Costumes

Author's Note:

I'm offering options this Halloween. Which would you like: a Trick, or a Treat? This story is definitely the Treat. The Trick is a heavy, creepy, atmospheric bit of Gothic Americana called The Forest is Cold. It can be found over in the Erotic Horror category of this site or from my profile, along with quite a few others.

Too scary? Need a Treat?

Me too. After some heavier emotional lifts, I needed something light and fun, so I wrote a rom-com inspired by the holiday and... one or two other things. If you need a break from all things spooky or just have a sweet tooth, read on.

I hope it helps you remember your first; the one that mattered, that is.

***

Part 1

***

"Ned?"

I scrambled to my feet, waving at the barista from across the cafe like an animatronic version of a student.

"That's me!" I called out over all the quirky professors, studious types, obvious hangovers, and chintzy Halloween decorations.

"Ned? Ned?!"

I hip-checked a table hard on the way, gasping at the pain for a moment before I babbled an apology to the two oblivious lovebirds sitting there. Judging by their dreamy expressions, tousled hair, and wrinkled clothes, they seemed to be enjoying their first morning-after.

Envy, thy name is Table For Two.

"Witches' Brew Hot Chocolate for Ned!"

"Present," I gasped, "I mean, um, yeah, here. Me. That's me."

"Glad you could make it! Did you want any whipped cream?" the barista asked.

I'd seen her around campus and at the freshman orientation, but hadn't had a class with her. She had a septum ring, deep brown eyes, dark hair, a gap between her front teeth, cute ghost earrings, and a name tag that said 'Erika.' She was also more than pretty to me, even in a black work apron. In brief: way out of my league.

"Yulmp," I croaked, hoping she didn't see the sweat pouring off my forehead.

"Uh. Okay. Here you go."

Drink in hand, I scuttled back to my seat, made it about halfway, then turned around while I had a glimmer of courage. Walking to the counter was like slogging through mud, but I managed it.

"Hi, Ned. Was there something else?" she asked.

I blinked, feeling the flush racing up my neck; the one that said I wasn't very good at this.

"I... would you..."

The glimmer faded.

"Would you happen to have any cinnamon?" I asked.

"Oh, yeah! It's over there by the silverware. Help yourself. Enjoy your hot chocolate. Oops, sorry, I meant 'witches brew.' They make us say that."

"You too."

I shut my mouth before I could make it worse and retreated. I don't really like cinnamon, but I put some on anyway so I could save some face. I found my way back to the table I was sharing with my friend since grade school, Lael.

She kindly gave me a few seconds of silence while she sipped her black coffee and I burnt my tongue on the hot chocolate. She shucked her coat over the back of her chair and pulled her long, dark-brown hair back in a ponytail. I looked away with a neutral expression, pretending to evaluate the art I couldn't afford, much less understand; her thin sweater clung to her body far too nicely. Afterward, she leaned on the table with her elbow and pretended to think for a moment before flashing a smile.

"Yulmp?" she asked.

"Goddammit," I sighed, "Was it that loud?"

"Hoyeah. That was a good one."

"God. One week to go. I'm never gonna make it in time for my birthday, am I? Maybe I'll just accept it and wait to ask Santa for a lady with really low standards instead."

Lael rolled her eyes. Large and sea-green, they'd made her look slightly buggy as a kid, helped along by huge, thick glasses. She'd switched to contacts by high school.

"If you keep it up with that sad sack routine, you'll be waiting until Easter," she snorted, then picking up her black coffee again, "You're way overthinking this. Just ask someone out! If you hit it off, it'll happen - everybody's running on pure hormones these days. We're in college. It's easy, trust me!"

I glared at her. Not only could she think circles around anyone else our age, but she'd also... well, 'blossomed.' Which is like saying cherry trees are pretty. I knew she had at least three of four under her belt in just the last few months, and that was just the ones she felt like talking about. And she definitely knew my body count. The math was so easy even I could do it:

Zero.

"I'm telling you," she assured me, "It'll happen. Halloween is it, Ned. It's early enough in the year that most people haven't paired off yet. And then everyone goes out for a total meat-market party crawl all over town to hook up, and it's even on a Saturday this year! Slutty slutty devils, slutty bumblebees, slutty witches; notice the pattern yet? Take your pick!"

"It's not about me taking my pick, you prick. It's about them picking me. It's like gym class all over again! As of November the First, I'll officially be the only -"

I stammered to a halt, then hunched forward so I could make sure nobody heard my rant.

"The only guy who didn't lose his virginity before he was nineteen."

I looked around to see if anyone had noticed. Of course nobody had, but I was in a half-panic anyway. Lael was kind in holding back the laughter, and I appreciated it. She'd always been nice to me, even when our social trajectories began to diverge midway through high school. We'd drifted apart a little before landing at the same university and reconnecting with a familiar face.

"You know what you need?" she prompted.

"Confidence, a clue, experience, and interested parties?"

"Coaching."

"Gross. I am not going the pickup artist route."

Lael pulled a face.

"What? No. No no no. Fuck those losers; you're running with me now, Mr. Yulmp!"

My turn to pull a face.

***

Part 2

***

"So," Lael prompted, "practice makes..."

"Perfect," I coughed.

It was the next morning, and Lael had made me get up at an ungodly hour to meet her outside the campus gym. Damn thing wasn't even unlocked yet. Our breath clouded between us as we talked, and I shivered in my bulky pea coat. She was disgustingly chipper and ready to attack the day. I was ready to put up a white flag and go back to bed.

"Wrong," she corrected, "Perfect practice makes perfect. Practice alone just reinforces patterns. So, you've got a pattern of completely chickening out. Agreed?"

"B'gawk."

"Don't make me kick you."

"I'm this close to kicking you right now, Lael. Tell me why we're here and why it had to be now. I'm not a morning person."

"Well I'm not changing my routine just cuz I'm stuck with you. But I still gotta whip you into shape. So here we are."

"House party crawl is in five days. That's literally impossible. All I'd get is sore and broken."

More people were starting to join us, chatting together or staring blearily into nothing as we waited for the gym staff to come open the place up. I heard scattered conversation about sets and splits and a bunch of other crap that made me grumpier by the second. The doors unlocked, and people began to crowd towards the lobby. It smelled clean, but my main relief was that it was warm. The card scanner went into overdrive as all of us 'booped' in.

"Not your body, dummy," Lael said with a roll of her eyes, "Besides, you're fine there. Not, like, buff or anything, but fine."

"I think we've established that I have problems with confidence," I grumbled, "Don't gotta make it worse."

"Would you shut up and meet me in the cardio area?" Lael laughed.

A few minutes later I was flailing around on an elliptical while she made it look like a commercial.

"You need homework," she said loudly over the whirr and clank of machines, "Good news is, you're good at that."

"Fine, what's my assignment?" I replied, trying to catch up to my own body.

"Talk to girls. As many as you can today. Don't ask them out, don't be weird, don't pressure yourself. Just say hi! Make smalltalk!"

"That's it?" I asked incredulously.

"Oh, 'that's it?' Have you met you? You're a disaster! If you talk to three without swallowing your own teeth, I'll be impressed. You gotta break this freeze-up somehow. Report back to me by this evening. That's an order!"

I scowled at her and the assignment, then caught something in the corner of my eye. I glared down at some other freshman pretending to tie his shoe behind her. He blanched and hustled on.

"Well?" she said, grinning evilly as she picked up the pace, "What're you waiting for? I don't count, you know."

I'm well aware, thank you, I thought.

"See you at dinner," I grumped.

***

I was pushing things around my plate in the cafeteria when Lael sat down across from me. I braced myself for the lecture.

"Hey there, Sex Machine! How'd it go?" she gloated.

I frowned into my pasta, chicken, and broccoli.

"Great," I said flatly, "Feelin' good about Saturday."

"Go on!" she prompted, "Why?"

"Because I'm going to be transferring schools after how it went today."

"Ned," Lael groaned, "It can't have been that bad. How many did you talk to?"

"Three."

"Hey, I'm officially impressed! Tell me more!"

"One was that barista from the coffee shop again, one was a library assistant, and one was getting signatures for a referendum."

"Uh.... okay, how'd those go?"

"I drank a hot chocolate with cinnamon again, I have seven books of poetry in my backpack right now even though I'm an Environmental Sciences major, and apparently I'm in full favor of changing zoning laws to allow alpacas on equine therapy ranches."

Lael made some spectacular expressions as she seasoned her food.

"Jesus... uh... get their names?"

"Erika with a K, Violet like the flower, and Olive like she was literally paid to talk to people. And they all got to meet a guy named Yulmp."

I thought she was going to laugh at me again, but I must have looked depressed enough that she took a few bites first to give me time with it.

"Well, I think coaching may not be your best option," she offered, "You need, like, direct support. Why aren't the guys helping you out, anyway?"

The first half of my answer was mostly spluttering until I could put one word in front of the other.

"Oh yeah," I exclaimed, "That's a good one to admit to any of them! My closest buddies are all paired off already, and the ones that aren't are either living their best lives or would be total liabilities instead of any kind of help. As much as I need one, a wingman isn't an option."

Lael snorted and took a second to wave and smile at some new friends that had walked by, trays in hand.

"Overrated," she replied airily, "That stuff is always just so painfully obvious. Now, a wingwoman on the other hand... that might actually get you somewhere."

"Like who?" I squawked, "I don't know anybody that would do that!"

"Dude," she interrupted, "Don't make me regret offering."

"Wait, really? Uh... thanks! That would be perfect, actually!"

"Don't thank me yet. You still got work to do. If I'm gonna be going around, helping girls notice you and keeping you from tripping on your own feet, I don't want it to be an uphill battle that makes me look stupid."

"Hey! I mean... yeah, point taken."

Feeling a little better (and the most hopeful I had since the first week of Term), my appetite started coming back and I was able to eat some of my dinner as Lael listed out the things I'd have to do.

"I'm glad you're hygienic - seriously, I wouldn't do this otherwise - but you definitely need a haircut. So get one tomorrow. I'm gonna send you a few to pick from, you show the photo to the barber, they do it. Got that? Also, we're going on the Party Crawl in complementary costumes. Girls think those are cute. But we also can't totally match, people will think we're together. Can't have that."

"We could - "

"And I'm picking it."

"Fine by me. Here, by the way."

I slid a small plate across the table to her; it was a piece of tiramisu. She arched an eyebrow at it, even if she was smiling.

"I was wondering why you had a slice when you hate it. Shoulda known it was a bribe to keep me on your side."

"Nah, not that. You were late getting here," I explained, "It was the last one, and I know it's your favorite. So I got it for you."

"Thanks, Ned. Just for that, I won't make you wear anything too stupid."

"Appreciated."

I pretended not to notice as she kept drawing eyes from all corners of the room even just sitting there. I toyed with my water.

"I'm just surprised you don't already have a date for going out on Saturday. And for that matter, how are you still single at this point, anyway?" I asked, genuinely curious, "I would have assumed someone would have caught your eye by now for longer than a week or two. They can't all be losers or boring. And you've been on lots of, uh, dates since classes started."

She paused and then examined me with slightly narrowed eyes.

"Do I have to pick somebody?" she asked, somewhere between amusement and defensive annoyance, "A girl can't be single?"

"Uhhhh," I backpedaled, "N-no, I was just -"

"About to finish your broccoli?" Lael prompted.

I stared down at the ice-cold, slightly mushy pile of green stuff on one side of my plate.

"This is penance, isn't it?"

She nodded and waited, then smiled as I complied, taking small bites of her tiramisu.

***

Part 3

****

"Ned!"

"Gah, what?!" I jumped, my books almost flying out of my hands.

"Did you seriously not hear me say your name like ten times?" Lael asked as she flopped down next to me on the bench outside the library.

"Uh, no, sorry. Kinda busy studying."

"No kidding, you jumped out of your skin. Nice haircut, by the way."

"Thanks," I mumbled, halfway back into my reading again.

"What'cha studying?" she asked, craning over.

"Hey! Don't - no!"

Lael was too quick and snatched away the thinner book I'd been hiding between pages about trophic levels.

"Lemme guess," she cackled, "Comic? Dating advice? Don't tell me it's a bedroom how-to!"

"Give... it... dammit!" I grunted as she leaned away with it and kept laughing.

I scrambled after her, fixated on the book. On accident, my hand landed somewhere warm and yielding and far too thrilling. I yelped and darted back, both of us blushing momentarily.

"Sorry," I blurted, "Y-you know that wasn't on purpose. I'd never. Really."

I glanced at her, and she quickly nodded.

"Thanks," I sighed, "Now come on, give it back!"

"Apology accepted," she said primly, "However, I'm now officially looking at this book as payment for feeling me up."

"Hey! That's not - ugh, fine," I snapped, watching as she finally took a look at it.

"What the... this is poetry, Ned! Wait... you get this from the library assistant?"

I looked around, feeling a bit like we had in the coffee shop, but people were paying even less attention to us out here than before. I still felt exposed.

"Yeah, I did," I admitted, "I got curious. I don't really get most of it, but there's something about it that makes me want to. And it's a nice break from all the stuff about hydrology."

"Couldn't agree more," Lael commented, flipping through the pages, "Soooo the library assistant... Violet? I bet you could talk to her about which ones you liked and she'd recommend a few more. Read enough poetry, you might get a phone number. Girls like a thinker."

"They do?"

"Mmhm. Know why?"

"Enlighten me."

"It means they can learn," she said with a wink, "Important part of the puzzle. And actually, that brings me to something."

"Oh crap," I groaned, "You've got that look."

"Which one?"

"The one where you only smile on your right side and move your eyebrows like that."

"Don't know what you mean. Here's your poetry back. Annnnd," she said, looking around before quickly pulling a book from her tote bag and stuffing it in my backpack.

"What -"

"I was messing with you earlier," she said conspiratorially, "but this actually is a bedroom how-to. Written by a lot of women. It's uh... explicit, but actually helpful. Somewhere between field notes and psychology. You don't have to be, like, an expert or anything, but you need to at least not embarrass yourself, because if you suck, that tosses all my cred out the window."

I was speechless for a moment, blinking as I read the title before stuffing it all the way to the bottom of my bag.

"Uh... not sure what to say here," I mumbled.

"Look, I know, it's weird to have me give you something like this," she said, pointedly looking away from me, "But let's just say that I wish any of the guys I'd been with had read even a chapter or two first. It, uh... it's not a playbook or anything, but it's as close as you want to get. Let's just say that it's a must-read."

It was quiet between us for a bit, even though campus was a circus all around us. I broke the silence.

"Alright. Yeah, it's weird, but I appreciate it. It's... nevermind, not gonna finish that thought. Thanks. I've actually been really nervous about it. Not like a guy can practice. And... and I don't just want to, um, lose my card. I want her to be happy she picked me. And... feel good about it after. Like, a long time after. During, too, obviously. Definitely don't want to disappoint somebody. Or worse, do something actually wrong without meaning to. I want it to feel wonderful for both of us. In all the ways it's possible to be. I just... I don't wanna screw it up for a girl."

She watched me as I fumbled and sweated my way through the unplanned, rambling, guileless speech. However, she was smiling by the end, and I stopped when I saw that, because it meant she understood the basics of what I was unable to convey.

"Ned," she said quietly, "That's basically the first chapter. If you didn't open the book at all, you're already doing way better than you were worried about."

"I'm still gonna memorize it," I said fervently.

She teased me about that the rest of the afternoon.

***

Part 4

***

"Lookin' like a First Mate, me hearty! Let's get you some booty!" Lael chuckled, fixing my plastic cutlass and smoothing my foppish white shirt.

"Har har," I groused.

"You mean 'yar, yar!' I assume," she giggled.

Easy for her to say; she wasn't changed yet, though she had done her hair in luxuriant curls like long, low-cresting waves.

"And why'd you make me get a haircut if I'm covering it up with a bandana anyway?" I grumped.

"If you actually read that book cover to cover, you might have a clue."

It was just after dinner on Saturday; time for Halloween and the campus-wide bacchanalia. Lael had picked out some pirate gear for both of us. She hadn't changed yet, and instead focused on helping me into my pantaloons, billowy white shirt, bright red bandana, and other swashbuckling miscellany to go over basic daily wear.

"Alright, you're set. Turn around," Lael ordered.

We were in her dorm room, and she was one of the few lucky ones on campus to not have a roommate. I turned to face the wall and did my best to ignore the sounds behind me. Imagination wickedly filled in the rest, and I tried to think about my Chemistry notes.

"I'm done with the Biology lesson, but keep studying bricks, okay?" she prompted.

I gave a nod and a thumbs-up over my shoulder. Judging by the noise, I could tell she was working on details.

"Don't need any help?" I offered.

"Nope!" she asserted, "I want a guy's first impression. You're not the only one on the prowl tonight, Mister."

Lucky jerks, I thought.

"Okay," Lael said, "Tell me what you think."

I pivoted, ready to let loose with a broadside of smartassery.

I never fired a shot.

"Ned? You alive?"

I realized I'd been standing there without a thought or word for a few seconds. My friend of twelve years was wearing a black tricorn hat with a skull and crossbones on the front, her hair spilling down past her shoulders. She had a white shirt with decorative string laces criss-crossing deep décolletage. Over that, her chest was held in yet pushed out by a crimson corset that was making it hard for both of us to breathe. Further down, she had skintight red leggings under a gold-fringed miniskirt. The look was completed with black, calf-high leather boots. Her makeup and other touches seemed simple, though I'm sure there was more to it than what I was seeing: bright red lipstick, mascara, and large costume hoop earrings.

She waved her hands slowly in front of my face.

"Yoo-hoo?"

I blinked and tried desperately to think of something close to how we usually talked to each other.

"You're gonna shiver a lot of timbers," I managed.

She rolled her eyes.

"Sure," she laughed, "Can you at least tell me if I look good or not?"

"You look good," I said, "To the point that I don't see how you'll have time to help me."

"You saying I look hot?" she said with a leer and a pose, tossing her hair theatrically.

"Your words, not mine," I retorted, then went looking for my coat so I could pay attention to anything else in the room.

"You won't need that," she said, finding her keys and tucking them... somewhere.

"It's cold and windy tonight," I objected, "Supposed to rain, too."

"It's gonna be a sauna in every party," she scoffed, "You're gonna be the dork with a coat. Good luck keeping track of it. Not very sexy."

"Whatever," I grunted, "I just don't wanna freeze."

***

It was colder than a witches' tit, and the rain was picking up. I tried not to visibly shiver as we trudged to the first house party. Lael had my coat on, zipped all the way to her chin, hands stuffed into the pockets.

We stopped to look at the decorations on one lawn: a whole pirate crew, complete with skeletons and mannequins dressed more or less exactly like us. After the animatronic skeletons started repeating sea shanties, we kept going.

Campus was built on, over, and around a couple of deep, wide creeks that were full to bursting from Fall rains. Usually the footbridges over them were good places for a quiet think or a few romantic thoughts. Halloween night was a different matter; ghosts, ghouls, and undergrads swarmed from one spot to another. I wrinkled my nose at the pervasive smell of cheap booze, but I didn't mind the show one bit.

"Woah. Think she's single?" I muttered to Lael.

"Ned, I get it. That was a whole lot of ass and she is definitely available. But that wasn't a skirt so much as a long belt. You'd get a disease, trust me. You can do better."

We joined a group filing into a loud frat house, and Lael shucked my coat as the swampy heat of the place washed over us. Per tradition, she got in free and I chucked a fiver into a lockbox as cover. Still, it got me a beer, which gave me something to pretend to do besides hold a wet coat and follow Lael like a little brother on a playground.

She certainly got a lot of attention, and before long she started standing damn near on my shoes, not talking to anyone. I'm not an intimidating guy, but it was a pretty clear signal from her to the circling sharks, and soon we were just two people alone in a crowd.

"Operation Human Shield's going well," I half-shouted in her ear.

"Let's try another spot," she shouted back, "This one's a bit of a sausage-fest."

As we walked to the next place, heads down against the wind, she put my coat back on, but still hung on to me pretty closely.

"Cold," she explained, half-shivering.

"Let's stay at the next party a bit longer," I said, "We won't go until you're warmed up. Oh, hey, I recognize her! Hannah, it's Ned!"

It all happened pretty quickly. Lael put her head on my shoulder for a split second, leaning on me in thanks for the warming-up suggestion just as I waved at a nice, pretty girl from one of my classes; she was dressed up as a devil and hadn't left a lot to the imagination.

I tried not to react when her eyes flicked to Lael for a split second of analysis and decision.

"Hi, Ned!" Hannah called out across the way, "Happy Halloween!"

"You too!"

She waved politely and kept walking, but not before giving Lael one more appraising look.

"Well fuck," I sighed.

"Uh... sorry, Ned. My bad," Lael winced, "Want me to run after her?"

"No. It's okay. Not much recovering from that one. At least I didn't say Yulmp."

"Hold still," Lael said, then stood on tiptoe and kissed my cheek.

"W-wait. What?" I stammered.

"Compensation," she said with a shrug.

"Okay? Weirdo."

"Shut up and hurry. It's getting windier and I wanna get inside."

***

"This is my friend Christie! Christie, this is Ned!"

We were at the third or fourth house party, this one jam-packed. We were back to straining our voices to yell over all the other yelling people.

"Hi!" I shouted at the most impressively buxom bumblebee I'd ever met, "I like your costume!"

"What?!"

I tried again, and we managed to get through some basic facts about each other as Lael melted into the crowd, following a handful of friends to a bathroom. I had to admit, Lael did seem to be trying to introduce me to plenty of girls after the thing on the sidewalk and after a few more houses, we'd finally found one that had some prospects. However, I think she underestimated just how awkward I could really be, especially in a party setting. Sure, having a drink or two helped me actually speak, but I had no idea how to talk. Still, Christie seemed actually interested in what little I said, and she was happy to fill in the blanks for us.

I was about to ask if she'd like to continue our conversation somewhere with a lot fewer decibels when a friendly-looking guy came over carrying two drinks and handed one to Christie. She smiled, took it, and then took him by the hand.

"Ned, this is Mike! Mike, this is Ned - he's a friend of Lael's."

"Oh, cool! Nice to meet you," he exclaimed, clearly a little drunk and clearly her boyfriend.

Goddammit.

"Yeah, likewise! Have you seen Lael anywhere?"

I found her in a quieter spot talking to some other girls, and she excused herself when she saw me.

"Jesus," I grumbled, "Why didn't you tell me she had a boyfriend?"

"What? I thought they broke up!"

"Think again. That's like the third one, too."

"Ugh, sorry."

I happened to catch sight of a clock and felt my heart jump. Just a few hours to go and then I'd be nineteen. I wasn't sure if I should give in to anxiety or moping. Probably the latter, given my track record. I stared glumly into my nearly-empty cup.

"Ned, you okay?"

"I'll be back. Need a refill?"

"Sure... um... seriously, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I lied, "Of course. Hey, it's fine. You should... ah, you said you were looking around tonight, too. Don't let me hold you up. Any luck?"

She raised an eyebrow and gestured at herself. She meant it as a joke, but it definitely didn't help me feel better.

"Ha," I laughed weakly, "Yeah. How many guys have you turned down to stick around and help me tonight?"

"No big deal," she shrugged, "Hey, wanna dance?"

That helped even less. She knew I couldn't dance to save my life. And I already knew she was on a completely different social level than me such that it was easy-come, easy-go for people wanting to 'be' with her. Looking away so she couldn't read me, I shook my head and took her empty cup out of her hands.

"At least I can't mix these up," I joked, "Yours has lipstick on it."

As always, she was too fast for me. A flash of a grin was the only warning I got. She darted forward and put an extravagant lip-print on my cup, then jumped back, giggling, eyes bright. Her hands stayed on my wrist and elbow, trying to pull me towards an open spot to dance. I shook her off.

"Great," I fumed, "Thanks for that. Back in a while."

I heard her call out my name a few times as I walked off with the cups, but I pretended not to hear. The last thing I wanted was more pity.

***

It took a while, but I finally found the kitchen where the 'bar' (more like bomb crater) was set up. Lipstick-lined cups refilled, I was about to start swimming against the tide to find Lael when something slammed into my back, sending me and the drinks crashing into the sink and punch slopping all down my shirt.

"Sorry! Sorry!" I heard behind me, but I couldn't respond much yet thanks to the wind getting knocked out of me by the countertop.

"Fine," I coughed, "I'm fine."

I turned around and was at first a little confused because the black-hatted witch that had damn near flattened me seemed familiar. She peered at me.

"Wait," she said slowly, "Hot Chocolate with Cinnamon?"

When she grinned, I saw a gap in her teeth.

"Oh!" I blurted, "Erika! Witches' Brew! Uh, 'Yulmp' remember?"

"Ned!" she laughed, "Hey!"

"Um.. Happy Halloween! I like your costume."

I did like it. It didn't show cleavage or anything, but my God did it cling to her like paint. Her nails were painted costume-black, and the hat was a floppy, ridiculous thing.

"Thanks! What, uh, what are you supposed to be?" she yelled.

I looked down at my newly-green shirt.

"Dry," I replied.

Erika dissolved into laughter, and it began to dawn on me that I'd been myself for a second. She said the next drink was on her, I said that the last two were on me, and then she really smiled at me.

After twenty minutes, it was just the two of us in the kitchen thanks to the strange currents of any big party. We were shout-talking about our majors and places we wanted to go someday when Erika tripped on something and fell against me again. I was about to make a joke about it when I realized she hadn't stumbled, and she wasn't moving away.

"You're nice," she announced, straining to be heard over everything.

She was pressing her whole body against me, smiling slightly when my hands instinctually went to her hip and the small of her back. Her half-lidded eyes made the trashed kitchen disappear. Her slowly raising chin and parting lips made the world quiet.

She kissed me, and I could taste the honest interest behind the tang of cheap drinks.

The feeling was mutual. I tried to convey that as best I could without words.

I felt her hand slide down my front, find me, squeeze, and stroke firm and slow. Breaths - hers and mine - became more like panting.

She leaned up to my ear, whispered something I half-heard about finding someplace. We kissed harder. She leaned back to pick up her cup from where she'd placed it on the counter a few moments before.

Some nameless, eerie instinct made me pull back for a moment. My eyes were drawn away, out towards the party.

Out of the kitchen, through the throngs of students, across couches and costumes, I saw Lael, standing near the front door, holding my coat in both hands, staring back at me.

She was crying.

The coat fell to the floor.

She ran out into the dark.

And I finally understood.

***

Part 5

***

"I'm sorry," I stammered, "I can't. I'm... God, this is a timing nightmare. I am so sorry, Erika."

Why is there never a right choice? I wondered.

"Wait," she protested, "What - why? Was I too..."

Seeing her eyes go from confused to hurt and starting to well, knowing that I was not only causing it but choosing to do it, was like a fist ramming into my stomach. It was my job to take it so she didn't have to.

"No. No no no," I said quickly, "I'm sorry. It's definitely, definitely me. Not you. You didn't do anything wrong. In fact, you're great. I really wish... I'm so sorry. You're... you're a really, really good kisser and God you're nice and smart and so pretty. Whoever you pick had better know it and treat you right. But I'm sorry. I have to go. Right now."

"I don't get it," she said, voice small, eyes misting up, "Why are you..."

"For the only reason I'd leave you now," I said, and then broke away before I could ruin her night even more than I already had.

It felt like it took forever to shoulder my way through the crowd. The whole time I was fueled by just two thoughts: I had to find Lael, and I didn't have a clue what I was going to say when I did.

I spilled dozens of drinks. I tripped over everything. I yelped a lot of apologies. One guy punched me in my stomach as I scrambled between him and a damn good Jessica Rabbit. Thankfully he was distracted or I'd have dropped right there. I finally got to the front door, snatched up my coat, and crashed outside into freezing rain and flying leaves.

"Lael?" I yelled.

There was hardly anyone out on the street. The storm had driven everyone inside. Music was pulsing outward from every party. I didn't see any sign of her. I guessed she'd gone back towards her dorm, and I started running as I put my coat on in a hurry. I kept calling her name, trying to see through the rain and everything else. I slammed into a bunch of guys in togas and we all went down to the pavement in a heap. I scrambled up, sprinting away from the shouts behind me.

I was running across a bridge over a swollen, rushing, thundering creek when I saw something in the water upstream.

White shirt, red leggings. A limp body. Tricorn hat nearby.

Lael was facedown in the water, being swept along by the current.

I felt my life drain out of me in a rush.

"Oh fuck. Oh fuck," I panted, "No. No!"

I looked around, desperate to see anyone.

"Help! Help!" I yelled.

The wind howled back. Lael disappeared under the bridge beneath me.

"No," I mumbled.

Everything had left me a moment before.

In the next, it roared back in. All of it.

I struggled out of my coat and threw it down. I turned to face downstream.

A running start. Quick taps of shoes on slick concrete. A final boost off the stone railing.

I thought I heard a scream.

Air beneath me.

Then water all around me.

***

I came up gasping in coldshock. Panic in my head. Panic in my body. It was so loud.

But I'd landed and come up close to Lael. I wanted to shout her name, but I couldn't. No time. No air.

So dark. Couldn't see a thing. I somehow got an arm around her and kicked hard for shore.

I choked. More water. I went under for a second, but my arm didn't let go of her. I retched the killing cold out and kept going. We were being swept towards another bridge. If we got trapped against it, we'd drown.

She's alive. She's alive. I just gotta get to shore. She's alive. What the fuck were you thinking, Lael? No. No! Shore! Get to shore!

Just feet from the bridge, I clawed my way to rocks, then mud, then roots, then grass, dragging Lael's body with me. She wasn't moving. I vomited water again, kept crawling, kept pulling her with me, kept trying to get close to a lamp post near a footpath so I could figure out what to do.

"Lael," I croaked, "Come on. Lael, please! Don't be dead. Come on! Lael why? I'm sorry!"

I was sobbing when I dragged her into the light. I rolled her over.

I didn't understand at first.

"W... what the fuck?!"

It was a mannequin. I recognized it from the porch display we'd walked by earlier. The wind must have blown it into the creek.

"Oh thank God," I groaned, falling to my side, "Oh thank God. I... Jesus Christ I could have died. I am so. Fucking. Stupid."

"Ned!"

The shriek made me look up from my misery and jump to my feet. I knew that voice. She cannoned into me, battering me with small hands.

"You idiot!" Lael screamed, "What were you thinking?"

"I wasn't!" I yelled, trying to take it on my shoulders and arms, "I thought it was you!"

"Are you serious?" she demanded.

"Are you?" I shouted back.

"You wanna know why I'm still single?" she demanded, tears and mascara streaking down her face.

She shoved me in the chest and I staggered back, coughed more water out.

"Because I didn't want to be tied up whenever you finally noticed that I'm a girl, goddammit! How much clearer could I be?"

"Okay! Okay! Christ! I'm s-s-sorry!"

"Oh, what, gonna stutter your way out of this? I can't believe you!"

"Nn-nnno," I chattered, sinking to my knees, "wwhhyyy can't I... talk?"

"You're drunk!"

I shook my head. Things seemed confusing. I could feel my body start to full-on tremble. I couldn't stop my damn teeth. I dry-heaved. Nothing was working right.

"Ned?" Lael said, "Wait. Oh my God. Are you getting..."

"Hyyypo.. po..." I tried to say.

I felt Lael under my armpit. She half-dragged me forward, and I tried to focus on making my legs move.

***

Lael's door crashed open and we both practically fell to the carpet. I heard the door close, and vaguely felt fingers on the buttons of my ridiculous, green-stained pirate shirt.

"Thhhis night can... can't get a-a-any worse," I slurred.

"Gotta get you warmed up and then dry," Lael said, "Now shut up and focus on helping me. I'm shaky, too, you know. Corsets aren't that insulating."

"S-stop," I coughed, "Nnnnot nak-k-ked."

"Come on," she snapped, "It's this or an ambulance. You're covered in freezing mud and you're going blue!"

"F-fine," I conceded.

I was down to underwear when she dashed to her en-suite bathroom, turning on the shower. She came back and helped me halfway to my feet, but it was a zombie-shuffle to get where I needed to go.

"It's on cold," she said quickly, "Has to stay that way until it feels cold to you, then we can turn it up slowly. It's gonna feel really, really hot at first, okay?"

I nodded jerkily. She got me to the shower stall, helped me in. I let out strange, involuntary sounds and wracking shakes when I got under the spray - the kind a fever makes, but inverted. Lael held my hand, kneeling on the floor next to the tub. Water pattered over her clothes.

"You s-should move," I said blearily, "You're getting wet."

"I'm already soaked from the rain, since I ditched your coat," she said, trying and failing to smile, "Besides, gotta keep an eye on you."

"Okay."

"Can you get rid of your underwear? It's colder than the water coming down. You need to warm up, Ned.".

"N-n-nn-o thanks," I muttered, still trembling all over.

"What? Why?"

I was silent for a long moment, matching my deadpan against her look of deep concern.

"Do you have any idea how s-shitty it is," I slowly managed, "That the first time I'll ever be naked in front of a girl... is when I probably have the worst shrinkage of my life?"

She gave a single laugh of disbelief and scorn, but got up to go.

"If you can joke again, you're probably okay to leave alone. First show me you can use the shower handle okay."

"Not exactly a joke," I mumbled.

I was clumsy and uncoordinated, but I could adjust the shower well enough that Lael gave me some privacy. It took me five minutes to get my underwear off without help, and in the end I tossed them towards the drain-end of the shower and put my head in my hands. At least things started to feel lukewarm.

Some hero.

***

Part 6

***

I'd been able to turn the heat up properly and was still sitting on the shower floor, staring at my feet and nothing at the same time, when I heard her knock at the bathroom door.

"Yeah," I called.

"Can I come in?"

I smirked at the absurdity of the night.

"It's your shower," I replied.

The door opened with a creak. Besides taking her boots off, Lael was still in her outfit. She sat nearby on the lid-down toilet.

"How you doing?" she asked over the sound of the water.

"Fantastic," I replied.

It was hard to see her as anything but a bright red-white-brown blur, thanks to the fog of the hot water on the sliding glass door. But even that was beyond pretty.

"You?" I asked.

"Never better," she laughed ruefully.

"I'm sorry," I said after a moment, "About... making what I did of tonight. I ruined everything."

"Me too," she said, "I was trying to keep you from girls you might... y'know. I'm sorry about Hannah. And Christie. And the others. Especially that barista. I... I wasn't honest. And I wasn't really thinking. The whole damn time. I thought... I thought the lipstick on the cup would do it. Seemed like the closest to a sure thing it could be while still being fun."

We were both silent for a long moment, letting the hiss of the water fill the void. I thought back on all the things we'd both done and said over the last week. And then some.

"Better than being oblivious or plain old stupid," I assured her, "I got that one covered for you."

"Can I be honest now?" she asked.

"Yeah. I'll try not to be a complete idiot."

"I'm cold, too, Ned."

"Oh, jeez. Right. Sorry. I'll get out," I said apologetically.

"No... stay."

I saw her dim form stand up, arms twisting behind her. Then the corset fell away. My breath caught, and I slowly got to my feet, unsure of anything.

The white blouse came off to reveal a blur of skin and a splash of supportive color. Then the leggings for same.

When she turned to look in the mirror over the sink and gather her hair back, quickly wipe away her makeup with a special cloth, I felt all cleverness leave me. She was.... right there, just a few feet away, separated from me by glass, steam, and twelve years of growing up together and apart and back together. A smeared collection of curves, beauty, and youth. I wondered for a moment what I looked like to her.

And then, faster than I could process, the bright fabrics were whisked away into a corner, and the shower door opened.

***

It shut behind her, and we were face to face with nothing between us but air. I was terrified yet excited about all of her. But I could not for the life of me tear my eyes from hers, or her face... her hair... her expression.

I felt fingertips on my lips before I could say anything clumsy.

I nodded, knowing how well she knew me. I felt her hands go around my sides and then up my ribs, to rest somewhere on my shoulder blades.

"Ned," she said, just barely audible over the hiss and patter of hot water, "Is it... is it okay?"

I nodded, not able to give anything better for a moment. She still seemed anxious. I realized it was on me to say something.

"Am... am I okay?" I asked, "Are we?"

We returned to silence, her face tilted towards mine... pleading. And then I realized she was desperate to be kissed.

I hesitated, but not because it was Lael. I hesitated because it was me. So I focused on her.

I met her lips gently. I lingered. I offered. I received. I gave. I felt my body and breathing and heart and understanding of things change. It took a few long, blundering, heartfelt seconds. But she kissed me back in ways I hadn't considered possible for feeling, for need, for sweetness.

"Yes," she said, slowly helping me find her body with hands, "And yes."

***

It was like jumping off the bridge all over again. Fear. Weightlessness. Headlong need. All of it because of Lael.

Her leg hiked up on a small ledge to the side; I knew what she was offering.

"Here," she said fervently, fingers over mine and herself, "Just on my clit. Right... there... no... wait, just follow me. There. Yes, there. Right there. Small circles. Stay high. Don't worry, I'll tell you when to change. Go slow. Slow, slow... slow. Oh fuck there you go. You... you can kiss me, you know. Please? Ned, I..."

"Lael," I murmured.

Our mouths crushed against each other, each trying to say so much we'd hurled into the sea, year after year, never realizing none of it had ever been swept away, only been thrown back on our shores.

Her lips were so... full.

"That's it," she panted as I followed every instruction, "G... good boy. Keep listening. Keep going. Don't stop."

"Everything you say," I groaned, "Please, Lael, I want to be so, so good to you."

She turned around, one hand wrapping around my neck, the oher over mine on herself, touching and guiding. I cupped her breasts, kissed her neck, held her to me with strength and gentleness.

Is this the first time we've held hands? I wondered.

Faster yet gentler; fluctuation; steadiness. First listening to her, then trying to remember what she'd given me to read, then forgetting everything except listening to her body with my body and letting every moment be carried by how much she meant to me. She shook and lurched in my arms, trembled in a way that felt surreal and ecstatic. A tiny whimper, then a long, shaking groan.

She put both hands over mine, resting between her legs as we caught our breath, then turned back around to face me, looking into my eyes, bringing my fingers to her mouth as she slid to her knees. After some awkward positions, she made me pivot a certain way around the falling water. Then she found me with her incredible mouth, and I knew that I was finally allowed to drink her in; to appreciate her openly; to marvel at how beautiful and desirable she was; to acknowledge how she called to me in sensual ways. To give in to the idea that Lael and sex weren't mutually exclusive.

Long sucks. Long looks. Long minutes. All of it blended together without thought; pure, instinctual euphoria.

My hands slapped against the shower walls, bracing against pleasure. Lael watched me, followed me with her lips, encouraged me with her lush, loud, lewd sounds. Her hand was moving fast and sure between her legs. I didn't know anything could feel as wonderful and overwhelming as what she was doing. It wasn't even the feeling of her tongue spiraling around my head that finished me - it was seeing the dimples above her newly-wide hips at every bob of her head.

"Ah," I panted, "I... I'm..."

"Good," Lael managed between overpowering slurps and rapid, unending strokes, "That's what I want. That's -"

The first surge hit her tongue and she abandoned love-talk in favor of a tight lip seal. I could feel every small, high whimper of pleasure vibrating through her, could sense each eager swallow. My back smashed against the shower caddy, scattering bottles of cheap and expensive things everywhere as she kept fingering herself, kept sucking me, kept making up for lost time.

***

Our hair was still wet and something crashed to the floor as we stumbled from the bathroom to her bed. We fell to the thin, narrow mattress and I caught myself to avoid crushing her. Her eyes widened for a moment as she looked at her bedside clock, then at me in worry. I barely paused as I turned it around to face away from us.

"I couldn't care less what day it is," I said in a rush, getting her to smile broadly and kiss deeply.

I moved down her body until my face was between her shapely, hand-filling legs. My heart was hammering. I knew the theory, sure, but of course had no experience.

"Just... start slow," Lael said encouragingly, "Kissing's nice. I'm really glad you want to."

"If I can make you feel anything like as good as you made me feel," I murmured, pausing for my first, intoxicating taste of her, "I'll be happy."

At first, she let me know what to do with instructions. As I got less timid and more curious - not to mention more enthusiastic and loving - she guided me without words. Her eyes closed and her hands drifted from her skin to mine and back. Every flutter, lick, suck, drag, swirl, and other oral acrobatic seemed to delight her all the more. The sight of her arched, quivering body; the open mouth, disarrayed hair, shuddering and heaving chest; the eyes that met mine and smiled yet lusted... for me; all became part of me.

She began to shake in a way I didn't understand but instantly loved. She clenched my head in place with her legs and hands.

"Don't stop," she gasped, "Don't change. Keep... yes... yes... ah"

I didn't pause until she collapsed backward, flushed and laboring for air just like me. I said her name, kissed her clit gently to make her lurch one more time, then crawled up her body. I was about to wipe my mouth on the sheet when she stopped me and pulled my lips to hers. I felt her groan at the same time I felt her hand on my thickening, hardening cock. Youth has its advantages.

I felt her guide me. Then the emergency brake in my mind kicked in.

"Wait," I said, wincing, "Lael, I'm sorry."

"Oh God," she said quickly, "What's wrong? Did I do something? Are you okay?"

"Way past okay," I half-laughed, "But... I... um... I don't have a condom. It was in my coat, and..."

"Oh," Lael muttered, "Uh... about that."

"W-what?

She squirmed a little under me, bringing her hands up to my neck, watching my eyes, nervous.

"Don't be mad?" she asked.

That raised my eyebrow.

"Uh... pretty sure that's not the vibe, Lael," I replied.

"I found it," she admitted, "When I was wearing it. The coat, I mean. Duh. Anyway, I, uh..."

I'm not great at puzzles, but I'm not terrible either. I laughed.

"Please tell me you stole it instead of threw it away," I sighed.

She blushed and shrugged, then tapped my ribcage to get me to move my arm.

"Be right back," she giggled.

The show of watching her just move while naked was worth far more than the price of entry.

***

"Hey, relax," she murmured, "Just... eyes up here, okay?"

"Okay," I said, probably sweating or shaking or something stupid.

"Oh," she exclaimed quietly, "Oh, wow. Yeah. Do I feel okay?"

"Amazing. Really, really warm. Kinda tight, though."

"Yeah. Go slow," she urged.

"Only speed I got right now," I laughed, "I'm terrified."

"Of what?" she asked incredulously, "It's me for God's sake!"

"Exactly. Also, well... of doing things wrong. And, y'know, finishing too soon. Feels like a high-wire walk."

"Ha... Ned," she sighed, "Just stay there and kiss me for a bit. Know what the nice thing about sex is?"

"Besides everything?"

She chuckled, then spent a long moment looking at me, fingertips on my face. The warmth of our bodies, pressed together under a thin blanket, was just enough to keep the cold out. I could see the reflection of the ever-present campus glow in her eyes. I wondered for a moment what she saw, looking up at me.

We both heard an ambulance roar by outside. We both ignored it, waited for the silence to come back, neither moving.

"The nice thing," she said quietly, "is that when you like someone enough, it's not a test."

I didn't have anything to say. I was glad the lights were off, because in some ways I could see her that much more clearly, and she could see me less.

"I'm so glad it's you, Lael," I husked.

"I'm so glad it's finally you, Ned," she whispered, pulling me closer.

I don't know which of us said them, but they were the last coherent words we could muster that night;

"Hold my hand."

***

Part 7

***

I woke up first. I'm glad, because I got to just stare at her and breathe her in without any sense of needing to hurry. I watched her back and shoulders slowly expand and contract. I got to listen to her be alive (and snore). I got to feel the strange, wonderful sensation of not just a different body against mine, but hers.

When she finally stirred, she rolled over and stared at me blearily for a moment before burrowing into my chest with a grunt.

"Hi," I said quietly.

"Mmmrmg."

"I thought you were a morning person," I chuckled.

"Shurrup. 'Mere."

Her arm went around me and squeezed tight. Her legs did the same. I suddenly wondered if I'd woken up with an octopus. We stayed there for a long time. Long enough for her to fall asleep again for a few minutes, wake up, and repeat it all.

My stomach growled loudly, and she snorted.

"Sorry," I offered.

"S'fine. Me too," she said, trailing her fingernails up and down my back as I fondled her various delights.

"Want to get breakfast?" I asked.

"God, yes," she mumbled.

"Maybe not at the coffeeshop?" I suggested, feeling a pang of chagrin.

"Eesh, good point," she said, pulling a face, then leering at me and biting my neck.

She rolled on top of me, enjoying the feeling of everything she'd somehow claimed. I felt her hand and more on me, encouraging and excited.

"How about brunch instead?" she suggested, slow and warm.

"I'd like that. A late brunch."

"Mmhm."

A long time later, she snuggled in to me, close and sweaty. We kissed each other on the neck, fingers clasped and breaths shared. I felt her voice in my ear. Quiet. Promising. A voice I knew so well. A tone that was brand new.

"Happy Birthday, Ned."

***

The End

***