Open House Ch. 11

Tina freezes in place.

The words leave my mouth and my heart starts racing. I'm afraid to look directly at her, and instead sink back into the couch and look down at my hands in my lap.

Tina sits down her glass and stands up, moving directly in front of me.

I trace up her body longingly. I meet her eyes, and they inject me with an overpowering sense of desire.

Passion burning on her face, Tina says, "Don't be. You own a part of me that he never can," and she moves onto me, straddling me on the couch--our faces inches apart.

My hands are still in my lap and I feel like a willful captive, my mouth hanging open as I stare up into her intense eyes, breathe in her sweet scent, and try to take her into me.

Tina cups my face with both hands and moves her mouth to mine, only allowing our lips to delicately touch. Her eyes hold me entranced as she firmly whispers to me incredibly slowly, "Your husband... can fuck me... but, you... have my heart." Her warm breath flows into me like a powerful aphrodisiac, causing my body to erupt in restrained arousal.

I feel as if I have been captured by a wild animal, and sit helpless to her will. Tina's body is hot across me, and I am struck by a glowing vision of her, red-hot plasma surging through her veins.

She continues to use her soft lips to drag her warm breath across my cheeks and around to my ear. I feel her suck my earlobe softly into her mouth and I unconsciously inhale deeply, tingles of pleasure traveling across my body. Her tongue circles my earlobe, playing with my earring until she releases me with a soft dragging lick up the folds of my ear. My ear, now wet, is incredibly sensitive, and I can feel every breath she emits. Then suddenly I hear almost imperceptibly breathe the words,

"And... you can fuck me."

My eyes roll back into my head as I fail to adequately contain my body's reaction caused by her words. I wrestle my hands free and grab her waist, sinking my mouth into her delicate neck.

Tina moves back to my mouth and we connect deeply. I feel almost as if we are breathing for each other as I cannot tell her breaths from my own. I use my hand to explore over Tina's ass, enjoying her curves and attempting to find some way to pull her closer into me. Our tongues push deep into each other's mouths, asserting our efforts to crawl into and own the other's body.

Tina breaks away and sits up, staring into me as she reaches down to lift off her shirt.

"Wait," I blurt out as I reach to stop her.

My brain is racing with conflicting thoughts and I find myself in a battle between my mind and my body.

"I don't think I can do this right now."

I see Tina deflate, and instantly regret my words.

"I'm sorry. I know I'm being difficult, but... I'm just not sure who I even am right now. And honestly it's not fair to you either--if I'm not fully present."

Tina emits a hard exhale, allowing her body to accept the chemical let-down.

"I know, I'm just a tease," I say as I reach around and palm her ass again. "But trust me it is VERY hard to gather the will power to stop."

Tina sits on me, recovering--seemingly enjoying her power position over me. I can almost see her mind at work, processing our situation. Her beautiful face captivates me and I just sit staring, helplessly lost in her eyes.

"So what is it then?" Tina asks.

"I don't know. My brain just won't leave me alone. It just keeps going back to how I have so much to figure out. What am I going to say to John? What is going to happen to my house? It's my dream that I worked so hard for, and even now I can barely afford it. Now I've ruined it and--"

"You didn't ruin anything. John did. So I'm going to tell you exactly what you're going to do... nothing."

Tina is commanding, and I feel comforted by her confidence. I look up at her with big puppy dog eyes, and absorb everything about her. I just want someone to figure this out for me, and listening to her gives me hope.

"How can I do nothing?"

"Because at the moment nothing needs to change. As long as we keep things as they are we have everything we want. You have your house, your job, and me."

"And what about you? The moment you stop seeing John he could go to someone else. I'm not going to be okay with that."

"Then I'm not going to stop seeing him."

"What!?"

"That's right. But we're going to do things a little differently. You're going to know everything. In fact you're going to arrange it."

"Oh gosh, Tina. I can't do that. I don't want to share you with him."

"You already have. And you love it--don't tell me you don't."

She's right. I did. I set it up and I... can I even say it... I enjoyed it. Well, the idea of it. I don't understand my stupid brain, but it's like I'm participating and getting some strange pleasure from their meeting--as if a part of me is with Tina when John is. But this plan both terrifies and excites me. Can this even work? And for how long?

"I don't know." I say as I move from beneath her. "This just feels so strange to me." I stand up and unconsciously start to bite my nail and pace, barefoot across the thick fluffy rug. "Not you, I mean--just... continuing. I mean, husbands cheat all the time, and when your husband cheats you get a divorce and move on. That's just what people do."

Tina stands up and meets me face to face. "You're doing it again."

"Doing what?"

"Spinning. Drifting away from me by getting lost in all these thoughts and scenarios you build in your head. I'm doing everything I can, going out of my way to help you, and you won't let me."

"Tina, that's not true. I do want your help."

"No I don't think you do, and you weren't telling me the truth when you said you'd stay with me and keep it together. Why should I even try?" Tina says, turning toward our drinks as if to begin cleaning up.

I gently pull her back around to me and stand close, taking both her hands in mine and interlocking our fingers.

Hurt, Tina speaks first. "I literally sacrifice myself for you, and you just want to move on like it was just the tick of a box."

A pang of fear shakes me unexpectedly. Before Tina, I was stuck in my life of uncertainty. She is the very thing that gave me strength to even consider taking action. And now I can see that I am losing her too. I can't let that happen. I'm finally beginning to realize that every time I'm so confident that I'm right, it's only because I'm in fear of the alternative. So, if I convince myself that I have things figured out, it becomes my excuse to avoid the thing I'm most afraid of.

"Tina, I need you."

"I don't believe you. You say things, but then do something else. I'm not just going to hold your hand while you wreck things."

I am wrecking things... again. I somehow wrecked my marriage. I just wrecked our intimate moment together. And now I'm wrecking our friendship, all because I think I have things figured out. I don't have things figured out. And I don't want to keep doing this alone.

"I mean it. I'm just afraid... and--"

"And when you're afraid you act crazy."

"I know. I'm sorry."

Tina stares at me. I can tell she wants to believe me, but she is still huffing. I drop to my knees in front of her and sit on my feet on the soft floor. Still holding her hands I look up at her and say, "I'm sorry. I will listen."

"Why? Why will you listen now?" Tina explores.

I close my eyes as I search for honest answers. "Because I'm wrong... and I need you to tell me what to do." This feels good to say. A weight lifts from me as I admit it. I want Tina to want me, and to take this burden away from me. "And because I want to be a good girl for you."

My words fill Tina with passion and I can hear her breathe me in. I feel myself being slowly grounded as I stare into her eyes. She places her hand on my head and pets me, running her fingers through my hair.

"Look, I'm going to help you through this, but you have to stay with me... and you will agree to do as I say."

I feel my ego being slowly erased as I stare into her eyes. I'm done objecting and allow myself to be taken by my submission. "I will."