One Hole Unavailable

Yorick Zephyr Reese was an unusual guy -- I guess to be expected given the weird first and middle names that his parents saddled him with. However, maybe that illogical naming got him started on being an independent kid, then man, since by the time he was six he wouldn't answer to any other name except "Rick," even after he started school. He made it be known to every teacher that he had that he was only to be called "Rick" and the few times they called him anything else he ignored them.

Rick may have had trouble with bullying except that even before puberty though he was only slightly bigger than average for his age he was strong, tough, relentless, and fearless so after his first few fights no one who knew him messed with him again. Probably due foremost to his genes (because his mother was exceptionally good-looking), and to his intense desire for physical fitness, at 23 years old -- when this tale actually starts -- he had great presence, intelligence, and rugged good looks, and was pursued by many females his own age. Unusual guy that he was, however, he didn't have normal desires for someone his age. Rather his ideal woman was sophisticated, highly confident, cultured, and older then he was -- desirably between about 5-10 years older.

Rick's second job out of college was working for a mid-sized corporation in a medium-sized city that was right up his alley as far as skills and interest were concerned. He liked most of the 150 or so employees of the company -- both coincidentally and ironically called Zephyr LLC -- and only disliked one, the president, Chalmers Rensselaer who he considered a pompous ass. However, since Rick didn't need to interact with the president very much and the rest of the work was challenging and he was appropriately compensated, that was not a significant impediment.

**********

About four or five months after starting at Zephyr LLC, Rick was leaving work a little earlier than normal one day -- he normally left later to avoid rush hour traffic -- driving to his apartment when he saw a stranded Mercedes on the side of the road. It obviously had a very flat passenger's side front tire. He caught a glimpse of the female driver as she apparently went from inspecting the tire to sit back in her car. His eyes opened wide.

In the time that he had been working for Zephyr LLC he had not come across any female that he was interested in. Many young women -- including co-workers at Zephyr LLC and other patrons of the health club that he was a member of -- had given him encouraging signs, but he wasn't really interested, and not desperate enough yet to date someone he wasn't really interested in. The glimpse he got of the woman with the flat tire looked like she had stepped out one of his dreams -- or at least fantasies.

Because of the slow-moving traffic it was easy for Rick to pull over to the side of the road about thirty feet in front of the Mercedes. He got a good look at the car, and it appeared to be an almost new AMG 63 GT, likely with a price tag of about $200,000.

Rick got out of Ford F-150 and as he walked back to the Mercedes the driver rolled down her window. "I saw your flat, and would be happy to change it for you as my good deed for the day," he smiled.

Up close the woman looked as sophisticated and sultry as his glimpse of her indicated. She looked to be older than him -- but probably no more than 30.

"Thank you," she replied with perfect diction, "however I don't have a spare so I'll have to wait for Mercedes roadside assistance."

"That might be a long time in this traffic," Rick replied.

"Unfortunately I've been advised that it's 90 minutes or more, which will mess up my plans considerably," the woman replied with a forlorn look.

Then an idea hit Rick: "Let me see what size tires you have," he said as he walked around to both the driver's side front and rear tires. They were 20 inch; while significantly different in several performance characteristics from the tires on his F-150 they were the same size.

Rick approached the driver again. "Your tires are the same size as on my pickup truck," he smiled at her. "You can get a new tire tomorrow or the next day and then return my spare to me."

The woman's entire face perked up. "Will that really work?"

"Sure -- as long as you don't drive too long on my spare because even though it's the same size the characteristics are different -- but driving a couple of hundred miles is no problem at all."

"How long will it take to change?"

"Ten -- fifteen minutes," Rick smiled.

"Thank you so much, please do so," the woman smiled back.

Rick got the spare out of his pickup along with his jack and lug wrench since he was familiar with them and thought that they would be better than what Mercedes provided, and got to work after first having the woman move her car more off the road so that he wouldn't get hit by a passing car (unlikely in view of how slowly the traffic was moving).

The only problem was that Rick wished that he had told her 20-25 minutes to change the flat since she got out of the car and stood near him and chatted with him as he worked. She had the best body for his tastes that he had ever seen, she was probably five fee ten inches tall -- just three inches short of his height although with her heels on she probably was the same height -- and her business suit with skirt appeared to be more expensive than any ten items in his wardrobe.

Not wanting to go back on his estimate even though he would have loved to continue to ogle those long sculptured legs and her very prominent mammaries straining her sophisticated top, he finished in thirteen minutes thirty seconds from the time that he got his spare out of his pickup.

"Wow -- you really are skilled," the woman said looking at her watch. Rick looked too. While he was no expert but from its distinctive jewelry-like architectural design her watch appeared to be an Omega Constellation.

"Please pop your trunk and I'll put your flat in there," Rick smiled -- he was doing a lot of smiling.

The woman popped the trunk and Rick put the spare in it. As he returned from doing that the woman had a hundred dollar bill in her left hand. "Thank you so much, and where do I return your tire?" she said/asked.

"Sorry, I can't accept your money, it's against my religion," he grinned, "but if you have a wipe I'll clean my hands, and then I will write down my address and phone number so that you can return my tire. Just call before you come over to make sure that I'm there."

The woman reached into her car and pulled out a wipe; Rick cleaned his hands as he went to his pickup, got a pen and a piece of paper, brought them over to the Mercedes, and chatted with the woman as he wrote down his name, address, and cellphone numbers and handed the paper to her.

"Now that you know who I am please tell me your name so I know whose calling," he grinned.

"Charlene Brighton," she smiled as she offered him her hand.

When Rick shook her hand his body actually shivered since it seemed like an electric shock went up his arm straight to his brain. He hoped that Charlene didn't notice it -- she was staring straight into his soul, through his eyes, so maybe she didn't.

"Thank you again Rick Reese -- you're a gentleman," she said.

Before she could pull her hand back he kissed it with a flourish then chuckled "I was born to be a paladin."

Rick took one last look as Charlene swung her perfect bubble butt into the driver's seat, then waved as she took off, finding a rare opening in the traffic to pull into.

Rick had to sit in his cab for a good 5 minutes before the rush of blood going through his system subsided enough so that he could concentrate on driving. As he pulled into traffic he mumbled aloud "I need to get laid!"

**************

Because of their schedules it took Rick and Charlene more than a week to get together for her to return his tire to him, although Charlene called about every-other day to attempt the return. Finally the second Saturday after the tire change they both were free. "If you're free all day, let me bring lunch over," Charlene offered with a lilt in her voice -- Rick had really liked talking to her on the phone because her voice was both melodious and sultry.

"That would be very nice," Rick enthusiastically replied.

"What do you like?" she asked.

"Well if a hot sandwich a turkey Reuben; otherwise salami and cheese would be great," Rick replied.

"I really like a salami too," Charlene responded, "I'll see you a little before noon on Saturday," she chirped.

After he hung up Rick was puzzled. "Did she say A salami?; no, couldn't have been," and he dismissed the prurient thought that crossed his mind.

Charlene arrived at his garden apartment complex at 11:43 a. m. -- not that Rick was excitedly awaiting -- on Saturday. Rick waited until she actually rang the doorbell before greeting her -- he didn't want to seem as anxious as he was. Charlene had a big picnic basket in her hands, which he quickly and smilingly relieved her of, and they walked into his kitchen.

As he walked toward the kitchen he had to tell himself "down boy" because with the high class sundress and light makeup that she had on Charlene looked even better than he remembered. As he made small talk with Charlene Rick repeated to himself "Don't stare at her ass, hips or thighs; and heaven forbid not her tits -- look her in the eye, dipshit!"

Rick was fastidious, but he took no chances and had had the apartment professionally cleaned on Friday. He was happy he had when Charlene complimented him on his cleanliness and orderliness.

They chatted as they at salami and cheese sandwiches on what was undoubtedly homemade bread, with what also appeared to be homemade potato and sweet potato chips, and homemade chocolate chip cookies. Rick was not only thrilled by how good everything tasted, but it appeared that Charlene had made a real effort to please him -- which delighted him even more than the food did.

Charlene had a wine cooler -- Rick had a lemon-limeade Spindrift.

The conversation over lunch lasted well over an hour -- obviously Charlene was in no hurry to leave. Eventually she said "Do you mind getting your tire out of my trunk -- I don't think that I can handle it."

"OK," Rick smiled, "let me get my work gloves..." he started to say but Charlene interrupted him.

"I hope that you don't mind but I had your tire cleaned, inflated to 35 psi and balanced, so I don't think that you'll need your gloves," she grinned.

"Uh -- thanks," was all that Rick could get out as they both got up and walked to Charlene's Mercedes.

Rick couldn't believe it but when Charlene popped the trunk his spare tire glistened like new. He also noted that all four tires on Charlene's car had been replaced with new performance tires, and there was a like spare in the trunk.

As Charlene and Rick walked to his F-150 to replace the spare tire Charlene's phone rang. Rick didn't pay much attention to her as he was replacing his tire, but after securing it in place when he turned toward her she had terminated her call and had a somewhat confused look on her face. She didn't let him ask anything before speaking.

"Say, Rick; I had plans to go to a matinee play today, but my female friend I was going with just cancelled on me. Would you be interested in going?"

By now Rick was so charmed with Charlene that he was trying to think of some way to get her to spend the day with him so he couldn't believe his luck. "I'd love to; what's the dress?"

"Smart casual -- anything but jeans and a T-shirt. If you don't mind I'll change my shoes in your apartment and freshen up too.

Rick didn't mind.

They leisurely changed or primmed, as the case may be, and then got in Charlene's car in plenty of time to get to the playhouse by the 3:00 curtain.

When the actors took their final bows Rick probably didn't really know what the play had been about. He was so enthralled by ogling Charlene's thighs (as her sundress rode up and she never smoothed it back down) and her tits with side glances, he wasn't paying much attention to what was going on on the stage -- still it was probably his best theater experience ever especially when some actors' funny lines were spoken Charlene would grab his arm or put her hand on his knee; the only thing he regretted was not having the guts to put his hand on her bare knee.

Charlene put her arm in his as they glowed while they exited the theater. By then it was about 5:30 and not wanting the day to end Rick said "Since you treated me to lunch what say that you let me take you to dinner -- and if you're really adventurous we can go line dancing after that.

"What's line dancing?" Charlene genuinely asked.

At first Rick thought that she was kidding, but when he realized from the look on her face that she was serious without missing a beat he said "It's group dancing normally to Country & Western music but sometimes to Latin rhythms too. I like rock and classical much more than Country & Western, but I love line dancing."

"Dinner and line dancing it is, then," Charlene smiled, squeezing Rick's arm more tightly. "However, don't take me to an expensive restaurant -- something basic is OK."

"How about Olive Garden?" Rick asked.

He could tell by the look on Charlene's face that she probably had never even heard of he Olive Garden before, let alone been in one, but she graciously replied "Sounds great."

The meal at Olive Garden went very well, the line dancing even better. While it was obvious that Charlene wasn't used to something so plebian she quickly got with the program. She was a natural dancer -- probably due to -- despite her height -- all of the years she took ballet that she had told Rick about during dinner -- and she won the novice dance contest at the end of the night.

The only difficulty at the line dancing venue was all of the guys staring at Charlene -- but Rick was relentless in staying close to her and discouraging others with aggressive looks and motions.

By the time that they were riding home from the dance hall Charlene had insisted that he drive her Mercedes and she was holding his arm with her head on his shoulder and occasionally cooing. Rick's cock was as hard as a rock, but he didn't think that he had the guts to pursue what he wanted to do more than anything else in the world. Fortunately, he didn't need guts -- just compliance.

When they pulled up in front of Rick's apartment, Charlene snuggled up to him and looked him in the eye. "You're not the type of guy, just because you were a paladin on the highway and gave me the best time I've had in years, maybe ever, to take advantage of me tonight and get me naked and make me sleep in your bed, are you Rick?"

After her "don't throw me in the briar patch Brer Fox" comment she kissed him on the lips. It was the most gentle, but most meaningful kiss, Rick had ever experienced.

After their lips parted Rick growled "No, I would never do that -- however, you never saw my etchings so why don't you come into my apartment for a few minutes to look at them -- they're priceless."

The "etchings" turned out to be drawings from Rick's five year old niece, and they were located in Rick's bedroom. After they got naked, Rick mauled Charlene's tits, and they had nice mutual orgasms from an enthusiastic 69, Rick reached toward his end table for a condom. It was then that things got weird -- not that it wasn't already weird for the most perfect, for his tastes, woman that Rick had ever seen falling into his lap.

After Charlene laid a kiss on Rick passionate enough to curl his toes she got serious. Rick, before we go any further, and I know that you'll think that I'm really eerie, but I have a couple of rules. The major one is you can fuck my DD teardrop tits to your heart's content, I'll suck your cock whenever you like, you can eat my pussy until I pass out, and you can fuck my ass with or without a condom depending upon my anal douche or enema situation; but you can't fuck my pussy. I would love a relationship with you but the only two things that will kill it is if you fuck my pussy, or you pester me to tell you why you can't. Understand?"

At that point in time Rick was so excited, and so overtaken by Charlene's off the charts sexuality, that he would have agreed to anything short of having his nuts cut off.

"Yes, yes, anything you say," he growled planning kisses on Charlene's lips, face, and neck.

"We'll need a condom for anal tonight," she growled back as she kissed his lips and sucked his tongue into her mouth. Although not normally his favorite, Rick had had a girlfriend in college who loved anal so he was quite familiar with it. After he put on a condom he put Charlene on her hands and knees, fingered her anus -- which didn't need much preparation -- and then inserted his cock into her dark hole.

As he expected, the entry was slow going, but once he popped past her sphincter she went wild and he had the best anal fuck of his experience as he overfilled the condom and Charlene almost passed out in rapture.

After the disposal of the condom, a joint shower where grabbing and prodding were encouraged, they returned to Rick's bed. Before the cock crowed the next morning -- and Rick's cock was the most red and worn out of his experience -- he had fucked Charlene's ass twice, her tits twice, he had given her a dozen oral orgasms, and she had sucked him to discharge once. Since he never had had more than two orgasms in an eight hour period before he joyfully realized that his sexual abilities were related to the partner, and not his equipment.

As Charlene and Rick prepared, and then ate, breakfast together the next morning in the nude Rick was the most serene he had ever been in his life. Just before she got dressed to go home Rick kissed Charlene deeply and mumbled "You're a fucking goddess; this mere mortal is beyond honored to have had your gifts disposed upon him."

Charlene giggled -- he hadn't heard her giggle before and thought her too sophisticated for that, but giggle she did. "This goddess could not have been more pleased to brighten the day of you mere mortal, and got just as much out of it as she gave. Does this mean that you want a relationship rather than this being a one-off?"

"Are you kidding?" Rick laughed. "Does the pope poop in the woods? Is a bear catholic? Can beavers swim? Do busty women sleep on their backs?..."

Rick would have continued, but Charlene cut him off. "Ok, I get it Shakespeare," she cackled. "Why don't we meet Tuesday after work and decide a few things."

"Sounds like a plan," Rick replied. "Just send me a text with the time and where, and I'll be there."

"Great," Charlene said as she kissed him passionately once more. As she was leaving with her picnic basket she said "Oh, one more thing -- no PDA; OK?"

"As long as I can get you naked in my apartment I'll do anything," Rick laughed, "so no PDA."

Charlene threw him another kiss and was gone.

Rick soaked in the tub for the first time since he was a kid, relieving all of his truly delightful aches and pains from the best 24 hours of his life, and thinking about how magnificent his future would be.

****************

For the next five or six months Rick believed that he was living in heaven. Charlene and he started working out at the same health club and even without any PDA he was the most envied man in the history of the establishment. Rick and Charlene had at least one event a week that they also went to, and thoroughly enjoyed each other's company in non-sexual situations. However, the usually twice a week -- often one planned, the other spontaneous where Charlene just "showed up" at his apartment -- that they had sex the earth moved for both of them and the results were never less than spectacular. Each time both of them felt more pleasure than at any other time of their lives.

Rick was a little confused about why they never went to Charlene's house, but since his apartment was a perfect love nest he never even bothered to bring up the subject.

The only thing not perfect was that Rick longed to fuck -- or make love to -- Charlene's pussy. It was the most beautiful pussy he had ever seen, and it looked snug, moist, and inviting. However, the last thing that Rick wanted was to ruin his best relationship in history. If things progressed to them eventually getting married, only then would Rick take the chance of fucking her pussy. The idea of marriage also enthralled him. While he had been commitment-adverse most of his adult like, he would marry Charlene in a heartbeat. The fact that she was thirty and he 25 enhanced his desire, it didn't diminish it.

Of course as Wordsworth succulently put it "Into every life a little rain must fall," so Rick did not expect that everything would always be perfect. What he did not, expect, however was that the "little rain" that fell would actually be a hurricane of Biblical proportions.

************

It was about eleven months since Rick had started at Zephyr LLC before there was an all-employee event in the form of a summer picnic and barbecue. Rick had enjoyed his time at Zephyr LLC more and more, had already gotten a significant promotion, and had worked on or led some very intellectually and socially rewarding programs. He also had skillfully avoided too much contact with the only prickly person at his employer, the president Chalmers Rensselaer. He knew he wouldn't be able to avoid Chalmers at the picnic, however, because he had already been told that he was sitting at Chalmers' table; but he was confident that he could grin and bear it.

That is he was confident until Chalmers called to him and had a discussion with him where Chalmers complimented him on work he had done on what was called the "Infinity Project." As he was talking to Chalmers Rick saw him look to his left, smile, and then say, "I'd like you to meet my wife, Charlene Brighton."

It was a miracle that Rick didn't pass out as Charlene approached him on the left and smiled at him like this was the most normal thing in the world. "Nice to see you again Mr. Reese," Charlene beamed. "Chalmers I didn't know that Mr. Reese worked at Zephyr LLC; he's the young man who changed my flat tire on Route 9 about six months ago."

"No kidding; well that makes you more of a star than I previously thought," Chalmers replied, slapping Rick on the back.

Rick really didn't know how he got past the next three minutes -- he somewhat remembered that he had engaged in some conversation, with prompts from Charlene, but he couldn't remember any details. Fortunately after three minutes some kiss-ass employees came up to Chalmers and Rick was able to slink off. He would have left the event except that this was more-or-less a command performance and he was sitting at Chalmers' table so his absence would have been noticed.

Rick wandered around engaging in vacuous conversations with some of his co-workers until Charlene came up to him and with the same nonchalant demeanor that she exhibited before said "Mr. Reese, please join me in a pickup volleyball game; one of the teams think that they're unbeatable but we can put them in their place." With that she virtually dragged him over to the volleyball area where the winning team was waiting for their next victims, and Charlene and Rick joined four other players on the challenging team.

Rick was just going through the motions until Charlene whispered a snide comment to him. Suddenly he became irritated and aggressive. "That fucking bitch has led me on when she was married to my big boss and obviously knew about it!" he chided himself. Then Rick became a dynamo. Although he wasn't skilled in volleyball, he was the best athlete in the group and the next thing he knew his team had won 15-12.

Rick was about to storm off, particularly away from that bitch Charlene, when the meal was called by the tinkling of a chuck wagon triangle. Of course the bitch was seated right next to Rick, and made a point of drawing him into the conversations with all of the others at the table. Rick steamed, but kept his cool and most people had no hint that he was seething inside.

Once the meal was over, making sure that neither Chalmers nor Charlene were looking, Rick bolted out of there. He had a pity party for himself that night and for the first time since his freshman year in college got drunk -- since he had no alcohol in his apartment he had to stop on the drive home to get a fifth of rum.

*************

Rick woke up to the sound of the phone ringing the morning after the Zephyr LLC event. He let it ring out the first time, but when it started again shortly after the first interruption, with his head hurting from the sound he gruffly answered "Helloooo."

"Hi Rick," came what he formerly considered the melodious and sultry voice of Charlene but was now one that grated on him, "you left the party early before we had a chance to talk..."

Rick cut her off. "You deceitful fucking traitorous bitch; you made me fall in love with you when the whole time you were married to that asshole -- and my employer -- Chalmers. How dare you call me; I never want to speak to you ever again, so lose my number and go get some counselling!" Rick was sorry that he didn't have a land line that he could slam down but pushing the red button and then turning his cellphone off would have to do.

While in the dumps, Rick's curiosity about who Charlene "really was" got the best of him and with his significant computer skills he quickly collected a great deal of information about her. All of it was shocking. Charlene was the principal shareholder of Zephyr LLC (essentially Chalmers worked for her) as well as six other private corporations about the size of Zephyr LLC, her grandfather William B. Brighton had been the richest man in the state before his death about three years ago, and Charlene -- who had a Master's in business from Northwestern -- had inherited most of his money. She was also on the Board of Directors of the state's two biggest charities. Her house -- a mini mansion that had been the venue of several charity fundraisers that were all over the Internet -- was understated for someone of her wealth but still had a world class art collection.

Funny thing was that Chalmers was in virtually no photos with Charlene, nor was her marriage talked about anywhere that he could find.

For that next week while doing his research Rick also studiously avoided Charlene's calls and instantly deleted her texts; but each call or text was a stab in his heart. For the first time since he started working at Zephyr LLC he was listless and cranky; at least until on Thursday his immediate supervisor -- a woman his mother's age who he greatly respected -- gave him a proverbial kick in the ass and told him that no matter what was going on in his life to get his head on straight or get the fuck out. He left early that afternoon but came back Friday determined to be his old self, which he pulled off well enough that his supervisor complimented him on it.

Rick started going to another venue of the national chain health club that he belonged to so that he would avoid Charlene, and worked out or socialized at the club most of the afternoon on Saturday before he returned to his apartment now hurting not just from what Charlene had done to him, but physically too. After a quick meal he went to bed at the unheard of, ungodly early time of 9 p. m.

Rick had probably not yet fallen asleep, since his mind would not let go of his heinous situation, when there was a pounding on his door. Delirious and thinking that maybe there was a fire or something, with just boxers on he answered the door. Charlene burst in wailing and with tears in her eyes and -- for the first time that Rick had seen her -- obviously totally drunk.

Being a gentleman Rick didn't have the ability to literally throw Charlene out on the street -- especially since she was way too drunk to drive, as indicated by fact that her Mercedes had two tires on the curb of the street his apartment was on -- so he brought her inside. That was also necessary to keep his neighbors from complaining about the noise and calling the cops.

As best as Rick could make out through her drunken tears, Charlene was pleading with him to return to their previous loving and sexual relationship, stating time and again that she loved only Rick and wanted to jettison Chalmers for him. While determined, Charlene was far from logical, or even coherent, but eventually either passed out or fell asleep on his shoulder.

Rick laid Charlene's head on the couch in his living room and went into the kitchen to brew some strong coffee in the hopes of snapping her out of her stupor. When he returned to the living room about ten minutes later she had apparently recovered since she was naked and playing with her cooch.

Rick was still pissed as hell at Charlene, but as he gazed at her perfect female form his little head started taking over his big head and soon he was in his bedroom with Charlene's naked body with legs splayed out while she was on her back on his mattress. Soon thereafter his tongue and fingers on one hand were energizing her shaved pussy while the fingers on his other hand were twisting one of her nipples.

After Charlene went through an epic orgasm, she appeared to be passed out. As Rick lay there staring at her naked body soon an uncontrollable urge came over him. As hard as it hurt he had definitely broken it off with Charlene so since he didn't care about her "rules" anymore so he shinnied up and started to insert his penis into Charlene's vagina.

The penetration was slow, and the groans from Charlene occurred each time he penetrated her a little more, but the feeling was spectacular. Once he was buried he started pumping in and out and Charlene's previously limp body started responding. Rick couldn't believe it but the bitch had ultimate pc muscle control and it wasn't long before she was powerfully squeezing and then releasing her pc muscles like she was giving him a hand job, blow job, and fuck all at the same time. He didn't last long and Charlene almost flipped off the bed when her orgasm hit as he injected a monster load into her palpitating cunt. From sheer emotional and physical exhaustion he fell asleep, fortunately after moving to the side so he wouldn't crush her, but with his cock still ensconced in her cooch.

Rick woke up twice in the middle of the night. Both times he was disoriented for a while; but both times he snapped into lucidity and then sucked Charlene's clit followed by fucking her pussy, ejaculating two more large loads into her. Charlene definitely orgasmed during both ejaculations, but he couldn't be sure if she were cognizant or not.

The next morning Charlene was still groggy, but Rick eventually got her into a warm shower and washed all evidences of him fucking her pussy off of her body, at least the best that he could. Still worried about her ability to drive, after Rick helped get her dressed he put her in the passenger's seat of her Mercedes, drove her to her mini-mansion, and without having to interface with Chalmers -- who was apparently out of town on a golf outing -- entrusted Charlene into the care of the maid. He got an Uber home and HOPED that this was the last of his time with Charlene.

************

Hope burns eternal in the human bosom; but hope rarely turns into reality. So was the case with the Rick-Charlene relationship.

Rick avoided a few calls from Charlene, and since he had blocked her from texting him hadn't really heard from her since the night that he fucked her drunken self. He was still hurting from losing the love of his life, but had actually had two other dates when six weeks after his last night with her a completely sober Charlene knocked on his apartment door about 2 p. m. on a Saturday.

When Rick answered the door Charlene stuck her foot in the open doorway with a boot on her foot -- Rick didn't even know that she owned a boot -- so that he couldn't close it on her. "Rick, there is something really important that we need to talk about so put on your big boy pants and let me in for a talk."

Charlene looked really good, and since he never really could resist her in person, Rick let her in. As soon as they walked into Rick's living room, and Charlene declined his offer of a drink, she slapped him in the face then sat down. The slap stung, but Rick tried not to show it.

After Charlene sat down she coldly started out "There's no way to sugar coat this, so I'm going to be blunt; I know that you fucked my pussy, you asshole, despite promising not to. You know what that resulted in dipshit?"

Rick didn't like where this was going, so he just gulped and nodded his head "No."

"I'm six weeks pregnant, corresponding to when you essentially raped me six weeks ago. Since Chalmers is shooting blanks and since I was in my fertile time six weeks ago and I wasn't on birth control and haven't had sex with anyone except you and Chalmers since I married him six years ago, guess whose baby it is."

Surprisingly Rick didn't either go ballistic or faint; he just raised an eyebrow.

"Well say something, asshole," Charlene challenged.

"Are you going to have an abortion?" Rick asked in a totally deadpan voice.

"Fuck no -- other women can have abortions if they want to -- it's their business -- but I'm not having one, so again, asshole, what are you going to do?"

Steam seemed to be coming out of Charlene's ears, her hands were shaking, and her typically prim expensive blouse seemed to be heaving with each breath.

Rick calmly got up from his seat, in a deliberative manner walked over to Charlene, grabbed her wrists and pulled her up to her feet. Then with his nose no more than three inches from hers he said "I'll tell you what I'm going to do you manipulative bitch. Today I'm going to fuck your pussy raw so that by tomorrow morning you have to walk bowlegged. Then we're going to an attorney and you're going to start divorce proceedings against Chalmers. After that the attorney is going to prepare a prenup which leaves our relative financial situations the same as they are now but with a cheating clause so that if you ever cheat on me I get $20,000,000. Then we're getting married and eventually you're going to spawn between one and three more kids. That's what I'm going to do about it, bitch!"

For the next five minutes Rick and Charlene locked eyes with stares so intense that if they were laser beams they would have fried them both. Finally, Charlene nonchalantly said "OK," at which point Chalmers lifted her up over his shoulder in a fireman's carry and walked to his bedroom.

--Charlene did walk bowlegged the next day.

--The divorce came through quickly since Charlene didn't quibble about assets but just went along with the prenup she and Chalmers had.

--The Charlene-Rick prenup provided exactly what Rick had demanded, but also contained a clause that if Rick ever cheated he'd give Charlene 90% of his assets obtained since the marriage.

--Rick and Charlene married before she delivered eight pound two ounce perfectly formed baby Alicia.

--Charlene made Rick president of Zephyr LLC and after a year-long learning period he made it more profitable than it had ever been before and it was picked as the best place to work in their metropolitan area.

With three kids, two dogs, a rabbit, and a succession of guinea pigs, Rick and Charlene's family lived happily ever after.