The Initiation of a Virgin Whore

THE INITIATION OF A VIRGIN WHORE

BY DIMACHAERUS

FORWARD

Thank-you for reading. There are a few things you should know before we begin. I haven't posted to Literotica in quite a few years. My stories however were always well rated and well received.

I continued to write but life got busy.

This subject matter might be challenging for some as it runs pretty dark in places, but it's purpose is still to arouse and provoke thought. Yes this one is from the perspective of a straight male submitting to BDSM experiences with other males but it's still written to be enjoyed by Men and Women regardless of sexuality.

I intended the emotional journey to be the hook.

The structure isn't traditional.

There are three sections.

1. How it all began

2. A change in perspective

3. Through my eyes (once more)

The second (Literally called 'A change in perspective') is written in a slightly different style to the other two.

The reason for this is addressed, but I'm telling you this ahead of time in case this causes any confusion. Yes I know this isn't conventional but maybe that's the point. Maybe writing can be like composing a song (which I also do). A change in perspective can be like a change in key before you bring a song back to its root.

You can be the judge if I was successful at that. You have to take risks sometimes.

I've had stories rejected by Literotica editors in the past saying "Real event's cannot be portrayed."

Actually this was a deep compliment. In those stories just as this one, the story arc was fictional but the motivations expressed and the emotions behind them are intended to feel real. It's certainly not a ficticious situation for many people today. It may even be the default setting for countless men and women. People seem to be lonelier than ever now.

For me a situation isn't enjoyable or credible unless you know the motivation and emotions involved. I strive to portray the journey and the thought process that got someone there.

We are complex creatures.

There is an oft quoted theory that sex is in the brain not the body.

It's a cliche but its 100% accurate.

The most intimate part of this story is how the central character got there.

The pursuit of 'self' is usually a painful one. The gates of Nirvana won't open for you until you've paid the toll.

There will be pain and mis-steps. There will be mistakes.

It's the classic 'heroes journey' and William is on that path. At the end of this story he is still on that path and as you will see, he will take the fork in the road less travelled. Is it the correct path? Who is to say?

Perhaps even the wrong path is still better than no path at all. Sure you may end up in the wrong place but at least you discovered a new world along the way.

Thank-you.

(By the way -- Absolutely no A. I. was used in writing this story. Not once, not ever. All of this came from an over-imaginative human mind.)

1 - HOW IT ALL BEGAN

Depression can do strange things to you. Things that once gave you joy lose their lustre. Things you once looked forward to now bring pain. Everything gets turned inward and it all becomes your fault.

It was your fault the girl you loved more than life cheated on you. She surely wouldn't have if you had somehow been a better man.

Your life probably sucks because you didn't push hard enough to land that dream job.

Then again, maybe motivation wasn't the problem at all, maybe you just weren't good enough.

Your weekly rent is now so high that it feels like extortion. You never earned enough to actually buy your own home because just as you were getting close, the economy tanked and you suddenly had to be a millionaire to afford anything half decent.

I'd have a house, kids and a loving wife by now if I had only been a better man.

But it's too late now.

At first you fight the pessimism. You tell yourself 'All I need is the right woman in my life to raise my spirits' and so you try. You try hard. But the dating game isn't what it used to be.

Approaching a woman in public feels more like an exercise in masochism. Every advance feels awkward or dangerous. Every time you are rebuked, sometimes angrily.

You say to yourself 'I'm not unattractive, I'm not a creep, so why is this so hard, why isn't this happening?'

Eventually you put yourself out there on Tinder or Bumble or god knows what else, but that too turns out to be another exercise in self flagilation.

Your matches are few and those that do match don't seem interested at all. It took a female friend to finally spell it all out for me and it went a little something like this.

"Listen Will, you're cute and all but you're no Chad. Do you know how many matches I get... well, it's a lot. It's not enough to just match. You have to be in the top percentile or be rich, you gotta have a hussle, and if you don't then make one up. Lie if you have to."

It didn't sound like good advice to me. I didn't wan't to make up a new person for the sake of getting more Tinder matches. It had taken me all my life just to almost kinda like who I am now, but to be honest, I was now failing at that too. I was starting to hate myself all over again.

The only way to survive when you're unwanted is to gradually shut down those parts of yourself that wanted things. You fill the void with hobbies and exercise and travel. You spend your Saturday nights gaming. I would watch a lot of movies or go down endless Youtube and Tik Tok rabbit-holes.

There were times when the old yearnings came back, but I would just stifle them with visits to Pornhub and other places.

But in my eventual boredom (or was it frustration?), my porn searches just got more, unusual.

Unsatisfied with the safe and the conventional, I started to look for those "what the fuck!" moments more and more.

Lesbians fucking each other with strap-ons or swinger porn. Maybe a bored housewife filming herself as one of those fucking machines ploughed into her with the kind of robotic precision that no human man (or woman for that matter) could possibly replicate.

Those fucked up Hentai cartoons with tentacle monsters that would inexplicably do nothing but fill every opening of yet another 'Waifu' clone.

But then there was the really taboo stuff.

Well, taboo for me at least. The very fact that I considered this to be the most taboo thing I'd seen probably says a lot about me.

An average straight guy with vanilla desires. Raised Catholic and taught to be a good man. In other words, repressed.

But this good man had developed some interesting kinks as he searched for something new each night.

Certain key words and phrases appearing in his searches.

Lesbian, Bondage, BDSM, Pegging, First Time, Mistress, Master, Trans, Dominant, Submissive, Cuck, Sissy, Cross-Dressing, Feminize, Humiliation, CNC, Non Consent, Rape."

Well, did you notice a pattern as the list went on?

I guess to me, the kinkiest and most dangerous things I could fantasise about were the ones I had been warned about all my life. The mortal sins that had been drilled into me by every Teacher or Holy person I had ever known.

Before you even think it, yes I know that makes me the worst kind of cliché.

Yes genuinely straight, well I'm pretty sure I am, but fetishising that whole convoluted world of CNC and consentual rape into one big messy confusing fantasy.

Oh by the way, in case you weren't aware, the term CNC refers to 'Consent-Non Consent'. It means you give permission to being taken forcefully in a rape-like situation. So it's not actually rape per-se, but a rape scenario performed to fulfil a fantasy or kink.

The most shocking word at the end of that list, Rape, didn't refer to me committing that horrible thing on someone else, I found that thought abhorrent.

No, it was the thought of being taken in some sort of pre-arranged CNC situation.

The thought of being humiliated and feminized. A poor little straight boy taken and corrupted by a powerful and evil male.

As time went on the fantasy became more involved and complex but the essence of it was always the same.

Yes, I'm aware that we are now in the latter half of the 2020's and that most of the things I'm talking about aren't immoral or even unusual. Perhaps you need to understand that my upbringing had attached such a stigma to anything like this that the idea of any kind of sexual experience with a man was enough to bring on an existential crisis.

I had discovered much to my relief in my teens that I was definitely straight but I remember one bump in the road when I was only 17 that put me into crisis mode.

The memory is a little hazy and perhaps coloured by my emotions, but I remember that my hormones were just all over the place. It was during a gym class and we were changing into our sports gear for a game. One of my classmates (I think his name was Jason) stripped down to his underwear before putting on his athletic gear. I remember being hit with a powerful wave of arousal then. It was one of those rushes of blood you get when you see something you're not supposed to.

Im sure everyone reading this has had moments like that.

Maybe you're on a bus or a train and you suddenly realise you can clearly see up the skirt of the girl sitting opposite. Or maybe it's that woman on the street in a sun-dress as a sharp gust of wind randomly whips her skirt above her head. Suddenly you are seeing her toned thighs and that sexy see-through lingerie she put on that day. Your knees weaken for just a moment and the image of what you saw dominates your thoughts for the rest of the day.

It was like that. Shocking and unexpected. I was hit with the sudden image of his light blue briefs. The tight material hugging him in a way that exposed not just his ass but the contour of his penis resting over his balls. There was a flash of adrenaline as if I was watching a girl lift up her dress for me. It took only moments for my brain to register something close to panic.

Suddenly realising I was having this reaction to seeing a male and my mind screaming "Oh no... Oh no... OH FUCK!"

That put me into a total panic for days, the image playing over and over in my head and the implications of what actually being gay might mean. Losing my friends. Breaking my parents hearts.

I was so deathly afraid it meant I was gay that I even considered suicide. That's how extreme my phobia was. Not of gay people per-se but the fear that I might be one.

But as it turns out, it was just my raging hormones and It didn't happen again, but that sudden fear would imprint itself on my soul for the rest of my life. I would forever equate any kind of attraction to anything male as the most dangerous thing I could ever feel.

So, now after all these years, despite not really being attracted to males, the thought of being taken by one still sent an electric shock of fear into me.

The most sexually dangerous and extreme thing that could ever happen.

That fear never went away, not fully, it simply evolved into this twisted little kink of mine. It stayed dormant almost all my life until my current loneliness and desperation brought it all back stronger than ever and hyper sexualised into this twisted fetish.

Yes, I was self aware enough to know it was indeed just a fetish but it made no difference, I was still trapped inside of it.

The idea that being taken forcefully against my will would absolve me of the guilt associated with the act. A helpless victim forced to do unspeakable things and therefore not responsible for any of it.

So yeah, I know I was screwed up.

It soon became the source of my deepest, most repressed fantasies.

The self loathing that I was currently experiencing was a big part of it too. A masochistic spiral I couldn't break free from.

On some level I wanted to suffer for my sins. Badly.

Truthfully, I'm deeply sorry to anyone gay reading this who is offended by the way I vilified and twisted what is normal behaviour between many men. The way I fetishised it. I was just so confused and messed up and I didn't know how else to deal with it. As you read on you may even feel satisfaction at the things that happened to me because of it. I'm okay with that. I'm okay with your enjoyment of it, in fact, I hope it pleases you. I deserve that.

I think I just needed to confide in someone then, but there was literally nobody I could talk to.

I was going through one of those 'Why do I even exist' moments, the kind that many men don't come back from. The world closes in and so you just withdraw. You eventually start to wonder if a self imposed dirt-nap is the best option.

Sorry this got so dark, but being truthful and owning all this is really the only way forward for me. There is a crisis of purpose that most men go through at some point. The world doesn't seem to want you anymore and so you ask yourself the logical question..."Why do I even exist?"

No woman seemed to want me anymore so what's the point in any of it.

An idea began to germinate. Something forbidden and unthinkable.

Would a man want this? Sexually I mean. Would he use my body for his own amusement and then discard me like a used tissue?

In the absence of anything else, was that better than nothing at all?

Sure something like that had always been the basis of my most secret fetish but would the reality of it just be too much to handle.

Would I enjoy it at all or would my shame get in the way, and what about the tiny matter of me being straight?

Fetish or no fetish I was still resoundingly hetero.

God, I was just so confused.

Visions shot through my head, not of the act but of the aftermath.

A beat up old car pulling into a dirty alley. One of the back doors opens and I am kicked out onto the dirty pavement. My T-Shirt is ripped and my Calvin Klein briefs stained with dirt and various bodily secretions from god knows who.

"Clean yourself up and be back here at midnight or else. We have some more guests for you to service."

"Yes Sir" I rasp back.

Fuck! I can't tell you how much that thought turned me on. Not the men involved, I still didn't find men physically attractive unless they were very feminine to the point they were more like a woman than a man. But the thought of being used like a fuck-toy? Oh my fucking god.

The thought of me kneeling on the floor of a public toilet in nothing but my underwear as men lined up to use me. Just...'Oh My God'

The thought of my own degradation as they turned me into a cum receptacle.

In my fantasies I would often be blind-folded as I choked on all that anonymous cock.

Some of them would slap me if I didn't do it right, others would just hold my head like a basketball as they fucked it. All of them were verbally abusive, the words 'whore', 'slut' and 'cunt' featuring heavily in their insults.

Often i'd picture myself crying as I lay curled up on the floor afterward. I'd hear the rustle of clothing as they hastily pulled up their pants to make a fast exit.

But I wasn't crying for the reasons you might think. In my mind I was pleading...'please stay, please don't go. You can keep doing whatever you want to me just please don't leave me like this.'

But of course they would leave without a word. I'd just lay there wondering how my life had come to this. I'd hear laughter from somewhere, and the shuffle of footsteps as the door opened once more.

"On your knees Princess. Daddy's had a rough day and you're about to make it all better."

I just do as he says. I kneel on the cold floor and make sure my blindfold is still secure before hands grab me and my mouth is filled by yet another cock. Saliva mixed with semen from the previous man making my mouth and throat so slick that he deep throats me in one fluid move.

Of course I had never actually sucked a real cock in my life. I was too scared and repressed to actually live any of this out, but the fantasy was so intense that I could almost feel it.

There was no way I could reconcile the way I was feeling with any kind of logical explanation. I know now that some of the most powerful kinks or fetishes can exist quite independently of your bass-line sexual orientation. If I had known that then, perhaps I wouldn't have been so depressed or confused.

I did know that my own personal barriers between thinking about it and actually doing it were eroding.

I'm going to be painfully honest here and so my deepest apologies if this triggers anyone but it's real. When one day you find suicide is suddenly one of the options on the table, anything underneath that is suddenly much more palatable. I'm not saying that I was full on suicidal, but it was definitely on the table if things got much worse. Yes, I was in very bad shape mentally, very bad shape indeed.

Sure there is a lot more I could tell you.

How things got so much worse. How I descended ever deeper into darkness, but that would take more time than I (and probably you) want to devote to this. All I can say is that my descent finally resulted in me opening two accounts and posting the following ads on Grindr and Fetlife.

"Useless, pathetic straight guy who deserves to get used and thrown away. I am a virgin. Use me. Have some fun then discard me. I'm not exceptional. I will submit to you. I deserve this. Humiliate me, feminise me, make me your bitch."

Not exactly a masterpiece huh. To read it now, it just sounds psychotic to me.

The 'feminise me' part was something relatively new though. I guess it came from watching amateur porn clips of cross-dressers or sissys getting used for sex and discovering deep down that it excited me.

The accompanying profile pic was just a selfie taken in such poor light that I was basically a silhouette. That was no accident. There was no way I was going to let anyone ever connect this with me.

Surely everyone seeing my ad would instantly see a big red flag and stay the hell away.

To my surprise however, the opposite was true.

I wasn't ready for the reaction to it. I was used to Tinder and Bumble. I was used to being ignored and rejected, but this first Grindr experience was different. I wasn't prepared for the huge differences between males and females when it came to dating apps.

In minutes the replies began to arrive. They weren't subtle or vague either, they were straight to the point.

Here is the very first reply I ever received. If anything it was tame compared to the dozens that followed.

"5 mins from you. Can host. I will ruin that sissy ass of yours. Reply now for location. You'll be screaming like a whore when you feel my balls slapping against your taint. Do it now you little bitch."

To be honest, that first reply just confused me until my mind finally processed those words and the mental image of what they described formed in my head.

"Oh my god that's so fucking dirty" I said out loud as the mechanics of such a thing slowly dawned on me. The mental image of being fucked on hands and knees as a cock plowed my asshole so deep that I could feel his balls against my taint.

I think I just uttered a soft "Oh fuck" as my fetish took hold and an almost sickening arousal began to form in the pit of my stomach.

But as arousing as that was, it was also way too much and way too soon for anything like that. I know a lot of you would probably call me a 'time waster' or a 'cock tease'. I honestly didn't mean to be. This was literally the first time a male had ever spoken to me in a sexual way so I was just not ready for something this intense.

I just doom scrolled through the replies on Grindr for almost an hour. Some were text only, some came with dick pics. All of them were interesting and some even arousing but nothing caught my interest until a random DM suddenly popped up on my Fetlife account. I was so distracted by all of that random Grindr filth that I had totally forgotten to check if there had been any response on 'Fet'.

I had taken a liking to Fetlife because it wasn't simply a gay hangout, it went a little deeper. It was more of a meeting place for people with serious kinks or fetishes.

It was literally the very first response to my ad on Fetlife.

'My my you are a damaged little soul aren't you', the message read.

'Yes, I am broken' I replied.

Their response was much longer this time.

'Well then, you probably need therapy. Unfortunately for you I'm not a therapist and neither is my partner. We are in fact sexual sadists. We find pleasure in the domination of others, but we will also abide by any limits you set.

You say you desire to be used, If we like what we see you will be. Does this interest you?'

Why did I reply to this message and not one of the many on Grindr? I'm not sure. There was something different about this person but I couldn't quite put my finger on it. His words were direct and to the point. Maybe it was because it wasn't crude or base. He appeared to be someone intelligent who had more than a ten word vocabulary.

I answered simply.

'Yes I am interested.'

'Excellent, I will give you an address. It is just a regular bar, nothing more. My partner and I will meet you at 7pm sharp tomorrow night. It is a meet and greet only. We almost never play on a first date unless it's an exceptional situation. We simply wish to meet and discuss. Is this acceptable to you?'

My head was spinning now. This was happening way too fast. Even though this appeared to be just a simple meet and greet, it still felt very dangerous. I considered stalling for time or just plain saying no, but in the end I did the most reckless thing I had done in years and to be honest, it felt kinda good.

'Yes, I accept. I will be there' I replied.

'Good. Wear something fitting. Something that gives us an idea of what you look like under your clothes, we want to see what you've got to offer, understand?'

'Yes I will' I offered feebly.

Moments later he sent the address of the bar. I knew where it was, I had been there once before.

His parting instructions made one thing very clear. We were not equals. I was not on his level. I was less than.

'Your profile says you ultimately desire to be used, to be feminised. Very well. You will prepare for us like woman prepares for a big date. Look nice, wear some adorable underwear, make yourself pretty for us. Remember you are the bitch in this equation. We will pick up the tab. If and when we desire to take things further we will expect a return on our investment. Are we clear?'

'Yes very clear'.

I didn't protest. I didn't say no. I just folded.

I sat there stunned for a few moments as it sank in that I had just acquiesced to the very first man who had showed any kind of interest in me on Fetlife.

Christ, was I really that easy? Apparently I was.

The next morning could only be described as a mixture of confusion and panic.

Everything felt surreal.

Did I really do that last night? Did I really just make a date with not just one, but two men?

I wasn't equipped for any of this. Just what does 'being the bitch in this equation' even mean?

Wear something nice they had said. Something pretty. Something that shows what I have to offer.

And just what kind of male underwear is considered 'adorable'?

Most confusing of all, why did this fear growing inside me feel so similar to being turned on?

Over the course of the day I decided that an expensive designer T-Shirt and some tailored pants hit the right notes. Well dressed but also showing that I was athletic and in shape.

As for the 'pretty' part, I assumed that just meant well dressed and well groomed. Surely they were just being playful and not expecting me to show up in drag. Don't get me wrong I'm not the most masculine guy on earth but I'd probably be a terrible as a woman.

Just the thought of me attempting anything like that is hilarious.

I still wasn't sure what adorable underwear entailed. Also, if this was just a meet and greet, why would it matter anyway?

In the end I just opened my underwear drawer and rummaged through the mess of boxer briefs until my hand struck something hard underneath the tangled mess.

A rectangular cardboard box. A three pack of expensive Calvin Klein briefs I had bought six months earlier and completely forgot about.

After some consideration I decided that the sky blue colour looked the most 'adorable'.

As I extracted them from the box I couldn't help noticing that the delicate lycra made them look and feel much more like a pair of panties than your average male underwear.

"Oh that's fucking perfect" I think I even said out loud. It wasn't lost on me that they were the same colour as the briefs i had glimpsed on that boy way back when I was seventeen.

How all the pain and confusion that I experienced then felt frighteningly similar to how I was feeling now.

I had come full circle.

I was once more locked in the same existential crisis because rather than deal with it the first time, I had simply repressed it.

Perhaps even more alarming was that all of this was starting to feel much more fun than I was comfortable with.

This whole experience really was kind of feminising. Following instructions and making myself look and smell good. Being the designated 'Bitch' (whatever that meant).

Knowing that they were paying for it all and could potentially expect something from me in return at some point. If they liked me that is.

It felt like I had somehow been shunted down the food table to the level of prey instead of predator.

There's one other very important consideration. I had built up this fantasy in my head for so long. Consent Non Consent. Of being coerced, taken, controlled.

Submission and humiliation.

Sex or intimacy with a male was still as unappealing to me as ever. Anything romantic like hugging or kissing was about as arousing to me as being licked in the face by a stray dog.

And yet, this fantasy, this fetish was all I could think about now. It turned me on in ways I had never felt before.

If anyone reading this can explain why to me then please, I'm begging you, tell me why I feel this way.

I didn't know then and I still don't know why It drives me crazy. To this day I am in deep conflict over it.

Repressed trauma maybe?

Well, I followed through.

I entered the bar that night feeling both excited and petrified. I didn't even know who I was looking for, I just approached the bar like an idiot and looked around nervously.

Next thing I knew the bartender is placing a vodka and tonic in front of me.

"Drink is paid for. Those two guys in the corner booth have been expecting you."

That's when I saw them. Two guys staring back at me from a booth in the darkest corner of the bar. Both were dressed smartly in a shirt and tie as if they had come straight from work, which as it turns out, they had.

They were caucasian and clean shaven like me. Both had closely cropped, almost military style haircuts. One was sandy blonde while the other had dark brown hair.

At a guess I'd say that they were in their early forties.

I shuffled over to the booth with drink in hand. The darker one just smirked while the ash blonde simply radiated contempt.

"So, this is the rabbit?"

"Excuse me?" I replied, confused by the randomness of the moment.

It was the darker one that finally spoke directly to me.

"My partner has quite the sense of humour. You must be William. My name is Michael and this is Florian" he said as he motioned for me to sit.

They both stared hard at me as I slid into the padded seat on the opposite side of the table.

"She's conventionally pretty at least" Florian offered before adding "but, she's shaking like a leaf. It's a big no from me."

Silence.

Michael just studied me for a long time before passing his own judgement.

"He isn't wrong. You're actually shaking. You really are just a curious little straight boy huh. Scared out of your wits I bet."

"Yes.. I'm a little scared, but..."

"Then you're not ready for us. Types like you just close up the moment things get real. Seen it a million times."

It was a very bad start. To my astonishment both began to get up.

I think I just went into a mild panic then.

"Please, I don't understand, what did I do wrong?"

"Look, sorry Princess but we had to see you to know for sure. We've met maybe a hundred normies like you. All of them fold as soon as things get fun. We're not taking a risk on some scared little cunt that will probably scream assault the next day."

"I won't" I protested.

"Yeah we know you won't. Goodbye William and good luck."

They were up now and moving toward the door. I felt a wave of shame pass over me. To be rejected so soon?

In a fit of panic I just blurted out...

"Please... I... I'll tell you everything. All of it."

Florian just looked confused before asking, "What does that even mean, tell us what exactly?"

"You confessing to a murder or something?" Michael said with a puzzled smile.

"Everything." I repeated.

They weren't looking at me dismissively anymore. They seemed to sense the urgency in me.

"Alright little rabbit. You have our attention. Start talking."

They both sat down once more and so I began.

I told them.

I told them everything. All the things I had said here earlier and more, much much more.

The dirty secrets and desires and the crisis in my teens. The CNC and rape fantasies that have dominated my life for the past year in particular.

The fantasy of being blindfolded and used by men in a public toilet. The fear and shame of it and how that thought got me off every day of my life lately.

My depression and lack of success with women and how it drove me to consider something else. Something darker.

Oh my god I told them everything and you know what? I felt as if a huge burden had finally been lifted off of my shoulders.

I'm not sure how to put to words the conversation that followed. I remember some of it but much of it is a blur.

It seems that my confession had convinced them that perhaps there was more to me after-all. That maybe I wasn't like the others they had met and so quickly dismissed.

Florian's assessment of me had also apparently changed.

According to him, I was now just a desperate little slut masquerading as a normie.

Florian by the way was the more effeminate of the two. His voice and mannerisms practically broadcast that he was gay while Michael just looked and sounded completely straight. He wasn't.

"You've never acted on this? Never even been touched by a man before? You sure you're actually straight" Michael asked incredulously.

"Never, and yes I'm sure. I don' find guys attractive. But this, this fetish. The thought of being used by them, it does things to me, things I can't stop or control. It's making me miserable."

Again there was silence.

They both just stared hard at me before talking in hushed tones, making sure I couldn't hear a word.

"I don't know what kind of freudian shit is going on in that sick little head of yours but I'll say it again, you probably need therapy." Michael Took a deep breath before adding, "Like I told you earlier, we aren't therapists, we are sadists. We don't help guys like you, we use them."

"I know" I replied in an even tone as if to say 'it's okay'.

I can't lie, I was scared to death and they knew it.

Once more they talked to each other in hushed tones. It looked almost like a mild argument before they seemed to nod in agreement and then turn their attention back to me.

"Well then, let's find out right now if you're telling the truth" Florian announced.

A wave of sudden dread washed over me in that moment.

"Umm, okay. What do you want me to do?"

"Nothing, nothing at all. And as for our part, we won't even lay a finger on you. Do you consent?"

"Yes".

I can confirm now that they would be true to their word but as you may have guessed their way of proving my authenticity would lead me down a dark path.

Yes they were sadists but not just in the ways you might expect. They used mental and emotional manipulation as much as physical. Put simply, they liked to fuck with your head until they broke you.

"Get up little rabbit, your audition begins now".

They flanked either side of me as I was ushered toward the passageway beside the bar.

Michael spoke to the bar tender then. It was my first indication that I wasn't the first person they had 'auditioned' in this place.

"Bathroom's out of order Jeff. Put the sign up after we go in, we might be a while."

There was a simple nod in reply.

I was marched past the conventional bathrooms and toward a sturdy sliding door at the end of the hall.

The 'disabled' toilet.

It was a single, self contained space large enough to accommodate anyone with 'special needs'. Just a toilet with hand rails and a basin. It was practically the size of a small bedroom, more than enough space for well, a lot of things.

The door slid closed behind me with a loud thud.

Shortly after came the click of the locking mechanism engaging.

Next, the familiar sound of a switch as the main lights died and the only illumination now just a small light fixture above the wash basin.

Enough light see see clearly but dark enough to feel almost covert.

"Well, this is your life-long fucking fantasy, right. Trapped in a public toilet with a couple of very bad men?" Florian said in a mocking tone.

I didn't reply. I couldn't.

"Do you see how fucking easy it was for us to lure you here? To put you in this place?" Michael added.

All I could do was nod nervously.

"It feels different when it's real huh."

"Uh-huh." My reply so quiet it was almost a whisper.

Michael started scrolling through his phone, a few moments later he began to read aloud the ad I had placed on Fetlife.

"Useless, pathetic straight guy who deserves to get used and thrown away. I am a virgin. Use me. Have some fun then discard me. I'm not exceptional. I will submit to you. I deserve this. Humiliate me, feminise me, make me your bitch."

Moments later he began to paraphrase what I had written into bullet points. His tone dismissive.

"Let's see... blah blah pathetic. Blah blah use me, have fun and discard me.

Humiliate, feminise, make me your bitch. These are your words?"

"Yes" I conceeded.

Florian spoke next.

"Take off your pants and shoes, fold them neatly and place them on the toilet."

I remember breathing hard and feeling my heart pounding in my chest as I took off my shoes and then fumbled at my belt.

"Slowly bitch, put on a good show for daddy."

I did as I was told. I felt the cool air hit my skin as I eased my pants down my legs, with every passing moment feeling more exposed, more afraid.

Finally I stepped out of them, folded them and placed them on the toilet as instructed.

"Now raise you arms" Michael added before grabbing the collar of my T-shirt and pulling it upward. It slid past my outstretched hands effectively stripping me down to just my underwear.

"Now place your hands behind your back little rabbit" Florian commanded and I obeyed.

"She looks adorable standing there in her little blue panties don't you think Michael?"

"Not bad but I see a big problem" he replied before adding "The little bitch was hiding something from us all along."

"I.. don't underst..." I began before Michael cut me off.

"You're deformed. You have somehow developed some worthless genitals where a pussy should be."

Florian just smiled before adding.

"Oh my god I see it. I see the little bulge in her panties. Aww honey, God gave you a big clit but no pussy. What was it like being mis-gendered your whole life?"

"I... I'm sorry." I just stammered.

I can't explain what was going on in my head at that moment. I had just apologised for having a penis, for not having a pussy. For having the a set of genitals where another fuckable hole should have been.

Yes, I had used the phrase 'feminise me' on Grindr and Fetlife, but I wasn't prepared for the way both Michael and Florian would continue to break me down for the next few minutes.

I was made to feel genuinely ashamed that I could only ever service two men at a time instead of three.

I was told that I desperately needed hormones and a good surgeon to correct the mistakes god had made.

It wasn't long before they had me begging them for forgiveness. Promising them that I would be worth it despite being born with the wrong genitals. Swearing I would make up for it in other ways.

Repeating after them that my mouth was made for sucking cock and my ass for milking the cum out of any man they told me to.

Was I the slightest bit aroused or turned on by any of it then? No, I was scared, humiliated and ashamed. Yes, I know that this was more or less my fantasy made real, but it was too real, if that makes any sense.

True to their word, they hadn't laid a finger on me but it was emotionally painful.

Yes this was almost exactly what I had asked for in my dating profiles, but the reality was something else entirely.

"We made up our minds to leave to moment we saw you, would you like to know why?" Florian said in a mocking tone.

"Umm... okay." I replied weakly.

"Cause you're nothing. So vanilla, so fucking boring. A fucking sex tourist trying something different because nobody else wanted you. Does that sound about right?"

"Yes I'm nothing... Nobody wants..."

"Nobody wants you." Michael finished for me.

That moment was pure pain. It hurt me deep inside because it was the truth. Their words just seemed to confirm all of the worst things I felt about myself.

"Will you look at that, I think the whore is actually gonna cry."

Florian was right. I could feel my eyes misting as emotion overtook me.

"Good, then we are making progress little rabbit. It's only going to get harder from now on, but you deserve this, don't you."

"Yes, I deserve this."

I felt it then. A tear rolling down my face and the sense of something breaking inside me, the notion of fighting or running draining from me.

A sudden realisation that I was about to pay the price for my failure of a life.

Accepting that any pain I was about to feel wasn't abuse, it was atonement.

I know this sounds fucked up but maybe I was raised to feel this way. Anyone reading this who was raised Catholic like me knows about the concept of suffering for your sins.

"Alright whore. Kneel on the floor and place your hands behind your back."

I obeyed without hesitation.

I watched passively as Florian removed his neck tie and proceeded to bind my wrists together behind my back with it.

Michael did the same only this time he used his to blindfold me.

"Well slut, see how easy it was for us to replicate your sick little fantasy?"

He was right. I was kneeling on the floor of a public toilet with my hands bound and my eyes blindfolded as two men debated what to do with me.

It should have been as if all my dreams had come true, but as Michael said earlier, it was different when it was real. Completely different.

"Here's our problem little Rabbit" Florian explained, "Was any of what you said true or are you just an exceptional liar?"

Michael stepped in then.

"We've been told all kinds of things by desperate little sluts like you, but words ultimately count for nothing. You know what though, your body doesn't lie, it's the ultimate lie detector."

I heard footsteps approaching and suddenly Florian was so close that I could feel his breath on my face as he spoke.

"Like we told you earlier, that deformed little clit swinging between your legs is of no use to us. It's just taking up space where your pussy should've been. But... it does have one use. It's gonna tell us if any of this is actually getting you off. Get it now?"

"Uh-huh... I... I think so."

"So you see my confusion. This is your fucking dream isn't it?"

"Yes" I rasped back.

"Then why isn't your little clit twitching and swelling right now? Why aren't your panties getting tight and your holes getting all wet?"

"I.. I don't know."

I really didn't know. All I felt was scared and ashamed.

I heard Michael's voice next. His approach turned out to a little different from Florian's.

"Well then, why don't we get that bar tender in here. I want to watch what happens when he slides his cock down your throat. I want to see the look on your face as you feel every inch."

"Oh god, I don't think.. I don't think I could..." I attempted before Florian interrupted.

"Oh snap! her little mound is twitching. Do you see it."

"Yeah, that one definitely got her a little moist. How about it princess, shall we get him in here and make it real?"

Again there was a shift inside of me. I was still so very afraid. I could feel my heart pounding in my chest so hard.

But Michael definitely knew he'd hit on something sensitive and so he pushed harder.

"Give in to it you little whore. You do realise he could actually be standing in front of you right now don't you. That maybe we set all this up and you are powerless to stop any of it. Let me give you a few moments to process that."

And that's exactly what he did. He just let me hang in that dark place not knowing if I was about to be fucked.

He was right about one thing. I was blindfolded, bound and kneeling on the floor. If anyone had wanted to take advantage of my situation I was powerless to stop them.

When he finally did speak again his words were calm.

"Let me guess, your mouth is suddenly filling with spit, isn't it."

To my utter surprise I discovered Michael was right. I had to actually swallow some it down then.

I had no answer.

"You know what they call that? It's an interesting little phenomena called 'Pavlov's Dog'. Just say the word 'food' to a hungry dog and they will start salivating from the mere suggestion of it."

I knew instantly where he was going with this.

"A cock whore is no different. She will wet herself at the mere thought of being fucked. It's like I told you, the body doesn't lie, it just reacts to something it wants."

I couldn't deny it. I couldn't deny the simple fact that my mouth was practically over-flowing now.

The next words out of Michael's mouth were abrupt and forceful.

"Turn your head to the ceiling and open your mouth, we're gonna see if you really are a cock whore."

I did as I was told. I looked up and opened my mouth.

Florian's reaction was immediate.

"Oh my god she is soaking wet", his next words practically whispered into my ear.

"That slut mouth of yours just gave you away. It's lubing itself up right now at the thought of someone fucking it."

I wasn't ready. I wasn't prepared for what came next. I heard a deep inhale and then that all too familiar sound as one of them spat into my mouth.

I flinched involuntarily.

My mind began to spin with the sudden shock of the moment. Again I heard that sound and felt more mucus filling my mouth.

"Don't swallow you dirty little whore. Hold it as long as you can."

My mind was just a jumbled mess as I fought the urge to swallow. I could feel all that drool start to spill out onto my chin and then to my chest.

If I was thinking anything at all it was probably something unintelligible. No coherent thoughts came but the emotion of it all was profound.

"And there she goes" Florian announced triumphantly. He leaned in close then, the satisfaction in his voice clearly evident.

"As soon as we spat into your little slut mouth your body betrayed you. Your cute little panties look ready to burst."

"Yeah, turns out this one is a filthy little cunt afterall" Michael teased before adding,"Shall we flick her little clit to orgasm while the bar-tender fucks her throat?"

I just groaned, the spit and saliva in my mouth turning the sound into a gargle.

"Oh how careless of me, I quite forgot your your mouth is full. Swallow it, swallow it all down right now."

It felt so dirty as I finally swallowed and felt all that mucus slide down my throat.

Dirty, shameful, but also... also.

My god, confused, frantic and on fire inside.

"Since you're blindfolded and all, let me tell you what I'm seeing", the satisfaction in Michael's voice evident.

"You're shaking like a leaf. The drool from your slut mouth is spilling onto your chest and your stiff little nipples look like bullets. Poor baby, your clit practically erupted the second we spat into you."

"You want it so bad it actually hurts doesn't it." Florian added.

I just hung there in the darkness for what felt like an eternity. The next words came from Michael, they were just a series of questions. It was my answers to those questions that were perhaps the most shocking.

"You will answer all questions truthfully, are we clear?"

"Yes"

"What are you?"

"A cock whore."

"What is your mouth for?"

"Sucking cock" I replied immediately.

"What is your ass for?"

"Milking cum."

I told them what they wanted to hear and repeated their own words back to them like the obedient little whore they told me I was.

There was no reply from them after that.

All I heard was the sound of whispers. Next came the faint click of a ball-point pen followed by the familiar scratch of someone putting pen to paper.

Odd.

But still I was obedient, I didn't speak, I knelt in silence awaiting a response that never came.

I think my heart just dropped when I heard the sound of them leaving. The echo of footsteps retreating before the door opened and then closed.

I just existed in silence and darkness for what seemed like forever, not daring to move.

I'm not sure how long it was before I got up the courage to squeeze my hands free of the neck-tie binding my wrists and then remove the other blindfolding me.

I was alone, my clothes still neatly folded on the toilet where I left them. My chest and abs were still wet from a small river of saliva that had flowed down my body and terminated in a large wet patch on the front of my briefs. My erection was still visible but subsiding.

A hand written note had been placed on the floor in front of me.

My hands were visibly shaking as I read it. My heart felt like it would burst. There was a sudden surge of adrenaline mixed with a crippling fear.

I knew what it was. It was a line in the sand, a line that I couldn't return from.

It represented danger and most likely deep suffering.

No person in their right mind would ever consider this, certainly not an intelligent, thoughtful person like me.

"William, this is a one time offer. We give you the opportunity to live out your twisted lilttle fetishes. To experience it all, to feel everything. Tonight.

I've been completely open and transparent with you, Florian and I are sexual sadists but we are also opportunists with an eye for talent.

If you really are the good little whore we believe you to be, go to the warehouse on the corner of Severance and Vine at 11pm sharp. Take the staircase to the 3rd floor. Every experience has it's price. The payment for our time will be extracted from you in service and suffering. Choose wisely, we will not offer this again."

As I said before, nobody in their right mind would actually consider this.

I could feel the adrenaline of it all begin to fade as my sanity returned, my thoughts and actions dictated now by rational thought rather than hormones.

My response was immediate and audible.

"What were you fucking thinking" I chastised myself out loud.

Hell no!

When 11pm rolled around I wouldn't be climbing the stairs of an old warehouse. I'd be tucked up safe in my bed, thinking back on the insane night I just had and vowing to never do anything so stupid ever again.

2 - A CHANGE IN PERSEPECTIVE

Three hours later and many thousands of miles away two men nuzzle against each other on a comfortable couch. The light in the room is subdued and a large flat screen TV dominates the wall in front of them.

One watches it passively while the other stares transfixed at the macbook perched on his lap.

"M and F are streaming again. Looks kinda hot." he announces.

"How much?" the other enquires.

"Twenty Euros. They started a live stream five minutes ago. Interested?"

"I dunno, kinda expensive babe. Read the description for me will ya?"

And so he read the accompanying text out loud to his partner.

"We have something special for you tonight. A confused little straight boy we met for the first time tonight.

This one is totally fixated on CNC and rape fantasies and dreams of being used like a whore.

Their profile was very interesting.

'Use me. Have some fun then discard me. I'm not exceptional. I will submit to you. I deserve this. Humiliate me, feminise me, make me your bitch.'

I think the little slut got cold feet. Finally arrived an hour late all wide eyed and shaking.

The little whore is about to get what she deserves. This one will be memorable and the price reflects this. You will see the following....

#Bondage #Impact Play #Submission and Humiliation #Feminisation #CNC #Anal #Oral

Watch us take her oral and anal virginity tonight. Trust us, it will be spectacular."

There was little discussion between the two of them. The live stream was purchased and moments later the huge screen in front of them was filled by a scene that was both raw and carnal.

"Oh my fucking god that dumb little virgin is so fucked" one of them exclaimed.

They were staring at a live stream of a young adult male.

He was tied face down to a padded leather bondage horse.

His arms and legs straddled each side, his wrists and ankles secured tightly to each corresponding wooden leg.

He was blindfolded, ball-gagged and almost naked aside from a small pair of light blue briefs. They had been yanked up so high that the thin lycra was wedged between his cheeks effectively turning them into a g-string.

The words 'VIRGIN WHORE' scrawled crudely on the small of his back with a black sharpie or permanent marker.

He was apparently having a change of heart and appeared to be moaning some kind of protest through the gag. His arms and legs straining and pulling against the ropes.

Without warning a thin bamboo cane struck with a loud crack, the impact landing squarely across both exposed ass cheeks. Every muscle in his body contracted and his back arched as he yelped at the sudden pain.

The cane struck it's mark over and over, his body tensing and shuddering each time, his well defined ass cheeks soon bright red and lined with welts.

"Be an obedient little slut for us and the pain will go away, do you understand?" one of them said.

He just nodded frantically before the caning stopped and the gag was removed.

"Please, no more" he pleaded immediately.

"Pain is a purifier" the one who was known simply as 'M' replied before his partner who was referred to only as 'F' added,

"We can hurt or fuck you, both options are acceptable. The pain will continue until you beg for the alternative, which of course will be a little more invasive if you catch my meaning."

There was a long pause, the only sound was the whimpering and heavy breathing coming from the scared little virgin strapped to the padded horse.

"Well, what comes next is up to you. Do we hurt you or fuck you."

Their captive just squirmed then. Every muscle flexed hard as he fought against his bonds. His eventual reply said in a tone that communicated both fear and desperation.

"Hurt me" he virtually spat.

And so they resumed, only this time with thick leather straps. The skin of his back and his ass soon bright red from the stinging impacts.

The couple just sat transfixed in front of the screen as the stream continued.

"God I love the stubborn ones, I just love it when they fight, it's so much more beautiful when they break."

"I don't think you have long to wait, this one's barely holding on."

They began to fondle each other and make-out on the couch as the stream continued, the ordeal of this scared little virgin arousing and affecting them deeply.

"Oh my god" one of them marvelled as he noticed that it was now being viewed by over a thousand paying members.

"The little slut is going viral" he exclaimed.

"How about it Princess, are you ready to give up your tight little holes for Daddy?" one of them hissed from the screen.

Again he shook his head and what followed next was almost brutal. Their response was to focus their blows on his ass, back and inner thighs. The loud crack of each impact now doubling in tempo as they worked in unison.

His body shuddered constantly as he wailed and whimpered through it all.

It was only a matter of time now.

Less than a minute later he capitulated and screamed out the words that everyone watching was waiting to hear.

"Please... I can't... I can't... Oh fuck... please no more."

"Hurt you or fuck you" one of them said immediately.

His next words framed by pain and desperation.

"Please... Oh God... Please just get it over with. Please just... FUCK ME."

Unaware that all he was doing was swapping one kind of pain for another. Unaware of what losing both his oral and anal virginity would ultimately feel like. Unfortunately for him he was about to experience both at the exact same moment.

The comments section that accompanied the live feed simply erupted then. Every comment expressing their joy and approval at watching him finally break and capitulate to what was always going to be a foregone conclusion.

"Shall we take the blindfold off and let you see what's happening?" one of them hissed. Their helpless captive just shook his head and began to tremble uncontrollably.

"This is it little rabbit", the one known as 'F' began, "this is your dream, this is what your whole life has always been leading to."

The other who they referred to as 'M' then added his own final thought before they followed through.

"He's right. Nothing else will ever feel the same after this. Welcome to your new life."

One of them went straight to the head of the padded horse, promptly slapped the virgin's face and ordered him to open up. Moments later an erect cock was thrust into his mouth. He bucked and spluttered as it forced it way past his tonsils and then entered his throat for the first time.

The other wasted no time as he ripped the little blue underwear free from the virgin's body. He then emptied half a tube of lube into his open palm before smearing it across the length of his erect cock and then directly onto the timid asshole twitching nervously in front of him.

With practiced and fluid movements he grabbed the now frantic, soon to be ex-virgin by the hips, lined up his cock and suddenly took his virginity in one deep thrust as his manhood sank in balls-deep.

A deep and shockingly loud wail erupted from a throat already filled with the hard flesh of another erect cock.

The two men didn't react with shock or surprise, they simply began to fuck... and fuck... and then fuck harder the holes that had been assigned to them.

The young man tied to that bondage horse shuddered and chocked. He gasped for air the moment the man in front pulled out just enough to feed him oxygen before filling his throat once more.

This went on for at least five minutes before the one in front pulled out allowing him to moan and cry audibly while the one behind began to fuck his tortured little hole much harder than before.

There was an alterior motive in almost everything they did. Leaving his mouth open and unobstructed wasn't an act of mercy, they just liked their submissives to be vocal.

It wasn't long before the one known as 'F' was actively prompting their new plaything to tell the everyone watching exactly what they wanted to hear.

Failure to respond accordingly was met with stinging blows from a bamboo cane against tender flesh already sensitive from previous punishment.

"What's your mouth for?"

"Sucking cock", he sobbed back immediately.

"And your ass?"

"Milking come" he replied so quickly that it was clearly a trained response.

A curious thing happened then. He began to cry openly but not in that way a grown man would.

It was almost child-like. Confused murmurs and squeals that didn't communicate fear or pain but something else.

It seemed that the man who was now standing and watching, the one called 'F', understood what was happening as he narrated the moment for all who watched.

"Oh honey, it's all just too much for that tiny vanilla brain of yours isn't it."

The young man tied to that bondage horse yelping and sobbing now as his body shuddered with each thrust. Tears now escaped past the blindfold and tracked down his face.

"Something just snapped in your head didn't it" he said in an almost cruel tone.

"I... I don't... I can't..." his frantic words trailed off into nowhere, his brain unable to find the language.

The reply from 'F' was almost poetic in it's cruelty.

"We warned you. We told you that we don't play nice, we play hard. We play with our toys until they break. Do you feel it now, can you feel something breaking inside of you?"

"Please... I... I can't... it hurts."

"That's it little rabbit, let it out, let it all out."

It happened then, he let out a tortured wail as the man fucking him from behind screamed through a massive orgasm and then pumped the now broken boy-toy full of come.

"Do you feel it little rabbit, can you feel his hot come filling your slutty ass?"

"U-huh, uh-huh, oh fuck oh fuck" he stammered.

It was at least half a minute before 'M' pulled out slowly. His partner wasted no time and brought the camera in close to document the aftermath in detail.

A reddened and glistening ass-hole now gaping open slightly and oozing a tiny river of come.

"This tiny little hole just took it's first cock. Isn't it beautiful" he announced before addressing their captive directly.

"What do you say little rabbit?"

"Thank-you" he wheezed back between sharp breaths.

"Thank-you for what?"

"For... for fucking me."

3 - THROUGH MY EYES (ONCE AGAIN)

I know I've written this in a way that isn't conventional (to change perspective mid-story).

I had to step outside of it, to describe it as if I was watching it all rather than living it.

At first I really did try to recount it all in first person, but I soon realised I couldn't.

It was all just shock and emotion. Pain that was both physical and mental.

I didn't have the language for that depth of feeling.

I tried at least 5 times and every time I would delete it all in disgust. The words forming in my head not even close to the intensity of that moment.

So I accepted defeat and just narrated what happened in that live feed as if I was a fly on the wall.

So yeah, clearly I have watched it.

I've watched it many times and always with an odd detachment as if it's someone else and not me.

Every time I think the same thing..."Oh my god that can't be me, it can't be, I would never..."

But it 'was' me.

I read the comments that flooded in too. Their lack of empathy and their delight at my own stupidity.

A delusional little virgin getting what he deserved in a divine act of kharma.

Paying for my stupidity with my body. Used and abused. My defilement becoming entertainment.

Part of me is still disgusted by it all, but other parts of me are almost proud.

Quietly giving myself a spiritual 'high-five' because I did it. Because I pushed past the fear and for a night became the filthy little fuck-toy of my darkest fantasies.

I did things that weren't just unthinkable, they were dangerous.

Suddenly the bar for what I could achieve sexually was set so much lower that I felt I could step over it with minimal effort now.

So yes, clearly I had changed my mind at the last minute and gone to that place.

And yes, they streamed it to a site on the dark web. People paid to watch me lose my virginity under the most extreme circumstances imaginable, and they enjoyed it. They enjoyed it a lot.

Michael and Florian were so mad at me when I finally did show up over an hour late.

I had in fact showered and gone to bed as soon as I got home. I tried so desperately to fall asleep but as soon as my head hit the pillow my mind would swim with all the thoughts and feelings that had been ignited within me less than two hours before.

Every time I opened my eyes I'd see the minutes on the bedside clock getting closer and closer to that 11pm deadline.

When the deadline finally came I breathed a sigh of relief.

When the clock hit 11.01 however, the panic set in.

An angry voice inside my head screamed...'You weak little coward. You pathetic piece of shit. You had this one chance and you ran. I hate you... I fucking hate you... nobody will ever want you.'

I sat bolt upright then and actually said out loud, "No, it's not too late, but you gotta move, you gotta move now... RIGHT NOW!"

And so I threw back on the same clothes I wore to the date, stepped outside of my building and within minutes was riding an Uber to the corner of Severance and Vine.

Only as I ascended the stairs did the fear suddenly kick in.

I know I was shaking when I opened the door and found myself in what looked like a converted office space.

It was a dark, neon lit reception area. Next to it was a hallway lined with doors.

The main desk had been converted into a mini bar and leaning against it was both Michael and Florian.

They drained their drinks and just glared at me.

"What fuckin time do you call this. Get cold feet did we?" Florian practically snarled.

"I... I'm so sorry" I just stammered back feebly.

Michael spoke next but it wasn't to me.

"Entertain our guest while I prep room 2."

He disappeared then as Florian took over.

"Alright little rabbit, strip down to those cute little panties and get on your hands and knees."

I just nodded and did as he said.

Within moments I was on all fours wearing nothing but those blue briefs. My heart was pounding in my chest as a sturdy looking leather blindfold was buckled in place.

And quite suddenly, despite my best intentions earlier, I was back in this world. For the second time that night I was blindfolded, half naked and at the mercy of some very bad men.

"You will follow all instructions without question, are we clear?"

Again I nodded.

If I'm totally honest with myself that moment was as exciting as it was terrifying.

Both dangerous and exhilarating in equal amounts.

Florian spoke in a calm, velvety tone as he filled my head with both scary and wonderful things.

He knew just how to exploit my filthy little dreams and fetishes as he told me what they had in mind for me.

He left me both petrified and desperate, his words both belittling and shaming me. The reality of the situation and my place within it made abundantly clear.

"Oh honey, you've thought about this for so long. You're so scared right now aren't you."

"Uh-huh" I rasped back. The fear in my voice evident even to me.

"We're gonna fill all your slutty little holes soon, you know that don't you."

"Uh-huh... I... Just so scared. Don't know if I can..."

"Too late little rabbit" he cut me off before finishing "All your twisted little dreams are about to come true. Remember this is what you wanted, this was your fantasy."

"Yes but..."

"And you deserve all that's about to happen to you... don't you."

I didn't answer right away. It was maybe ten seconds before I found the courage.

"Yes. I deserve it."

Moments later I was led on hands and knees like a dog and made to mount something soft. It was the padded leather bondage horse. I felt the restraints being attached to my wrists and ankles.

I was now restrained and helpless.

Next there was an odd scratching feeling on the small of my back. It wasn't till I watched the footage that I realised it was the touch of a black 'sharpie' as they wrote the words 'Virgin Whore' on my back.

It looked for all the world like a bad 'tramp-stamp'.

What happened to me next was almost shocking but not for the reasons you might think. It was the thoughts and feelings going on inside me in that moment.

The fear was still real and ever present but the combination of being blindfolded and restrained was suddenly arousing in a way I couldn't explain.

"Such a cute little ass" Michael said and then added, "the things were gonna do to it. You're gonna be a brave little boy for Daddy aren't you."

"Uh-huh" I breathed back.

I know it's so stupid for a guy in his thirties but for some reason the 'Daddy' role-play hit some kind of sick little trigger inside me.

Suddenly I felt his hand begin to kneed and caress my ass cheeks over my briefs and then suddenly nothing.

Moments later I felt the impact and then heard the noise as he spanked me hard three times. I cried out in shock before babbling "Awww oh god... Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck."

Instantly my mind did cartwheels. Despite my best efforts to hide it, they saw right through me.

The rapid breathing and a brief murmur of pleasure accompanying the pain.

I don't know where it came from. An involuntary reflex to a pressure point I didn't know existed until that moment.

"Well aren't you full of surprises you little pain slut" Florian mocked

Three more hard blows and I was in a wonderland of confusion once more.

Dismayed at my utter lack of self control in that moment.

"What do you say?"

"Th... Thank-you Daddy" I stammered.

Michael's tone suddenly changed then to something more stern, more resolute.

"Sorry Princess but as fun as this is, play-time is over. Put on a good show for everyone and we might just get you back here for a proper spanking."

The alarm bells rang in my head then.

Did he just say 'everyone'?

I couldn't see at all through the blindfold but I was certain there was nobody else in that room with us.

I couldn't hear any other voices or movement at all. Acoustically the room sounded so small that surely nobody else could be there, could they?

My mouth was gagged then.

I heard Michael say "We're live" and within moments I was squealing in shock as the first cane blow stuck my now exposed ass cheeks.

I read all the comments afterward. Gay couples got off on watching me get fucked live. Countless singles did too and interestingly more than a few females and bisexual couples expressed their delight in watching me break.

No, Michael and Florian hadn't told me I would be on camera let alone streamed to the world. I only found that out after the fact.

They made a lot of money out of my sorry ass that night.

I was too dumb to figure out at the bar earlier exactly what was happening. My little performance on the toilet floor wasn't part of a first date, it was an audition. They had even used that word but it didn't register. I just thought they were being 'cute'.

When they said they had an "eye for talent" in that hand written note they weren't being kind. By 'talent' they just meant they had found a dumb little virgin they could use to generate content for money.

There was no defending it. I had spelt it all out in my dating profiles on both grindr and Fet.

They had delivered what I had asked for almost to the letter and they got paid for it.

I don't begrudge them for that, in fact, I kind of admire it.

Of course the session didn't end with Michael coming inside me. There was still the matter of Florian.

I'll apologise right now to anyone who finds what I describe next as gross or distasteful but if you've gotten this far I'm assuming you either have a tolerance for this or perhaps even find all this arousing.

I was unbuckled from the bondage horse and informed that I was only half way done.

Moments later they had me squatting on the balls of my feet in front of Florian as he grabbed my head and began to fuck my mouth and throat once more. I was told to grab onto his hips firmly so his thrusts didn't send me tumbling backward.

Again there was method behind everything they did. They made me squat that way so the come Michael had deposited inside me only moments before soon began to ooze from me and form a thick puddle.

Every time Florian fucked my mouth my pelvic floor would contract and more of Michael's come would squirt out of my ass onto the floor.

Michael announced with glee then that they were giving me my first "come transfusion". That as his drained form me it would soon be replaced by a fresh supply as Florian filled me up from the "other end".

And so it happened. He grunted through a powerful orgasm as his thick fluid flooded my mouth and throat.

Mere moments later and my face was being pushed toward the floor. I was ordered to lap up all the come juices that had spilled from me.

I was told not to waste a drop and reminded that as a 'come repository' it was my duty to lap up any juice that spilled from me.

I didn't fight it. I just did it.

I was informed that I wouldn't be experiencing my own orgasm because I had already experienced two that night.

Told that the greatest pleasure I would ever feel was the moment another man pumped his essence inside me. My own pleasure would always be secondary to my primary purpose in life now.

All I could do after that was curl up in a foetal position on the floor.

My mind felt broken, my soul felt damaged, my body numb.

I felt hands on my cheeks turning my face upwards towards the light. Next the fuzzy outline of a face leaning in as if to kiss me.

Automatically I opened my mouth to receive the kiss but instead felt their saliva coating me as they spat in my face and in my mouth.

"You're nothing but a filthy whore. You belong to us now. Are we clear?"

"Yes" I somehow stammered back.

The last thing I remember was being handed some pills and informed they were painkillers. I took them without question and immediately everything went dark.

When I finally opened my eyes ten hours had passed. I wasn't in 'that place', I wasn't at home either. I had been deposited on a bed in a cheap motel room on the outskirts of town.

My clothes and phone lay in a tangled mess on the floor. The only other thing in that room was another hand written note on the bedside table simply saying...

"This is only the beginning. We'll be in touch.

M & F"

It's been four days now and my body still feels it. My jaw aches and my throat is still sore but it's getting better. The welts on my ass and back from the cane and the leather straps are beginning to fade too.

My insides still don't feel right yet. My ass-hole is still hyper sensitive. Even just the friction of walking creates tingles and sensations that aren't unpleasant but more of a constant reminder that won't let me forget what i did.

To be honest all I am is just so fucking confused right now.

The same questions are constantly buzzing through my head and I can't switch them off. I just can't.

"Who are you... what are you... who are you... what are you... who are you... what are you."

Honestly. I don't know anymore. I don't fucking know.

Who am I?

I don't know anymore.

What am I?

I don't fucking know.

Someone, anyone, please tell me what the fuck I am. Please.

I do however, have one more thing to share with you, something big. I'm staring at it right now. It's a message from Michael that arrived on 'Fet' a few hours ago. I was shaking when I first opened it.

I don't know how many times I've read it because I just keep looking at it over and over.

It's different in both tone and content and also much longer than the others.

It's not as abusive or insulting (well, maybe a little) but it's also something else.

Measured and almost reasonable while still putting me in my place.

It's not as obscene as the language they used on me that night.

The language they had used as they punished me.

And then fucked me.

And then shot me full of come.

Even more shocking are the implications within that message.

Choices.

Choices that would change my life forever if I accepted.

There's no way I'm in the right headspace for this right now. There's no way I can make an objective or sane decision, but the clock is ticking and so, I guess, I'm gonna make one anyway.

Here is the message.

"William, I know that you have used the video link we sent you yesterday. Did you enjoy seeing yourself get used? Many others did, in fact you're quite the commodity right now.

We didn't lie to you. We used you and we broke you exactly as promised.

Your confusion over your sexuality isn't mysterious to me. You may even be straight just you claim, but I honestly don't care. You have a wet mouth and a fuckable ass-hole just like everyone else.

You're not special.

You're just a submissive little whore that gets off on being used.

It really makes no difference who uses your holes.

A desperate sub that gets wet for anyone that shows the slightest interest.

Poor little attention starved slut. No mystery there. The sooner you take ownership of that, the better your life will be.

Florian and I sat there and listened as you talked about your loneliness and lack of success with women. Unwanted and alone. (It was all we could do not to roll our eyes and burst out laughing, but we still listened patiently to your sob story.)

You weren't unwanted or alone four nights ago were you? You were put to work, you had purpose.

And so we get to the point. Like i said, you're quite the commodity it seems. There were questions and requests. Dozens expressed interest in 'using' you just as we did.

Let me be clear, many of our clients are high profile, all are successful.

Many have certain wants that must stay hidden.

An opportunity now presents itself to you.

I estimate you have about 5 years of potential work before you either burn out or age out. Possibly longer if you take care of yourself.

Here's how this works. We set up the sessions, we will take 50% of all you generate and that is overly generous.

You will serve, you will suck and you will get fucked.

A discreet little boy-toy to whomever we pimp your sub ass out to.

Play ball, be a good boy and these next five years could easily set you up for life. Nice house, nice car, whatever. The money will be commensurate to your service, your suffering and above all, your silence.

There it is William. You admitted to us that nobody wanted you, well now they do. Now you have a purpose.

You have 24 hours. You are free however to say no. You are free to go on as you were.

The choice is yours, but you should know that if you choose this path, the price for getting off it will be high.

Choose wisely,

Michael."

Well, what would you do if someone sent you a message like that? More importantly what the fuck was i going to do now.

The whole experience had been a lesson in pain, humiliation and my own stupidity. But I couldn't escape the fact that there were transcendent moments too. Brief windows when I revelled in it.

Submitting to them on that toilet floor. The ritual of being tied to that bondage horse.

A split second of pleasure right before Michael took me.

In those final moments before the pills kicked in and I passed out, there was a feeling of elation as my mind screamed out 'Oh my god you did it... you fucking did it!'

I think I'm still in shock if I'm honest. I haven't come to terms with it, not even close. My thoughts and emotions are still so confused and conflicted.

Pride, fear, satisfaction, shame.

A bi-polar mess of a man who's reality and sense of self feels forever altered. The wounds still raw, my nerve endings still tingling in the aftermath.

What am I?

Who am I?

What Michael was offering was as shocking as it was unambiguous.

That essentially I become an escourt?

A male whore.

A slut for money.

That I would submit to strangers and open myself up to more pain and humiliation.

But in turn, that I would be paid for my submission and discretion, and apparently, paid well.

It was hours before i got up the nerve to reply. I was burning inside with a thousand questions. There were so many different ways I could have responded.

A smarter man would have asked a lot more questions, but I guess when it comes right down to it, perhaps I'm not that smart.

Maybe, it's like Michael said, I'm not special, I'm not mysterious but perhaps for the first time in my life I'm useful. Somebody did want me afterall.

Maybe I do have a purpose, and that maybe for the first time in my life I was finally good for something.

I sent my response then. It was brief, but I still agonised over every word.

Yes, my mind sensed the danger.

It registered the utter stupidity of what I was about to do, but there was something else.

A rush of adrenaline as I typed. A sense of pure fear as if I was jumping out of a plane not knowing if I was was wearing a parachute.

A sudden spark of self-awareness then.

Realising finally that there were nuances to this crippling fetish.

Ingredients if you will.

Each ingredient on its own was already arousing but as soon as two or more were combined, the resulting mind-fuck was exponential.

Each new experience not just simply an addition, but a multiplier.

And so, with a beating heart. I wrote my reply.

"Michael,

I was shocked by your offer and my first instinct was to delete it.

I've been staring at your message for hours now and It's all I can think about.

I guess you were right about me.

Maybe I really am all the things you say.

And so, after a lot of soul searching, I have come to the following decision.

I still remember the words.

The words you made me say over and over.

'My mouth was made for sucking cock. My ass was made for milking come.'

If all that is true then I only have one option don't I.

I accept.

I accept your offer."

END