Open House Ch. 15

I decide that I must make myself busy, otherwise I will be lost in the whirlwind of scenarios I will play in my mind and never survive the day. Lucky for me the buyers I'm working with today are ready to make a move and I spend the day with them generating an offer on a large property. This will be a huge win for me and requires a lot of dedicated effort to close, so I can't make the mental space to worry about other happenings even if I wanted to.

We finally submit an offer that is accepted late in the afternoon, and I am ecstatic. We're all a bit weary and have skipped lunch, so after congratulating my clients we agree to part ways for the day. I get into my car and suddenly realize I don't know where to go. Normally I would call John to celebrate, but I have this hollow feeling inside me and sit lost for a bit--wondering what elicit things might be taking place at this very moment. I drive to a fast food place and get food at the drive-through, then I drive to the biggest empty big box store parking lot I can find and park to eat and doom scroll on my phone--literally. When I again look up, two hours have passed. It's now 6:15 PM. I decide to return home, but wonder if the timing is okay. Did anything even happen? Did I want it to? I text Tina to make sure it's okay. "Head's up, I'm on my way."

"We met earlier, no problem."

My stomach sinks and I search myself again to reconcile my feelings. Why do I sometimes feel one way and other times the opposite? I think maybe it's not so much the physical act that bothers me, but the deception.

"Oh shit!" Tina texts me.

"What?!"

"I left something. Please look for it and don't mention it to John."

"Okay, what is it?"

"A leather collar. Don't ask. I'll tell you later." Tina implores.

Now my mind races with curiosity and my strange sens of arousal returns. Eagerly I drive home with a new purpose.

* * *

John isn't home when I arrive, which is strange. But I take the opportunity to search the house, feeling like a detective. I feel my pulse race as I walk through the very place where I know lurid acts have occurred and examine every small detail for anything out of place, or telling of the story that unfolded. It is incredibly strange to think about Tina having been in my house with my husband. I think I would dwell on it more where it not for my own feelings for her.

I make my way up to our bedroom and everything seems perfectly as I left it. I feel as if I am in a twilight zone, attempting to see into an alternate reality. As I look closer I move around our bed and still find nothing out of place. Even the pillows seem right where I left them. I search now under the bed and on the far side, right next to the support, I find a black leather collar with a large ring. I retrieve it and notice my hands shaking with nervous arousal as I hold it before me. I text Tina, "Got it."

"Good girl." she replies.

Her words give me the familiar pleasurable tingling sensation of submission. I think of her new powerful position in my life, and her now having control over both my husband, and my own body. It makes me feel small and insignificant, and desperately adore her praise.

"Meet me for a drink tonight."

"I'll have to get back to you. I haven't yet talked to John. He's not here."

"He's at the hardware store. Just tell him you're doing a girl's night." Tina follows, "Oh, and wear the gift I gave you."

Tina knowing more about my husbands whereabouts than I do gives me a surge of jealousy. And yet somehow it also makes me all the more obedient to her. I feel like Tina's will is my only path forward, because anything else means venturing alone into the unknown--and I just can't do that right now. I am reluctant to fuss with the toy right now but dare not deny her. "Okay."

"Yes, Tina." Tina corrects me.

"Sorry. Yes, Tina." And typing that tweaks my arousal further. I take the collar to place it in my purse and then text John. "Hey, where are you?"

"Was at the store. Almost back." he replies.

Moments later John walks in, and I find myself flustered, and have trouble looking him in the eyes.

"I didn't know when you were back so I ran down to look at some stuff to make a dog run," John says.

"A dog run? Isn't it a little early for that?"

"Well, not really. I mean we don't have any kind of fence around the yard and if we want to be able to let him go to the bathroom outside it would just be nice to have a protected area."

"Oh, yeah. I guess that's true." I say, struggling to switch gears in my mind to the puppy conversation. "So I have some good news."

"Did you get a deal done?"

"Yep! 2.4 million dollar house in Forest River! Offer accepted today."

"Oh my god babe, that's amazing! Great work." John says and moves to give me a big hug. We pause to kiss, and I search his eyes as we do. I'm looking for genuine emotion. He seems authentic, and it helps me keep moving forward.

"I wasn't gonna mention it, but I had a small win, too. That venture capital firm I mentioned finally took my call. They're gonna look at our pitch and get back to me about a meeting."

"Oh my gosh, babe. That's fantastic! You're so smart. I'm sure they'll see that."

"Thanks. All this time I've spent restructuring our sales model finally got us in the door. It could be the break that finally lets us afford this freaking house."

His words bring me temporarily back to the reality of married life. Most of our existence is just trying to get by and barely paying bills. Being able to actually afford our house payment feels like a sad kind of win. But a win nonetheless. Unfortunately for me, it is a short-lived moment, and my mind instead goes to questions. What will happen to our house when we are no longer together? What will our finances look like after the wreck we are about to make of our life? How can I handle starting over?

"Hey, it's been forever since we've been out and splurged a little. We should go celebrate. Let's go to Canyon Cove restaurant, and we can stay for drinks at the bar." John offers enthusiastically.

"Oh, that's a great idea, but I told some of the girls at work we could do a girls night."

I see John sink as he accepts the denial. "Okay, I guess. Sure babe. I just didn't know you had people you really hung out with at work."

"Well, not always... as you know of course. But since I had a win today I think they just wanted to... you know... make a big deal out of it. I'm sorry. I should have waited to talk to you first."

"No seriously, it's fine. You should go have fun. You earned it. Great job babe." John congratulates me with another hug, and we share a smile.

"Thanks. What are you gonna do for food then?"

"Hmm. I'll probably see what one of the guys is doing... try to catch a game at the bar."

"Oh, that's a good idea. You love to go, and you always turn them down. You should do that." I feel a bit guilty, misleading John about going out. It's actually been a while since we really went out together to celebrate something. I walk away and text Tina, "I feel bad not celebrating with John. Maybe we should meet tomorrow?"

Tina replies with a single photo. It's Tina in my bedroom! She's wearing only her bra and is laying on my bed. My stomach drops and I feel my hands go numb. I feel again the sting of betrayal and become completely flustered. I want to fly at John and demand to know what he's playing at. But I steel myself. I already knew about this. Lashing out now ruins everything we've discussed.

I reply, "Okay." Then, I go back to the picture searching for more hints at the story it tells. Tina is cutting her eyes in a seemingly quick glance to the camera, I suppose from the necessity to sneak the photo while John wasn't looking. I find myself examining her body, tracing her bra around her breasts. It fuels my anticipation of meeting with her again and gives me an erotic sense of motivation that strangely overshadows my thoughts of John. It is in fact the only thing preventing me from completely shutting down.

* * *

Later both John and I make ready to leave for the night. John, really has nothing to do but walk out the door, and after some awkward small talk that's what he does.

"Okay babe, I'm meeting Alex and some other guys at Charlie's Bar." John shouts up the stairs.

I lean out of the bathroom to respond, "Okay babe have fun. I might be pretty late, okay?"

"Okay... but don't drive if you don't feel up to it."

"Oh, I won't. One of the girls can drive me, or I'll take an Uber."

"No. Don't call Uber. Call me if you don't get a ride."

"Sure babe... I will."

"Okay, love-you-bye!"

"Love you... bye." I say slowly, my voice losing volume as I become conscious of the words. My mind now switches to tonight. I'm almost ready, except for this toy, which I've been avoiding. I've chosen a short ruffled skirt and sandals because I want to make sure whatever it is, it doesn't draw attention. And, if I'm being honest, I want quick access to get rid of it should that become necessary. After a couple of minutes I realize there really isn't much to figure out. You just... wear it. Delicately. But as I am sure is intended, it's almost impossible to do without getting aroused. I think how it's basically a 'violate me' button that I'm attaching to myself, the ever-present feeling making it seem as if I'm walking around sexually exposed. I give myself a minute to get used to its presence, and it's basically impossible, because I can't shake my arousal.

Oh boy, is this gonna be a problem, I think. If I'm this aroused just wearing it and thinking about it, what happens when someone activates it? I move around in front of the mirror sensually, smoothing my hands down the front of my skirt to press it into my crotch and then remember Tina's instructions. I'm not to pleasure myself. This thought frustrates me as I think, she's not here. No one is watching. I can do what I want. But then I don't. I contort myself and twist my hips, responding to the arousal, but I dare not touch myself. It's incredibly frustrating! Luckily, by the time I distract myself and finally leave the house I've almost forgotten it's there.

As I drive to the hotel bar Tina has chosen I am giddy with excitement. Evening lights and colors stream by me as I drive, my euphoric mental state causing everything to blur past like traveling through a magical portal. I feel so much different than I ever have before. Meeting with Tina like this under any other circumstances would be scandalous. Yet I act as though my life has somehow justified it. I still have a strange closeness to John that I cannot explain. Which makes me consider what I have prepared myself for. I am delivering myself to Tina tonight. Just how far am I willing to let her go... if I can even stop her.