I Will Never Forgive You ch. 13

"See? I told you that you would get sick of me!"

Beverly paused on her way out of the truck cab. The words were spoken in jest, but there was something underneath them that Beverly did not feel like acknowledging right now.

She jumped out onto the asphalt and turned to Jolene, who hung out of the cab looking down at her with a smile and a certain amount of uncharacteristic shyness.

Beverly almost made it a joke, but didn't. "It is the truck that I am tired of..." She smiled up at the woman, a genuine one. "You... I could stand to see again."

Shyness melted away into something close to hope. "So... You'll think about California?" Jolene asked.

Over the three months of trucking around the United States together Beverly and Jolene discovered that they did, indeed, like each other's company. Yes, the sex was how it started, but it was the woman's calmness and kindness that made Beverly feel something happening inside of her. Not love- Never again. But... Something. Something that could eventually become something else, which could lead to another thing which could possibly become the rest of her life.

Maybe. If Beverly gave it a chance.

When Jolene's youngest son called her one night, two weeks ago, with news of another grandchild joining the family, Jolene's life on the road came to a sudden end. Long ago, after her husband's sudden death, she did not have it in her to be there for her grandkids, but this one she decided she could not miss.

"It is time to come home," she said the next morning, looking at Beverly like something was coming to an end. Beverly felt it too, so she did not argue despite the pit of fear opening up in her gut.

Jolene surprised her with an offer: Come with her to California and see if this thing that maybe, possibly, existed between them could work better if, to quote Jolene 'they did not live up each other's asses 24/7.'

And now it was time to say goodbye.

"I will- I will think about it." Beverly said, and meant it. "But... I won't promise anything."

Jolene nodded and sat on the cab steps, her chin propped up on her fist. Beverly allowed herself to take the woman in, how comfortable she looked in her skin, how strong she was, physically and otherwise. How soft.

"Well... I guess this is my cue..." Jolene said but made no move to go. Beverly did not move either. They watched each other for a moment more, before a swell of something inside of Beverly made her feel too jittery to remain.

"Take care of yourself." Beverly said before leaving the parking lot. Then, off to her apartment.

Back to her life.

---

"Alright ladies! See you next Sunday!" Stella called out to the group of very sore women leaving her gym. "And don't forget to do your exercises! I will know it if you didn't!"

A chorus of groans, varying greatly in enthusiasm, answered her. She knew most of them would not do the exercises. Everybody wanted to be fit, but nobody wanted to lift heavy things. Such was the way of life.

One figure trailed behind the others. A lanky redheaded woman, new to the class. Rachel, was it? Earlier today she volunteered to be thrown around by Stella during a demonstration and she got the feeling that the woman enjoyed the experience a great deal.

"Hey..." Rachel leaned against the wall next to a stack of floor mats. "Does it always hurt like this? Afterwards?"

"Just at the start," Stella said, trying not to see the way the woman was looking at her. "It gets easier... If you do your exercises."

Rachel held up her hands in surrender and laughed. She had a very pretty laugh... And an even prettier smile. Attraction hit Stella like a runaway car.

Rachel blew out a breath before reaching into her messenger bag. She took out a ticket with a band name printed on it. "Look... I never do this but... My band is having a bit of a show-"

"A bit? Not an entire show?"

"Shut up. Yes. No!" Rachel laughed nervously. "Do you want to come or not?"

Stella found that she did. She braced herself for the anxiety to wash over her, and it did... But it was no longer the great wave sweeping everything up in it's wake. She took the ticket and looked at it. "Everfall?"

"It's from a video game, if you have to know," Rachel said with a grin. "I'm a fucking nerd."

"Nothing wrong with that," Stella said and put the ticket in her pocket. "That sounds cool."

Rachel took a step towards her, looking mighty cute. "The show, or me being a nerd?"

Stella let herself smile the way she used to. The way that made women's hearts flutter. "Both."

Rachel looked like her heart fluttered something fierce. She nodded twice, then smiled goofily. Stella found her own smile matching hers. The woman nodded again, then froze as if she realised that there was such a thing as too much nodding. "Well, then I'll see you there! And then next Sunday!"

It's a date, Stella almost answered, but the woman was gone. It's been seven months since... Since she ruined what she had with Beverly. She hadn't gone out with anybody since then. Not on a date, not to have sex, not even a bit of flirting.

She did not trust herself- No, more like she did not like the woman she was a year ago. She looked at the ticket again. Maybe she was ready to get back out there? She closed her eyes and thought about Rachel's grey eyes.

So close to blue.

The dull ache in her chest that never quite left her anymore, it throbbed like infected flesh.

It was five pm, and Stella was done with her classes for the day. Usually she would go to Haylee's bar to hang out, but today the woman told her in no uncertain terms that she was barred from coming.

She had a good idea who was visiting. She sighed and went to pack up her stuff. It wasn't any of her business.

Not anymore.

---

"You look gay as hell, mom," Victoria told Beverly, again.

"That was the point, dear," Beverly answered, again.

"I just can't get over it... Your hair is so short!" Her daughter walked around her like she was a display piece. "So... Are you gonna go full lesbian chique now? Flannel and-"

"Lord no," Beverly said, took off her pink trucker hat and threw it away. It landed on the floor beside her suitcase. "I'm going shopping as soon as I can... You're welcome to join me."

Victoria pretended to swoon. "Oh thank God! I was ready to be supportive but... There are limits mother!" Then she grew more serious. "And no to shopping. I have an exam in half an hour. Now if somebody warned me that she was coming back more than a few days ago..." Victoria trailed off.

Beverly allowed herself a smile, but said nothing. Her daughter eyed her, then scoffed and went to pour herself some water. Beverly felt odd, sitting in her apartment again- it felt positively massive after being stuck in a truck cab for so long. Would she live here now? She had no idea.

"Sooo... How's your girlfriend?" Victoria said with a sweet viciousness only a daughter could produce.

"Going back to California to be there for her family," Beverly said.

Victoria straightened up. "Oh... Are you going to move there? Or..."

"I don't know..."

Victoria watched her with the same terrible tenderness she did in the days after Beverly's forcible outing. Children should never pity their parents.

"You should do what makes you happy, mom..."

That was enough sweetness for now. "So... How is your polyamorous relationship, daughter of mine?"

Victoria choked on her own spit. "Jesus- warn a girl first..."

"That's what it is, right?" Beverly pressed. Victoria has proven to be very evasive on the phone. It was easier to pin her down face to face. "Two lovers... How are Hunter and Tamara getting along? Or is it," she tried to recall all the lingo she researched, "That you are their triad and they are-"

"Stop! I will die!" Victoria covered her ears. "My mother does not know these terms, and neither do I! They're fine! They're great!" Then, after a moment she added with almost shyness. "We're moving in together..."

Beverly clapped her hands. "Congratulations... But is that wise? My parents..."

"Are still stuck on the L in the LGBT. They don't even know there's a P." Victoria smirked. "Most people don't know about the P... And I will make sure that the apartment is in my name, even if they pay for it. They won't be able to cut me off that easily."

"That's my daughter..."

Victoria gave her a predatory grin, before shrugging and asking. "Do you wanna go to dinner tonight? You, me and my harem?"

Beverly fought like hell to make herself ignore the word her daughter used. "I am busy tonight... Visiting old friends."

Victoria stilled. Beverly hurried to reassure her. "Not- Not her. Other's... Gloria amongst them."

Her daughter relaxed a bit, before her expression darkened. "I know you told me I can't get revenge but... I checked her out, you know... She's still doing the self-defence thing."

Beverly's heart sped up. Anxiety and hope- How was Stella doing? Was she doing ok? She forced it all down. "Victoria, stop it-"

Her daughter was not listening. "She got fat, you know. Well, not really, but-"

Beverly slammed her glass on the table, making Victoria flinch. "Enough! Enough about... Her."

"Sorry..." Victoria cringed. "If not tonight, then how about tomorrow? Wanna meet them together properly?" She shrugged, but Beverly could tell that this meant a lot to her daughter.

"That would be lovely," she said and went in to hug her daughter. "But tonight, mother needs to party."

Victoria looked at her with wide eyes. Beverly gave her her most angelic smile. "Mother is going to get wasted."

Her daughter laughed nervously.

---

Stella decided to go shopping... Maybe see a movie? There was a new fancy mall across town she had been meaning to check out for a while. She went alone, forgoing meeting any friends other than Haylee. She was the only one who knew Stella's history well enough to understand why she was in a strange mood.

The mall turned out to be not half as fancy as she expected, but twice as fancy as any other one she'd ever been in before. A lot of glass, brick, beige walls and boutique stores for skinny white women.

As she walked alone through the busy floor, she wondered about the future. She took Rachel's ticket out of her pocket and allowed herself some excitement. It was nice meeting new people. People she did not share twenty plus years of a weird abusive psychosexual relationship with.

Her own reflection in a glass panel wall caught her eye. She'd gained nearly forty pounds since last year, and seemed to settle around that weight. She still felt a bit of shortness of breath when she saw herself sometimes, but it was going away. Some days, like today, she even enjoyed how she looked.

A little bit like that girl from high school.

She checked out a couple of clothing stores, but did not find anything she liked that could fit her properly. That hurt, but she decided tonight she did not care. Also it was probably the muscles, not the fat. Tired of shopping she leaned over the promenade railing and looked out onto the two story mall. She let her mind wander.

It immediately settled on Beverly. Where was she now? At the bar already? It was six pm, a bit early. Stella hoped she would have a good time tonight... Haylee had never quite told her anything concrete about what Beverly had been up to, but Stella surmised that the woman moved on and was doing alright.

The relief Stella felt when she realised that she did not completely ruin her life made her cry for a good half an hour. She spent months up to that point wondering if she'll find Beverly's obituary in the papers one day. But apparently not. Apparently Beverly was stronger than that.

The ache inside her grew teeth as she tried to imagine the woman that Beverly was becoming... One capable of walking under the sun. Smart and vicious, but maybe a bit kinder, to herself and others... Haylee let it slip that she was dating. Stella decided that she was ok with that.

The swamp at the bottom of her soul roiled with simmering rage at the very idea of Beverly ever getting a happy ending, but Stella made herself breathe slowly until she calmed down. She counted to ten, then she did it again, and again, until she could unclench her fingers from the railing she leaned against.

Beverly Carpenter was not her problem.

Beverly Carpenter was her own woman.

Beverly Carpenter was not responsible for the shape of Stella's life. She was. She always had been.

Beverly Carpenter was getting ice cream on the floor below her.

It looked like chocolate and mint.

Stella nearly fell over. A flood of adrenaline hit her like a brick. She needed to hide! Whatever Beverly's life looked like now, she did not need to see the woman who ruined the previous one she had. Stella knew she needed to move, but she felt rooted to the spot for one simple, pathetic reason.

She had not seen Beverly in nearly a year... And she looked great.

Her hair was short, styled in sort of a long messy pixie cut. She was still wearing designer clothes, but nothing like her former Stepford convention survivor look. Tight jeans, a fancy looking white blouse and a light beige blazer. She looked like somebody who worked in an office, a modern but classy one.

She looked relaxed and happy in a way that Stella had never seen before.

She looked like the last thing she needed was for Stella to barge back into her life.

She looked up, right at Stella.

---

Beverly pulled into the parking lot telling herself that she was not afraid to be back in her home town. She was a new person! Before her disastrous forcible outing, Beverly would have gone clothes shopping in high end boutiques that most tax brackets had never even heard of before, but... Those days were behind her. She lived in a truck for months! She was down to earth now.

She was going to go to a mall.

And if somebody from her old life recognised her? Then she would deal with it. She would- She slammed on the brakes so hard she nearly hit her head on the steering wheel. Her hands felt clammy, her whole body felt cold.

To her right, there was a Ford F-150 that looked just like Stella's, however impossible the idea was. Beverly could not quite justify why it couldn't be Stella's car, but she was nonetheless certain of it.

She looked at it again.

The license plate matched.

She was in the same building as Stella Sorrentino.

With her hands white knuckling the wheel, she turned her car around, with every intention of leaving this place. She did not need new clothes, she was fine as she was.

Then, she stopped. Somebody honked behind her, but she paid them no mind.

Beverly focused on relaxing her fingers, one by one, until she could think again. She was not going to live her life in fear. Never again. Hell, she was sort of friends with the woman who was Stella's best friend. They were bound to run into each other eventually.

She parked her car and stepped out, feeling like an astronaut going on her first space walk. She was going to go inside. She was going to buy herself new clothes. She was not going to fall apart.

And if she ran into Stella... Then she would deal with it.

Beverly did not see Stella when she bought a new wardrobe. Neither did she see her when she walked past the adult goods store seven times, hyping herself up to go inside.

She did not see Stella in the BDSM section as she perused various implements that made her mouth water. She had always known that people bought these in person, of course they did! Still, seeing all the gags and dildo's on display like this felt delightfully indecent.

She bought a cute little leather dog collar, just to prove to herself that she could. The young woman behind the counter barely even looked at her, even though Beverly's heart hammered so hard she just knew everybody around her could hear it.

She did not see Stella at the line to the ice-cream stand- a little treat to reward herself for all her bravery. As she paid for it, something settled in her heart. A certainty, that she would be ok. Stella would not jump out of the bushes to hurt her again.

And to be fair, what was there left for Stella to do? Double out her? Beverly felt herself smile. There was an upside to hitting rock bottom. They could not kick you down any further.

There was nothing anybody could do to Beverly that would hurt her half as much as what Stella did.

There was nothing left to be afraid of.

There was a woman who looked exactly like Stella looking down at her from the upper floor of the mall.

Only her lifetime of lying and controlling her own reactions allowed Beverly to stand her ground. Even still, her heart beat like a washing machine with a brick thrown into it.

Stella was here! Stella was looking at her. Stella was- turning away and fleeing?

Beverly was halfway up the escalator before she realised that she was giving chase. Once she did, it only made her want to catch Stella more. She ran onto the second floor and looked for the woman in the crowd- There, a shock of black hair fluttering down a hallway next to a frozen yoghurt stand.

Last time they saw each other, Beverly fell apart like a child. This time she would tell Stella exactly what she thought of her. Beverly was no saint, God knows she was not, but Stella-

Stella was sitting on a bench maybe a hundred feet from her, curled in on herself. Elbows on her knees, head down between her legs, looking like she was about to throw up.

Beverly ducked behind a nearby column. She needed a moment to prepare herself- prepare all the words that needed to be said. It was not cowardice... It was tactics. She regarded the woman before her and found her looking different in a way she could not place.

She'd gained weight and it looked so good on her that Beverly wanted to chew through the column she hid behind. It was not fair that she had to live in a world where Stella looked like this, all curvy and soft. But, no it was not just her body that changed... There was something in the way she sat.

Stella raised her head, and leaned back on the bench, her eyes closed. One hand raking through her hair absently. She looked tired. She looked... Soft. Like the edges that Beverly spent months cutting herself on were sanded off. Beverly realised that she had never seen Stella not being angry, anxious, annoyed, desperate or horny.

The woman sitting on that bench looked sad.

Before she could change her mind, Beverly stepped from behind the column. Step, by careful step, she approached the bench. Somewhere along the way Stella noticed her, her body stilling. Her eyes filled with dread, then resignation, then... Some sort of resolve.

What are you resolving yourself for Stella?

She said nothing when Beverly stopped in front of her, just looked up at her with that sad pinch to her brows. Beverly wanted to slap it off of her. What did she get to feel sad about? Instead of doing that, she took a deep breath and sat beside Stella. There were so many things she wanted to tell this woman... Mostly insults. But now, that she was sitting beside her? She mostly just felt tired.

"I..." Stella said, her voice wavy and uncertain. "I like your hair. You look good."

Beverly grabbed the edge of the bench for support. "You don't get to like my hair."

"Yeah..." Stella said and fell silent.

What was she doing here? If she wasn't gonna lay into Stella, she should just walk away and go meet with her friends. She decided she would do just that.

And yet, somehow, she was still sitting on the bench.

Stella was looking away from her, out through a row of floor to ceiling windows, at the setting sun. The fading light made her new, softer face glow golden. A little compartment in Beverly's heart, the one she closed last year rattled, and threatened to open. She chained it shut.

Each link of the chain, a different memory- Lisa Woodland, a supposed friend, telling her that she didn't feel comfortable having Beverly come to their church anymore... Her children went there after all...

Victoria, not quite able to meet her eyes for weeks. Learning that your mother likes to take it up the ass, is a lot for even the toughest of young women.

Her parents disinheriting Beverly, then kicking her out of the house she grew up in when she refused to go the 'pray the gay away' route to help her father's campaign.

The media calling her every hour of the night, asking for 'comments', following her around, taking photos. Making her feel like she was a prisoner in her own apartment.

At least now, sitting here, she finally understood where Stella came from, that first night in her office. Now she understood all her rage.

"I suppose we're even now..." She heard herself say.

Stella's head whipped around to face her. "What?"

"I ruined your life... And you did mine..." Beverly said with a smile she did not know how to wipe from her face. "Even."

Stella blew out a heavy breath. "Yeah. I guess we are." Then, it looked like she was about to say more, but stopped herself.

They sat together in silence for a while longer. Beverly wondered if this was the time for her to walk away and never see this woman again. It felt like it.

"Haylee told me that you've helped her take care of my turtles."

"They were mine first..." Stella said, a hint of something other than sadness peeking through.

Beverly rejoiced in snuffing it out. "They are mine now."

Silence came back. She should really get a move on. She was supposed to be at the bar in forty minutes, and the drive alone was half an hour.

"I heard that you've been... Traveling?" Stella said.

"I had to get away from this city... Too many bad memories here," Beverly said, feeling something ugly wiggle within her at the sight of Stella's flinching. She wanted to see it again.

And again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and-

"Fuck! No!" Beverly said, making Stella freeze.

"What?"

Beverly put her head in her hands. "I- God damn it Stella... I am so angry at you it- it makes me sick..."

The woman nodded and relaxed. "Yeah... I know that feeling."

More silence that felt like it would never end. Beverly would soon walk away from here and that's all there would ever be between the two of them. Silence, anger and sadness.

Beverly opened her mouth to speak, but Stella beat her to it. "Haylee is my best friend... I love that woman to death." She said slowly, like she was not sure where she was going with this. "If you are going to stay in the city... Are you staying here now?"

Beverly thought of California. "I don't know."

"If you do... You're friends with Haylee. She's- I don't even know what she is with Gloria, but that's not ending anytime soon." Stella said, then deflated. "It would be... Best if we figured out how to- how to- Deal with each other?"

Beverly could not fault the woman for her thinking. And yet she also wanted to scratch her face up every time she looked at her. Maybe there was something to what she said. Beverly nodded.

"Any ideas?" Stella laughed, an edge of mania in her voice.

The sound grated on Beverly... But then she laughed too. The sound of Beverly laughing, made Stella laugh even more, and soon they were both laughing so hard they could hardly breathe.

For a wonderful moment, Beverly thought that when she stopped, the anger would be gone, but she was wrong. It was still there, carved into her flesh and bones.

Silence reigned again.

"You look good too..." The sentence burbled out of Beverly without her input. "I always thought you could stand to gain some weight."

The absolutely bewildered look Stella shot her was enough to send Beverly into another fit of giggles. After a while Stella joined her.

"God, I need a drink..." Stella said.

For some reason it made Beverly laugh even more. When she finished, she said, "Yeah... Me too."

"You know..." Stella said, then stopped herself.

Suddenly Beverly absolutely needed to know. "What?"

"There is a bar..."

---

"Oh fuck no! No!" Haylee yelled, seeing the two of them walk into the Bare Naked Ladies together. "No! Stella, I WILL get a gun and I WILL shoot us both!"

The crowd was already getting thick and rowdy, and yet Stella could clearly hear Haylee's yelling over the din. It was impressive. The woman said something to Shaiane, the new bartender and marched towards her and Beverly.

"Good to see you again, Haylee..." Beverly said and spread her arms for a hug.

The sight of that made Haylee stop in her tracks. Slowly, like a wild animal expecting a trap, she hugged Beverly, but her eyes stayed on Stella. Up close, she could see worry in them.

Stella shrugged and mouthed 'I don't fucking know' at her, which was about how she felt right now. Haylee squinted at her then turned to Beverly.

"Oh look! It's the lady from the videos!" Haylee said before putting Beverly at arms length and looking her over. "You look good!"

Beverly suffered the indignity with an arched brow and an indulgent expression. "I know. You look better than I remembered."

"Obviously," Haylee said as she played with one of her braids. "Hey, there's a weird woman at our booth, asking about you."

Beverly froze. "What?" She looked over to where Haylee pointed. One of the booths was cordoned off with a piece of rope. A woman sat in it, dressed in old jeans, a loose t-shirt, a pair of too large sunglasses and a baseball hat. She looked oddly familiar to Stella, but she couldn't quite place her.

"Oh my God..." Beverly scoffed. "Is that Gloria?"

"She's in disguise..." Haylee said, sounding like she wasn't sure if she should laugh or cry. "She met a guy..."

"Ah..." Beverly said, then threw a quick look at Stella. "I'll go say hi," Before walking away leaving Haylee and Stella alone in the crowd.

Haylee's smile slipped a notch. "Heeey... Stella... Buddy... Best friend'o..."

"We just ran into each other! At the fucking mall!" Stella said. "I almost pissed myself!"

"Alright! Easy! I am just worried, alright?" Haylee waved her arms then stepped closer to Stella. "Are you alright?"

She looked at Beverly, who was in the process of hugging Gloria tightly. She never thought Beverly would be a hugger. Maybe it was new? The woman who chased her down not an hour ago felt different than the one that walked out of her last year

Stella had spent the last hour trying to put her finger on what it was... The lack of fake smiles? The anger, clear under the surface? The calmness she'd never-

Haylee shook her arm. "Bitch! I am talking to you! Oh my God, you're still into her! I am going to burn this fucking place down! I swear!"

"No! Stop it!" Stella shook her off. "We just decided to be civil with each other."

"Have you considered being civil with a couple of miles between you?"

"You know how small the community is? We're bound to meet again and again!" Stella said. "It's this or we claw each other's eyes out every time we cross paths."

Haylee looked at her like she did not believe the word she'd just said. It pissed Stella off. Her best friend did not trust her to be civil with Beverly. Lot's of people could be friends with their ex's! It was a god damned running joke in the lesbian community.

She looked over at Beverly, who sat beside Gloria and was currently trying to take the hat off of her head. Gloria fought to keep it on with all she had.

She could be acquaintances with Beverly. This thing between them, whatever it was, did not need to be fed any more.

The woman in question, as if sensing her scrutiny, turned around to look at her. Even across the bar Stella could swear she saw the blues in her eyes.

God, damn it she looked beautiful. The murky waters of Stella's heart roiled. Something dark and ugly beneath them, still there, radiating pain and anger in equal measure. It felt ancient- like it had always been there and always would be.

A hand landed on Stella's shoulder. "Resist."

"There's nothing to resist," Stella lied.

"Sure thing buddy," Haylee said and led her to the table.

Gloria, now relieved of her hat and glasses, looked up at Stella with suspicion and near hostility. She'd take it. She earned it. She sent the woman a smile she hoped was apologetic enough. "Hey... Mind if I join you guys?"

After a quick glance at Beverly who appeared to be focusing entirely on pouring herself a drink, Gloria gave her a tiny nod. Stella sat in the booth, facing Beverly, with Haylee to her left, and Gloria in the opposite corner. She searched her mind and soul for something to say to break the thick crust of ice forming over the gathering, but found nothing.

Haylee leaned into her, her phone in her hand. "Hey, have you ever seen a crazy woman get fucked in the ass in a McDonald's bathroom?"

For some reason Beverly choked on her drink and looked at Haylee like she was about to jump over the table and choke the life out of her.

Somehow, that broke the ice.

---

Beverly was having a modest amount of fun, which was the most fun she'd ever had at a social gathering. It made her equal parts depressed and happy with herself.

Somewhere between Gloria describing a tremendously boring sounding first date she had with a man she'd met at a conference, and Stella making fun of Haylee for once believing that turtles were not reptiles, a thought rose from somewhere in her mind.

She liked this life.

Beverly was no longer multiple women, but somewhere inside of her the once Hypothetical Beverly nodded smugly. She was amongst people like her, at a gay bar, her whole family knowing what she was. There were no more secrets to keep.

She wished she had a chance to choose this.

Beverly noticed Stella trying very hard not to look at her all night. She shared a similar struggle, but was better at hiding her glances. A lifetime of practice gave her a nearly superhuman ability to observe a woman without being caught.

Stella was relaxing. The tension she was drowning in before, slowly rolled off of her, revealing somebody Beverly had never met before. Stella was a fun woman to be around... Who knew? She was telling a story about a weird student she once had, making even Gloria listen in intently.

She took her jacket off, and Beverly nearly slid off her bench at the sight of her muscles. The layer of fat made them look softer, perfectly shaped for Beverly's hand to try, and fail, to wrap around the bicep. She wondered how it would feel to be slapped by her-

"I'll be right back," Beverly said, then hurried to the bathroom.

She locked herself inside of a stall and contemplated pressing her face to the cool wall tiles. She decided against it for germ and pride related reasons. She'd hardly drunk any alcohol, but she felt drunk.

She'd known many Stella's in her lifetime... Some ugly and some beautiful. This one was neither. She was just normal. Just Stella.

Why couldn't she just have been that Stella a year ago? Why did she have to go and ruin them? Beverly found she could hardly breathe. One day back and she was already falling apart. Going home would be wisest, but... She did not want to run anymore.

She had every right to be here!

She left the bathroom with every intention of marching back to the table and having a good time in Stella's face. But, somewhere along the way, the music called to her, made her remember the first night she'd visited this bar. Back then, Stella had to force her onto the dance floor.

Beverly needed no such encouragement now.

She pushed into the crowd of dancing women and found herself moving alongside them. At first, she felt awkward, alone and old. But then, a lovely young woman with hair even shorter than hers began dancing in front of her and Beverly began matching her rhythm.

The song ended, but they stayed close together.

"Kayla!" The woman yelled. Or maybe it was Karmen?

Beverly leaned in and said "Charmed..."

She was about to walk away, reveling in being a tease, when she saw Stella watching them. Gloria and Haylee were talking close together, leaving Stella's eyes to wander. And would you look at that, they wandered over to Beverly.

Beverly pressed her hips against Kayla and whispered in her ear. "How about another dance?"

The woman nodded eagerly and put her hands on Beverly's lower back. A bit bold for her tastes, but she would allow it tonight. Another song started up- something slower, with a thudding base that made Beverly's heart reverberate with something ugly.

Stella dropped any pretense of not watching them, her lips reduced to a sad, thin line. Oh, are you jealous Stella? Are you sad, Stella? Beverly grabbed Kristen's hands and put them on her ass. The woman groaned into her ear as she helped herself to Beverly's butt.

Ugliness rose within her like the tide and Stella drowned in it.

That night in Stella's apartment, she was on her knees begging Beverly to stay, all but saying that she had feelings for her. For months, Beverly did not believe her. A woman who felt those feelings, would never hurt her like she did... But maybe she would? Maybe that was exactly the kind of animal Stella was? One capable of hurting those she cared for?

Maybe this 'let's be civil with each other' business would be fun after all... If this is how Stella reacted to a dance, how would she react to Beverly kissing somebody else? Dating somebody else? Loving somebody else?

No, she was never going to leave this town... She would live and die here, and she would never, ever let Stella out of her sights.

The woman in question stood up, then leaned over to Haylee and said something. She and Gloria waved to Stella who picked up her jacket and walked towards the stairs leading to Haylee's apartment.

Beverly laughed into Kimberly's ear. Stella really couldn't take the sight of Beverly with somebody else? It was entirely too precious!

Stella navigated around the dance floor, trying and failing to avoid looking at Beverly, who in turn pretended to focus only on the woman she was with. And then, she was gone, leaving Beverly alone.

She should get closer to Haylee... Yes. Beverly would become good friends with Haylee- she already liked the woman well enough. This way, Stella would have no choice but to be around her... And whoever she brought along.

Yes, Beverly Carpenter was about to enter the dating market.

Beverly Carpenter was about to find herself in love... In a very public way.

She walked over to the bar- Kate following after her like a drunk puppy- and waited to be served. She entertained herself with a new fantasy: her and Stella ten years from now... She would stoke the flames of Stella's feelings, just enough to keep her on the line, as she enjoyed herself with other women.

Stella made a mistake when she destroyed her life all at once.

No, Beverly would not be so hasty. She was good at waiting... She would extend Stella's execution for decades if she wanted to.

---

Stella played with the turtles to avoid falling apart. It was like high-school all over again.

The sight of Beverly with another woman filled her with such possessive anger, that it scared her. Her heart thumped with such ugly things that she wanted to crawl out of her skin and walk off into the night, flesh and bones exposed.

Instead she took a deep breath and gave Peter nee Reginald a bit more lettuce. The little guy ate it with such enthusiasm that Stella could not help but laugh. She closed her eyes and counted to ten, then did a couple of calming exercises her therapist recommended.

She did not need to fall apart over this.

Beverly was her own woman... And Stella made peace with the girl she was in high school. This ugliness he felt inside was just envy. Nothing more. She wanted Beverly... And Beverly did not want her back.

It was not the end of the world.

Stella almost managed to convince herself of that, when the doors to the apartment swung open and Beverly tumbled in, laughing at something. An obnoxious carefree laugh, Stella had never heard from the woman before. It was answered by a timid, yet hopeful one. A younger woman, drunk and visibly out of her depth, held onto Beverly like she was a hundred dollar bill she found on a sidewalk.

"Oh-" Beverly jolted when she saw Stella standing by the terrarium. "Oh, we did not know anybody was up here! Sorry!"

"Whoops!" The young lady said as her eyes roamed over Stella's breasts.

Stella searched for anything to say that would not be a continuous horrified scream, but found nothing. Beverly patted the young woman on her hip and said, with the biggest smile ever. "This is Clara! We're just going to..." She trailed off looking sheepish.

Clara's eyes muddied for a second, as if she was not quite certain of her own name. Stella realised that in the end she knew exactly what to do in this situation and started for the exit. She did not need to be here for this.

She stopped by Beverly who watched her go with a look Stella could not read. She leaned in and whispered into Beverly's ear. "This girl is drunk."

"So am I..." Beverly whispered back, her lips almost brushing Stella's ear. "And it's none of your business..."

Stella was about to argue that yes, it very much was her business if Beverly was going to take advantage of a drunk girl, but then she saw something in Beverly's eyes- a darkness Stella had only seen there once before. Back when she had first taken Beverly to the bar, when Beverly was preparing to lie her ass off to Gloria.

Beverly Carpenter was lying through her teeth.

"I thought- I thought you said that we were even," Stella said, unable to hide the hurt in her voice.

Beverly blinked, then squinted as if she did not quite understand what Stella was saying. She opened her mouth to speak, but Stella did not care to hear it. She walked out of the apartment.

---

There it was, this trembling vibrant feeling of victory. The pain in Stella's face was so wonderful, Beverly could hardly breathe. Why did she pass this up last time it was offered?

"God- Fuck you're so hot-" Kiara mumbled into Beverly's ear as she draped herself over her.

Beverly flinched so hard they both almost fell over. She forgot about this girl. Carefully, she put her on Haylee's couch and made her drink two glasses of water. Whatever her name was, was out like a light a moment later. When Beverly was sure that she was safe, she walked over to the terrarium.

She smiled at her little guys and forgave them for not reacting to her presence in any way. Such was the life of a turtle woman. She assessed the tank they'd lived in. It was lush with little bits of greenery and other enrichments. She raked her fingers through the fine sand and knew, somehow, that Stella was the one to set it all up. She could not see Haylee doing it.

The knowledge filled her with equal parts warmth and anger.

Stella's pain. Her own pain. The scales were not balanced yet, were they? She could drag this out for a long time before they would truly be even and then... Then...

She took a deep breath. Held it in, for as long as she could, then let it out slowly. She thought of the evenings she spent with Jolene, just sitting around on ridiculously comfortable camping chairs, looking at the setting sun. Sometimes talking, sometimes not.

How much she cried over the last few months. For the life she'd lost, even though she did not want it anymore... And for the life she could have had with Stella. She thought of the woman she was learning how to become.

That woman's heart was clean. It was light. Not this thing filled with trembling bile.

She walked downstairs, feeling herself grow more certain than she ever had been in her entire life. A quick glance around the bar revealed Stella gone, along with her jacket. Haylee and Gloria alone in the booth talking to each other.

Beverly left the bar, the cooling evening air filled her lungs, made her feel like herself again.

She ran out to the parking lot, searching for the right car, but it wasn't anywhere- There! She spotted Stella's car rounding the parking lot, seconds away from leaving. Beverly ran at it with all she had, suddenly scared she would not make it. That if Stella left, the feeling Beverly held in her chest now would evaporate, turn to poison again.

She ran through the grass, jumped over a fence, then tumbled through the bushes, then stumbled out into the street.

"Jesus fucking Christ!" She heard Stella yell, and slam on the breaks.

Tires screeched, the massive car was suddenly way too close for Beverly. The hood inches away from her chest.

Stella leaned out of the window. "What the fuck?! Beverly?!"

Beverly tapped the hood, trying not to imagine it occupying the same space as her chest cavity. She cleared her throat, righteousness leaking out of her in the face of vehicular dismemberment. Still, there was just enough of it left to carry her around to Stella's driver door and put her face to face with the woman.

"I don't want to be even." She said.

Stella looked her up and down, like she was insane. Maybe she was right. "What?! Beverly, what?"

A car honked behind Stella. Neither of them seemed to care.

"Earlier today, we said that we were even, right? You hurt me and I hurt you?" Beverly said, suddenly not sure what the hell she meant. "That's- That's a nightmare. I don't want to be even."

"Again- What?" Stella said, but something of the terrible tension in her body relaxed. Did she understand what Beverly meant? Or was it that she almost killed her just now?

"I mean..." Beverly said, and then suddenly, she knew what she meant. "It means- It means-" She wanted to say it, but- God it was hard. Her heart rebelled, her whole body fought it, her very DNA found the idea repulsive.

But, however many women she was or was not, however strange and anguished they all could be, at the end of the day, she was Beverly fucking Carpenter and she did what she wanted.

"I forgive you Stella."

As soon as the words were out there, she knew them to be true.

She felt lighter. There was pain inside, tearing at her, but it felt more like a clean wound, ready to heal, not this festering thing she was walking around with since last October.

Stella just stared at her, uncomprehending, so she said it again.

"I forgive you. For what you did."

Another car honked, many more joined in. The woman looked around, bewildered to find three cars behind her. She was blocking the parking lot exit. Stella looked back at Beverly, her mouth open, then back at the cars.

"I'll go around." Beverly said before she ran around to the passenger doors. Boy it was high up! Not as bad as the rig, but still.

After she hefted herself into the passenger seat, Stella looked at Beverly like she had no idea how she got inside. Stella flinched when another round of honking started, then awkwardly put the car into motion; her hands white knuckled on the wheel.

In a few quick turns she took them back to the parking lot. Then, she parked, turned off the engine and rested her forehead on the wheel. Beverly was fine with the silence. She enjoyed the peace she, for once, felt inside.

"What- What do you mean, you forgive me?" Stella asked her.

"Just that. I thought about it, and I forgave you."

Stella hit her head on the steering wheel. "Beverly... I- I ruined your life. Intentionally."

"I know..." Beverly said. "And I know that you regret it, right? You were scared and... And reacted in the worst way. That's what you said the- the last time we saw each other, right?"

"Yeah. That's- that's about sums it up," Stella said, but did not sound like she believed it.

Beverly leaned her head back against the headrest. "Stella... I don't want to hate you. I... I hated myself for a long time... It made me sick in the head. I don't want to hate anybody anymore... I don't want to feel like this... So I chose not to."

"That's not how that works!" Stella nearly yelled. The abrupt change startled Beverly.

Still, she did not scare easily. "Sure does. Watch me."

"Oh for fucks sake..." Stella lifted her head and looked into Beverly's eyes. Her own eyes full of hurt. "Beverly, it wasn't just the- that night. I hurt you for months! I knew what I was doing. I liked doing it!"

"I know. I was there." I liked it too, Beverly almost added.

Stella closed her eyes and turned away from Beverly. "I don't deserve forgiveness. What I did-"

"It's not for you." Beverly said, quickly. "It's for me."

Stella opened her eyes and stared at Beverly, her eyes full of confusion. But something else deeper too. Beverly looked into those eyes as she spoke. "The Bible teaches to-"

Stella slammed her forehead into the steering wheel again. "Fuck! Anything but that!"

Beverly spoke over her, " In the book of Matthew, the Bible teaches to let go of bitterness and forgive-" When Stella began slamming her head into the steering wheel over and over again Beverly decided to change tracks. "Alright, forget the Bible... Stella... I don't want to feel this bitterness. It's turning me into a worse person... So... I am choosing empathy."

She put a hand on Stella's shoulder. "You're human... And you screwed up... And part of it was because of my own actions. I choose to focus on that."

Stella stayed silent for a long, long time. Then, she laughed, loud and bitter. It reverberated in the small space of the car. She stopped abruptly. "Just like that? Poof! And we're good?"

"No." Beverly said. "But... But it's a start? Stella-"

Stella shook her hand off and unbuckled herself with trembling hands. "Bullshit- This is-" She opened the car doors and jumped out, nearly falling on her face. "Fucking ridiculous."

Beverly followed behind her. The woman did not seem to have a destination in mind, just away. At first, she walked as if she meant to go back inside the bar, then she abruptly veered away and walked a few paces away. Beverly followed behind, not willing to leave her alone.

Stella stopped, then leaned on the brick wall away from Beverly. She was breathing heavily, too close to hyperventilating for Beverly's comfort. She wanted to touch her, but was afraid of what it would do to her.

"So- So what, is it my turn now?" She laughed again, fear replacing bitterness. "Is that it? Now I say 'It's fine Beverly! We're all fine!' and- and what? And we're best fucking friends now?"

She turned around, and the anger from the night of the party was back, fortified with manic energy she'd never seen in the woman before. "So- So it doesn't matter what you did?! You-" Stella choked on her anger. "You- I- For years! You- I had nightmares about you for decades! I still do! I- I- I'm back in school and there you are! Every fucking time! Twenty years!"

Beverly did not know where to look. Shame, crusted over by righteous anger, rose again. Stella did not expect, or care for her to answer, Beverly knew that, but she still did.

"I'm sorry Stella. I- I was scared back then too."

Stella froze, not breathing, with one of her hands pointed at Beverly, the other tearing at her jacket. Her eyes bored into Beverly's. At once all of her anger drained out of her, leaving nothing behind. She sat on a raised ledge running alongside the wall and blinked her eyes hard.

"What if I can't?" She made a motion with her hand, as if she was trying to scrape something off of her heart. "What if I just- can't?"

"I- I don't know." Beverly said, and knelt by the woman. Her own eyes wet. "But... I... I'm here? For you?"

"I- You-" Stella choked on a sob. "I don't know- You-" She took a deep shuddering breath and looked like she did not know how to let it out. "You- Fuck."

And then she was crying, and so was Beverly. Stella tried to turn away from her, to hide it, but Beverly slammed into her with a hug. At first Stella made a move like she was going to push her away, but then she hugged Beverly tightly to her chest.

They stood like that, together, for a long time, crying together. Beverly had no idea what they were to each other, but in that moment she wanted for the woman in her arms to be happy, more than anything in this world.

---

Beverly felt so small and fragile in Stella's arms she was afraid to hug her too tightly. The feeling just made her cry harder. She hurt this woman so badly it made her sick.

This small, slightly deranged, beautiful, annoying, wonderfully perverted, brave, snobbish, vicious woman.

It felt like a betrayal to hold her like this. To feel like this. The darkness that had always been present at the bottom of her heart roiled and churned and threatened revenge as it shrank. Or maybe it had never been as vast as she thought it was? It felt tiny in comparison to the realisation that finally managed to take hold over her soul.

Beverly Carpenter was a fucked up kid when she hurt her. And fucked up kids need help, not hate. She already knew it... She was a fucked up kid once.

The thought was so simple, so fucking obvious in retrospect that she started to laugh. The sound so similiar to crying she did not even realise when it happened. Before she knew it Beverly was laughing with her, as she squeezed her ribcage with her twiggy little arms.

She was so small... Was she this small in high-school?

Suddenly, she needed to look at Beverly, so she leaned out of the hug. The woman frowned up at her, but seeing Stella smile, she relaxed. Her face was smeared with tears, ruined makeup and snot. Still, the prettiest girl in the world.

Beverly opened her mouth to speak, but then laughed again. Stella tried to say something too, perhaps something profound, but found nothing but manic laughter inside.

What she went through in high-school still hurt. It would never stop having an effect on her, how could it? It made her who she was, for better or worse. But the woman in front of her... That was not who did it to her. That girl was long gone, and did not deserve hatred in the first place.

What did Beverly of today deserve? What did Stella deserve? The question made Stella stop laughing.

Now what?

"Oh, for FUCKS SAKE!" A howl from beside them made Beverly jump away. Stella missed her immediately.

Haylee was staring at them with a look of horror, Gloria stood a few steps behind her matching her expression. Haylee pointed at Stella's face. "You! Stupid! Bitch!"

Beverly put her hands up, trying to stop the woman. "Haylee- Please-"

Haylee slapped her hands away. "No! I keep having to pick you bitches up from the FUCKING floor!"

"We're just talking!" Stella yelled back. "We needed to talk! Call the police!"

"Remember New Years? You stupid bitch! I am not cleaning your fucking house again! A bunch of bloody tampons by the fucking toilet! Nasty ass, fucking-" Haylee's finger kept switching targets, now onto Beverly. "You- I thought you were not as crazy as you seemed!"

"We're not doing anything-" Beverly tried to say.

"If you two stupid bitches try to get back together, I will-"

"What? Eat your own ass?" Stella yelled back. "Haylee we're not- We were just-" She looked at Beverly for help.

Beverly apparently got nothing to say.

She looked to Gloria for help, who sighed and put her hands on Haylee's shoulders. The woman's anger petered out instantly. She swiped her finger across the two of them and said. "When this goes to shit... I won't-" Then she stopped, sighed and threw her arms up again. "Eh fuck it, I will be there for you stupid cunts. Whatever!"

Then she turned around and marched back into her own bar. Gloria watched her go looking conflicted. Then, she turned to Beverly, with an amount of worry in her eyes that seemed to give Beverly pause.

"Are you... Coming back inside?" She asked.

"I- I think I'll just go back to the apartment... I guess I'll get a taxi." Beverly said after a moment. "I'm... Tired."

"I can drive you," Stella said, then cleared her throat and added. "I didn't drink anything."

On any other night it would have been a terrible idea, but tonight it felt right to Stella. Gloria's shoulders dropped a little. She nodded grimly and pulled Beverly into a hug.

They whispered to each other, for a while, as Stella wiped her face with a napkin. God, she snotted all over Beverly. Cried like a little kid- like a pathetic fat- She forced a deep breath into her lungs, then held it until the poison seeped out of her body.

She looked at the stars, and found them beautiful. Her heart hurt, but not in a bad way. It felt like a healing bruise.

Beverly and Gloria separated. Gloria nodded at Stella, her eyes promising vengeance if she did anything stupid tonight. "Good night..." And then she was gone, following after Haylee, leaving her and Beverly alone in the parking lot.

Stella had absolutely no idea what to say.

Thankfully Beverly did not wait for her to talk. She took off towards her own car. "So... Why didn't you drink tonight?"

"Haven't for a while. I didn't trust myself with it." Stella hurried after her. "Uh, Beverly, we'll be taking my car."

"Of course!" Beverly said, as she opened the trunk. A dozen bags were crammed inside, each stuffed with an obscene amount of clothes. Stella was hardly a socialist, but something about the display of wealth made her want to firebomb a Walmart.

Beverly picked two of the lightest looking bags and got them out of the trunk. "I'm not leaving my clothes here!" Then she took off towards Stella's car.

Stella laughed to herself as she picked four larger ones and followed the woman. Beverly Carpenter was a human being, who did not deserve to be hated.

But she was fucking weird.

---

The ride to Beverly's apartment was quiet, but comfortable. Stella had a lot on her mind and apparently so did Beverly. She touched up her makeup in silence, that was until she saw a McDonald's sign a block away from her place. She pointed at it and spoke five words that Stella would bet a million dollars, if she had it, that the woman would never speak in that order.

"Want to go to McDonalds?"

"What?"

"I want to go to McDonalds."

"What?"

Beverly huffed and crossed her arms. "You know what I've said."

"Do I?"

The eye roll she was given was perfectly executed. "Just drive us there, please and thank you."

Stella tried to take them through the drive-through but Beverly needled her until they found themselves inside, standing next to the self order kiosk; the warm interior lights burning away at Stella's sanity. She watched as Beverly's dainty fingers attacked the display with great expertise.

She'd been to McDonalds before, Stella realised with a feeling of being trapped in an alternative reality. Somehow the realisation hit her harder than everything else that happened today. She needed to sit down, so she did, in a nearby booth.

"Do you want anything?" Beverly asked without looking at her.

"A gun. No, just chicken strips... And a cookie. And juice- whatever kind."

Beverly pecked at the screen like a predatory bird. "They don't have guns... Alright. They'll get it to our table."

When Beverly slid into the booth, opposite of her, Stella resolved to be normal about all this. "So... You've been to McDonald's before?"

Beverly looked at her like she was touched in the head. "I have a child. Of course I have been to McDonalds."

Stella was about to nod when she remembered something Haylee said, about a video of a woman getting fucked in the ass in a McDonald's bathroom. She narrowed her eyes at Beverly, who suddenly found the view outside to be enthralling.

"How was your road trip?" Stella asked. "I know you went somewhere, just... Not the details."

"Oh it was lovely..." Beverly said without looking away from the window. "I've never really traveled the country... We saw the Grand Canyon for the first time. It was..." She sighed deeply. "It was without compare."

Stella could not help herself. "We?"

"Jolene and I," Beverly said with perfect innocence.

"And who is Jolene?"

"A friend."

"Of what kind?"

"A good friend."

Stella hung her head in her hands. "Beverly... I'm trying to have a- a civil conversation here..."

"Stella..." The woman mimicked her inflection perfectly. "And I am trying to have a private life."

The rebuke hurt more than she expected. They've forgiven each other... But that did not make them friends. So what were they?

"She..." Beverly sighed, then looked at Stella. "We were involved... For a time. Lived together in her truck." She played with her purse. "She asked me to move out to California to... Try to be together... Properly."

She tamped down on her jealousy as much as she could. She tried to feel good for Beverly

Wait, what did she just say? "Hold on, a truck?"

Beverly looked at her with an expression of such delight that Stella felt herself sweat. "Oh! So Haylee really did not tell you anything, huh?"

And then proceeded to tell her the story of her last four months. When Stella said that she could not imagine the woman inside of an eighteen wheeler truck, the woman in question showed her photographic evidence, while grinning like a maniac.

Photos of Beverly all around the country, looking more and more like a trucker- well, a rich woman cosplaying as a trucker- hanging out with a rather hefty woman who looked at Beverly with great fondness.

"Why- Why this?" Stella asked. "Out of all things... Why this?"

Beverly shrugged, picking at her food. "I wanted to try being somebody else, I suppose."

"I'm sorry that... I drove you to that."

Beverly waved her paper straw around. "I know... And I appreciate it, but it's fine. I wish it all happened differently... But I like where I am right now."

Stella did not know what to say to that, except maybe keep apologising over and over again. She wondered if Beverly felt the same way... So she asked her. She could do that now.

What a world.

"Yes," the woman simply said and that was the end of that subject.

---

There was a bum in Haylee's living room.

On her couch to be exact. It wasn't the first time she'd found one at the end of a long night. A risk of living over a bar, she supposed.

She called the girl a cab and got her the hell out of there, before laying face down on the floor. It felt right in the moment. She could feel the floor vibrate with the music coming from downstairs.

She was tired of living on top of the bar. It sounded like a great idea when she bought it from the old lady; run a chill bar, invite her friends! And it had been chill for a while, but then she had to go and make it all successful and now she had a crowd of women running around every night.

She was going to have to hire more people... Especially now that Stella is probably gonna crash out over Beverly again. Haylee mentally prepared herself for that disaster.

The apartment door opened, and soft footsteps followed. "Heeey..." Gloria knelt beside her. "Are you alright?"

"Want to buy a bar?"

"No."

"Shit..." Haylee said as she got off the floor. A little moping was fine, but being maudlin did not look sexy on her. How did Stella do it? "You're not worried about them?"

"I am," Gloria sighed. "But, I have two kids. They will make stupid mistakes and you learn to live with the worry."

How wise... Haylee regarded the woman beside her. She's been looking pretty happy all evening. Haylee assumed that it was Beverly coming back, but now she wondered.

"Are you staying over tonight?" She asked. They've had a good streak of seeing each other about once a week, but it was tenuous. Always so fucking tenuous.

Gloria's happiness dimmed. She looked away. "No. I have a... Thing tomorrow at noon."

A thing, eh... Haylee pounced on Gloria and pinned her to the floor. The woman resisted feebly. "Oh, you have a date? Does Gloria like a boooooy?"

"I never said it was-" She tried to say, but groaned when Haylee pressed her thigh into her crotch. "Haylee! Damn it-"

Haylee ground her leg into Gloria harder. "Where is Jacob taking you?"

"Oh my God, you're just-" She groaned again. "Botanical gardens!"

"Fancy! So that's what- the third date?"

Gloria spread her legs and arched her head back. "Yes! God! Third date!"

Haylee could never resist an exposed weak spot, so she licked alongside the woman's neck up to her ear. "Are you gonna put out?"

"Do we- Do we have to talk about that?" Gloria gasped, then panicked when she felt Haylee's teeth on her ear. "No! No marks!"

"Yeah, we wouldn't want Jacob finding out about this!"

"Haylee!" Gloria groaned, sounding annoyed. "What do you- what do you want from me?!"

That was a good question.

"Right now I want you to come for me." She whispered into Gloria's ear, and increased the pace of her thigh digging into Gloria's pussy. The woman responded by nodding and pressing back with her hips, matching Haylee's rhythm. Her eyes were closed, her eyebrows pinched with effort.

Haylee wanted to kiss her, but she stopped herself. For now she just wanted to watch.

Gloria's breathing sped up, her groans turned into low throaty moans that let Haylee know it was time. She increased her pace, thrusting into Gloria with all of her strength. The woman's eyes shot open, focusing only on Haylee. She craned her neck, searching for Haylee's lips, but she twined her hands into the woman's hair and held her down.

"Come for me, Gloria." She whispered into her mouth.

And then she did, her eyes never leaving Haylee's.

There she was, melted into a puddle of goo beneath Haylee, once again. What did she want with the woman? Now, that was a difficult question.

"Gloria..." She whispered with her lips pressed into the woman's ear. "Tomorrow... When you're getting fucked after your date... You will be thinking about me." It was not a question, and Gloria did not take it as one.

She nodded, jerkily, but said nothing.

Haylee got up and admired the wet spot on her thigh. Gloria took another minute before she was able to raise as well. She looked flushed, a slightly manic smile on her lips.

"So, you'll be going, then?" Haylee asked as she sat on the couch and crossed her legs.

Gloria was trying, and failing, to get strands of her hair out of her face. "Yeah." She said, her voice weak. Then she repeated more firmly. "Yes. I have to go. I... Have to go."

Haylee gave her her most shitty smile. "Have fun at the gardens!" Then she blew her a kiss.

Gloria put on her ridiculous hat and glasses before going to the door. She stopped with her hand on the handle for a long time. Then, she shook her head and went outside. "Have a good night Haylee... I'll..."

"Text me how it went tomorrow!" Haylee waved at her. "Can't wait!"

"Yeah. Sure." Gloria laughed. "Why not."

And then she was gone.

A new song started playing downstairs, the bass so heavy it rattled the windows. Haylee could not help but laugh. It came from somewhere in the middle of her gut, heavy and uncontrollable. It was not an unhappy laugh, the opposite in fact.

What a fucked up life!

She'd always been a mess, but now she felt like she was standing on a precipice of a deep hole. She laughed and laughed and laughed, until she got thirsty. A smart thing would be to get some water and try to go to sleep...

The messy thing would be to go down to the bar, get fucked up and pick up some woman. As the lady who owned the place, that would be an advanced, top tier level of messy. Messy plus.

She decided to do just that. If everybody else can be a fucking mess, then so can she!

---

"I'll... Help you carry these to your apartment," Stella said pointing at the bags.

Beverly decided not to mention that she had a doorman whose job was doing exactly that. "Thank you," she said instead and grabbed two bags, while Stella somehow hefted the rest.

As they struggled to get through her building's lobby and into the elevator, she wondered about self delusion. From the moment Stella offered to take her home, she decided that there was a section of her mind which she would rather not acknowledge.

She promised herself no more lies, but... Nobody said she had to be perfect. A little bit of self delusion was necessary for a healthy mind. So, with that matter solved, she reminded herself that she and Stella were just acquaintances, and nothing would happen between them tonight.

Or ever. That would be really bad, for a list of reasons too long to enumerate.

Still, once they spilled into her apartment, she asked Stella if she wanted to stay for a coffee. It was very late after all, and the woman looked positively too tired to drive home like this.

"So! Here's my little apartment..." She waved her hand around, hoping Stella would not notice how barren it was. "I need to liven it up a little, but... That's home for now."

"Little..." Stella squinted at the space. "Oh shit, it just keeps going."

Beverly wanted to say something, but then she remembered Stella's apartment and its square footage.

"How did you..." Stella began saying then, stopped herself. Then groaned and started again. "I thought your parents cut you off? How did you... Pay for it?"

"I've made wise investments with the money from my divorce. It wasn't much but it was enough for this place and some for a rainy day..."

Stella raised her eyebrows the way working class people did when they thought that their lack of funds somehow made them superior to the evil upper classes. Beverly decided to be a bigger woman and let it go. Instead she busied herself with making that damn coffee.

After a few minutes of an increasingly frantic search she found she had no coffee pods... Or a coffee machine for that matter. She should do something about that. Oh well. Water it was.

She got Stella a glass and if the woman noticed or cared she did not say anything about that. Beverly sat opposite Stella in the conversation pit, mere ten feet between them.

It hit Beverly then. Stella was in her apartment.

"You know..." A truth burbled out of her. "I talked to you a lot after high school... In my head."

To Beverly's surprise, Stella did not look at her like she was insane. She cringed and nodded. "Yeah... Me too. You never quite left after all the," she waved her hand, casting the shape of what Beverly did.

Again, she felt a strong need to apologise, but stopped herself. She did not want this to turn into an apology fest. But... What did she want this to turn into? The wall of self delusion held... But, just out of curiosity, she tried to peek behind it just a bit.

If she walked just a few paces, she could straddle Stella. She could kiss her. There was nothing stopping them now, was there? Nothing at all... She could have this woman here, every day, or maybe Stella could move in! Her heart clawed at the walls of her ribcage, trying to get out, trying to get closer to-

That's enough of that.

"I think- I think I might move to California after all..." She heard herself say. "Start over there."

Stella's eyes widened, for just a second, before a neutral expression wiped that out. She nodded. "Yeah. Maybe that would be..." She looked pained. "Yeah."

They fell silent again. Over the course of the evening it happened a lot... Because there was too much history between them. Too much hurt. Beverly was not the healthiest person around, but she lived with her head below water for so long that she knew the feeling all too well. Stella would drown her.

She stood up and walked to the foyer, every bone in her body screaming for her to go back. But, she was Beverly Carpenter and she knew better than to listen to herself.

"It's getting late..." She said, not looking at anything in particular. "I have a lot to..." She had no idea how to finish that sentence.

Thankfully, Stella knew what she meant anyway. She got up and followed her without a word. Together, they walked to the door. Beverly could almost feel the heat emanating from the other woman. It made the wall in her mind soft and malleable- wonderful and terrible things pushed at it from the other side, distorting it. Why did being healthy have to be so difficult?

She made herself think about her trip to the Grand Canyon. Her and Jolene had a great time. They talked about Jolene's kids, her late husband. For three days they trekked all over the place, every night ending up too tired to even have sex. Beverly went to sleep every night feeling full.

Next to Stella's the memories felt distant and hazy, but she held onto them, as the doorway loomed. A few more steps and that was that. She would make sure to never again be alone with Stella.

"I guess... I'll see you around?" Stella asked her. Beverly looked up at her face and knew that the words were a lie. This was it, and Stella knew it. There was a firmness to the way she stood, like she made a decision mirroring Beverly's own.

"Yeah. At the bar, for sure," Beverly lied.

She was buying tickets to California the moment the woman left.

Except the woman was not leaving. Stella stood with her hand on the doorknob, her throat working hard. She was not looking at Beverly, until she was. Beverly could not help but meet her eyes.

Two decades of pain and longing. She figured her eyes reflected the same.

Love could never grow in soil so toxic.

Stella began leaning in, and Beverly knew she would kiss her. And she knew she would let her. And then the wall would burst, and they both would drown.

"Fuck!" Stella groaned, then opened the doors and left.

Beverly waited for relief to wash over her, but it never came. All she could feel was the scratching, deep inside her ribcage. She should better get used to it.

She did not think it would ever go away.

---

Of all the stupid things Stella Sorrentino had done in her life, walking into Beverly's apartment was probably the dumbest.

She walked past the elevators and marched towards the staircase. Ten flights of stairs should be enough to get her heart to stop hurting, right? A little physical exercise to chase away the demons.

She had been this close to kissing Beverly.

For seven months she worked so hard to get herself into a semblance of a healthy headspace and she almost fucked it all up again. Because of this- this fucked up obsession. Because that's what it was- it was not love, or even attraction, not really.

It was sickness, and she let it control her for too long. She finally understood it tonight. Beverly Carpenter was just a fucked up person. She did not mean everything she did to Stella, she was just a kid back then... But she did tear the massive hole in Stella's soul.

With every act of cruelty she dug the swamp, filled it with bile and- and somehow stole Stella's heart in the process. And now- Now Stella had a chance to take it back, if she stayed away from the woman. Being with Beverly would just tear the hole inside of her wider.

Halfway down the stairway, she finally felt her legs start to burn from the strain. Good. She waited for the moment when the pain chased away the hurt she felt inside, like it did in the past but it did not come. She wanted to turn around and climb back up. It took all she had not to do it.

But.. Maybe... Maybe it would be good? She forgave Beverly and Beverly forgave her. She could actually feel herself change, as it happened. The lightness she felt now. She slapped herself in the face and kept going down. Beverly would move to a different state and Stella would never see her again.

The ticket she got from Rachel this morning burned her pocket. She took it out and looked at it again as she kept walking down. She tried to remember the woman's face, but could not. Her eyes- were they blue?

All she could see was Beverly.

Beverly in her apartment upstairs, begging to be kissed.

Beverly on her knees, begging to be tormented.

Beverly dancing with another woman, looking straight at Stella.

Beverly in her apartment, cooking for her.

Beverly in her bed, looking up at her.

Beverly-

Beverly running out of the elevator?

With a start, Stella realized that she was standing in a doorway, staring absently at the building lobby, the doorman looking back at her with suspicion. And right beside her, Beverly's was sprinting out of the elevator, towards the exit doors.

"Beverly?" Stella called out to her.

The woman skidded to a stop, almost falling over. She spun back and looked at Stella with a manic look, one Stella knew very well. It was Beverly when she wanted something so bad she would do anything to get it.

Stella's heart beat an unsteady rhythm as Beverly walked towards her. She tried to think of Rachel, but could barely remember her. In fact, she could barely remember any other woman.

Beverly was a few paces away, and Stella could not think. A distant part of her mind tried to remember why this was a bad idea, but she could not quite recall. A larger part could only see how lovely Beverly looked all flushed and out of her mind.

She must have smiled, because Beverly beamed back at her. There was something mad in her eyes, but Stella could not stand to look away.

Beverly opened her mouth to say something but nothing came out. Instead she just laughed. Stella laughed as well. How could she not? Insane people were supposed to laugh, right?

"So- California?" Stella asked.

Beverly kissed her as a way of answering.

It tasted like the sweetest poison seeping into her heart. She pulled Beverly close and marveled at how her body fit exactly into hers. Something hit her back- the stairs? They were laying across them, as they kissed, hard tile digging into her back but Stella did not care about the pain.

She was sinking deeper, the surface of the water so far above her she could not tell which way was up. Beverly made a choking sound- was she drowning too?

"Stella- I-" They kissed again. "My apartment- Bed-"

Stella bit Beverly's lip and was rewarded with a groan so cute she wanted to take this woman right here on the stairs. Wait, did she say a bed?

"Yes!" Stella moaned and tried to stand up, but Beverly was still on top of her, biting her neck. She picked the woman up and carried her to the elevator. Beverly stilled for a moment, then laughed, then they were making out again.

The doorman may or may not have said something, as she walked past him, but she did not know or care. She hoped the doorway she stepped into was the elevator, and not a janitor's closed. She stopped kissing Beverly for just long enough to make sure.

Yes, it was the elevator.

Beverly blindly slapped at the buttons and Stella dearly hoped that it would take them to the right floor. It didn't. It took them two more tries.

Getting into Beverly's apartment was made difficult by the woman refusing to be put down or stop kissing her.

Inside, Beverly slapped Stella's shoulder every time she took a wrong turn on the way to the bedroom. Any other time the opulence on display would have made Stella angry, but now all that mattered was that she had a bed.

Beverly landed on it with a squeal. Like an animal caught in a trap.

Stella stood over her and took off her jacket in jerky uncoordinated moves. Beverly looked up at her like she was a work of art. Stella grabbed the hem of her t-shirt to take it off, before anxiety made her stop. Her body- Beverly from high-school was there all of a sudden, laughing at her, pointing at her belly at her-

"Wow..." Beverly sat up on the bed and stared at her midsection, her eyes full of awe. "Oh you're just... Perfect like this... Oh my God..."

Stella took her top off. She wasn't going to let the ghost of a teenager dictate her life anymore. Any doubts she may have had about her new appearance Beverly dispelled when she pressed her face against her belly and lavished it with kisses, going up, towards her bra.

"Jesus Christ..." Beverly whispered. "Just perfect..."

She could not take it anymore- she grabbed Beverly by the shoulders and pushed her down onto the bed. The woman whined softly, but then smiled at Stella hungrily. Stella laid on top of her, pressing her into the mattress with her weight as they kissed again.

Beverly's hands roamed all over her naked back, then found her bra. She fumbled with it a couple of times, a frustrated groan left her throat. Stella laughed and sat up, straddling Beverly's hips. She unlatched her bra and let her breasts free. She could swear she saw Beverly salivate.

She was not one to let a woman starve, so she leaned back down, letting her breasts hang over Beverly's head. The woman reached up and caressed them, guided one into her mouth and sucked on the nipple greedily. She kissed and licked Stella's breasts all over, moaning and murmuring into them all the while.

Stella rested on her forearms, trying and failing to catch her breath. She felt like her head was going to explode. Beverly was here and- and there was nothing stopping them.

She could eat her fill.

She rolled off of Beverly- the woman tried to stop her, her nails leaving scratches on her sides- then grabbed at Beverly's sleeves and yanked her blazer off. Beverly groaned. "Yes! Yes- Naked!"

"Naked," Stella agreed, as she helped her out of her t-shirt.

"I can't-" Beverly fought with her zipper. "Pants!"

Stella helped her, then yanked the jeans off of her, exposing her lovely legs, her soaked through white panties. She wanted to admire her, possibly forever, but the woman fell on her and began clawing at Stella's own zipper. Between the two of them they extricated Stella from her jeans and there they were, breathing heavily, naked save for a few scraps of cloth.

They've been here many times before; torments and teases flashed through Stella's mind. Ideas she'd had brewing in the back of her mind since Beverly left her. All the ways she could hurt the woman in the way she knew she would love.

Stella could do anything she wanted to her, and Beverly would thank her for it. There were no limits- no need for safe words- no need for-

She forced all that filth out of her mind and kissed Beverly instead. They knelt on the bed, their legs intertwined, their naked bodies sliding against each other- but just out of rhythm. Not quite there. So, Stella grabbed Beverly's ass and lifted her onto her thigh then tore off her bra.

Beverly wrapped her arms around Stella's neck and began riding her without pause. Her panties were so slick they left a sticky trail on Stella's leg. Their lips found each other again and Stella was lost in the depths.

Her hands on Beverly's ass, guiding her to grind harder into her thigh, the woman's moans, her hands in her hair, tearing at it, her legs wrapped tightly around her thigh, her breasts sliding against hers.

Nothing else existed until she heard a choking moan raise out of Beverly's throat. A small desperate sound, which made Stella's heart hurt. She wanted to give her more- more of herself, more pleasure, more- more-

"Stella!" Beverly groaned into her mouth as she came. She repeated the word, over and over and over again. Stella matched her, in between kisses. "Beverly!"

When Beverly's orgasm passed, she did not stop for a second. She kept grinding herself into Stella, almost as if she wanted to enter her body. Stella could not take it anymore.

She pushed Beverly down onto the mattress, despite the woman's weak protests. She ripped her panties off, then her own. Beverly looked up at her, heaving for breath, her mouth open and red from kissing. Her eyes nearly black from arousal.

"Just- Just tell me-" Beverly said, her voice hoarse. "What you need."

Instead of telling, Stella grabbed Beverly's leg and lifted it up, then she straddled her other thigh and aimed herself carefully before lowering. Beverly looked a bit confused, up until the precise moment when their clits touched.

Her mouth formed into a surprised O. "Oh my- That's- That's something!"

"Just wait..." Stella whispered and ground her hips into Beverly's. Her eyes went wide, then glazed over. She moaned hard, a long ragged sound. Stella matched her, with every thrust. Her pussy was so sensitive the pleasure was almost indistinguishable from pain.

Stella dragged herself over Beverly's wetness, amazed how perfectly they fit together. She tried doing this with a couple other women, to varying results, but of course with Beverly it clicked right away. She could feel every fold, every crease, their pubic hairs growing wet from each other's arousals. The heat between them perfect, digging into Stella, bringing her closer and closer to the edge.

Beverly startled her by coming again- one moment she was looking deep into Stella's eyes, then her head was thrown back, a strangled scream on her lips. Stella could not stop herself from leaning down and kissing the crook of her neck. It tasted like sweat and memories.

As she ground herself into Beverly, closer and close to her own orgasm, the feel and scent of Beverly assaulted her. She could not think, she could not speak, all she could do was keep going, keep taking the woman in. A tug on her hair dragged her head up, Beverly's lips found her again.

Her orgasm was not the strongest she'd ever had, but it was the sweetest. When she came too, she could feel Beverly getting close again, so she did not stop. She kept rocking her hips into Beverly's, kept reveling in the feel of her, until the woman came again.

By which point, Stella felt herself heating up again, wanting for more, so she did not stop.

If somebody asked her afterwards how many times they each came, or how long they were at it, she honestly could not tell them. She lost all perception of time and all concept of reason.

All that was left was the woman she was with.

---

Beverly came four times before Stella was finally satisfied. The woman rolled off of her with a tired but happy grunt. Stella laid on her stomach beside Beverly, her shapely ass sticking up in the air.

If somebody asked Beverly, she could not even point to California on the map right now.

As the haze of sex began clearing from her mind, Beverly decided that she did not care about being healthy after all. She was going to ride this relationship out, wherever it took her. Be it heaven or hell, she did not care, as long as it was with Stella.

She rolled onto her side and half on top of the woman in question. For a moment, she felt nervous about Stella's reaction at such an outrageous act of intimacy, but she shooed the feeling away. Stella hummed at the contact and opened her eyes to look at Beverly.

"Hey there..." She whispered groggily.

"Hey," Beverly said, then because she was who she was she added. "Does this mean that we're dating?"

Stella closed her eyes and laughed, but not without humor. "Yeah. Sure."

"Good." Beverly nodded. She was glad that she did not need to employ any persuasion tactics. "I have questions, though."

Stella gently shoved Beverly off of herself and rolled onto her side. Her breasts (wonderfull, huge, incredibly soft breasts), distracted Beverly for a moment enough that she almost missed what Stella said next.

"Me too..." Stella sighed. "This is going to be a disaster, you know that, right?"

Beverly propped her head on her forearm and mirrored Stella's position. "My whole life has been a disaster so far. Bring it on."

Stella laughed and Beverly felt drunk on the sound. "Yeah! Sure! Bring it on!" Her eyes shone as she looked at Beverly. "What's the worst that could happen?"

"Well... My daughter does want you dead."

Stella laughed, then stopped when Beverly didn't.

"I am serious. She was this close to going to my father and... Proposing they find somebody to do the job. I had to talk her out of it."

Stella wasn't laughing anymore. "Really?"

"I am... Fairly certain she would not have actually gone through with it but... She is not a fan, to say the least."

"Ok... Ok..." Stella sat up on the bed. "So... I go down on my knees and beg for forgiveness?

"As a start."

Stella sighed and wrapped her arms around her knees. "My parents... Will not be very happy with us either."

Beverly sat up straight. Parents. She forgot about those. Shit. "I- I will cook them dinner. Home made, and... Charm them? Do they know that we... Reconnected?"

"It was in the papers. The whole... Fallout from the party." Stella said, not quite looking at Beverly.

All of a sudden California felt closer than before.

"Ah, whatever!" Stella said and threw herself back on the bed. It rocked so hard Beverly was launched into the air a bit. "We'll figure it out. What are they gonna do? Ground me?"

They could drive a wedge between her and Stella, which would, over the years, rot their already precarious relationship from the inside and drive them to hate each other again.

"Yeah." Beverly said. "We'll figure it out."

She was going to have to research Italian cooking.

"So? What else?" Stella asked. "The questions?"

Beverly had plenty. How soon could Stella move into her apartment, and did she really need all of her furniture? On a scale of one to ten, how important was her car to her? But for now she settled on something else.

"So... Stella... As you may know, I enjoy... Rough sex."

"I may have noticed that, yes." Stella smirked. Beverly's heart fluttered. She missed that smirk so much.

"But..." Beverly swallowed hard. "The way we did it... Before, was not... Acceptable." However much she enjoyed it.

Stella wrapped her arms around herself. "No. It wasn't..."

Beverly did not quite know how to ask what she wanted to ask. Stella noticed her problem and crawled over to her. She sat behind Beverly and tugged at her shoulders, into her lap. Her strong, soft arms wrapped around Beverly.

"Aftercare... A safeword... And a lot of communication." Stella whispered into her rear. "How about that?"

Beverly nodded. Yes, this is part of what she wanted to ask, and she was happy that Stella was so ready to change their dynamic, but this wasn't really it. She nuzzled into Stella's arms and tried again.

"I- Before... It was good, because-" Beverly began, feeling terribly self conscious. "You hated me, and I loved it."

Stella put her lips on Beverly's neck, making her shiver. "Beverly... I can make you hurt exactly the way you like... And then kiss it better afterwards. I don't need to hate you to do that."

Beverly laughed. "I know. Jolene did that." She cringed at bringing up her ex at a time like this, but it was important. "But... It wasn't... It wasn't like it was with you. She didn't make me cry... Not the way you did."

"I'm sorry..."

Beverly felt tears prickle at her eyes. God she was tired... This whole day has been exhausting in so many ways. "You know what, forget about it- I am just being-"

A gentle tug at the base of her skull made her stop. Made her breath catch.

"Is this ok?" Stella whispered into her ear as she pulled her hair. "If it's too much, tell me to stop."

"More," Beverly heard herself whisper. The gentle tug turned into a small locus of pain. A small spark of electricity ran down her spine igniting her arousal anew. "Oh, that's good..."

The locus widened, intensified, as Stella's hand twisted. A groan tore out of Beverly's throat. What they've done before the- the whatever the position Stella put her in was beyond lovely... But this was special. Not just the pain, but Stella's arms around her, her gentle voice in her ear.

"How about now?" Stella whispered again, sending a shiver down Beverly's spine, chasing after the electric shock of the pain.

"More," Beverly groaned.

Stella laughed into her ear, a lovely melody, then obliged her. Instead of increasing the pressure on her hair, she reached her other hand down and pinched her nipple, hard.

Beverly found herself growing wet.

"God! Yes!" She moaned. "This is- Perfect! But do more!"

Stella obliged her by biting into her neck from behind. Between the pain in her hair, nipple and neck, as well as Stella's arms around her, Beverly was trapped in an endless moment of softness and pain.

"You really like this, don't you?" Stella let go of her neck to whisper. "You really are a d-" She stopped herself. The pain cut off as her hands let go of Beverly's hair and nipple.

"Please- Don't stop-"

Stella hugged her close to herself, so hard that Beverly's breath left her lungs. Stella's heavy whisper tickled her ear. "I don't want to say it again..." She laughed hollowly. "I don't want to insult you? What the hell?"

"It's fine," Beverly caressed her arms. "I like it..."

"I know, but-" Stella shook her head. "Another word. That one just makes me think of high-school."

"I like- I like pervert..."

"Pervert," Stella whispered. Hearing it whispered so close to her ear did something to Beverly's brain. "My little pervert..."

Fireworks exploded in her heart.

She arched her back and pressed herself into Stella. "Your pervert..."

"Mine." The woman said and held her closer. "You're mine." She put her hand on Beverly's chin and gently tugged. Then she whispered into her mouth. "My little perverted property..."

"O-ok," Beverly said. "Yes... Mistress."

Stella tapped her finger on Beverly's nose. "No. I hate mistress... Miss Stella."

Beverly felt her mouth go dry. "Y-yes miss Stella."

She was rewarded with a gentle kiss and a not so gentle tug on her hair.

"Good girl," Stella whispered, then forced Beverly to look straight ahead again. "If only we had some lube, I could show you exactly how much I missed having you around... Little pervert."

In all of her thirty nine years of life Beverly had never been so proud of herself as when she said the next words. "I have lube in my suitcase."

Stella laughed so hard, it jostled Beverly around. At once she was let go, Stella pushing her away. "Well then go get it pervert!"

Naked, Beverly tried to scramble off the bed in a dignified way, but she was so aroused she could barely remember how to walk properly. "It's in the living room! I'll be right back!" She ran out of the room, just to stop in her tracks when Stella called after her.

"Come back here," she yelled with steel in her voice.

Beverly peeked her head back inside the bedroom, feeling her pussy ache at the tone of Stella's voice. "Uhm. Yes?" Then she remembered. "Oh- I'll be right back, miss..."

Stella's expression softened. "You're forgiven because it's the first time..." She said, slowly. "Next time there will be punishment. Understood, pervert?"

"Yes miss!" Beverly said before running away again.

She felt jittery and light as she ran through her apartment. Stella was waiting for her. Stella. Stella. Stella! She opened the suitcase with trembling hands and for a moment panicked when she could not find the lube. Did she really pack it? She was sure before, but now- There it was!

What would happen if she did not bring it back? Jolene always differentiated between actual punishments and what she called funishments which were things that Beverly wanted to have done to her anyway. She wondered if Stella did it the same way? Should she ask?

No. She wanted to find out in the moment. For a second she considered pretending that she did not find the lube, but she decided against it.

Stella will find a reason to punish her either way. She was sure of that.

She ran back to the bedroom, ready to present her treasure to Stella, but found the bed empty. A hand on the back of her neck startled her- How did Stella get behind her? Did she hide in the hallway?

"There you are... Little pervert," Stella cooed in her ear.

Beverly raised the bottle. "I- I have the lube!"

Stella plucked it out of her hands and weighed it. Beverly found herself being pushed torwards the bed by an inexorable force pressing on her neck. Stella laughed. "Look at that, almost halfway empty... Do you use it a lot?"

"Yes!" Beverly said. "When I masturbate!"

Stella pushed Beverly against the bed, until she could not walk anymore, but held her up by her hair, forcing her to stand.

"Really?" She whispered in Beverly's ear. "All this? It was just you?"

Beverly considered lying, but decided against it. The idea of keeping secrets right now felt alien to her.

"Jolene used it on me-" She admitted. "We- She used a strap on me. A lot!"

The hand in her hair twisted into a fist. "So..." Stella began, her voice promising trouble. "You brought me something another woman used on you?"

A smile so wide it almost hurt blossomed on Beverly's face. She was in trouble now! "Yes!"

In a flash, she was enveloped in Stella's arms again, before her feet left the floor and she found herself upside down. She slammed into the bed, the impact knocking air out of her lungs and disorienting her. Did Stella just... Throw her? It did not hurt, but... God, the difference in their strength made Beverly's core heat up like nothing ever had before.

"Enough lazing around... Come here!"

Hand twisted into her hair painfully and made her raise onto her forearms. Without a word, Stella forced Beverly to get on all fours, and dragged her forward; made her crawl between Stella's spread legs and over her lap. Her chest rested on Stella's thick leg, while her ass was made to raise high up into the air.

Beverly felt so giddy she could barely stop herself from wiggling her ass. Oh, what the hell, she did it anyway.

Stella spanked her ass, hard and murmured. "Stop it. Keep still."

"Yes, miss."

She felt a cold, wet finger on her rectum. It made Beverly's breath catch.

"I'm not... I'm not a very jealous woman... At least I never was before." Stella said, as she dragged slow circles with two of her fingers around Beverly's rim. "But... I don't want to see you with anybody else... The shit you pulled earlier today..."

Two fingers pushed inside Beverly. She grabbed a nearby pillow and moaned her happiness into it.

"I don't want to think about you with anybody else... Unless I make it happen..."

Deeper and deeper the fingers went, until Stella had them all the way inside Beverly.

"You are mine. You are... Mine."

Stella dragged her fingers out or Beverly, before pushing back in, with greater force. In a few short repetitions she was thrusting in and out of Beverly easily. The ache built inside her, spilling all over.

"Say it." Stella said, as a third finger joined the first two in violating her asshole. "Say that you are mine, pervert."

"I am!" Beverly moaned into the mattress. "I am yours, Stella!"

A hard slap to her ass-cheek made her clench on Stella's fingers, who did not stop drilling into her for a second. The ache made Beverly groan, made her forget where she was.

"That's 'miss' for you! Now, once is a mistake... Twice?" Stella said, but there was a smile in her voice." Are you trying to be disobedient?

"No, miss! I am yours miss!" Beverly cried.

Stella sighed. "Good girl..." Then, she sneaked her free arm underneath Beverly and hooked three fingers into Beverly's vagina making her lose all capacity for following orders. Thankfully Stella must have understood it, because she did not give her any.

"That's a good little pervert..." Stella cooed as she fingered both Beverly's openings. "You will need some... Training, but I can tell that you're trying."

Beverly felt terribly oversensitive from her previous orgasms, but she did not care. This was heaven. She was in heaven.

"Now, you can come for me any time you like, pervert," Stella softer now. "Don't make me wait too long..."

Beverly nodded into the bed, then did just that. She clenched hard on Stella's fingers, but the woman did not care and kept working them in and out of Beverly, only dragging more electricity through her system.

Stella's soft voice carried her through her orgasm. She did not understand the woman's words, but the tone made her into mush. Stella was here for her.

When she was done, she fell onto the bed, devoid of strength. She loved every second of what Stella did to her, but she felt relief that it was over. She did not think she could take any more right now.

Except, Stella was not finished.

"Stella-" Beverly gasped for breath as she felt another finger enter her vagina, stretching it more than it had ever been stretched before. "Stella!" She choked on the intense sensation washing over her body, robbing her of her speech.

"You really don't learn, do you? Pervert?" Stella laughed, with an edge of cruelty in her voice. It was that tone, the one she missed so much, that stopped Beverly from asking Stella to stop. "I think- I think you need to be taught a lesson."

Beverly bit into the pillow and steeled herself for pain. Stella did not disappoint her. She kept fucking Beverly so hard she could hardly breathe, all the while digging her fingers into her ass without mercy.

"I think-" Stella said, sounding out of breath. "You should thank me for the instruction!"

"Thank you!" Beverly screamed through gritted teeth. "Thank you Stella!"

Stella laughed, the sound so cold and cruel that Beverly almost came right there on the spot. Then, Beverly felt something that made her lose whatever little control she had left. Stella was forcing another finger into her ass.

"Now, you're just doing it on purpose, pervert! I will teach you to address me properly... Don't worry..."

Stella was working both her hands in and out of her ass and pussy. The pain mixed with pleasure into a rich cocktail that made Beverly feel drunk- she screamed into the pillow what may or may not have been words.

The sounds coming out of her as she came again were inhuman. A cacophony of animal noises that made her feel deeply ashamed of herself, but had no hope of stopping. She clenched down on Stella's hands so hard that the woman could hardly move them- the feel of the shape of them burned into Beverly's mind.

She felt utterly owned by this woman.

When her orgasm was mercifully finished she lost all strength in her body. She realised, with no small amount of surprise, that her face was covered with tears. When did she start crying?

Gently, gentlier than ever before, Stella extricated her fingers out of Beverly as she murmured something stiffly. Through the haze of the post orgasmic bliss Beverly realised that she was cursing.

"Oh fuck- fuck! Shit-" Stella's hands fluttered against Beverly's back. "Shit- Beverly- Are you ok?"

Beverly made a noise that was intended to be reassuring. When it appeared to have no effect on the woman, Beverly engaged all of her remaining brain cells to speak.

"It's fiiiine... Am... Good."

Stella's voice was too small when she responded. "Really?"

"Good... Good..."

Stella laughed nervously- the kind of laugh escapes somebody after they were almost hit by a truck- but seemed to be reassured. Then, she leaned down and kissed Beverly's shoulder. After that, to Beverly's dazed delight, she extricated herself from under Beverly and trailed kisses down her spine ending at her bum.

"Everything alright? Nothing hurts?" Stella asked softly.

"Perfect... Miss..."

Stella chuckled into her right butt-cheek. "Good girl... You've been amazing."

"Thank you..."

"I need to wash my hands... The bathroom's down the hall, yes?"

Beverly nodded and Stella was gone, after leaving another kiss on her rear. Beverly felt such warmth inside that she was sure that she could burrow into the center of the earth and replace the core. Her body ached all over, but it was a sweet ache.

Before long, Stella was back. Beverly stayed in the same position, head down ass up. The cool air helped with her oversensitive nethers.

"I brought a warm wet towel... I will wash you, is that ok?"

"You don't have to ask..." Beverly whispered back. She felt like a lump of soft flesh.

"I know... But I will," Stella said and proceeded to wash Beverly's crotch.

It was wonderful in a way that Beverly did not know how to describe. Then, the wonderfulness continued, when Stella proceeded to flip Beverly over and kiss every part of her that she hurt earlier. Her nipples, her neck, then her lips.

"There... All good." Stella said.

"Is this how you treat all the other girls?" Beverly laughed, then stopped. Why did she just ask that?

Stella did not seem to mind. "No. Some of it, but..." She kissed Beverly's neck again. "This is special... Just for you?" She cleared her throat. "I don't have to do it-"

"You will do it." Beverly said. It was not a request. It was a statement of fact.

Stella chuckled into her throat, then sat up, her hand in Beverly's hair. "So... I... I think I overdid it... I shouldn't have-"

Beverly smiled up at Stella. "It was perfect."

Stella studied her for a moment, her eyes full of worry, before she sighed and smiled back at her. At that moment, Beverly realised that this was happening. Her and Stella were really happening. All of her sleepiness left her.

She stared up at Stella, hoping that her eyes did not show all of what she felt... Or maybe it would be best if they did?

---

Beverly was looking up at Stella with eyes so full of emotion, she wanted to hide. She still felt a bit shaky from what they just did. What she did. Halfway through the sex, she totally lost it. Went too far. Even though the anger was gone, the echoes remained- or maybe it wasn't even that?

Did she just enjoy hurting Beverly? Beverly was afraid of having been ruined by her but... Was Stella ruined?

"That's good..." She said, "But- If I ever do anything- if I ever go too far... You will tell me, right?"

"Yeah." Beverly said and raised her hand up, to caress Stella's cheek. "I will."

"Also," Stella remembered with a start. "We forgot to pick a safe word."

Beverly shrugged. "I... I don't care for those, to be honest."

She felt a shiver run through her... It would be so easy to hurt her again. And Beverly would just eat it up.

Stella sat back on the bed and made herself not think about it. They'll take their time, they'll be careful. They'll figure it out. Beverly scooted over and laid her head in Stella's lap, looking up at her.

"So..." Beverly pouted. "I wish we didn't eat earlier... I want to cook for you."

Stella's mouth watered. Beverly's cooking... She would get really fat so quickly if she were not careful... Oh what the hell. One time could not hurt.

She smiled down at Beverly. "I could eat some more."

The look of absolute greed on Beverly's face made her look utterly insane for a moment, before she wiped it clean with an even smile. "Great! In that case," she scooted off of the bed. "I will make you something light..."

And then she was gone, her naked feet slapping against the hardwood floors. Stella let her go for now. She needed a moment to herself. She laid back on the bed and thought about the girl she once was. She wondered what she would think of herself now. That girl dreamed of being in love once, before the concept grew spikes and became too much to consider.

Stella focused on the ache she still felt in her heart.

Wasn't it supposed to stop hurting once they forgave each other? Wasn't that the idea? But... Maybe their love was something with hooks and barbs. Something that lodged itself in her chest and could not be pulled out without killing Stella.

"Are you coming?" Beverly yelled from the kitchen, the sweetest sound in the world...

Stella felt a moment of absolute dread.

In her mind's eye she saw the eyes of the teenage her looking down at her with disgust. What the hell was she doing? Forgiving Beverly? Planning on- on making a life with her? Had she lost her-

Stella dismissed the phantom with a shake of her head.

She got up and followed where the ache in her chest led her; to the only woman she ever cared about, one way or another.

The End

// There will still be a couple of shorter epilogue chapters coming to round out the end, but for the most part, this is it for these two lunatics. I hope that you've enjoyed the story!