A Rainbow in the Dark Ch. 03

There is a fine line between helping someone and enabling them. When I woke up Sunday morning and saw the missed text messages from the night before, I realized just how much I had been enabling Kurt over the past few years.

It started out with him just wondering where I was and if I was coming back. The second message told me to stop being stupid and come home. After that were a slew of messages basically insulting me. I was being a baby. I was selfish, heartless, and cruel. How could I just leave him like this? What did I think I was going to accomplish? He accused me of throwing a tantrum and other things meant to guilt me into coming back. After the insults came the demands. Who was going to make his breakfast in the morning? Don't forget it was Sunday, shopping day, and I better be back in time to make his dinner.

He started saying that I was being medically neglectful because he needed his meds and didn't know where I kept them which, he damn well knew where they were. The last of the messages were just empty threats. He threatened to call my parents and tell them how I was acting. He was going to call children's services on me for having Sean out God-knows where and probably sleeping in the car since I didn't have the money to rent a room for the night. He started saying that children's services would take Sean away from me if he called them because our house, which was my house, wasn't fit to live in. He claimed I didn't have the money to feed or support Sean properly and all this he would report to CPS if I didn't come home.

I wasn't overly concerned. I didn't really think he'd call CPS and if he did, his claims were unfounded. The house was in need of serious repairs but it wasn't unlivable. We had heat, water, electricity and Sean had his own room with a decent bed, clothes, and all the necessary things required in our state to provide a safe and healthy life for a child. He had food, he had adequate medical care, and most importantly he was happy. Well, he was happy living with me. The only thing that he wasn't happy with was Kurt.

As for calling my parents, they'd laugh. Neither of them liked Kurt to begin with and I'm more than confident that my mother would have told him to go straight to hell and set up residence. He was just trying to scare me into doing what he wanted but it didn't work. He annoyed me, stressed me out, and pissed me off on daily basis but he didn't scare me. If he left, I don't think I'd shed a single tear and if he ever laid a hand on me and my brother found out well, lets just say, the cops would have a hard time finding the body.

My brother Jimmy was ten years older than me, been in and out of prison multiple times, ran with a rough crowd and was fiercely protective of me. He was also over six foot tall and about 190 pounds of pure muscle. He also taught me to stand up for myself and never back down. I'd been in a few fights in my life and 99% of the time I'd gotten my ass handed to me but at least I had a reputation of not running or being a coward which would have put a target on my back. It also didn't hurt that most of the roughnecks in town knew who my brother was. In a small town, that kind of knowledge could be a life saver.

I quickly deleted the messages then slowly pushed myself out of bed, not really ready for the coming day but I had no choice in the matter. Shit needed doing and no one was going to do it but me.

I decided to let Sean sleep while I got dressed. It would be easier than trying to share the bathroom in such cramped quarters, especially since, at twelve years old, Sean was self-conscious and refused to use the toilet in front of someone. He didn't even get dressed in front of me despite the fact that I'd bathed him, dressed him and changed his diapers. It was adorable really. My little boy was turning into a little man and soon, he wouldn't need me at all.

I guess it was normal for kids to grow up and not need their parents anymore. I just missed the days when he'd crawl into my lap and ask me to read him a bedtime story, or ask me to tuck him in at night. I missed searching under the bed and in the closet for monsters. I missed the days I'd pick him up from school and he'd jump into my arms. I just missed being needed.

***

After I got Sean up and he'd showered and dressed, we stopped by the office to check out and I let him get a pop and chips from the vending machine. I took my chances with the free coffee only because this early in the morning, I needed something to get me moving.

I knew that pop and chips wasn't a great breakfast for him but it was enough to tide him over until we got home and I was able to make him a proper breakfast.

By seven-thirty we were on the road again. Kline Brother's was about fifteen minutes away so I had plenty of time to get there but I didn't want to be late. Nate had said eight sharp so arriving a little early wouldn't hurt any. My plan was to drop off the car then walk home from there. We didn't live that far from the shop and it wasn't too cold out but I was a bit worried about making Sean walk that far. I asked him if he was okay with it and he just rolled his eyes, reminding me that he was twelve and not two. I admit I worry about him, maybe too much, but that was my job as his dad.

Sean asked questions about the shop as we drove down the narrow gravel road. This was the first time he'd actually been there and I could tell that he wasn't impressed by what he saw.

"They do good work." I assured him. "I've never met this Nate guy before but the brother's wouldn't hand me off to him if he wasn't a good mechanic."

"I hope he's cheap." Sean muttered.

I didn't say it, but I felt the same way. I'd pay what he asked, no matter how expensive, but cash was tight so I really hoped this repair didn't set me back too much. I was getting tired of always borrowing money off my parents. I never made enough to really get ahead so I'd borrow from them, pay them back, then have to borrow again. It was an endless cycle and I hated it. I'd even thought about getting a second part time job but there wasn't a lot available in our small town and then there was the issue of child care.

Sean could mostly take care of himself but I didn't want to leave him alone for long hours, especially when he wasn't in school, like weekends or holidays. He knew how to use the microwave at his age, and I trusted him to stay close to the house, but I'd still worry. Anything could happen. A house fire, an injury, and Kurt would be of no use in an emergency. He'd worry about himself first and Sean second, if at all. Kurt always came first. The times I had left Sean with him, Kurt had used him as his personal servant. He made Sean fix him lunch, and play gofer anytime he wanted something like a drink or a snack. When he didn't need anything, he told Sean to go out and play or ride his bike. Basically, he just didn't want to be bothered by him.

Ironically, Kurt was the annoying one, not Sean. He was constantly asking me where I was, where I was going, who I was with, or what I was doing. If someone called he had to know who I was talking to, and what they wanted. Hell, any time I got up to use the bathroom he'd ask me where I was going or what I was doing. I never had any privacy, and nothing was ever just mine. His nose was in everything. It was exhausting.

Finally, I pulled up in front of the shop and parked. I cut off the engine and looked around. The shop was closed up, garage door down and the lights were off but I did notice a blue pick-up parked along the side of the building with someone sitting behind the wheel. I couldn't really see inside that well because the windows were slightly tinted but I saw movement and could make out a slight silhouette.

"That must be him." I told Sean, nodding toward the truck. Sean turned to look.

"Probably." He said, softly.

I opened my door and got out. Sean followed. I stood against the side of my car and watched as the driver of the truck also got out. He wasn't the typical grease monkey that I'd expected. The Kline brothers normally wore stained coveralls, and always looked dirty. This guy was clean, neat, and dressed in blue jeans, a dark button-up shirt, and work boots. He also had on a baseball cap that partcially hid the chestnut hair that I could see peeking out from under the cap.

He was younger than I'd pictured too. Maybe mid thirties and he was tall and slender, but well built. Thick biceps pressed against the sleeves of his shirt and his chest was clearly defined beneath the dark material. He flicked the butt of a cigarette into the dirt then walked... no, strode, toward me with a lazy stride like he owned the ground beneath his boots and had all the time in the world to claim it.

My breath hitched as he approached me and for a moment, I'd forgotten how to breathe. From his hair, and honey-brown eyes, to his sun-kissed skin, he was gorgeous. My knees honestly went weak when he looked at me.

"You Jess?" He asked with a voice that sounded like sandpaper wrapped in velvet --a low, gravelly baritone that sent an immediate shiver down my spine. It was smoky and unhurried, carrying the faint, heavy warmth of a man who didn't need to raise his voice to get exactly what he wanted.

"Y-yeah..." I nodded.

He then glanced at Sean. "Hey, kid."

"Hi." Sean said with a small, quiet, voice that made him sound younger than he was.

He turned back to me and stuck out his hand in greeting. "I'm Nate Morgan."

I took his offered hand and nearly melted at his touch. "Jess McFadden." I managed.

"So, tell me what's going on with your car." He dropped my hand and I instantly missed the contact. I had to get myself together though. This was a mechanic shop, and he was here to fix my car, nothing more.

I sucked in a deep breath then did my best to explain to him the squealing noises my brakes were making and the spongy feeling I got when I pressed on them. He smirked slightly, listening to my inept attempt at describing my failing brakes and by the time I was finished, it was clear that I was not well versed in auto mechanics at all.

"Well, I'll get it in the garage and get it taken care of. Should only be a couple of hours."

"Any idea how much this is gonna cost?" I asked him.

He shrugged. "Depends on what all needs done but if it's just the brake pads, I'd say about two hundred."

I sighed a breath of relief. I could handle two hundred. "Cool, thanks."

He nodded. "Leave your number. I'll text you when I'm done."

He handed me his phone and I quickly added my number to his contacts. "Thanks so much." I told him. "I appreciate you doing this. I don't have a lot of money and I need this car for work."

"It's no problem." He said and I swear I saw a hint of a smile. "I'll let you know when it's ready."

I thanked him again then Sean and I started walking away. I had my back turned when he called after me.

"Hey, Jess?"

I turned back around to see him standing next to my car looking slightly concerned. "Yeah?"

"Don't you have someone coming to pick you up?"

I shook my head. "We don't live that far."

He sighed, took his hat off, and ran a hand through his hair. "Come on, I'll drive you home."

My eyes widened. "No, no. It's okay. We can walk."

"It's too cold to walk." He argued.

"Really, it's okay."

He frowned, putting his hat back on. "Just get in the truck."

Sean looked at me and I shrugged. Before I could say anything else, he was already running toward Nate's truck. I guess he was driving us.

***

The cab of the truck was crowded with Nate behind the wheel, me against the passenger door and Sean wedged in between us. I crossed my legs at the knee to give me more room then looked at Nate and thanked him.

"It's no problem." He said as he pulled out onto the gravel road. "I'm surprised you didn't have your wife or girlfriend follow you."

"I only have the one car." I told him.

He nodded. "That makes sense then."

"And my dad doesn't have a girlfriend." Sean added. "He's queer."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you Sean."

Nate chuckled. "Nothing wrong with that."

"My dad's boyfriend is an asshole, too."

"Sean!" I shot him a warning look.

"What?" He looked genuinely confused.

"Language, young man."

He huffed. "Like you haven't said worse." He then turned to Nate. "My dad cusses like a sailor."

"Yeah, well, I'm thirty-two. You're twelve."

"You should hear the other guys at my school. They cuss all the time."

"That doesn't mean you need to."

"Anyway..." He said, looking at Nate again and ignoring me completely. "Kurt's a real jerk, and he treats my dad like crap."

"Sean, I'm sure Nate doesn't want to hear about our family drama." I could feel my ears burning and I quickly looked out the window.

"That's not cool." Nate said. "You shouldn't be with someone that treats you bad."

I shrugged. "He's not that bad..."

"Yeah, that's why we stayed at a hotel last night." Sean interjected, his tone sarcastic.

I stiffened in my seat. I really needed to talk to Sean about oversharing.

"Turn right on Carol street." I instructed, breaking the awkward silence that had followed Sean's last comment.

Nate turned right and I told him to go about half way down the street from there. "That's it." I said pointing to my dump of a house. "I know it's not in the best shape but it keeps us warm and dry."

"Better than living on the streets." Nate commented. "I speak from personal experience. I was homeless for about a month when my parents kicked me out."

I looked up. "That sucks, I'm sorry to hear that."

"It was a long time ago." He said. "My uncle let me stay with him till I got on my feet and now I got my own place."

"Do you still see your parents?" I asked him.

"Nope." He said, a little too quickly. "I've tried to reach out a time or two but they refuse to speak to me."

"I'm sorry." I couldn't really think of anything else to say. I didn't know what happened between him and his parents that caused them to turn their backs on him and I didn't want to pry. "It's a shame they act that way. You seem like a good guy."

"Yeah, well, it's their loss, right?" He smiled at me as he pulled up in front of my house.

"Yeah." I agreed. "Their loss."

I slid out of the truck and tried to help Sean out but he brushed my hand away and loudly announced that he wasn't a child. Nate smirked.

I thanked him for the ride and he nodded, reminding me that he'll text when the car was done. I closed the passenger door and watched as he drove away, back down the road. After he was out of sight, I turned and looked at my house, sighing. I couldn't put it off anymore I supposed. Time to go in and face the firing squad.

***

The minute I walked through the door Kurt started on me.

"Oh, you actually came back." He sneered.

"Well, it is my house." I answered, condescendingly. Not much he could say about that.

"You know, you have a lot of nerve just running off and leaving me alone like that and not knowing if you were going to come back or not."

"I thought you were going to leave." I told him.

"Yeah, you'd love that wouldn't you?"

Honestly, at this point, yeah I think I would. I was so sick of his shit, sick of being yelled at and interrogated on a daily basis. I didn't say that to him though. I really didn't want to get into another fight with him.

Instead of arguing, I turned and went into the kitchen. Sean had already gone to his room as soon as Kurt had started complaining. Even he didn't want to deal with Kurt's bullshit.

"What are you doing now?" He hissed as I walked away from him.

I sighed in frustration. "I'm going to make breakfast, is that okay with you? Do I need your fucking permission?"

"Stop acting like a dick." He grumbled.

I just shook my head then opened the cupboard beneath the counter and took out a pan.

"I want dip eggs and bacon." He shouted from the living room. "And toast. Don't burn it this time."

I gripped the handle of the pan so tight my knuckles turned white. For a split second I envisioned myself going into the living room and cracking him over the head with the fucking pan. I could picture him slumped over his chair, blood oozing down his head and onto the floor. I smiled before I could stop myself then quickly pushed the thought out of my head.

"Don't give me any of that shit orange juice with pulp. I hate that crap."

"We don't have any orange juice." I told him. "I haven't made it to the store yet."

"Figures." He growled and I could almost picture the snarl on his face. "I swear, sometimes you're fucking useless, you know that."

I took the eggs out of the fridge and slammed the door so hard the refrigerator actually shook. "If I'm so Goddamn useless then why don't you just fucking leave?" I shouted. "Find someone else to put up with your shit!"

He laughed. He actually fucking laughed. "You'd be begging me to come back."

"Not likely." I muttered under my breath.

***

Sean sat at the table eating in silence. Kurt was sitting in front of the TV as usual, his plate on his lap. I sat next to Sean, sipping a cup of coffee.

"You're not going to eat?" Sean asked me.

I shook my head. "Not really that hungry."

He didn't say anything else, just went back to his food but I could tell from his expression that he didn't buy my excuse. The truth was, I didn't feel like eating. I didn't feel like doing anything. The only thing I felt in that moment was numb. Nate had said that I shouldn't stay with someone that treats me bad and agreed with him, I just didn't know how to get out of the situation I found myself in.

Unless I packed up mine and Sean's stuff and just abandoned the house, I wasn't going to be rid of Kurt. He wouldn't leave. I knew that. I'd have to go to court and get him legally evicted or something, and that would take time. Time and money. Time I had, but money was another issue. I had actually thought of just leaving. More than once. My parents would let me and Sean stay with them, I had no doubt about that but it pissed me off to think of me just giving up my house, my home, to him.

We weren't married, even though it was legal in my state, but he'd still try to find some way to stay in the house regardless. He'd claim squatters rights or some bullshit, just to make my life harder. I had to face it, I was trapped and every day my cage got just a little bit smaller.

I checked my cell phone for any text messages. I don't know why. It hadn't even been an hour yet and there was no way the car would be done this soon. Kurt noticed me looking and he frowned.

"Why do you keep looking at your phone? You waiting for an important call or something?"

"Actually yes. I'm waiting to hear back from the mechanic."

"So you did take the car in?"

"Yep."

He huffed. "I told you that was a waste of money. Those breaks were fine."

"You may not care about my safety, but I do."

"You're just being overly dramatic, as usual."

"Whatever." I got up from the table and went back into the kitchen and started loading the dish washer. Kurt had left a nice mess for me from the night before. Apparently he'd decided to make pizza rolls and God knows what else. He'd managed to dirty up two plates, a cookie sheet, and a bowl as well as leaving a mess of crumbs and empty boxes all over the counter. I could almost guarantee that if I went into the living room I'd find more dirty dishes and probably trash on the floor. I could already see a bunch of empty pop cans that he'd lined up on the coffee table instead of throwing them away.

Sean brought his dirty dishes out to me and I put them in the dish washer as well, then went to the living room to see what else I could find. As I thought, I found plates, cups and a handful of silverware. After I got the dishes started, I grabbed a trash bag and walked around cleaning up any trash I could find.

"Sean, go get any dirty clothes you have and take them to the laundry room please." He nodded and ran off to his room again.

"Don't forget to get my clothes out of the bathroom." Kurt told me.

I didn't answer, just turned around and headed for the bathroom. His clothes were easy to find. He'd thrown them on the floor along with a bath towel. At least he'd showered.

After the laundry was started, I checked my phone again. Nothing. I was too tired to do anymore cleaning at the moment so I stepped out onto the porch to smoke a cigarette. Sean came out a few minutes later and said he was going to ride his bike for a while.

"Don't go to far." I told him. "Unless you want to stay here when I go to pick up the car."

"No way." He crinkled up his nose. "I'll stay close by."

I nodded and watched as he rode down the street. I really wished he had some friends in our neighborhood to ride with or visit. He spent way too much time alone.

***

It was a quarter till eleven when Nate texted me. All he said was, "cars done. I'll pick you up in ten."

I texted back, "Thanks, I'll be ready."

I slide the phone back into my pocket and walked toward the front door.

"Who the hell was that?" Kurt asked, eyes narrowing as he watched me.

I groaned internally. "The mechanic. My cars done."

I didn't wait for him to respond. I opened the front door, walked out onto the porch and called for Sean. A minute later he rolled up to the front steps.

"Car ready?" He asked, sounding excited.

"Yeah. Nate's picking us up so put your bike away."

He turned and headed down the ally beside the house, toward the back where the shed was. I walked back inside. Kurt was standing up with his hands on his hips.

"Who the fuck is Nate?" He glared at me, trying to look intimidating. It didn't work.

"The mechanic." I sighed.

"Why the hell is he picking you up?"

I stopped and stared at him a moment before I responded, wondering just how many brain cells this guy had burned off. "Because I don't have a car right now and he doesn't want us walking all the way to the shop in the cold."

"Why the hell does he care if you walk or not?"

"Probably because he's a nice guy that doesn't only care about himself."

"Just what the fuck is that supposed to mean?"

I rolled my eyes. "Figure it out."

"You better watch how you talk to me." Kurt growled. "One of these days..."

"One of these days what? You'll leave? Go ahead, Kurt. Leave. Pack your shit and go. How many times do you plan to threaten me with that and then never follow through?"

"You couldn't live without me."

I laughed. "I think you have that backwards. It's you that can't live without me. At least without my house, car and money."

"Fuck, man. I could find someone new in a heart beat. Someone better. Someone that doesn't live in a shit hole and work a dead end job."

"What's stopping you? Seriously, why are you still here? You don't love me. Sometimes I think you actually hate me. Why not find someone else and become his burden?"

"Keep treating me like shit and I might."

"Whatever." I knew he was blowing smoke up my ass. He had no intention of leaving because no one in their right mind would want him. Only I would keep a thirty year old loser, with no job and no prospect of ever getting a job, around. I was going to tell him that but then Sean walked in. I didn't want to fight in front of him if I could help it. Instead, I just grabbed my coat off the back of the kitchen chair and headed for the door. "Come on, Sean. Nate will be here any minute. I told him we'd be ready."

***

Sean and I stood on the sidewalk in front of the house, shivering in the cool October air. It was ridiculous that I was chased out of my own house, again. I honestly couldn't stand to be around Kurt anymore. It'd be different if he didn't instigate a fight every time we were together, but lately it's like that's the only way we communicated.

It wasn't always like this though. When we'd first gotten together he was kind and so sweet. He made me feel wanted and loved. He had a good job then and when we moved in together we shared the chores and expenses. After about a year together though he started to show his true colors. My first clue was when he'd taken me to dinner one night. My mom was watching Sean so Kurt and I could have some time for just us.

The restaurant wasn't some high end place, just a locally owned and ran family restaurant with affordable prices. It was nice, at first. I ordered some kind of pasta dish. Probably Alfredo knowing me. I can't remember what Kurt ordered, but at the end of the meal the waitress asked if we wanted desert. Kurt immediately said no and I asked him if it would be okay for me to get a scoop of ice cream.

He blew up at me. Right in front of the waitress. He said I was selfish and demanding, that nothing he did was good enough and all I wanted was for him to spend his money on me. I wanted to start crying but my anger took over. I ordered the ice cream but told the waitress to put it and my meal on a separate check. Kurt didn't protest at all. That was the last time we ever went out to eat as just a couple, and the last time he ever offered to pay.

After that I was always the one to pay and mostly I was just taking Sean out to eat. Kurt just tagged along because he was getting free food but even then he'd find someway to ruin the evening. He'd complain about the food or the wait staff, complain that Sean was being too noisy or wouldn't sit down. Anything and everything he could think of to bitch about just to make the night a little less enjoyable. I got to the point where I hated going out to eat, and so did Sean.

I started ordering take out or pizza and we'd eat at home. At least if Kurt bitched about something he wouldn't embarrass me. On the rare occasions that we did go out, if was just Sean and me. I'd lie to Kurt about where we were and made sure to tell Sean not to tell him either. I hated telling my kid to lie but I knew if we told Kurt that we went out without him and didn't bring him anything back he'd be irate. It was easier to just keep him in the dark about some things.

***

We hadn't been standing there long, maybe five minutes, before Nate pulled up in his truck. Sean and I climbed into the cab but Nate didn't immediately pull away from the house. He was looking at the front porch and I could tell by the look of concentration on his face that he was thinking of something, weighing something in his mind. Finally, he turned and looked at me, his gaze thoughtful.

"Your front steps are pretty ragged." He remarked. "They don't look safe."

"They're not," I admitted. "That's why we always use the back door."

He tapped his finger against the steering wheel. "I could fix them for you. If you want."

"Thanks," I told him, trying to sound appreciative but I couldn't hide the frustration in my voice. "That's kind of you but I really can't afford that right now."

"Don't worry about that." He said quickly, "I have some lumber left over from a past project and I can't return it. I'd rather use it to fix your steps rather than let it rot all winter."

I considered it for a moment. It was a good deal, no cost for materials. I just wasn't wasn't sure how much he'd charge for the work.

"What would you charge me for the labor?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said. "I don't want any pay for it. I just want to help out."

"I couldn't accept that." I told him. "I'd want to pay you something for your time."

"Okay..."He thought about it for the moment and I was actually worried that he would quote something that was way out of my price range. I really wanted those steps fixed but I wouldn't feel right about not giving him something.

"How about... pizza and some beer?"

I raised an eyebrow. "Pizza and beer?"

"Yeah," He nodded. A slight grin crossing his handsome face. "I get kinda hungry when I work. Order a pizza and have a couple beers in the fridge and I'll be golden."

"You sure?" I was a bit skeptical. A job like that was worth way more than a pizza and beer.

"Yep, sure am." He winked. "Anyway, like I said, I've been wanting to do something with that lumber and besides, I like to help people when I can."

"Well, if you're really sure then yeah, I can afford a pizza and beer, and I'd really love to finally get those steps fixed."

"Great. This coming weekend good for you? I can come by on Saturday and get started."

"Yeah that would be great." I smiled, glad to have something on this old house fixed though I wasn't sure how Kurt was going to react to Nate fixing the steps. I didn't really care though. I'd been asking Kurt for over a year to fix them and he just kept giving me excuses as to why he couldn't.

"You're really going to fix our front steps?" Sean asked, eyes wide.

"Sure am, Buddy." Nate told him.

"Thank God. It's really inconvenient having to walk all the way around the house just to catch the school bus in the morning."

Nate and I looked at each other and we both burst out laughing. Sean narrowed his eyes and glared at me but I couldn't help it, he was just way too adorable.

***

I told Nate that I would drive to the bank to get the money out to pay him but he offered to drive me instead. I told him he didn't have to do that but he insisted it wasn't a problem. In the end, he only charged me a hundred and eighty bucks. I thought that was way too low and worried that he'd not charged me for the labor but he promised that wasn't the case. He said it was cheaper because he only had to change the brakes and rotor on one tire. The calipers were still good and didn't need replacing.

I offered to give him an extra twenty dollars as a tip but he refused.

"I know you don't have a lot of money." He told me. "Besides, I was happy to help you out. I know it can be hard for a single parent."

I wasn't exactly single but I didn't argue with him. I might as well have been single for as much help as I got from Kurt.

I was starting to really see what a jerk Kurt had become. He wouldn't lift a finger to help me and yet, here was Nate, a man who barely knew me, going out of his way to help someone he literally just met. Again came the thought, why am I even still with Kurt? Why haven't I just tossed him out already? And, did I even have the courage to leave him?

"I really do appreciate all your help." I said, and I meant it. Other than my parents, I had no other source of financial assistance. I haven't seen nor heard from Sean's mother since she left and I've never received a dime from her in child support. Before Kurt, it had just been Sean and I. I'd had other boyfriends over the years but they were never serious and none of them hung around that long.

Most of the guys I dated or hooked up with only wanted to party, drink and do drugs. I gave up that life style a long time ago. Now, at my age, I just wanted a family. I wanted a cute little house with a white picket fence. I wanted a stress free life with Sean, maybe a dog, and someone to share it with. That was my dream, my idea of happiness. I just had to hold onto the hope that maybe, someday, that dream would come true.

Nate and I made plans for him to come by Saturday at nine in the morning so he could start on the steps. I thanked him again, then Sean and I got into my car and left. The brakes no longer squealed, the car was safe, and I drove away with renewed hope for the future. For the first time in a very long time, the world didn't seem as bleak as it once had.