Wish You Were Here

This story was inspired by a country music song by Mark Wills entitled "Wish You Were Here." I heard it on the radio while on a car trip and the idea of turning it into something nagged at me until I wrote this. It's not erotic in any sense and I struggled to choose a category into which to place it. In the end, it is a romance and so there it resides.

Any resemblance of the characters to real people, living or dead, is purely coincidental. As always, constructive comments, criticisms and corrections are encouraged. Hope you enjoy this.

WISH YOU WERE HERE

They pulled up to the airline departure area. She was driving, as he was the departing passenger. He was making the Asian sales marathon - Japan, China, Korea, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, Indonesia, India, Sri Lanka, Australia and New Zealand. He'd be gone a month if the schedule held. Longer if it didn't.

"I hate that you're going to bene for so long."

"This is the last trip like this. Charlie's promised. When I get back, I'll be replacing Tom when he retires as senior vice president of sales and marketing. Some other guy will be doing sales marathons in the future."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart. And when I get back, I'm taking a couple of weeks off and we're going to do nothing but take a vacation somewhere and work on finally getting you pregnant."

They'd been working on starting a family for a few months now and had made love several times the evening before. She'd awakened early and coaxed one more love making session out of him before they had to dress and leave for the airport.

She popped the trunk and he pulled out his suitcases, handing them to the baggage handler. Then he walked around the car, leaned in through the window, and kissed her one last time.

"Hurry up Rick. You don't want to miss your plane."

"I love you. And I'm going to miss you while I'm gone."

"I love you more. And I'm definitely going to miss you more, too. Now get going. And hurry home."

She watched him walk through the doors to the departure area. He turned and waved one last time as she pulled out and headed back to the house.

Rick was always good about letting her know how his trip was going. He'd email, text or call, depending on where he was in his travels. When he reached Australia, he was about three weeks into his Asian tour. A schedule change gave him a free day and he hit a beach. While walking through the shopping area adjacent to the beachfront, he saw a rack of postcards. One of them just said "Heaven" on the front, with a picture of the ocean and a beach. He picked it up and wrote a brief note: "I wish you were here, so I could see your face and hold you in my arms. The weather's wonderful. It's a little bit of paradise, warm all year round. I ran into the two Australian couples we met at the last sales retreat and they said hi. They'd like us to come see them sometime. I miss you so much and can't wait to get home and hold you again. I love you." He got the store owner to give him the necessary postage and mail the card, then proceeded on to the next scheduled stop on his trip.

She was a little over a month into the school year when he left. Her third grade class was small this year. Only twenty children. No serious problems this year, which was a blessing. She'd had a number of years when one or more of her students had serious learning difficulties or behavioral issues. This year would be her fifth year teaching and she was ready for an easy one.

Rick had been gone almost three weeks when she realized that her period was late. She was as regular as well tuned clock, so she was excited about the possibility that their goodbye passionate joinings might finally have done the job. On the way home from school, she stopped at the local pharmacy and purchased a pregnancy test.

When she got home, she couldn't wait to see what the test revealed. She raced to the bathroom, administered the test, then waited what she thought would be the longest two minutes of her life, before seeing the results. Positive! She was pregnant. She immediately called her OBGYN to set up an appointment to confirm the test results, then began planning the reveal. She'd wait until Rick got home, then present the test results in a little gift box. He'd be so excited. He wanted children as much or more than she did. "Oh," she thought, "I wish you were here now. I can hardly wait to tell you the good news."

The OBGYN confirmed that she was about three weeks pregnant, exciting her all the more about finally starting a family with Rick.

According to the schedule he'd left her, Rick was due to fly out of Australia for New Zealand, his last stop before coming home. She was eagerly awaiting his return.

That evening, the phone rang. It was a number she didn't recognize, but she picked it up, anticipating it might be Rick calling from an overseas phone. He'd done that several times.

The voice on the other end was not Rick's. It had an accent similar to those of the two couples from Australia. "May I please speak to Mrs. Amanda Miller?"

"This is she. May I ask what this is in reference to?"

"Are you the wife of Richard Miller? That's the name listed on the emergency contact form."

"Has something happened to Rick? Please tell me he's ok."

Silence on the other end of the line.

"What? What? WHAT?"

"Mrs. Miller, I'm sorry to have to tell you this. There was a plane crash. We believe your husband was a passenger on that plane. There don't appear to be any survivors."

She began to scream. "No! No! NO!!!"

"Is there anyone we can contact for you?"

She continued to scream, then began to sob, making the sounds of an animal in extreme pain. The caller, having dealt with this before, simply waited silently for her to regain at least a modicum of control.

"What happened?"

"All we know is that the plane vanished off the radar somewhere between Australia and New Zealand. The Australian coast guard has recovered portions of what appear to be wreckage, but we won't know more until they recover the flight recorders. It may take a while, as they are somewhere beneath the surface and must first be located."

"Did you recover any of the passengers' bodies?"

"Not at this time, but searches continue."

She began to cry again. "So I may not even be able to bury my husband?"

"I'm sorry ma'am, I just don't know what to tell you at this time. We'll update you when more information becomes available. Let me give you our contact information for the center we've set up to be the interface with the families of the passengers." He proceeded to do so, and took her email contact information in return.

She called her parents first. Almost incoherent on the call, she eventually managed to convey the news that Rick had been a passenger on the plane that had gone down in the ocean. They immediately told her they'd drive out to be with her. A four hour drive, they'd be there by the end of the day. Her mother offered to call Rick's parents, but she said that she had to do it.

The call to Rick's parents was no easier. They too said they'd come immediately, but they lived a four hour flight away and would need to purchase airline tickets and deal with flight schedules. They'd be there the following day.

She hadn't mentioned the pregnancy to either set of parents. She'd do that when they all were together.

She told them all the following day after Rick's parents arrived. She broke down crying again and both her mother and mother-in-law cried as well. The two fathers simply hugged all three women in a group embrace.

Her teachers' union contract gave her a three-week bereavement leave for the loss of spouse. She knew she'd need every day of that and many more besides to finally come to grips with her loss.

Two days later, in what was probably an attempt to improve the world's perception of the airline after the crash, all five of them were flown to Australia at no cost, then taken by ship out to the crash site. The Australian navy, aided by the U. S. navy, was attempting to recover the flight data recorders from the crash site. As they would broadcast their location for only a limited period of time, the U. S. navy had provided a deep diving submersible which hopefully could retrieve the two recorders. No attempt would be made to raise any portion of the wreckage the submersible located, although it would take as many high resolution photos as possible. Any remains found would be left in situ, although no one anticipated actually finding any. It would turn out that none were observed by either the crew of the submersible or in any of the photos and video taken of the wreckage.

She had brought a copy of the ultrasound with her, sealed in a weighted plastic container. It was silly, she knew, to think that dropping it at the site of the crash would somehow let Rick know that he had fathered a child. But it was the only thing she could think to do to somehow let him know, wherever he now was, that they'd finally created a new life together.

When the family returned to the U. S., they held an emotional memorial service for Rick, after which Rick's parents and her father each returned to their respective homes. Her mother stayed with her for more than a month before doing the same. She returned to the classroom to be greeted by hugs from her principal, several of her fellow teachers, and every one of the children in her class.

For reasons known only to the international mail system, Rick's postcard took almost a month to wend its way to her. When she found it in her mailbox, she broke down again, weeping on her knees by the mailbox until her mother found her and brought her into the house. She slept with the postcard under her pillow that evening, then took it to be mounted in plexiglass to preserve it and placed it on the dresser in their bedroom where it would be one of the first things she saw every morning as she awoke. It was a constant reminder of how much her husband had loved her and how much she had lost.

Once her morning sickness passed, the pregnancy was uneventful. Her due date was just around the end of the school year. If she could last until her summer break, she would be able to take the entire four month pregnancy leave to which she was contractually entitled during the fall, not returning to the classroom until after the Christmas holiday break.

She made it to within five days of the end of the term. Fortunately, she'd hoarded sick days and personal days and, although the district strongly discouraged using them at the end of the year, her principal, recognizing the loss she'd suffered, simply turned a blind eye and approved her use of the days.

Her mother had come out to be with her as her labor and delivery coach. She was there when her twenty-three hour labor ended with the delivery of a seven pound ten ounce baby boy. There was no question about what to name him. He was Richard Alan Miller, Jr.

She was able to spend almost seven months with him before returning to teaching. Her mother had stayed for the first month, followed by her mother-in-law for the second month and her sister for two additional weeks. Once Ricky reached six months, she could place him in the day care facility across the street from the school at which she taught, allowing her to stop over on breaks to nurse him.

Rick's company had provided life insurance in the amount of two times salary as part of its benefit package for officers. The policy had a double indemnity clause for accidental death. That, along with the policy Rick had put into place when they married, allowed her to pay the mortgage off completely, plus put something away as a rainy day fund. That rainy day fund was supplemented by the settlement from the airline and the aircraft manufacturer of the suits against both by the families of the deceased passengers, although not at the same level that a suit in the U. S. would have produced. She continued teaching.

The lawsuits finally settled after the Australian aviation commission's investigation of the cause of the crash was completed. The cause was never clearly determined. All the flight data recorders revealed was that the plane had suddenly lost power and broken up in mid-air. Failure of one or both turbo fans in the engines throwing fragments into the wing and body of the aircraft was suspected, but whether the cause was a design flaw, a manufacturing flaw, or a maintenance flaw was never determined. The families were left uncertain, as was the aviation public.

For the next six years, her life revolved around teaching children and raising her son. Her parents tried to see them at least once a month. Rick's parents tried to be there at least once a quarter. In between, there were face time and video calls. She took hundreds of photos, sending them electronically to both sets of parents so they could see their grandson's progression from infant to toddler to young boy. She sent an electronic copy to Rick's email account, which she'd never terminated. It gave her a way pretend that Rick was still involved in her and Ricky's lives, if only in her own mind. Each transmittal ended with "I wish you were here to see this in person. I miss you."

As time passed, her friends encouraged her to date, but she wasn't prepared to upset Ricky's and her well-ordered lives by trying to introduce another person into the mix. In addition, dating would force her to acknowledge once and for all that Rick was gone. Although she knew that intellectually, she was still not prepared to admit that emotionally. He'd been the love of her life and she couldn't imagine that there was another man who could ever match up to him.

Ricky enrolled in kindergarten at her school. As his first year was ending, the local youth baseball program arranged for the district to provide registration materials to all of the children at the school. Ricky's came home stuffed in his backpack. It was the first thing he picked out and gave to her when he got home.

"Mommy, can I play T-ball this summer? All my friends are going to play this summer."

She wasn't prepared for that. Neither she nor Rick had been sports fans and she had only the most remote understanding of what Ricky's playing T-ball would entail. But he was not a child who asked for many things and she was willing to give him a chance to experience team sports.

She signed the forms and mailed them back to the league, then went out and bought the equipment he'd need to play. The salesman at the local sporting goods store was a great help, making sure that what she was buying was appropriate for a child of Ricky's age.

She was notified of Ricky's team assignment and his schedule by email. She knew a couple of the children on his team from play dates and class activities.

Ricky's first practice did not go well. He was the only boy on his team who didn't have any previous experience throwing, catching or hitting. Once again, she thought of Rick and how she wished he were here to have gotten Ricky ready for this new experience. Ricky clearly finished the first time discouraged.

"Mommy, I'm no good at this. I don't want to do this anymore."

"What's our rule about starting things?"

"I have to finish what I start."

"And that's what we're going to do here. We'll have to figure out a way to make you better."

There had been a man sitting alone at the top of the small set of bleachers overlooking the practice field. He'd been taking notes all through the practice. It was clear he'd overheard the exchange between Ricky and her.

"Hi," he said. "I'm Ian Campbell. I'm helping Charlie and Tom coach this team. I noticed your son wasn't having a very good time. Can I help?"

"I'm Joyce Miller. This is Ricky's first experience with T-ball and I'm afraid I don't know anything about it and we haven't really done anything to prepare."

"Do you have a few minutes? I'd like to try a little one on one with your son. I'll tell Charlie and Tom I'll lock up when we're done. Would that be OK?"

"That would be great. Thank you."

Ian took Ricky back out on the field and stood him about fifteen feet away. "Lets just play a little catch. You throw me the ball and I'll throw it back to you. Remember, just an easy toss to me. And when you catch the ball with your glove, make sure to use your other hand to keep it caught."

They tossed the ball back and forth for about twenty minutes. By the end of that time, Ricky clearly understood what he was doing, even if the execution still left something to be desired.

"Now Ricky, I want you to do what we've been doing here every day. Thirty throws and catches. Ask your dad to help you when he gets home from work."

"I don't have a dad. He's dead."

Ian looked at Joyce, clearly embarrassed. "I'm sorry. No one told us there were any single parents on the team."

Joyce managed not to tear up, although her voice cracked. "Ricky's dad died before he was born. I've raised him on my own since then."

"How about I plan to do this after each practice then? I have time."

"Won't your wife mind?"

"I'm not married anymore." His facial expression and tone as he made that simple statement told Joyce there was far more behind that fact than that simple statement delivered.

Now Joyce was embarrassed. "Now its my turn to say I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring up an unpleasant memory. I'd be delighted if you'd help coach Ricky and I know he would be too. We'll see you on Thursday evening."

With that, she gathered Ricky's things and took him home.

Joyce and Ricky played catch twice each day. Joyce wasn't much better than Ricky, which made for some laughter on both their parts as they spent nearly as much time chasing wild throws and missed catches as they did actually tossing the ball back and forth.

After the next practice, Ian and Ricky spent another twenty minutes working on the basics.

As the season progressed, the post practice workouts went from twenty minutes, to thirty, to forty-five and then to an hour. She watched her son bonding with an adult male for the first time and watched Ian interacting with her son as well. Ian clearly had an interest in seeing Ricky improve and it was obvious that Ricky truly enjoyed spending time with him. She and Ian would talk briefly as he finished locking up the equipment and then go their separate ways. She was intrigued by him, mostly because he seemed to take great pleasure in helping her son improve his skills. Yet she could sense an underlying sadness in him for which she had no explanation. He made small talk, but avoided any personal discussion topics.

No fool, she'd done an on line search for Ian Campbell as soon as he started spending time with Ricky. There wasn't a lot of information - a couple of entries in various on-line IT trade blogs, an Indeed entry, and a Facebook page that hadn't been updated in years. Nothing in the search results gave her any real insight into who he was.

By the end of the season, Ricky's skills had improved almost exponentially. More importantly, his whole attitude about baseball had changed as his skills had improved. He wasn't the best player on the team by any means, but he was definitely in the top half of the team, a huge improvement.

The last game of the season ended on a very high note. Ricky was playing third base when the opposing team's batter hit a line drive right at him. He caught it and then, remembering what Ian had taught him, touched third base, putting the runner who'd moved at the hit out as well. It was the first double play of the season and the parents from both teams cheered and clapped.

After the game, the traditional pizza party for the team, coaches and parents moved over to the local pizzeria. Charlie, the head coach, handed out awards to the players. To Ricky's and her delight, Ricky was named "Most Improved" and Charlie handed him a small trophy. After thanking the coach, Ricky brought the trophy over to his mother to show it off, then turned to Ian. "Thank you, Mr. Campbell. You really made me better." She noted Ian seemed be tearing up a bit as he said, "No, Ricky, your hard work made you better. I just showed you how to do it. Now keep it up." She was so proud of Ricky, both for how he'd worked to improve and how he'd acknowledged the man who'd helped him. Once again, the thought came unbidden. "Oh Rick, I wish you were here to see this."

As the party was ending, she pulled Ian aside. "I'd like to thank you for all you've done for Ricky. I couldn't have done any of that. I'd like to say thank you in a bit more formal way. Would you please consider coming to dinner on Sunday? I'm actually a pretty good cook and I'm sure you must get tired of eating your own cooking alone."

Somewhat to his own surprise, Ian accepted the invitation. She told him that dinner would be at 5:00, but he could come whenever.

He texted her that morning, telling her he'd be there around 4:00 and saying he wanted to spend some time working on Ricky's baseball skills. When the doorbell rang, she opened the door to find him there with a bouquet of flowers and a bottle of each of red and white wine. "Ian, this is too much. I wanted to thank you for what you did for Ricky this summer."

"Nonsense! My mother'd come out of her grave and beat me if I showed up as a guest empty-handed. Besides, I forgot to ask whether you drank red or white."

She realized that his telling her his mother was deceased was the first bit of personal information he'd shared with her since telling her he was no longer married at the first time they'd spoken. She wondered what had brought this tiny crack in his armor on, but was wise enough to simply note it and not to comment on it.

"Well, thank you. We're having chicken tonight, so I'll open the white. And let me put these flowers in water."

"Where's the ball player?"

"He's out back. Let me show you. He's been asking me when you were coming since he got up this morning."

She took him through the house to the back door where he was greeted by an excited Ricky. On the walk through the house, he noted the abundance of photographs. Most were of Ricky or Ricky and Joyce at various stages of Ricky's life, although there were some of Ricky with two older couples, probably, he thought, grandparents, and several of a younger man individually and with Joyce. Almost certainly the deceased husband.

Ian and Ricky played ball for almost an hour before she summoned them to wash up for dinner. As they moved into the dining room, he was impressed with the effort she had put forth. The menu included a whole roasted chicken, scalloped potatoes, roasted carrots, peas with pearl onions, homemade rolls and a Caesar salad. Everything looked and smelled delicious and he ate far more more than usual, enjoying both the food and the company. Dessert was a key lime pie, also homemade. Clearly Joyce had put considerable effort into the meal and he complimented her enthusiastically.

Ricky helped to clear the table and Ian offered, over Joyce's objections, to assist with the cleanup. "It's the least I can do after you fed me so royally."

They chatted as they loaded the dishwasher and then washed the pots and pans. Ricky was back out in the yard, swinging on the swing set.

When the cleanup was finished and things put away, she turned to Ian, clearly a bit nervous.

"What's up? Did I do something to make you uncomfortable?"

"Not at all. I'm just trying to figure out how to ask you something. It's a big ask, at least in my mind."

"Well, spit it out. I think you know by now that I'm not an ogre and I'm unlikely to bite if I don't like what you've said."

"It's about Ricky."

"What about Ricky?

"He's really bonded with you. You're the first male figure that's ever spent serious time with him on a regular basis. His grandfathers would both like to, but they live so far away that it isn't practical."

"O. K. I think you've realized by now that I like your son. He's a great kid and you've done a wonderful job raising him."

"Thanks. But there are things a boy needs to learn from a man, not from his mother. I know that's not a popular viewpoint in today's world, but I still think it's true."

"I won't argue with you there. I still see men and women as having different roles in raising children."

"So what I wanted to ask is whether you might see a way to stay involved in Ricky's life now that T-ball season has ended? You know, as sort of an uncle who regularly interacts with him?"

"I'd be honored. But I think there are some things we need to discuss before I commit."

"The first time we met, I told you I wasn't married anymore. You've been good about not asking for any details. I think you need to know the story before you decide that you want me to be part of Ricky's life on a longer term basis than this past T-ball season."

She looked at him, not really processing what he was saying. "O. K."

"I married Amanda straight out of college. She was an accountant, I was a software developer. We'd dated for about two years. I went to work for a company that builds software operating systems for large businesses. She went to work for the U. S. subsidiary of an international company. I was part of the team that did the installs when we installed a new operating system for a customer. Sometimes, that meant being gone eight or ten days at a time as we did the install, tested and debugged it."

"What happened?"

"Cut right to the chase, don't you?"

"Sorry. I should let you tell me your own way."

"Three years after we were married, we had a baby. A little boy. We named him Jock, after my grandfather. He'd be about the same age as Ricky now."

She stared at him. He'd never mentioned a son before.

"I thought we were having a great marriage. I know I was gone a bit more than was desirable, but I thought I was building a future for us."

"I know something about that. Rick traveled a lot for business, although we didn't have Ricky yet."

"Anyway, when Jock was a little bit over three years old, I was part of a team that was doing the largest design and install project our company had ever done. The install was going to take ten days. I kissed Amanda and Jock goodbye at the airport, got on a plane and flew off to the customer's headquarters."

She waited, expecting a story of loss from some sort of accident or crime. What came next was completely unexpected and so hit her all the harder.

"The project ended up taking the full ten days. I called her every night and spoke to her and Jock. Nothing seemed the least bit awry."

"I sense a 'but' coming."

"When I got home, her car was in the garage, but neither she nor Jock was home. I thought maybe she'd taken him out to the local park or just for a walk. I took my bags up to the bedroom, dumped my dirty clothes in the hamper, took a shower and walked down to the kitchen to grab a drink."

He hesitated at that point, clearly emotional. She simply looked at him, waiting.

"On the kitchen table, I found a letter, an envelope and her engagement and wedding rings. The letter said that she'd fallen in love with someone else, was divorcing me and had taken Jock to go live with her new lover. The envelope contained a signed divorce petition."

"My God, Ian. How could she do that?"

"I still don't know what happened. I'm either the most clueless man on the planet or she was the best actor I've ever encountered. I had not an inkling that she was planning something like that."

"I immediately called her boss, who told me that she'd quit two weeks before. I checked our bank accounts and half our savings and checking accounts were gone."

"I called her parents and every friend of hers I knew of. None of them could, or at least would, tell me where she was or who she was with. I did manage to trace her to England. She'd flown out of New York the day before I'd come home. She'd bought two tickets, one for Jock and one for her."

"Once I discovered she'd flown out of the country, I contacted a lawyer, who reached out to the British embassy for assistance in locating my son. It took them a while to respond. When we finally heard from them, they confirmed that she and Jock had arrived at Heathrow the day she flew out. They had no record of her leaving the country. They also had no record of her being present. She'd just vanished, along with my little boy."

By now he was crying and she was as well. She reached out to take his hand, but he pulled it away.

"Despite my best efforts, I've found no trace of them. If they left England, they did it off the record. The U. S. State Department reached out to the EU to see if any of the member countries have a record of her entering on a U. S. passport, but that came up empty. They just vanished as if they'd never existed. I've been living with that loss for the last three years."

"I am so, so sorry, Ian. I had no idea."

"No one does. I quit my job shortly after, sold the house and moved here. My lawyer processed the divorce. Because she failed to appear, he got me all of the remaining marital assets and legal custody of my son. Of course, that's only meaningful if I can actually find my son. Otherwise, it's meaningless. I've continued to try finding her on line, but if she has any kind of presence it's well hidden. She's become completely invisible."

They sat in silence for a long time, neither looking at the other. Finally, she said, "So that's why you were so willing to work with Ricky?"

"I saw a little boy who needed someone to help him. I'd hope that someone would do that for Jock in a similar situation."

"And why are you telling me this now? How does it impact your continuing to work with Ricky."

"Clearly I failed as a husband and a father. I wanted you to know this before you commit to having me in your son's life on a longer term basis."

"And how do you think that might make me think less of you? I've watched you with my son. You couldn't be better with him if you WERE his father. I don't know what was going through your ex-wife's mind when she did that to you, but it was her, not you, who I'd be afraid to allow spend time with my son. Anyone who can do that to a husband and father is clearly deranged. I am not worried about you spending time with Ricky. My only concern is that you might get tired of it and hurt Ricky and after hearing what you went through, I can't see you doing that to a child."

And so, he and she agreed that he'd continue to spend time with Ricky.

With T-ball ended, Ian explored other interests with Ricky. They did things together at least once a week and sometimes more. There was fishing, trips to the zoo and to some of the local child-oriented museums. They also explored activities as varied as horseback riding and visit to a local aviation museum. She seldom accompanied them. These these were primarily Ricky/Ian adventures. But she was ecstatic at watching Ricky blossom under Ian's guidance. He frequently joined them for dinner after one of these outings. Neither of them had mentioned their discussion again, although it was always there in the back of her mind and, she was sure, in his as well.

Ian still kept his distance from her. After that emotional disclosure, he'd retreated back behind the emotional barricades she'd noticed when first meeting him. He and she interacted, but always with a reserve on his part. Ricky had broken through that barrier, but there was no opening that allowed her to follow.

They continued this through the fall. Thanksgiving was approaching. Her parents and her in-laws had historically alternated coming to her home for Thanksgiving. This year would be different. Her parents were going to her sister's, an almost eight hour drive from her. Her in-laws were planning to be off on an extended cruise for their thirty-fifth anniversary. For the first time since Rick's death, she would have no family sharing the day with her.

She decided that she'd make the day special for as many people as she could. Several of the youngest teachers at the school were Thanksgiving "orphans" this year. Since she had a house that could hold all of them, she invited all of them to join her for the meal. And of course, since she knew he'd otherwise be alone for the day, she invited Ian.

He came early to help her set up and to keep Ricky occupied and out of the way. As she'd anticipated, the day was a success. The teachers were a lively bunch, each contributing something to the table, glad to have company on the holiday, and delighted to finally meet Ricky. Ian stayed on the periphery, participating when asked but not interjecting himself into the flow. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, noting his reticence. She noted several of the young women taking his measure, wondering how he fit into her life.

When the meal had ended, he stayed behind to help her clean up. As they finished, she poured two glasses of wine, handed him one, and said "Let's take a break."

They had moved into the living room and were seated on the opposite ends of the sofa.

"Can I ask you something Ian?"

"Go ahead."

"What are we doing?"

"What do you mean?"

"You have become almost a father figure to Ricky. You see him every week. He has grown very attached to you and, unless I am sorely mistaken, you've grown equally attached to him. You and I spend time together almost every week, usually at a mealtime. Yet you've never indicated the slightest interest in me as anything but Ricky's mom. You've erected this barrier; you've let Ricky through but no one else, as near as I can tell. Why?"

He stared at her for what seemed an eternity. Then he reached out and took her left hand in his hands. It was the first time he'd intentionally touched her since they'd shaken hands the first time she'd met him at the T-ball practice. Then he tapped the engagement and wedding rings she still wore with a finger.

"I lost one family to a ghost. I'm not going to try to compete with another one. When you are ready to remove these rings and rejoin the world in that aspect of your life, we can discuss this again. Until then, I have nothing more to say in response to your question. I'll pick Ricky up on Saturday as we planned."

With that he stood up, put on his overcoat and walked out her front door without a backward glance.

She slept poorly that night and was awake much earlier than usual. She needed to talk to someone and, after waiting until she was reasonably sure that she wouldn't be awakening her, called her sister.

"Missy, it's Joyce."

"What's up little sister? Is everything OK?"

"No, it's really not. I need some advice."

This was unusual. She had almost always managed her own life's decisions with minimal input from the family, particularly after Rick's death.

"Okaaayyy. Sounds serious. What's going on?"

"I'm sure mom's told you about the guy who's mentoring Ricky. His name is Ian."

"She's said something about that. She thinks it's good for Ricky to have an adult male figure in his life to provide some guidance."

"He's wonderful with Ricky. I couldn't ask for anyone not actually Ricky's father to do more for him."

"So what's the problem?"

"I see this guy every week. We almost always have dinner together. He's great with Ricky, but he's got this emotional barricade between him and everyone else. And I can't seem to get through it."

Missy was beginning to see where this might be heading, but she continued to ask questions.

"And why does that matter? He's great with Ricky. Isn't that what you want?"

"Welllll. I'm beginning to think I want more. I watch him with Ricky and I realize that there's a kind, generous, loving man hiding behind that emotional wall. And I'm beginning to fall for him."

"Beginning?"

"O. K. A bit more than beginning."

"So why call me at the crack of dawn on the day after Thanksgiving?"

"Last night, after everyone else left, I asked him what was going on with us."

"And??????"

"He took my hand, tapped my rings, and told me he wasn't going to try to compete with a ghost."

"What did you say?"

"Not a word. I was dumbfounded. I'd never thought about it that way before. You know how much I loved Rick. I've not really moved on. He forced me to see that. I don't know what to do."

"Are you ready to move on? Are you interested enough in him to make that decision?"

"I think so. No, I know I am. Rick will always be an important part of my life, but Ian's made me realize that I can't mourn Rick for the rest of my life."

"Well then, little sister, you need to put those rings away and see if you can persuade this man that he won't be competing with a ghost."

She was waiting at the door on Saturday when Ian arrived to take Ricky to the park. As they were leaving, she said to him, "Supper will be at 6:00. Please join us."

He looked at her, wondering why she was making a point of asking him when this had become part of the routine when he and Ricky spent the day together.

She saw his raised eyebrow, the question on his face but unspoken.

"I'd like to continue Thursday evening's conversation, if you're willing."

"O. K. We'll be back in time for dinner."

When dinner was finished, Ricky went off to play as he helped her clean up. When they had finished, she poured two glasses of wine and motioned toward the living room. "Let's talk."

They again were sitting at opposite ends of the sofa. This time, she reached out and took his hands in hers. Then she pointed to the ring finger on her left hand.

"I thought about what you said and I talked at some length with my sister. I don't want to lie to you. Rick will always have a special place in my heart. But you have made me realize that it's time for me to move on. I'll always miss him and wish he were here, but I can't live the rest of my life in widow's weeds. If you're willing, I'd like to explore whether there might be something between us, not just between you and Ricky."

He hadn't really expected her to react so quickly to his comments that Thanksgiving evening.

"Well, do you think you could get a babysitter for Ricky next Saturday evening? I'd like to take you to dinner."

"I think that could be arranged."

He made reservations at the best restaurant in the city, then added tickets to a show she'd mentioned in passing.

The evening was a success. They talked all through dinner, walked hand in hand to the show, then spent almost two hours walking and talking afterward. When he finally delivered her home, she reached up and kissed him gently on the cheek.

"I had a wonderful time. I hope you did as well."

"I certainly did. Best date I've had in years. I'd like to do it again next weekend, if you are so inclined."

"Oh, definitely. I'd love it."

He was formally introduced as her boyfriend at Christmas dinner. They slept together for the first time after the New Year's Eve party they'd attended. The first "I love you" followed two weeks later. By February, he was convinced that he'd found a woman he could love the rest of his days. And she was equally convinced that he was the man she would love for the rest of her life.

He was old-fashioned enough to ask her parents' blessing before he proposed. And he also asked Ricky whether it was O. K. with him to marry his mom. Ricky's response was an enthusiastic yes, followed by a question that brought tears to his eyes. "Will you be my dad after you marry mom?"

"You bet, little man. I'll be the best dad to you that I can be."

He gave her a ring at Valentine's Day and they were married shortly after the end of the school year. It was a small wedding - her family, Rick's parents, a couple of Ian's close friends - held in their back yard. Ian had no living family to invite except his son, whom he still had not found.

Ricky stayed with his grandparents while Joyce and Ian honeymooned. Then before the start of the new school year, they took Ricky to Disney World for a week. She realized as that week was ending that she'd not once wished Rick was there. She still loved him and honored his memory, but Ian had replaced him in her life and she had embraced that change.

They'd discussed having children. Both were in their mid-thirties by now and they saw no reason to wait. Ian desperately wanted a child of his own and Joyce had always wanted at least two. She was pregnant by mid-October. To their surprise, she was having twin girls. They were born shortly after the end of the school year and they named them Cassandra, for her mother, and Melanie, for Rick's mother. It was Ian who said to her that he wished Jock could be here to see his sisters.

After the twins were born, they discussed selling the house to buy a larger one, then decided to build an addition instead. With the work complete, they settled into their new lives and contemplated the future where they would see their children grow, leave home, produce grandchildren and the two of them would grow old together.

He asked her about adopting Ricky. She was delighted at the idea, but wanted to talk to Rick's parents before agreeing. To her surprise, Rick's parents endorsed the idea, even though it meant Ricky no longer carrying on the family name. "Ricky should have the same name as the rest of his family. We might feel different if Rick were alive, but Ian is the only father Ricky's ever known and he deserves to carry his father's name." With their blessing, the adoption was formalized and Ricky became a Campbell.

The years passed quickly. As the children reached various milestones, Ian often thought, and occasionally voiced to her, that he wished Jock were here to share the milestones with his siblings. For Joyce, this happened less often, but she still occasionally thought that she wished Rick could see the things his son was accomplishing.

Ricky graduated high school, then went off to college where he majored in biochemistry. Following graduation, he applied to and was accepted by one of the finest law schools in the country, where he excelled, focusing on intellectual property law. Upon graduating and passing the bar, he was hired to work as a patent attorney in one of the country's leading pharmaceutical companies. He was now living several hours away, engaged to a Ph. D. researcher he'd met at work, and thriving.

Cassie and Mel both finished high school and decided on careers in medicine. Cassie was studying to be a nurse anesthetist and Mel a physician's assistant with a specialty in pediatric medicine. Both had grown into attractive young women and both had serious boyfriends.

Ian and Joyce grew ever closer in their marriage and their love deepened over the years. They supported each other through the illness and deaths of Rick's parents and the increasing frailty of Joyce's parents. Their lives were full and complete and they eagerly awaited the grandchildren they hoped their children would soon bless them with.

Ian had continued to search for Amanda and Jock on line, without success. He now did it more out of habit than with any expectation of success. Someone who vanished over two decades before was unlikely to be found or recognized via an internet search.

With the kids grown and functioning on their own, they'd gone to Hawaii for their twentieth anniversary. They'd been gone about two weeks. With no one at home, the yard had gotten out of control and the weeds were threatening to take over the flowerbeds and vegetable garden. He'd gone out to get gas for the mower and she was working on restoring the landscaping to at least a semblance of control. She heard a car pull up and a young man, about Ricky's age, stepped out and approached her.

"Hi. May I help you?"

The young man spoke with an accent she couldn't place. "I'm looking for a man named Ian Campbell. I'm told this is where he lives now."

"Ian's my husband. He's out right now but he'll be back in a few minutes. You're welcome to wait for him. May I ask what this is in reference to?"

"If I have the right Ian Campbell, he's my biological father."

She stood there, stunned. "Are you Jock?"

"Yes, that's my name. How did you know?"

"He's told me about you and how he lost you. He's never stopped looking for you and hoping you'll be reunited. Let me call him and tell him to come home immediately."

She dialed his number and simply said, "You need to come home now. It's important."

He pulled in the driveway five minutes later, noting the unfamiliar car parked at the curb and the young man talking to his wife.

"What's going on, babe?"

She simply stared at him, then at the young man, then back at him. She was at a complete loss for words.

After watching the two of them, the young man spoke. "Are you Ian Campbell? The Ian Campbell who had son named Jock with a woman named Amanda?"

"Yes, why do you ask?"

"I'm Jock."

Ian stared at him, completely at a loss for words. Over a quarter century of searching, hoping, praying that he would some day see his missing son again had finally ended.

When he finally spoke, he stuttered. "Wha..., wher..., how..., where have you been?"

"It's a long story and I think you should read this letter I've been asked to give you. It's from my mother."

Ian scowled, clearly annoyed at the reference to the woman who'd almost destroyed his life.

"She wrote me a letter asking me to give it to you before she died. She wanted to explain and say she was sorry for what she'd done."

"Your mother's dead?"

"Yes. A few months ago. She finally wrote two letters as she was dying, one to me and one to you, and asked me to make sure I delivered the letter to you in person."

"Please come inside and sit down. I need a little bit of time to process this. It's been a long, long time and I never expected to have this happen. I didn't ever give up hope, but I thought it very unlikely after so much time had passed."

Jock handed the letter to Ian, who stared at it for a long time. What could the woman who'd broken his heart and stolen his child possibly want to say from the grave. Was this one last blow from a woman he'd once loved and then grown to hate?

He opened it and began reading it aloud to Joyce and Jock.

"Dear Ian,

I'm not sure you would allow me to call you dear in any respect, given what I did to you so many years ago. If you are reading this letter, I am dead. I've asked our son to find you and deliver this to you in person so I can at least make an attempt at acknowledging how badly I wronged you and how deeply sorry I am for what I did.

Before I explain, let me assure you that nothing you did caused me to act in the manner I did. You were a wonderful husband and a loving and engaged father. I am solely responsible for what happened.

I met Robert at work. His family were the principal owners of the South African parent company that owned my employer. He was seconded to it for a six month orientation and I met him shortly after he began working in the U. S.

We met at a company function and, as nearly as I can explain it, we were both mesmerized by one another. It was something akin to being struck by lightning.

We began seeing each other immediately, stealing moments when we could, spending serious time together when you were traveling or working late. I should have been honest with you, but I was afraid of what you would say or do if I told you I'd fallen in love with someone else. I did everything I could to keep you from discovering my relationship with Robert and I apparently succeeded.

When he was finishing his time at the company and due to return to South Africa, he asked me to go with him. I desperately wanted to go, but told him I couldn't leave Jock. He told me that wasn't a problem. He was sterile as the result of a childhood case of the mumps and would gladly adopt Jock once we were married.

I was so enamored of Robert that I was willing to leave everything except Jock behind. I never once tried to reach out to my parents or any of my former friends or colleagues. I left my whole prior life behind.

Using his family's connections, he obtained South African passports for both Jock and me using a false name. As he told me when we discussed this, the paperwork would list me as a widow and we would marry as soon as I arrived in South Africa. His parents were already arranging the wedding.

When you left to do that massive software installation, I purchased tickets to London. I flew out and passed through British customs using Jock's and my U. S. passports. Robert then arranged for us to depart England using the South African passports, thus concealing my departure from the record. We flew out the day following my arrival on his company's private jet.

We were married a week after my arrival in South Africa and Robert immediately initiated adoption proceedings for Jock. The adoption was approved in due course.

I'm sure that at this point you're hoping I will tell you that the marriage was a failure or a nightmare and that I regretted it every day. In fact, despite its unsavory beginnings, Robert and I were happily married. He was a wonderful husband, loving and kind and completely faithful. He was also a loving and engaged father and, for all our faults, I believe that as you come to know the fine young man Jock has become, you'll admit that Robert and I did do one thing well - we raised a fine young man.

It turns out that, as you occasionally were wont to say, "karma is a bitch." I lost Robert two years ago to an aortic aneurysm. And a few months ago, I discovered I have inoperable pancreatic cancer and the doctors tell me that my remaining lifespan is measured in weeks at best. I will not live to see my son married, hold my grandchildren, or enjoy the blessings of growing old with the man I loved. But I don't expect you to feel sorry for me, given what I did.

When I finish this letter, I will give it to my solicitor for safekeeping and instruct him to give it to Jock with a request that he deliver it to you in person. I've left a separate letter for Jock, explaining to him what I have done and asking that he seek you out and reconnect with you. I'm too much of a coward to risk my relationship with him in the last few weeks of my life by telling him in person.

I'm sure that if there is an afterlife, I will find myself in Hell for what I've done to you. I realize that I deserve it, but I also believe that my time with Robert was worth whatever eternal punishment I'm facing.

So, in at least a small attempt to ameliorate the pain I put you through, I am returning your son to you. Please welcome him back into your heart and love him the way I do.

I also hope you found happiness and were able to build a new life to replace the one I destroyed. I'm not stupid enough to believe that you could ever forgive me for what I did and so I don't ask for forgiveness. I do ask you to believe that I am sorry for my failings and the pain my weaknesses caused you.

With love,

Amanda"

When he finished, he looked at Jock. "So, did you know any of this before your mother died?"

"Only that I was adopted. She and my father.... Well, the man I thought was my father.... Her husband... told me he'd adopted me and that my biological father was dead. I never questioned their story."

"And now?"

"I still have a hard time reconciling what I've learned about the people who raised me since mom's death with everything I thought about them before opening that letter in the solicitor's office after mom's funeral."

"So what are your plans going forward?"

"I'd like to return to the U. S. on a long term basis and get to know you and your family. Do you and your wife have children?"

"Joyce was a widow when I met her. She had a son your age, Ricky, whom I adopted after we were married. He's a lawyer now. We also have twin girls together, Cassie and Mel. They're in college now. We'll arrange for you to meet all three of them as soon as their schedules permit."

"Thank you. I'm looking forward to getting to know you and them."

"Do you have any idea what you'd want to do for work? It's likely to take a while to get your status straightened out, given the somewhat convoluted fact pattern your mother and her husband created around your identity and citizenship. You do have a U. S. social security number, but it's in the name of Jock Campbell and I'm sure you have no identity paperwork in that name. We'll have to talk to an immigration attorney about how to unscramble that particular mess."

Joyce then spoke up. "Where are you staying?"

"I'd planned to find a hotel to stay in if you were the right Ian Campbell. If not, I planned to move on to the next candidate. Given what I've learned today, I'd like to find an apartment and settle near here while we get to know each other."

"Nonsense. You're staying with us in our guest room. Ian's waited much too long to find you to have you disappear again, even if only for a few hours. Now, go out to your car and get your bags. We've a great deal of catching up to do."

Once Jock was settled in the guest room, he, Ian and Joyce continued their conversation.

"Did you ever search for your biological father?"

"I did, actually. Mom never talked about him and wasn't willing to be of much help. Dad, I mean Robert, never did either. Mom sort of hinted that there'd been problems before he 'died' without saying what they were. I think it was an excuse to avoid the subject. When I got older, I used their marriage certificate to try to locate you, but of course that was always going to be a complete failure as the name on the certificate was false. I do have to ask what you did to locate me."

"I'd traced her to England because the plane tickets you traveled on were charged to our credit card. Yes, your mother had me finance her abandonment. I have to admit that was rubbing salt in the wound. I tried your mother's family and all of her friends and coworkers. When that failed, I reached out to the British embassy, then to the U. S. State Department, which in turn reached out to the EU bureaucracy All any of them could confirm was that the two of you had arrived in England, but they couldn't find any further records of your residing there or of your departure. Of course, now we know why. You left on a private aircraft traveling under a different name and flying to a non-EU jurisdiction. Pretty good way to hide your departure."

"True. Of course, I never knew that."

"I also haunted social media and various European society news sources, hoping maybe to spot her in a picture. Of course, that was a complete waste as well. I never even gave South Africa a thought."

"It wouldn't have done you any good even if you had. The family is extremely private and never allows its members to be photographed in social settings."

"That and the South African location explain why I was never successful."

"For sure. If I may change the subject a bit, I'd like to know if either your or my mother's parents are still living, and if so, could I get in contact with them?"

"I'm afraid my parents were gone before I ever met Joyce. I was a late in life baby and they died while I was in college. I lost touch with your mother's parents years ago. I'm afraid I was certain they'd known where you and she were and were hiding it from me. They blamed me for your disappearance. We exchanged some very harsh words the last time we spoke and severed all contact. The last I knew of them they were living outside of Chicago. We can do a search for them."

"Do I have any aunts or uncles?"

"I was an only child. Your mother had a sister, but I don't know how to get in touch with her, either. Joyce also has a sister, who'd be your step-aunt."

"At some point I would like to look for all of them, but for now I'm just happy to have found you. And you said you and Joyce have children. I'd like to meet them as soon as possible. I'm excited to find out that I'm not an only child."

"I'll set a video telephone call up with the three of them as soon as they're available. I'm sure they'll be as eager to meet you as you are to meet them."

He set up the video call with Ricky, Cassie and Mel for 8:00 that evening, telling all three of them that it was very important they make time for the call.

When he established the video connection that evening, the kids were all curious about what was so important that they had to make time for a discussion with their parents. He wasted no time in getting directly to the point.

"You are all aware that I was married once before your mom and I married and that my first wife and son disappeared when Jock was about three."

"Yes, you've told us that story before," Ricky replied. "What's going on?"

The girls chimed in as well. "Yeah, dad. What's going on."

"Well, I need to introduce you to someone." He turned the phone so they could see the young man sitting next to him. "This is your brother, Jock. After all these years, he's found out about me and came looking for me. Obviously, he found me. And he's delighted to discover he has a brother and two sisters."

The three kids sat there, mouths agape. "How? What happened? Why?" They talked over each other as they asked questions.

"It's a long and fairly complicated story. The girls will be home for spring break in two weeks and I'm asking Ricky to come home as well. And bring Melissa, if you'd like. You guys have been together long enough that she should meet your newly found brother."

Jock looked at Joyce. "Melissa?" he whispered. "Ricky's significant other. They've been together several years and I'm hoping they're headed to marriage and children." "O. K."

The family talked for nearly thirty minutes before wrapping up the call. All three of the children indicated how excited they were to discover they would finally meet the brother they'd heard about from their father. They all promised to be there for the meeting in two weeks. And with that, the call ended.

The family gathered two weeks later, all of the children eager to get to know one another. Jock spent several hours describing his life in South Africa. Ricky, in particular, was fascinated to hear about Jock's childhood, particularly his growing up on the family's 15,000 hectare cattle ranch and game farm. The twins were delighted to have another brother to tease and torment and Jock proved to be able to give as good as he got in return. Melissa sat back, carefully evaluating Jock as a potential candidate for several of her single girlfriends, including her older sister Gail. The break time together was a total success from a family bonding point of view and Cassie, Mel and Melissa all teared up when it was time to leave. Even Ricky seemed a bit choked up. They all looked forward to their next gathering and the girls all encouraged Jock to plan to visit them.

Jock decided to stay with Ian and Joyce until his identity situation was resolved and he could legally work in the U. S. It took nearly a year, a DNA test, and a not insubstantial sum in attorney's fees to resolve the issue. Ian's reporting of Jock's disappearance all those years ago, the award of child custody by the divorce court, and the record of inquiries to the British embassy and the U. S. State Department were of great help, although all of the agencies moved at typically glacial bureaucratic speeds in responding to records requests. When Jock was officially restored to existence as a matter of record, he quickly landed a job with a local company with international customers, including a significant African customer base.

Ian and Jock searched for Amanda's parents and sister. It turned out that her parents had died a few years before, but her sister Joanna still was living in the old family home. Jock reached out to her and she responded enthusiastically to the idea of meeting her nephew, flying to meet him within days following their initial contact. She and Ian had a long and emotional conversation after that meeting, each admitting that they had been wrong about the other's role in Amanda's and Jock's disappearance. They'd never be close, but they could be civil and Jock would always be a connection between the sole remaining members of each family.

Jock had inherited Robert's interest in the family business as a result of his mother's death. He approached Robert's family about selling the interest back to them, looking to sever any financial ties. The family eagerly agreed, not wanting non-relatives to have an ownership interest in the family business.

When Ricky and Melissa married, Jock was one of Rick's groomsmen. Cassie and Mel were bridesmaids and Melissa's sister Gail was her maid of honor. Not surprisingly, Ricky and Melissa encouraged Jock and Gail to spend time together during the lead up to the wedding. And, to their delight, sparks flew. A year later, Ricky was Jock's best man and Melissa was Gail's matron of honor at their wedding.

As the years passed, Joyce would occasionally still think of how much she wished Rick could see their son, particularly when Ricky's children were born. Jock's anger at his mother and Robert would soften in time, but he never forgot what they'd done to Ian and he never wished they were present to see the milestones in his life. And as for Ian, he had Joyce, Jock, Ricky, Cassie and Mel. He had no need to wish they were here, because they already were.