Now I Lay Me Down

I am fascinated with all the ways humans express their sexuality. Almost all of us are sexual creatures, yet in our culture it is often taboo to talk about this beautiful phenomenon we have in common.

I write about it from a very vulnerable and authentic place, always curious how my experience compares to that of others.

It's been a while. I haven't felt like it. I've been exhausted, worried, worn down. Anything but horny. But tonight I feel the stirrings. They've been there all day, twitching at me.

I slide into bed naked, close my eyes and just start to drift. There's no form yet, no scenario, just a warmth in my chest, a longing between my thighs.

I slide my left hand down and part the lips of my labia. My right index finger finds the tiny spot that screams so loudly for attention. I begin to very slowly touch it, almost absentmindedly, waiting for my mind to search for what the story will be tonight.

A scene comes into focus, as if from far away, like an out-of-body experience. I'm floating above, watching. I see myself put him over my knee. I swoop down to get closer. As the figure in the fantasy begins to spank him, I start to meld with her, becoming the me that has his weight on my legs. I begin to touch myself with more fervour, and can feel the liquid begin to flow on the inside before I reach down to lubricate my finger. The touching becomes more pleasurable.

I pull the pillows out from under me and lay my head flat on the mattress. I cover my eyes with one of the pillows, shutting out everything but him and me.

My hand in the fantasy is warm from the friction of smacking his ass, as is the hand under the covers, moving quickly with precision across the exact point. He begs me to stop which makes the sensation burn hotter between my legs. My finger is no longer enough. I pause and open the drawer of the bedside table. I pull out the first vibrator I find rummaging around in the darkness. It's a large pink phallus. I hope it's charged.

Luckily it turns on and I carefully touch it to my clitoris. The feeling is intense. I back off and adjust the settings and barely touch myself with it again. The dog jumps off the bed. He hates the sound of it.

I return to the fantasy and it's shifted while my attention was sidetracked. Now, I make him take my finger entering his hole. He is squirming and moaning. My clit is excited at his torture and demands I up the intensity of the vibrator. It brings me close to the edge and I'm not ready to finish yet. I pull the toy away from myself while in the story I grab a dildo and force it into him; in my imagination there's no need for lube or entering slowly.

It feels so good seeing him take it in the ass that now I switch. Suddenly I am the one over someone else's legs and they are spanking me, playing with my ass. In the bed, I bring the vibrator back to my sensitive point. I adjust it to a pulsing pattern that amplifies the electricity pounding in my pussy. In my mind, I toggle between the roles, something I don't do in real life but here in the deep grey crevices of my brain I can be both punisher and punished. I show no mercy in either role.

As both of our asses are on fire in the shape-shifting fantasy, my real ass wants it, too. I set the vibrator on my clit aside again and fish in the drawer to find another short, bulbous dildo. I dip it into my vulva to lubricate it, playing with the less intense sensation of having something enter me. I imagine my torturer bending me over and using me there. I pull this round phallus out and it is sopping wet. I lift my body and position it at my asshole, then slowly skewer myself with it. It pops into place.

My clit greedily demands that I continue with the pink vibrator. I touch myself with it while awkwardly shifting my hips up and down to push at the other dildo and stimulate the sphincter of my ass. The sensation is worth the effort.

Now I'm fully in submissive mode, abandoning the poor fellow who was over my knee. I'm being fucked up the ass, told that's what I really deserve and that's how I'll take it. My ass is hit hard, I'm told not to dare cum, I don't deserve an orgasm, just being used as a fucktoy.

For some reason, imagining being told I'm not allowed to cum is what often pushes me over the edge to actually reach climax. And with the overwhelming sensation of movement in my ass and at my clit, one huge contraction erupts through my pelvic floor. My whole body tenses. The sensation is too much and I have to stop touching myself. I stretch and shiver and curl into a little ball. I feel the pleasure traveling in waves to my toes. My mind goes blank. I quickly drift off to sleep, still trembling with faint contractions of pleasure.

In a little while the sound of the still vibrating toy will wake me up. I'll turn it off, then gingerly pull the dildo out of my ass and realize I really need to pee. Every once in a while, when I wake up like that, I can't fall back to sleep and decide to go at it again. This may be one of those nights, as I've been stressed and sleeping has been difficult. And, as I mentioned, it's been awhile and suddenly I'm finding myself horny again. I should take advantage of that. I've always thought that engaging in orgasms regularly is a healthy habit, and from what I've read, science backs me up.

Besides, I still haven't finished with that submissive I left bent over my knee.