Carl’s Soft Spot - Red Part Two

Carl's Soft Spot - "Red Part Two"

The other side of Carl, taking Red

A/N - Please enjoy the names and locations have been altered but the story remains true.

Thursday morning

Early mornings are nothing to me, I am used to them. I think my body clock set itself to the circadian rhythm of a farmer well before college. When Shane and I started sleeping together he was up early, surprisingly half way through his junior year, Shane joined the track team and started running every morning.

I remember him telling me one morning as he kissed me and left me in bed, "When I run, I'm free, free to be me Carl."

What I loved the most was the mornings he didn't have to get up early, usually Sunday mornings, we would lay in bed and make love. Shane really knew how to bring out the firmness in me. Even as a twenty or twenty-one year old, Shane ensured I commanded his sexual desires and his body.

When I felt our twin bed move a certain way, I would roll onto my back. I knew what Shane wanted. He kissed down my chest and my hands immediately took grasp of his floppy long blonde hair. I steered him to where I wanted his licks and kisses.

And when I pulled him firmly onto my cock he accepted me without hesitation.

"Yes!" I moaned, "Swallow my cock deep down your throat." I heard him gag, that is when I opened my eyes and realized where I was.

"Ohh fuck Red, don't you dare stop, keep sucking your Sir's cock. Wake me like a good boy should and have me cum down your throat."

I held his head and felt his tongue lapping at my cock. He tried to lift up but I held him an extra moment or two. Then, and only then did I release his hair. His saliva fell from his mouth covering my cock and balls.

"Are you going to suck or will I throat fuck you Red?"

He didn't answer, right away he took my cock back in his mouth and sucked me for all he had in himself. I opened my legs and crossed them over his back, locking his body tightly. As my balls tightened and I felt the urge to cum, I held his head tight.

"Swallow it all and do not waste your gift!" I arched my hips and fired three mostly full spurts down his throat feeding Red his breakfast.

I opened my legs releasing him, I heard him breathing from his nose as best he could and I let him up from my cock.

"Come kiss me my femboy, my submissive play toy." Red moved up my body, and kissed me, our morning breath didn't matter, I loved his tongue in my mouth and mine in his.

"Red, tonight when you come here, we'll have dinner here in the room again but I want to love you. I will love you tonight Red." He seemed to love that as he hugged me tighter.

"Sir, I must leave soon to get ready for my work but I promise I'll run over after I am done at four."

I kissed him once more. "Go my pretty boy, wear some sweet panties for me because when I come see you for my microphone, I'll want you to whisper in my ear what color they are."

He shivered again and kissed me. "Yes sir, I'll see my way out then."

When the door closed, I looked at the clock. It was just 0430. I closed my eyes knowing I had time, my alarm was set for 0600.

My mind drifted off as I lay naked in the large bed, I pulled a pillow and hugged it, then I felt the softness of the fresh pillow and rolled to my side.

I exhaled, "Shane!"

The memory of that first time when "Duck Hunt" had taken my stress and I lost, Shane sat behind me, straddling me helping me aim the stupid damn toy gun. When I felt his naked hard cock on my back, when I felt his breath on my neck and I turned and kissed him deep it was the most magical night ever.

Shane stood and took my hand and as I stood, towering over my small framed feminine friend, he took my hand and brought it to his ass. He stood on his tip toes and whispered in my ear, "I cleaned myself out, I've done it every day for you, will you please make love to me?"

The first time I slid my cock into his virgin ass, I knew this was something I would always want, along with the women I loved.

Yes, thrusting into Shane was always loving, sensual and magical. I always caressed and stroked his cock, we didn't fuck, we made love. I always slowly stroked his smaller cock and loved as she shuddered in my arms as his orgasm shook him. When he was cumming he would always ask me to hold him tight, which I did. I would do anything Shane ever asked, when he asked nicely.

I could see Shane in my mind as clear as day, even twenty years later. Shane had been my first slender, eager femboy with wide eyes and a desperate need to belong to someone rugged enough to handle him.

I remember the exact night in a cramped dorm room when I had first laid down the law with him. He had asked me once or twice to be firmer, rougher, harder when I took him. I was less refined and knowledgeable then, but now, the hunger was identical. I remembered the way Shane had looked up at me from his knees, trembling, his jaw nearly unhinged and throat desperate as he took every single inch of my thicker, demanding cock.

I remembered the hot, choked tears in Shane's eyes, the way he swallowed every heavy drop like it was oxygen, proving to me right then and there, that a dominant man could build a submissive out of pure devotion and psychological submission.

I wish Shane was still with us today, I wish he wouldn't have taken that trip. He wasn't prepared to hike Mount Hood, but he did anyway.

I squeezed the pillow harder. Tears flowed from my eyes remembering my lover, but it is what he wanted for his college graduation. I murmured, "God I miss you Shane, I'll never love another man, not like I loved you."

- - -

Just after 0900 I walked into the conversation center. I stopped at the check-in desk and smiled, Tamara was here. When she asked if I had a good night, I teased her and told her, "Without my loving partner it was boring."

I walked away heading to the breakfast area before she could even reply. Now, if Annie were with me, maybe but I don't cheat on Annie with women, ever.

While enjoying a quick healthy breakfast, I double checked my schedule. My first speaking engagement was at 1000, then into breakout sessions. There was a note specific to the speakers asking us to arrive and see the tech team at least fifteen minutes ahead of schedule.

I smiled, I had my tech check this morning when I used Red, my femboy's mouth, and tonight I would take his ass and if he was a good boy, I'd even stroke his little penis allowing his orgasm.

As the note requested, I made my way back to the side stage where I saw Maria, the same young lady from yesterday standing there with two other speakers. I calmly waited my turn. But then I saw Red walk out from behind the curtain curtains. I watched him, his eyes locked in mine, and then he blushed. I nodded, but inside I knew he would figure out a way to come and help me.

That's when I heard his soft alto and near feminine voice call to Maria, "I'll help Mr. Nash. We discussed his fitting yesterday. He needs a longer wired mic."

I smiled then heard him again, "Mr. Nash would you come with me? I will assist you."

Oh beautiful, beautiful boy my femboy, how wonderful that he had figured this out. I knew he had planned this in advance. I just had that feeling. I stepped to the side following him, and we walked around in the curtain.

I watched him look to his left and right, ensuring that no one was around. He whispered in my ear, "As you directed, sir I wore another darker red lace panel pair of panties."

"You are a good boy Red, a very good boy. Tonight I promise to love you." I turned and let him connect my battery pack and the longer wired mic. When I turned, Red was rather close, I had freshly shaved and wore a bit of cologne, but I hope he will enjoy it. I needed him as worked up as possible tonight for when I took him.

"Sir, you smell wonderful. I wish I could have you right now, I am so pent up from this morning."

I calmed my urge and murmured, "Easy my good boy, before too long I will give you the love you so need."

Once he was completed, I turned and thanked him and then made my way out of the main area, grabbing myself a cup of coffee needing to think about how I was going to break his heart not tonight, not tomorrow night, but Saturday morning as I got back on the regional rail, heading towards Philadelphia International Airport, closing this chapter of my playtime with this feminine young boy.

- - -

I looked at my watch as I finished my last afternoon presentation. It was just after 1600. The air in the convention center was stiflingly hot. There was an edge to my anticipated nervousness for tonight. My mind was still absolutely sharp, but frankly, there was a little bit of where on my mental and physical stimulation. Truly, I started speaking nearly eight hours ago and except for two different brakes. I've been talking in the main room or in breakout sessions since then.

I was thrilled that I would not have any sessions until late tomorrow.

I walked across the street from the convention center and up the sidewalk to the Residence Inn and stood there as promised at 1630 on the dot there was Red. He was trying to blend in, not looking out of place still wearing his work attire. The now wrinkled khaki slacks, his button-down, long sleeve shirt still contained my good boy's feminine frame. With his backpack slung over his shoulder, I watched his head move, left to right his eyes searching for me.

I didn't slow or break my stride, I walked straight up to him. But when his entire facial expression changed as his eyes caught me, I knew how bad he wanted this. I stopped in front of him. I could see the quiet obedient tension that gripped his soul.

His cheeks flushed with pink as my free hand reached for his. I took it firmly, turned and walked towards the entrance of the hotel. As we caught our stride, I laced my fingers in between his holding his feminine and nearly petite hand. Once in the lobby, I whispered for only him to hear, "You are my good boy Red, you are a good boy."

It was that I realized that he would need to be rewarded. He was being obedient and loyal, and I knew he needed something to bring him some satisfaction. That's when I put the planet in place.

We waited on the elevator, and then as the doors slid open I firmed my grasp, in his hand and stepped forward. Two others booked over at us. It didn't bother me that I was standing there holding my femboy's hand. It seemed to bother them. That wasn't my fault.

One thing about my size, though these other men were easily intimidated by it, all I did was look at them, pursed my lips, and blew him a kiss. I'm sure that infuriated them even more, but I really didn't care.

When the elevator doors opened up, I held firm to Red's mostly soft hand and walked out in silence. When we got to my hotel room door, I opened it, stepped in and then released his hand, letting the door close behind us.

"Drop your bag on the bed." I ordered I pulled off my jacket, hung it in the closet and then started unbuttoning the shirt I had worn all day. Once my shirt was undone, I removed my belt and unbuttoned my trousers, letting them fall to the floor at the same time, stepping out of my shoes.

"Red, strip we are taking a nice shower then going out we are going back to the underground. I hope you brought clothing."

"Yes Sir!" Simply in his voice I could hear his excitement and realized this was the right thing to do with him tonight.

He didn't hesitate at all; he started stripping right in front of me, but then he paused as he took off his pants. He stood for a moment, his eyes locked as I stood there, naked. His dark red silk lace front panties looked amazing on him. I raised my hand and slowly pointed at him, rotating my finger, getting him to understand he was to turn.

He moved in a slow circle. I hummed loud enough for him to hear it as I saw his petite little ass covered in silk panties. When he stopped and looked at me I reached out my hand to take his as I pulled him closer. I kissed him fiercely, and with my left hand, I slipped my thumb in the waistband of his panties and eased them down.

"You will not need those tonight, but you can save them for later, but truly you will not need them. I want you to be accessible."

We stepped into the bathroom, right away Red started the shower, turning the handle and letting the water warm. Once it was warm, he stepped to the side and indicated to me that it was of proper temperature.

We both stepped into the shower. "On your knees, worship me and swallow my cock my good boy, reward yourself with my cum."

It was as if Red knew immediately what he was to do. His hands moved behind his back, he used his mouth, his tongue and the sharp movements of his body. My hands gripped at his long red hair holding him tight.

It was the sheer anticipation of this, the exhilaration, and yes, the knowledge that I wanted myself to last for forever when I finally entered his ass. I shivered. I held him firm as I came, shooting my come straight down his throat.

Red knelt there for a few moments as I recovered. I reached down, "Up, turn around."

He obeyed, instantly standing even closer to me, my soft cock pressing right above the globes of his ass in the small of his back his body pressed against mine, and my hands held him tightly after a moment I reached for the shampoo and ran my fingers through his thick hair, caressing his scalp my right hand, move down and held tight just teasing the nest of his pubic hair.

My left hand slid down his side. I took a half step back, and I ran my hand across his ass, my forefinger and second finger sliding down in between the globes of his ass, finding his pink star.

I didn't hesitate with the soapy finger of my left hand I pressed and at the same time I whispered to him, "Push out and allow me in your ass."

I pressed my finger firmer and he pushed out. I heard him moan and felt him shiver as I eased my finger in deep. As my finger reached the second knuckle, he moaned again, and this is when I whispered in his ear a second time.

"Tonight my cock will fill you and you will accept me as my good boy."

With my right hand, I gently move across his tiny little penis. I stroked him a few times, and then eased my fingers across his small testicles. Then again I whispered, "If you are a good boy, I will let you cum as well."

As quick as my finger slid into his ass, I pulled it out and then moved my right hand from his small penis and testicles. Both of my hands gripped his waist, and I turned him abruptly, kissed him and then told him to wash me.

When he had thoroughly washed me, lathering my chest and shoulders until my skin tingled, I pulled him back hard against my body. I reached around him, sliding one hand down between his thighs again, stroking his little penis. He was hard, wet and trembling.

"You do not have permission to cum my good boy."

I slowed my tease of him, then stopped, rinsed off and turned off the water. Red was breathing heavily in the fogged room. We were both excited and stepped out onto the bathmat, drying off in tandem, my hands rough and possessive as I rubbed the towel over his delicate skin.

When we finished, I directed him to dress as we were leaving for Camac Street and the underground club.

By the time we headed back out into the Philadelphia early evening, the energy between us was tightly strung. Red walked a half-step behind me on a tight, invisible leash, entirely tuned in to my every movement.

When we descended the stairs into the familiar, pulsing heat of the underground club, the desire was thumping in our chests, I knew exactly how tonight was going to go.

Red thought he was just here to serve and obey in the shadows, but I had a reward in mind. Tonight, I was going to put his absolute devotion and affection on display, letting the entire room see what it meant to belong to Carl Nash, even if only for a few fleeting days.

The low hum of the club's bass seemed to vibrate through the leather cushions of the centered curved half booth. The rhythm Red could feel was the cruel, deliberate teasing sliding of my hand against his inner thigh and his crotch.

I didn't loosen my grip. In fact, I pressed the palm of my hand flat against his small package through the thin fabric of his slacks. The contrast between the polite, public veneer we maintained in the convention center, versus the raw, illicit degradation happening beneath the table was intoxicating.

Red's breath hitched, a faint, breathless whine catching in the back of his throat. He tried to cross his legs to stem the overwhelming heat pooling between his thighs, but my heavy knee dropped firmly over his, pinning him open and helpless in the corner of the booth.

"Don't even think about closing your legs," I murmured, leaning in close so my lips brushed the shell of his ear.

The waitress arrived and I ordered Red a light beer and I ordered a double bourbon for myself.

"You want to please your Sir in front of this room? This is your service. Sit straight, look out at the floor, and let everyone see what a hollowed-out little femboy you are while I stroke you to pieces."

Red's chest heaved, his slender frame trembling. He blinked hard, trying to keep his composure, but his eyes were glazed with rising panic and unbearable pleasure. With slow, calculated movements, I unzipped the fly of his trousers just enough to slide my hand inside entirely to wrap my warm, calloused hand directly around his hard cock.

The sudden exposure to the cool air of the club, contrasted against the heat of my skin, made Red gasp out loud. Several men at a nearby table glanced over, catching the slight shudder in his shoulders and the way his head tipped back against the leather.

They knew what I was doing and smiled. The posture of Red's absolute submission and his vacant stare coupled with the slight parting of his lips spoke a universal language.

"Feel that?" I whispered, my thumb rolling over his sensitive tip, teasing a thick bead of pre-cum out and smearing it down his shaft. "Every man out there could look at you, Red. They could wonder what you look like on your knees, or what kind of sounds you make when you're choking on my cock. But none of them touch you. Only your Sir."

I began to stroke him, matching the slow, pulsing tempo of the music thumping through the air. Up, down, pressing my thumb hard against his frenulum, keeping him right on the agonizing razor-edge between coming and being denied. Red clutched the edge of the sticky wooden table so hard his knuckles turned pure white. His breathing turned into shallow, ragged gasps, his entire body bowing upward toward my hand, begging silently for permission to fall apart.

"Please... Sir..." he whimpered, his voice a broken whisper lost beneath the ambient noise of the club. "I'm... I'm going to ruin it... please..."

"You'll come when I tell you you're allowed to, and not a second before," I growled, my fingers tightening mercilessly around the base of his cock, locking the blood in place and driving him right to the brink of a shattering, public orgasm before pulling back just enough to keep him hanging.

He was wrecked, beautifully and utterly ruined, sitting in the shadows of a slightly crowded underground club while my hand held his entire existence in the palm of my hand.

"Keep your eyes open, Red," I commanded softly, my voice cutting through the fog in his brain. "Look at them, and remember who put you here."

Red was shaking so violently from the relentless, agonizing friction that his knees knocked together beneath the table. He was hovering on the absolute precipice of his breakdown, his chest heaving, tears of overstimulation seemed ready to flow from his wide, desperate eyes. He looked up at me as if I held the very air in my palm.

"Please, Sir... please let me," he sobbed out, a breathless, broken whisper.

I looked down at him, feeling the frantic twitch of his length against my palm, and decided he had earned his release.

"Alright, my good boy," I murmured, my voice a dark, rough command right against his ear. "Cum my good boy, cum for your Sir right now."

I tightened my grip, executing a final, masterful stroke that took him straight over the edge.

Red let out a choked, silent gasp, his entire body went rigid as wave after wave of pleasure ripped through him. His hips bucked upward into my hand, shuddering violently as he pumped thick, hot spurts against my fingers, completely undone and emptying his balls of all their will. I held him fast, letting him ride out every single aftershock until he slumped limply against me, panting and entirely sated.

"Sir!"

"Shhh don't say it my good boy, don't say it."

His mind completely blanked out by the intensity of the climax. With a slow, deliberate motion, I withdrew my hand, I held my fingers up and offered them to him.

He gladly licked my fingers and hand clean, removing his essence from my hand.

"Such a good boy, you are such a good boy Red now get yourself together, Red," I ordered softly, leaning back into the leather cushions. "Dinner is here."

As if on cue, our server returned, placing a rich, hearty dinner and a fresh round of deep, smoky bourbon and a light beer onto the table. The contrast was staggering; moments ago, Red was a public spectacle of raw, trembling submission; now, he was forced to blink away the haze, smooth down his clothes, and sit upright like a proper femboy.

As we ate we looked around to see not just one but two others being taken and one on his knees performing on his Sir. Red managed to eat under the heavy, magnetic weight of this sight.

I leaned over. "Soon when I fill your ass, you will moan my name and this will seem calm and neutral. We shared another round of drinks, letting the warmth of the alcohol settle deep into our bones as the night wore on, building a slow, simmering heat between us once again.

By the time we settled the tab and slipped back out into the cool Philadelphia night, the air felt charged. The walk back to the Residence Inn was quiet, our footsteps echoing on the pavement.

When the hotel room door clicked shut behind us, locking out the world entirely, the thin veneer of public propriety vanished.

"Strip," I commanded, shrugging off my jacket.

Red didn't hesitate this time. He stripped off his clothes, leaving himself entirely bare, his skin flushed and hypersensitive from his earlier orgasm. I stripped from my clothes just as quickly.

I took his hand and walked him into the bathroom. "In my toiletries bag there are cleaning supplies. Clean yourself lub your anus for me to fuck you."

My larger, rugged frame towering over him as I walked from the hallways and bathroom entrance to the center of the room. There was no rush now, no public eyes to hide from. This was ours.

I heard the flush, the water running and a moan, then I heard the door open and Red walked out.

"Come." I stood and watched as my little femboy came closer. I hugged him firmly and kissed him deep. I broke the kiss and spun him then pushed him to the bed.

"Lay flat on the bed and reach back, you are mine now Red." Sliding up onto the bed and moving between his thighs as I pressed my weight down upon him. He gasped, opening his slender legs wide.

"You're mine tonight, Red," I bent forward and growled into his ear. I rolled the condom down my cock and squeezed a significant trickle of lube down the valley of his ass.

I fisted my cock and pressed his pink star. I pressed my head in his ass. He moaned. "Grasp the sheet, scream into the pillow my good boy as I take what is mine."

I pushed forward entering him. His tightness slowly relaxed and he accepted me gracefully. I was slow as I filled him fully but when I was fully in, I gave him a moment to relax. When he seemed calm, I gripped his hips, lifting him so he was on his knees. I pressed my hands to his shoulder blades and began thrusting.

He moaned and as I slammed forward, he screamed into the pillow, "Yes sir please yes sir fuck your boy!"

And that is what I did. As I was ready to cum, I reached around his hip and gripped his little penis, it was slick with his precum. It took a few strokes and he released a minimum of his essence.

When I filled his ass and the condom, I collapsed laying flat on my little boy. I was sated in my needs of using him, but I wasn't done yet. I still had tomorrow night to use him as I wanted.

- - -

I was wide awake at 0500, my internal clock rang. I rolled away from being Red's big spoon, I slowed my breathing and slowly opened my eyes ensuring it was Red, and not Shane in bed with me. I fought those tears realizing I was going to wake, go for a run, then come back to get ready. I didn't need to be at the conference until 1300.

Tonight, I'd love Red once more but love him and send him home as I was flying home in the morning. Part of me was tempted to see if there was a flight tonight and skip the "Idea Collaboration Dinner" and social hour.

Red looked so used laying there. I left the bed, dressed in my running shorts, shirt and shoes. I grabbed my phone and key and eased out of the room. Once downstairs and outside I stretched and took to the streets.

Thirty minutes later I dropped to the grass on the hotel front lawn and stretched out. Back inside I grabbed a banana and a bottle of water. I made my way up to my room. I opened the door and heard a gasp as Red just woke up. I watched as he jumped from the bed with a look of fear in his eyes.

"Come here, it's okay Red." He walked to me and hugged me.

"I'm sorry Sir."

"It's okay my good boy, it's okay you were very tired." I kissed him, "I'm going to shower. Are you coming with me or going home?"

"Sir I must go home, I must."

In my brain I smiled and was thankful. "It's okay, bring clothes to spend the night with me before I go home." He frowned but I patted his ass and sent him to dress and then on his way.

Red dressed and left, I gave him a stern look and then softened a bit giving him one last soft kiss as I stripped from my running clothes. I turned on the shower as I shaved, allowing the steam to fill the bathroom.

I stepped in under the spray and felt the heat rinse the sweat off of me. Letting the near scalding water beat down on my shoulders, washing away the grit of the city run and the lingering submissiveness of Red.

I closed my eyes and pressed my palms against the tiled wall. And just like that, Philadelphia disappeared and I was seeing the shower in the tiny roach motel Shane and I would stay at when we went to the beach.

The harsh fluorescent light in the bathroom wasn't even white, it was a yellowish hue but when we finished midterms, we always went away. I left him sleeping in bed and went for a run in the city. At twenty-one, I was fit, broad shouldered, thin waisted and a beefcake, that's what Shane started calling me.

Shane's voice cut through the sound of the running pipes, bright and unburdened by anything heavier than a backpack full of textbooks. The bathroom door swung open, and Shane stepped into the steam, completely naked, shivering with a wild, infectious grin on his face. He didn't wait for permission, the man I love never had to.

I lifted my head when the curtain was pulled to the side,"Hurry it's so fucking cold Carl!" Shane stepped in with me and wrapped his arms around me.

He kissed the back of my neck and slid his hands down my chest and held me tight. "Turn some, you're blocking the water my love."

I laughed and spun in his arms, my sweet petite lover Shane was right, he was cold and I was blocking the water. My cock flopped against his leg as I pulled him closer and kissed him deeper. My hands cupped his face as our kisses softened.

"Turn me around you damn brute I'm freezing!"

I picked him up and spun him so his back was to the streaming water. Our hands roamed each other and the water caressed our bodies. That's when I felt it, I truly felt it.

"You're freezing, Shane," I had murmured back then, my hands instantly finding his hips, pulling him flush against my body, marveling at how delicate he felt, how entirely he trusted me to hold him.

"Then keep me warm, Nash," Shane whispered back, tilting his face up, his bright red hair slicked back against his forehead, water droplets clinging to his eyelashes.

"Shane, you know how I feel, right?" He looked up in my eyes, then turned in my arms.

He held my hand and brought it to his smaller penis. He moved my hand gently. "Please Carl, you denied me last night, please Master!"

I shifted and with my hips I moved and let my cock slip in between his ass and arched forward.

Shane moaned and moved his hand over mine which stroked his cock. "Please... Carl, please."

"Don't move!" I stepped back from and stepped out of the shower and reached for the free body lotion which sat on the counter. I twisted the cap off him, dumped the lotion in the palm of my hand and tossed the little bottle. I stepped back in the shower and fisted my lotion covered cock and pressed the head into his soft ass.

I started stroking Shanda's cock and then thrusted my hips fucking the man I truly love. When Shane screamed in ecstasy as his cum fired against the tiled shower wall, I filled him cumming with him.

I opened my eyes.

The steam was still here, wrapping around the glass door of the Philadelphia shower. But when I blinked, Shane was gone. There was only the empty aroma, the hotel-brand soap, and the stark, heavy silence of 2026.

I dried myself off and while wrapped in a towel, I sat on the hotel room couch, I made a decision. I picked up my phone and called Annie and told her what I needed.

"Annie, I love you and really need you." I didn't tell her why, she knew all about Shane.

"Come home my love, I've got you. She murmured into the phone almost drying, she knew I was in pain.

- - -

The clock on the convention hall wall blinked 1545.

For Red, well, Gary, the afternoon had been a blur of quiet obedience, waiting for the signal to meet me for the evening. I'd seen him twice running around assisting with AV/tech stuff.

At precisely 1600, I walked over to Gary and handed him my mic, battery pack and a hand written note.

Follow me, it's important.

I turned and made my way down a side corridor then to a "Family Bathroom". I opened the door and pointed to him to get inside.

He stepped in, then I did. I locked the door and turned around, Red was dropping onto his knees, he looked up with a smile on his face. I was about to break his heart and soul.

I reached down and took his hands and pulled him up, "Stand up Gary!" I was firm in my voice.

I saw his confusing smile touching his lips. "Sir? Are we... are we not, are you not letting me..."

I placed my finger to his lips. I didn't smile, His face looked carved from stone, his eyes dark, haunted, and entirely shut off.

"Gary," I spoke. My own chest felt tight, the air suddenly too thin. The temptation I had fought off during my morning run had only festered, turning into a low, frantic panic. I couldn't sit through the Idea Collaboration Dinner.

I couldn't look across a table and see Shane's eyes staring back at me from someone's face under the guise of another routine evening. The ghost on Mt. Hood was howling too loudly in my head, and I knew that if I spent one more night holding this boy, I would either break him completely or drown in my own past.

Gary sobbed, his eyes widening in sudden, unadulterated panic. "Sir? What, what's wrong?"

"Quiet," I snapped, my voice hard, flat, and entirely hollow.

I pressed a finger to his lips and pressed his body against the bathroom wall. His breath caught. He looked up at me, his fingers automatically curling into the fabric of my shirt like he was bracing for a correction, or an order, or a promise.

Instead, I gripped the back of his neck, pulled him to me and crushed my lips to his. It was a harsh, fierce, desperate kiss. There was no patience in it now, just a raw, frantic urgency that tasted like salt and regret.

When I finally pulled back, Gary was breathless, his lips parted, his eyes swimming with sudden, terrified tears.

"Sir, please," Gary whispered, his fingers trembling as they brushed the lapel of my jacket. "What did I do? Tell me what to fix. I'll be better.."

"You didn't do anything wrong, Gary," I interrupted, my voice rough and low. "Listen to me. The room is paid for through tomorrow. I have to fly home, there is an issue, I can't stay. I'm leaving."

"Leaving?" Gary's voice cracked, the word tearing out of his throat. "You said tomorrow, you said we had tonight, you said..."

"I can't, there is an issue," I lied, though the white-knuckled grip on him. I betrayed the panic clawing at my own ribs. I needed to get out before he saw how badly my hands were shaking. "The convention is over for me. I'm going home."

"Don't do this. Please, Carl, " Gary dropped the title, lunging forward to wrap his arms around my waist, pressing his face into my chest like a drowning boy. "Take me with you. Or let me stay. I don't care about the convention, I don't care about anything else, just let me be yours."

My breath hitched. For a fraction of a second, my arms tightened around his slender frame, my hand pressing into the back of his red hair just the way I used to hold Shane twenty years ago.

Then, with a sharp intake of breath, I forced myself to pry Gary's hands away, pushing him gently but firmly back against the concrete wall.

"No," I said, my voice flat, masking the storm underneath. "Listen, you go back home, and you live. Do you hear me? You live, and you thrive. Find someone who can give you a real home."

"I don't want a real home, I want you..." Gary sobbed, tears finally breaking free, sliding down his pale cheeks as he stared up at the man who had torn his world open and was now walking away.

"Goodbye, Gary," I said softly.

I turned on my heel, pushed open the heavy bathroom door. I stopped at the concierge desk and gathered my bags. The taxi was outside waiting. I walked outside and stepped out into the grey Philadelphia early evening. I didn't look back, and I didn't stop walking until the door clicked shut behind me, sealing the echoes of a life I couldn't afford to keep ... for now.

The End of Red

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