Positive Reinforcement Ch. 05

SARAH

"I forgot my glasses," Ethan said, approaching the dresser before either of them could react.

Heidi climbed off her slowly. She ended up on her knees on the floor; her hands searched for something to cover her face with.

Sarah didn't move. Her lips were wet and her blouse was open.

"We were just..." Sarah tried to say, but she couldn't string the sentence together.

Ethan opened the dresser drawer. He took out a pair of sunglasses. He put them on slowly, as if he had all the time in the world.

"I'll be back in a couple of hours, sweetheart," he said, and smiled.

He left. The hotel door closed with a soft click.

Heidi was still on the floor.

Sarah sat up. She buttoned her blouse as best she could and went out into the hallway, almost tripping over the doorframe.

Ethan was in the elevator. He hadn't gone in yet.

"It's not what it looks like," Sarah said. Her voice came out louder than she intended.

"What does it look like?" Ethan asked. His tone seemed genuinely confused.

"Heidi and I..."

"Oh, that," Ethan cut in. "Sweetheart, it's normal for your relationship to be confused. You've been through so much. Don't worry."

Sarah opened her mouth. She couldn't find the words.

"If you want," Ethan added, as if offering a coffee, "I can move up the session with Doctor Valery."

"I don't know if..."

"Unless you think you're not confused," Ethan said. He looked at her fixedly. Without anger. Without anything.

Sarah felt the weight of the question in her chest. She opened her mouth again. She closed it.

"No," she finally said, and her voice trembled. "Yes, I'm confused."

Ethan nodded. He got into the elevator.

The doors closed.

---

"Is that all?" Doctor Valery asked after Ethan told him about the previous day.

"Yes," Ethan said. Then he looked at both of them. "Or do you have anything to add, girls?"

Sarah and Heidi hadn't spoken during the entire session. Both were blushing since they heard how he had found them: one on top of the other, with rubbing on the lips. That's what Ethan had decided to call them: rubbing, not kisses.

Neither said anything.

Doctor Valery nodded slowly, and adjusted the volume of the music.

"It's normal."

Both looked at each other confused. Ethan, however, nodded with a hidden smile.

"It's a period of adjustment. I mean, a couple of weeks ago you hated each other to death, right?"

Both nodded.

"And now you've learned to love each other. It's normal for everything to get mixed up. Although honestly, I'm not sure it's a problem..."

"Excuse me..." Sarah asked, confused.

"Tell me, have you ever drunk from a friend's bottle?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"It's an exchange of fluids. When you have a bond of trust, you usually do it..."

"I suppose, but..."

"And isn't your bond, mother and daughter, ultimately more powerful than any you could have with another person?"

"Well, I..."

"I think I have the perfect exercise for you."

---

"Sorry I only had lemon left," the doctor said.

"I don't mind," Heidi commented. It was her turn to lick it.

Both women held the popsicle between them; they were pressed together on the couch.

"I-I like it," Sarah said, now licking, making sure to lick the same spot as Heidi.

"I think time is almost up... so I'm going to ask you to lick faster, Sarah. Can you lick it to the bottom?" Doctor Valery asked.

"Of course she can. She does it all the time without choking," Ethan intervened, laughing.

Sarah felt the comment like a punch to the stomach. She wanted to say something. She couldn't find her voice. The music was louder now.

"Go ahead then, Sarah. Just make sure you don't break it," the doctor asked.

"Yes," she said in a whisper.

She opened her mouth. The popsicle went in. She didn't bite it. Her tongue curved underneath, pushing the ice against her palate. Her lips closed around the thickness of the stick. She sucked.

Heidi stared at her. Sarah's hand trembled holding her end.

Sarah moved her head forward. The tip of the popsicle touched the back of her throat. Her eyes watered. She didn't cough. She pulled it out slowly. Her tongue dragged all the way back, licking every centimeter.

The popsicle glistened. Saliva dripped down the stick onto Sarah's fingers.

"Excellent, excellent," the doctor praised. "Now you, Heidi."

As she passed the popsicle, her fingers touched Heidi's. They looked at each other for a second.

Heidi brought the popsicle to her mouth. The tip was already soft. She opened her lips. Her tongue came out first, touching the side where Sarah's tongue had left a groove. The sensation was warm. Her mother's saliva was still there. Heidi licked slowly. She felt the sour taste of lemon mixed with something else her mother had left.

"Faster, Heidi," the doctor said. "It's not possible for your mother to do it better than you."

Heidi pushed the popsicle deeper. Not all the way, but more than she had tried before. Her lips stretched around the thickness. Her tongue flattened against the ice.

"All the way to the bottom," Ethan said, no longer laughing.

Heidi pushed. The tip grazed her uvula. She coughed a little. She pulled the popsicle out. A thread of saliva hung from her lower lip to the edge of the ice. She didn't wipe it off.

She tried again. She opened her mouth wider. She put the whole popsicle in. The tip touched the back of her throat. Her eyes filled with water. But she didn't cough.

She stayed like that for a second. Her breathing cut off through her nose. Then she pulled the popsicle out slowly. Her tongue dragged all the way back.

The doctor clapped softly.

"Very good. You see. It's nothing out of this world."

Heidi passed the popsicle to Sarah. Their fingers brushed again. The popsicle was smaller now. The surface was completely covered in her saliva and glistened.

Sarah took it, without hesitating for an instant, and put the whole thing in at once. Her tongue moved quickly, licking everything that remained. She sucked hard. The popsicle broke apart in her mouth. A small crunch of ice was heard as the last piece shattered.

She swallowed.

The popsicle was gone. Only the wooden stick remained, wet and empty.

Sarah left it on the table. She looked at Heidi. Heidi was looking at her. Both had shiny lips. The same saliva in their mouths.

Ethan coughed. He brought his hand to his mouth. It wasn't a real cough.

The doctor closed his notebook.

"Good. That's all for today. But I'll leave you with an exercise to follow all week."

HEIDI

"I'm back. I brought Crispy Chicken," Ethan announced.

Footsteps were heard on the upper floor; it was Heidi, who loved the food from that place.

When she arrived, she took one of the biggest, crunchiest pieces she could find and bit into it.

"Stop, Heidi. Remember you have to wait for your mom."

"But..."

"No, Heidi."

Ethan had turned on the radio, although he didn't tune into any station. Instead, he put in a cassette with annoying instrumental music.

Her mother took another five minutes to come down. Heidi was holding the piece of chicken in her hand.

"It smells delicious," Sarah said as she sat down next to Heidi. Then, without warning, she bit Heidi's chicken. "It tastes delicious," she said as she extended the chicken back to Heidi.

"I brought orange soda. Is that okay?"

"Y-Yes..." she replied with the bone in her mouth. When she pulled it out, the saliva was evident.

Sarah took the bone. She put it in her mouth. There was no meat left. Only what Heidi had left.

Heidi watched her do it. She said nothing.

Ethan uncapped the bottle. He poured it into a single glass. He placed it between them.

Sarah drank first. She passed the glass. Her fingers brushed Heidi's. Heidi drank from the same rim. She left the glass on the table.

No one spoke.

Ethan ate his plate separately. He didn't look. He didn't ask. The music played low, instrumental, the same as in the office.

Sarah took another piece of chicken. She bit it. She put it on Heidi's plate. Heidi took it. She bit where Sarah had bitten. She returned the rest.

They continued like that. Without speaking. Without looking at each other. Sharing everything.

Ethan cleared the table.

Sarah wiped her mouth with a napkin. Heidi did too. They used the same one.

"How about I take you to the movies?" Ethan asked.

They were both staring at each other. Sarah took a moment to answer.

"Sure..." she simply said.

"Does that sound good to you, Heidi?" Ethan asked.

"Yes," Heidi said. She didn't look at Ethan. She kept looking at Sarah.

"Good. There's a show in an hour. We can make it."

Ethan went upstairs to change. Sarah and Heidi stayed in the kitchen. The napkin was still on the table. With the marks of their lips.

"Are we going like this?" Heidi asked.

"Yes," Sarah said.

...

The theater was almost empty. Ethan chose the seats in the back. Sarah sat in the middle. Heidi on her right. Ethan on her left.

The lights went out.

The previews started. Explosions. People laughing. Neither of them was looking at the screen.

The armrest was up between Sarah and Heidi. Like the other time. The same theater. The same position.

Heidi rested her arm on the armrest. Her hand hanging toward Sarah's side.

Sarah looked at her. Heidi was looking at the screen.

Sarah placed her hand next to Heidi's. They weren't touching. They were a centimeter apart.

On the screen, someone said something funny. Ethan laughed. Sarah didn't. Heidi didn't either.

Heidi moved her hand. A centimeter. Her fingers brushed Sarah's.

Sarah didn't pull away.

Heidi intertwined her pinky with Sarah's. Just one. The smallest one. Nothing more.

They stayed like that. Watching a movie neither was seeing. Their pinkies tangled. The rest of their hands still.

At some point, Heidi brought her other hand to the bowl of popcorn Ethan had bought. She took one. She brought it to her mouth. She bit it.

Then, without looking at Sarah, she brought her hand to Sarah's mouth. The popcorn was wet, bitten, and drooled on.

Sarah opened her mouth. Heidi placed it on her tongue.

Sarah bit, chewed, and swallowed.

Ethan wasn't watching. He was looking at the movie.

Heidi took another popcorn. She bit it. She offered it. Sarah ate it.

This went on for several minutes. Popcorn after popcorn. From Heidi's mouth to Sarah's mouth. Without speaking. Without looking at each other. Their pinkies always tangled.

At one point in the movie, Ethan rummaged through his jacket and took out a small bag. He placed it on Sarah's armrest without saying anything. Inside were chocolates.

Sarah looked at them. Heidi did too.

Sarah took the bag. She opened it carefully. The paper crinkled, but it was muffled by the sound of the movie. She took out a chocolate. It was small, round, with wrinkled gold paper on the edges. She unwrapped it slowly.

The chocolate was slightly soft from being in Ethan's jacket for so long. The surface glistened.

Sarah looked at it. Then she looked at Heidi.

Heidi's eyes were fixed on the chocolate. On her mother's fingers.

Sarah brought the chocolate to her mouth. But she didn't bite it. She licked it.

Her tongue ran over the entire surface. Slowly. The chocolate melted a little with the contact. A thin, dark thread remained on her lower lip. Sarah wiped it off with the tip of her tongue.

Heidi didn't blink.

Then, Sarah brought the chocolate to Heidi's mouth.

She opened her lips.

Sarah placed it inside.

The chocolate was warm. Melted. Sarah's saliva covered it. Heidi closed her mouth and felt it dissolve against her palate. The taste was sweet, but underneath was the taste of her mother. That taste she already knew. That she needed.

She licked the chocolate desperately. Her tongue pressed it against her palate. She moved it from side to side. She sucked hard. The chocolate melted completely. Heidi swallowed.

Sarah hadn't removed her fingers.

They were still inside, holding what was left of the chocolate, now reduced to a dark paste between her fingertips and Heidi's tongue.

Heidi licked her mother's fingers. One by one. The index. The thumb. She gathered every last bit of chocolate and saliva. She sucked them until nothing was left. Until Sarah's fingers were clean and wet only from her mouth.

Sarah pulled them out slowly.

Then she reached her hand into the bag. To take out another chocolate.

She licked it again until it softened.

She brought it to Heidi's mouth.

Heidi took it. She licked Sarah's fingers again. With the same urgency. The same need.

Ethan still wasn't looking. Or so it seemed. He had his head resting on the backrest.

They continued like that. Chocolate after chocolate. Popcorn after popcorn. The bag of chocolates gradually emptied. The popcorn bowl too. Sarah's fingers went in and out of Heidi's mouth. Heidi's fingers brushed Sarah's lips with each popcorn.

When the popcorn was gone and the bag of chocolates was empty, Sarah sucked her fingers. Slowly. Looking at Heidi.

Heidi had chocolate-stained lips. Sarah leaned in. She ran her thumb over her daughter's lower lip. She gathered the dark residue. She brought it to her mouth. Licking it.

When the movie ended, the lights came on.

Heidi pulled her hand away.

Sarah did too.

Ethan stretched with a yawn.

"Did you like it?" he asked.

"Yes," they both said.

Neither knew what the movie had been about.

To be continued...