys! You're the one who... um... swallows."

Regina rolled her eyes. "What else would I do, spit it out on their shoes? To get respect you give respect. And each one was my boyfriend at the time! I'm not running around gobbling cocks like -- y'know, it doesn't matter what I say, since the gossip will be gospel long before anyone asks me for confirmation. I have never exaggerated what I've done. You all seemed to appreciate getting the accurate details." Regina looked up and added, "Green light."

I resumed driving. After a few blocks I said, "Thought you were kinda proud of it."

"Guilty as charged," she said, "but I gave blowjobs to keep them under my control. I was very clear to you and the other girls that night at the Melanson's that it was a recommendation; if you intend to get hot and heavy with a guy but not have actual might-make-a-baby sex-- "

"Oh, I don't!" I said, "Not at all."

"-- you have to offer an alternative to release the pressure. Why are we even talking about this?"

"I'm surprised you're changing sides."

"I'm not, it's more like... listening to a different kind of music."

Now, I have to admit to a certain overflow of frustration. I'd known I wanted Cassie for four years, and recognized that other girls were nice to fantasize about, too, but I'd never even kissed another girl, and here was weird blasian Gina the cocksucking wonder, getting it on with a woman, maybe even falling in love with her.

I saw the empty lot for the hardware store and pulled off immediately to park; turned out I had missed the entrance due to the rain and low curb, so we bounced and scraped over the sidewalk until I could pull into a space.

Regina looked at me with shock, and eventually asked, "Did you just have a seizure or something?"

"How?" I blew up at her. "How is it possible? Why do you get to experience things the rest of us only dream of?"

"Like what? Projectile vomiting in a motel room? Being brought to the ER for alcohol intolerance the first time I sneak out to drink with friends? Breaking my leg, my left arm twice, appendicitis?"

"That's not what I mean and you know it! You've been the bad girl of the Falcons, getting into sex with exchange students and basketball players, and now you have an adult lover?"

"She's not my lover. I kissed her, and after a few minutes she rejected me, said it was a mistake and misunderstood signals. Told me not to tell anyone because it could ruin her. How's that supposed to make me feel?"

"Well, you don't seem too broken up about it!"

"Lise, I... I never considered the idea, but now that I am, I know that I want her. I want girls. It's fucked me up."

"Why tell me, though? Weren't you afraid I'd freak out on you about being a lesbian?"

"You are freaking out on me! Wait." Regina turned to look at me directly. "Did you say what I think you said?"

I smiled nervously, finally turning off the car so I could let go of the pedals and curl into myself defensively. "Me? What would I say? I say things all the time -- no reason to pay attention now."

I could feel the blush heating up on my face, the longer she stared.

"You noticed me noticing because... takes one to know one!"

I had been suppressing this for my whole life, to myself until I could admit it, and to everyone else ever since then. In a moment of heated discussion, I'd lost my cover of secrecy. I was exposed.

I don't think I have it in me to be spy or anything. For five seconds I could feel my face and chest prickling and tensing, and then I burst out crying. I mean blubbering-crying.

Regina just... watched me, waiting.

When I got past the tidal wave of emotions, I said, "Why you? Why couldn't it have been...?

Regina whispered, "Cassie."

And that set me off again. Tidal wave part two. But this time, Regina shuffled forward to rest her hip between our seats, close enough that she could draw me into an embrace, cradling my head against her chest.

"Cassie's been your best friend forever, right? I take it she wasn't interested."

"NO! She doesn't know, at all, I'm... look, I love her. Like love-love her. But she's not... she's never even hinted... I mean, when you look at her, does she seem like she might--?"

"I've been turning bisexual for a week and I had no clue that you were into girls until you gave yourself away just now."

"So, probably not."

"So, probably I have no idea! You're going to have to talk to her about it. She's wound up about something, but I don't think it's inappropriate lust for you."

That felt like a stab of judgment. "Inappropriate?"

"Inappropriate for her - she doesn't look ashamed when she looks at you. Just reassured. You make her smile." Regina shrugged. "So at least there's that."

Regina held me for a while until I calmed down. She shuffled back to her seat but stayed angled toward me, then lifted my face by the chin until I looked her in the eyes. Side note: her irises are just as dark as her pupils, so she can be a difficult person to read.

"You're my friend," she said, "but, are you my ally?"

"Ally? What do you mean?"

"I don't want to get in between you and Cassie, but you and I know this extra thing about each other, and if we want to protect that, then we should be allies. Allies who keep secrets."

"Okay, yeah. The 'Girls being attracted to girls' secret club."

Regina nodded.

"I like this. I'd like to join. Or is it charter?" I put up my right hand and declared, "I vow to keep secret all the secrets and rituals of the G-B-A-G-- no, wait that's a terrible acronym."

Regina chuckled. "Yeah it is, but I vow, too."

"Girls who want girls; goowoog - no. Girls into girls - GIG! We are gig-sisters!"

"Okay! I like it. Should we have codenames? Might give us away - 'hey Gina, why do you call Lisa 'Slurpee'?'"

"I am NOT taking the codename Slurpee!"

We both cracked up, and I have to say, replacing the pain and angst and humiliation of the last few minutes with a good laugh, well, it felt like healing.

"Lise, what's your middle name?"

"Elizabeth," I said. "What's yours?"

"Aili. It's a Chinese name. I think it means moonbeam or something. But if you were to call me Aili, we could just pass it off as a taunt. Isn't Lisa a form of Elizabeth? What's your first name?"

Grudgingly, I said, "... Jocelyn."

"Oh, that's awesome! Why aren't you using that?"

"Because one grade worth of being called Josie the pussycat was all I could stand." Yeah, fifth grade sucked. I never wanted to be the center of attention after that.

Regina nodded with understanding and sympathy. She raised her hand and said, "I swear to the sanctity of our pact that I will call you Jocelyn, and never Josie."

"I swear the whatever you just said that my gig-sister will be known to me as Aili."

We sealed our pact with a hug. I reveled in the heat and security provided by Regina's arms around my body, and the hug continued well over a minute. Even then, it was over too soon.

When she let go, I slumped in my seat, feeling a cold seeping in. I didn't want to take her home yet, so I looked for another meaningful topic to keep her talking. "So, what are you going to do about your friend? Do you think you're in love with her?"

"No. I like her, and I want her, but mostly I think she needs my help."

"Oh," I acknowledged, since she wasn't explaining anything. I just stared down into my lap for a bit, listening to the rain.

Maybe I was feeling a bit selfish right then, or I was adjusting to the idea that it was okay for me and Aili to be lesbians at least with each other, and I wanted to make it real. Not just a promise, but an act.

I said, "Hey, Aili. Now that we're secret club allies, I think we should commemorate the event with an appropriate celebration."

"Like what?"

"Show me your girls?" I pointed to her chest.

Regina sort of half smiled in confusion. "Really? I mean, we see each other in the locker room or showers every other day."

I shook my head. "No, you are very efficient. Most of the others spend time showing off their bodies to each other, at least when they're feeling all fresh and toned and powerful, but you just get in, swap school clothes for gear and move out. After the game, you take a while taking off and cleaning your pads, then you sorta just wander in covered by a towel, shower off, and back to the locker."

"Really? They show off? Didn't seem like it today."

"Yeah, because you were staring."

"Well, um, okay." Regina blushed a little but she took off her jersey and then peeled her sport bra up and off, revealing her smooth golden skin - unlike the rest of her siblings, she doesn't freckle. The breasts in question were barely there mounds, like pancakes at most. Her nipples were large and dark brown, almost black in the limited light coming from the parking lot through the windows of my rain-besieged car.

I was jealously impressed how Gina sat up in the seat, giving me a close view of her tender parts, as if showing herself naked to me was no big deal. It felt like an invitation, so I reached up and cupped the near breast, my thumb sliding over the wide nipple. Regina's breath caught, and I felt and saw how her nipple hardened into a tip a half-inch long.

My thoughts were racing; 'My hand is on her breast and it feels like we're a connected circuit, and both so nervous it might as well be electricity' and I giggled.

Regina frowned and said, "Please don't laugh at me."

"I'm not! I just... I feel electrified, like there should be purple-pink lightning arcs between us and the metal parts of the car."

Regina snorted. "Physics humor- very forgivable."

I kept thumbing her nip, enjoying the feel of it, the sound of her little gasps and the way she arched her chest forward into my hand.

"You... you keep that up and I'm going... to escalate," she breathed out. "Fair warning."

And I whispered, "Okay."

I kept fondling her near breast and reached over to nudge the other nipple with the backs of my fingers. It curled up, too, and my heart beat faster as I cupped that breast as well.

Regina swooned a little but braced herself with a hand on the dash. We were both panting shallow. There was an anxious warmth spreading from my heart across my skin and dropping down right into my privates.

Regina hissed out, "At least kiss me when you do that."

That caught me off guard. I thought, 'My first kiss on the lips with a girl? I want to save that for Cassie' but then I thought, 'doesn't mean I can't kiss other places.'

So I leaned in and took her nearer nipple into my mouth.

Regina gasped, "That wasn't what I ohhhh-- nngh."

I could feel tremors from Regina through my lips and the other hard nipple beneath my palm. I looked up to her panting face and asked, "Is this okay, Aili?"

"Very, very okay."

She leaned in towards me, and to avoid her hoped-for kiss, I nudged her onto my shoulder and started kissing up her neck from the collarbone. She moaned with approval.

We shifted our bodies on the seats, trying to find a better position and I let go of one of her breasts to steady myself. When I reached back towards her, my hand ended up sliding along the inside of her thigh, into the wide gap of her cargo shorts, drawn to the heat radiating from within.

She opened her legs a bit more in the constrained space. She whispered, "Jocelyn... please," and the sound of it felt like a caress of stinging warmth seeping down my spine.

I let my fingers slip into Regina's panties.

The sounds she made just then; like a wounded animal waiting for the relief of sleep or death. She was panting and whimpering and I think it's important to point out that at that moment Regina, who was my absolute hero since the sleepover at the Melanson's, was falling apart in my hands, begging without speaking for me to bring her... home. To ecstasy, I mean.

She curled up against me and her hands weakly guided us to face each other, looking into each others eyes.

I protested, "I want to save my first kiss for Cassie."

She whined louder, and tears started streaming down her cheeks. I was seriously reconsidering that goal, but I just couldn't let it go. I admired Gina, but I loved Cassie.

Regina said - and I love this - "Okay. You kiss her as your first. But I'm the one kissing you right now."

And she did, for just a moment. Because my fingers slipped forward past her clit and into her entrance, for just a moment.

And she came! It was like trying to hold a declawed panther in place after it had been doused in water... or mineral oil. Her arms were flailing about looking for something to grip without hurting me or herself, while her lower half had captured my intrusive hand into her channel and was grinding it deeper and deeper into her heat. Not that I was trying to pull my hand out or anything. Her grinding picked up speed and she wrapped her arms around my shoulders, crying, "Please-please-please-please-please..." until she clenched up, hard. And then she totally gooshed all over the seat.

It took a few minutes for the tremors to stop wracking her body and she calmed down to the state of merely a marathon runner at the end of a race. I held her there.

Regina murmured something almost like a prayer and then new tears fell down her cheeks.

"What was that?" I asked. "I couldn't hear."

She shook her head. She wouldn't tell me. She placed two fingers against my lips and said, "You have given me a wonderful gift. I don't want to ruin it by being selfish."

"What does that mean?"

"Gig-sister, we are allies. Follow your heart. It's not leading to me."

"Why do you say that?"

"You interrupted my climax to deny me a kiss. It's a fairly clear message."

"Oh. Right." I was buzzing hot but not exactly heartbroken. "I mean, I didn't want to hurt your feelings, but it's important to me."

"No, I get it."

"So... what happens now?"

"Now? Jocelyn, my dear, if you can spare a few moments for me to catch my breath..."

"Sure."

Regina pulled the release to slide her seat back and then knelt down in the expanded footwell.

She whispered with a low growl, "I want to kiss some other parts of you." She leaned across the gap and lifted up the hem of my t-shirt to kiss and nip and lick my belly, and unbuttoned my jeans shorts while I was distracted by it. Her hand was halfway to my panties when I finally reacted.

"Oh! Oh! Omigod! Oh, you're serious. Ahhh- fuck! Okay, that's got me--"

I mean I was shocked, and frightened and a bit intimidated but GOD was I ready. She placed her hand over my panties, cupping my whole pussy like giving it a gentle reassuring pat, but I slapped my hand over hers to make her rub it right and she was right there with me.

It was a furious cooperation that was carrying me to climax. We wrestled around enough that the car was knocked out of gear. I had to lurch forward and pull the parking brake or we might drift back into traffic, but in the process, our heads knocked together.

I whined, "Ow! Ow! Oh, God I was so close."

Regina shook off the pain, but then she grabbed me by the hips to turn me sideways. She grabbed the waistband of my opened shorts and soaked panties, pealing them off my hips and jerking them from beneath my butt. There was a brief argument between her and the stick shift, and another with my sneakers, but soon I was flat on my back, legs up with sneakers almost to the sunroof and Regina's face was two inches from my pussy, just breathing in.

She locked eyes with me and waited.

"Now, you're checking in with me?"

She shrugged and smiled. "Seemed the polite thing to do."

Regina looked down at my very hot, stinging with need, exposed privates and she had an expression I'd never seen on her before; worry. She reached up and carefully pried my labia open a little wider, then dipped her head forward and stuck her tongue to delve between the wet lips she had just revealed.

I won't belabor the point. She proceeded with care and enthusiasm, and within a few minutes I had to give her a proper mid-sex evaluation.

"Oh, fuck this is what I wanted and it's so much better and JESUS, GINA, my GOD!"

Not that I came immediately. But I did come soon after, and again several more times. Regina didn't stop for my protests until I literally had to twist my hips away from her mouth, curling up into a ball on my seat with my head pushed against the door, to ride out my stampeding heart.

Regina clambered around and wrapped her arms around my lower body. I could feel her tightened nipples rubbing against my tush.

"Alright, Jocelyn?"

"Very, very, VERY--"

At which point we heard a fervent tapping against the driver-side window. The door then opened, releasing my head to flop back out the doorway.

And there was Cassie, by my view upside-down. Long legs, tight shorts, tight t-shirt and holding up an open umbrella even though it seemed the rain had tapered off. Even upside down I could tell she was stunned silent.

I mumbled, "This is... uhh..."

But Regina finished, "Pretty much (Ow!) exactly what it looks like."

So I amended, "Yeah."

Cassie's eyebrows were locked in full consternation height.

Regina crawled backwards into the car while rubbing her sore head. I back-rolled and twisted until I fell out of the car at Cassie's feet with a yelp, my bare hips landing in a puddle. At least I still had my sneakers on.

Now fully revealed to the parking lot lights, Cassie looked me over and said to Gina, "What, you couldn't bother taking her boobs out?" She then gave me a half smirk. "That's your best feature or whatever."

Now, I adore Cassie but she never seems to take anything seriously, so her being verbally playful wasn't a clear indication of how she was reacting to this.

Regina climbed out and handed over my jeans shorts, panties still inside. She had already put on her jersey and snapped up her cargos.

I protested, "Well, what's her best feature?" I said it defensively but the distraction also gave me a moment to put my clothes on.

Cassie gave Regina a full and careful look, top to bottom. She then shook her head to disrupt the consideration and said, "How the hell should I know? I'm straight."

Regina balked. "Hey now, you zeroed in on Lisa's beautiful boobs right away."

"Your smile, Gina," said Cassie. "You have the best teeth I've ever seen. Why you'd risk them by playing catcher I'll never know."

"What risk? As catcher I get to wear a protective mask."

Cassie waved at her like she was trying to wipe away grime from a window, then turned to me. "I saw your car and no one had heard from you after practice, so I stopped to check or whatever. Figured I would finally know what boy could get little Lisa to get naked. I waited until you were just talking before I knocked. I have to say, I did once consider if a girl might suit you better, but couldn't think of one in school. I would never have suspected Gina!"

"Why not?" Regina asked.

Like a helpful but clueless dipshit, I said, "Y'know, because of the blowjobs thing."

"You are well known for it," Cassie said. "The guys all sing the praises of 'Gina's incredible... mouth'."

"It's throat, isn't it. They praise my throat."

"Well, yeah. If softball won't pay for college, you might make up the difference as a pro cocksucker! Except now you're really gay? What's up with that?"

Gina was visibly restraining her immediate reaction. Instead she said, "Look, I only turned this corner a week ago. And you can stifle the attitude, Hollis. You caught us with our pants down. Nothing about that should make you feel like you need to lash out at me."

"Wait," said Cassie with a suspicious look. "You've been together for a week?"

Both Regina and I yelled, "No!" then traded an uncertain look to make sure neither of us was offended by the other's agreement.

"This just happened, now, tonight," Regina added. "My first... was another woman."

"Tonight is my first time having sex with a girl or anyone, really, Cassie. I promise!" I pleaded with her, "I would never have not told you--"

Regina interjected, "I think in this case you were planning to not tell her."

"Gina, could you just stop talking! I don't need a coach right now."

"Editor."

"Shush!" I turned back to Cassie and stepped closer to her. "I would have told you. If only to find out whether it made you... jealous."

Regina huffed and then walked to the back of the car, using the spare key to open the hatchback. She retrieved her bicycle and gear bag, then closed the hatch.

"Wait. What are you doing?"

"The rain's stopped. I'm going home. Cassie and you can sort out the rest of it." She fit the front wheel into place and locked it down. "I'll find out tomorrow what that means for me."

As she pedaled away, Cassie put a hand on my shoulder. She said, "I should go, too."

I wasn't going to stand for that. I grabbed her by the elbow and said, "No! No, you can't-- I need you right now! I need you to answer me! I need this to not just end here."

Cassie looked at me with a very troubled face. "I can't think. I mean, you're not the same anymore."

"You're wrong," I said. "That's the point. I've always been like this. I l-love you, and I've been doing all the 'I love you' things for you for years, expecting nothing. Now you know, and now I need to know how you feel about it!"

Cassie shrugged. "I don't know what I feel. I can't think. I always talk to you when I can't think and I can't ask for your help with this, so... I should go."

"Please, at least tell me that you're still my friend."

Cassie smiled, and she wrapped her arms around me, dropping the umbrella to bounce away on the tarmac. "You're my best friend. I'd do anything to make you happy." Cassie stiffened. "Wait, I mean, I would do almost anything to make you happy. But not that. I mean-- whatever, I'm not jealous. That's what I know; you're my bestie, and I'm not jealous."

I struggled but successfully suppressed the urge to start crying in her arms.

"I think you really pissed off Gina, though."

That was my first time. It was messy, glorious, painful, and eye-opening, as you might expect.

[Interviewer: We are also interested in the repercussions of the event, if you're willing to tell us.]

Cassie didn't handle it as well as it seemed at the time, so people kept asking her what was bugging her. Somehow it got around that Cassie had caught a softball player with another girl. The hot potato ended up in Gina's hands and she boldly declared that she was involved with a woman outside of school and it wasn't their business.

Team captain Mags Melanson (of the awesome party basement) tried to eject her from the team, but the coach overruled her. He felt it was simply a girl problem and it should get resolved in the locker room and not risk our second winning season.

Gina wasn't invited to any other sleepovers, but she didn't seem bothered by it, since she was pursuing the woman who had first awoken her interest in girls. Otherwise she was absolutely professional about it. No more treating the teammates like friends, but still the best catcher we'd known. It took a few weeks for the drama to settle down.

[Interviewer: So you never had to come out to the other players? Or to your family?]

I don't think Cassie ever told anyone else on the team. My brother caught me out that summer while home from college, but he didn't tell my parents. Just said, 'Nice tits there, Josie and friend.' He made me do his laundry in exchange for his silence.

[Interviewer: Did Regina ever forgive you?]

Well... this one night Cassie and I had the equipment cleanup duties for that practice and so ended up last in the showers. Gina had returned to her habit of showering fast and leaving with no discussion with the other players so we thought we were alone. But then we heard, "Jocelyn, a moment of your time?"

I rinsed off, wrapped my towel around for cover and walked over to the entrance where Gina was standing in her school outfit.

With all the cool I could muster I said, "Um, hi."

"So, did you ever get to deliver that first kiss?"

I looked back at Cassie before replying, "We tried. She liked it for the sensations, but it didn't change her feelings for me."

She gave me a sympathetic look. "I'm sorry. How about your feelings?"

"I'm... adjusting." She was still hard to read, but I thought about it, and I figured that Regina's presence there was more than an olive branch. She could have just called my house to check up on me and no one would have known. "Thank you for protecting me," I said, adding, "Aili."

Regina actually arched an eyebrow at me.

Cassie had rushed to finish her shower and now came up to us, wrapped in her beach towel. "Everything okay or whatever?"

I was staring into Regina's eyes. "Yeah. You go on ahead. I'll lock up."

Cassie slipped around us and into the locker room. We heard the aluminum sound of her locker door opening and closing.

Suppressing a smirk, Regina said, "There's something I've been wanting to do since I came in here."

"Really?" I replied. "Me too, even before then."

"I'll go first," she said. "You just stand there and close your eyes for a minute."

I smiled, nodded and closed my eyes. I felt her shift position around me.

And then, she SPANKED ME! TWICE! Keep in mind, she's a catcher with very strong hands and quite the throwing arm, and she was not just giving me a playful swat; it was a punishment. The first one was a punishment, anyway. She said later that the second one was just to make it even on both tushes. I think she just hadn't released all her pent up anger in the first smack, but I was willing to accept the pain. She was my gig-sister.

Cassie heard the smacks and my yelp but by the time she poked her head in to check on us... I was giving Regina my second kiss with a girl, and she was taking off my towel. I waved off Cassie's concern. She chuckled and then said, "Later, babes."

So... yes, she forgave me.

Beth Zabrieski pulled Lisa Grant aside after the interview to ask, "Did Regina ever tell you what she said, that you couldn't hear?"

"She'd said, 'I swear, for as long as you live, I will never again feel alone.' She didn't want to tell me right then because it might make me swoon or something. She wanted me and Cassie to have a chance."

"How long were you together?"

"Um, about an hour and a half. The echo got disconcerting."

"No, I mean dating."

"We didn't. We don't. Aili and I; we collide."