Uncle Daddy

Author's note: Despite the title, this is NOT a blood-incest story. I only write pretty vanilla stuff. The title popped into my head when I was thinking about the ending.

I'm putting this in the humor and satire category because, interspersed with a few titillating scenes, the story revolves around a minimally sexy act of sex, and inverts a lot of tropes like cheating, three-ways, non-blood incest, and so forth. I had started it intending to follow the trope of "dykes discover dicks" but decided that was a little disrespectful, and I had to consider the characters and their motivations - it just wasn't going to work as plain erotica and was much easier to write this way.

Also, all discussion of reproductive biology is as made-up as the sex, so, duh, please don't be mean to me, especially if your initials happen to be EC and you make brownies that give me a mouthgasm.

We were reading in bed, quietly, when my wife turned to me. "Jack, honey, I have a pretty big favor to ask of you."

I nodded my willingness. "Sure, love, anything you need."

"I need you to fuck my sister."

Those were not words I ever expected her to say. For one thing, I only fuck my gorgeous wife Margo, and haven't dallied with anyone else, nor wanted to, since before we met. For another thing, her sister Elspeth is happily married - to another woman.

"What?"

"Elspeth and I were talking about her desire to have a family with Anne. They had been discussing whether to use a sperm bank, have an anonymous hookup with a random(ish) man, and hope it worked out, or to try to choose a particular donor."

"Let me guess..."

"It was actually Anne's idea. She loves our kids, Elspeth's nephews, and that put the bug in her bonnet."

"Wait, so my sister-in-law's butch lesbian wife got baby fever seeing Miles and Felix, and now you need me to raw-dog your sister?" I did an imitation of that blowhard cartoon chicken, Foghorn Leghorn. "That, my dear, is preposterous."

"That's not preposterous enough. You also have to raw-dog Anne."

Anne could have been on the cover of a fashion magazine called Bull Dykes In Flannel. She drove a Subaru, had very short hair, baggy jeans, Doc Martens, all the body hair Nature gave her, and enough piercings that she had to be very careful to remove them all before trying to go through airport security. Underneath that tough-looking exterior was a physique toned by daily workouts, and gifted by Nature with a shape that was unmistakably female.

On the surface, you'd never think of Anne as being the slightest bit interested in motherhood. But the style she adopted was just her way of being flagrantly out. She was also a warm, funny, and nurturing person who actually, now that the thought was allowed to enter the realm of possibility, would probably be a pretty good mom.

"Also?"

"They both want the experience of pregnancy. I understand -- it's a powerful, powerful urge. And I know you used to find my sister attractive."

That's true. I had been introduced to Margo after three really fun outings I had considered to be "dates" with Elspeth. Those put us in a good friend-zone relationship, and Elspeth, after the third no-that-wasn't-a-date, came out to me, telling me "That's why I never considered these as dates -- the thought literally didn't enter my mind." She hugged me, and said she thought her big sister might like to meet me.

Six years later, Margo and I had a toddler and a preschooler, and Elspeth needed a sperm donor.

"I am going to have to think about this."

"You know I wouldn't consider it being unfaithful."

"I know. And I need to process that myself, and ... wow. I mean, it is a lot to consider."

"I know, honey. And we can talk it over a lot, between ourselves and with them." Margo reached down and fondled me through my pajamas. "Right now, I need a sperm donor." She'd had a surgical sterilization along with the C-section that gave us Felix, and I was more than happy to send my sperm on a futile quest to her dead-end Fallopian tubes.

In the morning, I had done some thinking. "I guess I could be a sperm donor for them. If I trusted anybody to raise my offspring other than you, it would be those two." I winked at her. "Especially if you help with the collection process."

"That's the hard part. They don't want to do artificial insemination. I don't understand it either, but they have persuaded themselves they want to start their babies the old-fashioned way, not even the turkey baster method."

We were definitely going to have to do a lot of talking to work this out.

"I guess we should start by having them over to dinner, this is going to need group thinking. Not just technical infidelity, but possible emotional consequences, legal paternity, so many issues."

"How's tomorrow? We'll have them over, which the boys will love, and then talk after we put them to bed."

"One thing though -- we are not going to have sex tomorrow night."

"Not even after they leave?" Margo grabbed my butt and squeezed.

"You are correct as always, dear. Can't rule everything out."

Margo made her mom's "famous" lasagna, which was a family favorite of all six of us. Elspeth and Anne brought a few bottles of red wine. I wrangled children and made a salad and garlic bread.

Felix was covered in tomato sauce from forehead to bib, but allowed Aunt Anne to wipe his face without complaint. Miles was getting pretty good with a fork once things had been cut up, but was still a bit of a mess.

Margo took Felix off for a bath. Miles asked if Auntie Anne could read him his bedtime story (Did I mention she'd be a good mom?), and Elspeth and I were on cleanup duty.

"You know Anne. She's researched the hell out of this. For one thing, clinic insemination is only about half as likely to result in conception as unprotected sex, when both are done during the window of maximum fertility. Children of lesbian parents who have a relationship with their donor are thought to be slightly better adjusted than those who were conceived from an anonymous donor, although that's not absolutely established. And clinic insemination is costly, with no guarantees. Many women have to make multiple visits, and it's rarely covered by insurance.

"And why you specifically? You are a very nice guy, I'm glad you're my brother-in-law, and if I was straight I would for sure have kissed you after what would definitely have been a date. And you made beautiful babies with Margo. Anne has no brothers. So for related, fertile men you're it."

"And what if, six years ago, a magic fairy had told you that one day you would want to have my babies?" Elspeth laughed with me. "I would be totally down with giving you my DNA, knowing who the moms were going to be. It's the intercourse part that makes me leery."

"That made Anne and I leery too. Neither of us has any interest in penises, even if they are attached to you." She smiled and blushed. "That's why we want a threesome."

"Did you happen to mention that to your sister?"

"Not yet. If you'd vetoed it, I'd have dropped it. If you're willing to consider it, of course she will have to be involved in the discussion."

Anne and Margo had been having their own conversation as they came down from putting the boys to bed. They poured some more wine and passed us the bottle.

"Margo, my love, there's one more thing. Both of them are turned off by penises, and they want to have a threesome."

"Aside from the sperm donation part, we'd be making love with each other and Jack would just be a meat dildo. No offense."

"I've been called worse. And of course there are plenty of pornos that have the lesbians-plus-male scenario, so of course I know the general concept."

"Anne just broached that to me, wondering if I would be okay with it. And shit, Jack, if you are going to have sex with my sister, you might as well have sex with her wife." She made a frowny face. "I mean, if I hadn't asked you to do it, it would be a horrible betrayal, having a three-way with my sister behind my back." Elspeth looked sort of downcast until Margo continued. "So would it be okay if I watched?"

Anne, Elspeth, and I looked at each other. We all nodded. "As long as Jack saves all his sperm for us, fine." Anne said. I wondered if Anne was implying that Margo might be invited to participate, at least with me.

Anne, the ultra-nerd, had been tracking her and Margo's cycles. "Our windows of maximum fertility are going to coincide for about two or three days this month. Can you get a sitter for the 26th or 27th? That's a week after next, on Thursday or Friday? And also, Jack, please refrain from any ejaculation for at least five days prior."

Since the boys' aunties were their main, and favorite, babysitters, we'd have to go down the list a little. But it was doable. "We'll call people and get back to you on which day." Margo was planning this as if it was a play-date for Miles. She's practical and efficient once she sets her mind to do something, and her sister is the same. No wonder this plan was working.

We had another planning dinner the following week.

"Jack, you are a great guy and a wonderful dad and brother-in-law. I know this isn't going to be easy for you, you are basically here as a pair of testicles and a sperm-delivery system. Anne and I are going to make love, getting ourselves physiologically ready. You, and I guess Margo, will be present and you will be naked. We expect you to be quite aroused, whether from watching us or with some help from Margo. At an appropriate moment, we'll ask you to come over, ejaculate into our vaginas, ideally as close in time as possible for maximum sperm sharing, then you may leave if you like, or stay. I know that from your perspective you are getting to 'fuck two hot lesbians' as the pornos put it, but from our perspective we expect it to be only slightly more pleasant than a gynecologist's visit."

"It's very clinical, yes. So, you want me to refrain from anything resembling lovemaking with you two. Pump and go, slam bam thank you sir?"

"Yes. That pretty much summarizes it. Personally, if it helps you to touch me I will probably be okay. But Anne is very nervous about any erotic touching from a man. Anne and I may make facial expressions saying we are uncomfortable, but we will probably stimulate each other while you are penetrating, to induce an orgasm that may help draw sperm into the uterus. We will be having sex with you in only the strictly biological sense."

"I bet you've got the legalities worked out in the same level of detail."

It was Anne's turn. "Your name will be on the birth certificate, but you will be released from all financial and legal obligations. Of course we want our babies to have a relationship with you, and we'll be as open as is age-appropriate with the children. Since we are legally married, there's no issue with the spouse having adoption rights, and you will have a formal visitation agreement but you'll be welcome to be way more involved in their lives."

"What if one of you doesn't conceive?"

"Assuming we are women of typical fertility, that's fairly possible. It's about a one-in-three chance for a woman who has unprotected sex during her most fertile days. So that means a forty or fifty percent chance that neither of us will, and roughly ten percent that both of us will. Since I will be ovulating roughly that day and Elspeth either the next day or the day afterward, we are fairly well synchronized. I think we'll discuss whether to try again, next month, on a wait-and-see basis. Believe me when I tell you we are doing everything we can to improve our odds. Nobody wants..." she paused. "Let's just say we'd like to conceive in as few tries as possible."

We had arranged for a sitter on the designated Friday, and Anne and Elspeth served a lovely seafood paella and a Spanish white wine. We limited ourselves to the one bottle, for performance reasons, although I really felt like I could use a stiff drink.

After dinner, we retreated to their living room, which had several yoga mats spread on the floor, and its comfy couches were covered with bed sheets for the evening. Somehow, we all decided that a second glass of wine would be okay. Eventually, Elspeth said, "Okay, folks. Let's get this ... started."

"Look, I know your real thought was 'let's get this over with.' That's okay. This is probably the least sexy way to have sex. I hope I'll be able to do my part."

"That's why I need to be there, Jack. You are doing them such a huge favor, and I appreciate it a lot. I will get you going. And believe me, I am going to reward you with lots of heterosexual, not-at-all clinical lovemaking." From Margo's point of view, we were doing something awesome for her sister, sharing her husband's sperm. And she was so obviously grateful, and the scenario so unromantically clinical, that any thought that this could be infidelity was permanently quenched.

Anne and Elspeth insisted that all four of us be nude and in the same room, from the get-go. I have to say that there was some family resemblance between Margo and Elspeth, and that was not just in facial features. Margo's body showed the signs of having grown, delivered (once vaginally and once surgically), and fed our two beautiful boys, and I loved it as it was. But looking at Elspeth, it was like Margo was mirrored with a time machine, to the early days of our marriage. I didn't know if that would make impregnating Elspeth easier, or if it would introduce any emotional issues.

Anne was, unsurprisingly, braless. Gravity was kind to her though -- their slight sag only gave more definition to her modest-size breasts. Her fitness enthusiasm showed even more when she was unclothed. On the left cheek of her well-defined buttocks was a tattoo of a panting female sailor peering lustily through a telescope, done as if it was a 1950s racy pinup. Piercings adorned her nipples and navel, and I wondered if I'd see one between her legs.

The horny sailor tattoo was complemented by the mermaid tattoo on Elspeth's shapely ass. I wondered if they had done them before or after meeting. They were in a very similar style, probably done by the same artist, so my guess was that least one of them had done it to match. It wasn't the kind of thing I could ask about, though.

Elspeth and Anne embraced and kissed, as did Margo and I. We kept glancing across at each other, nervously, until the increasing warmth of our kisses with our respective partners absorbed us. Margo's nipples were hardening enough to poke my chest, a favor which was more than returned by my firming penis pressing against her belly. Anne and Elspeth were kissing each other while stroking each other's vulvae. The glances we exchanged transitioned from nervous to accepted to enticing.

Margo started stroking my hard-on, pulling the foreskin back and forth. Elspeth and Anne were on the couch, hands busy in each others' laps, and openly staring at us. I took a small step backward, Margo's hand still on my penis, so they could see better. Margo turned to them when I did, and asked her sister, "Is saliva okay?"

"No evidence that it makes any difference. Remember, though you need to avoid his ejaculating until we summon him." Of course. Summon. Sexy as hell, Anne.

"Anyway, better your saliva than ours, sis. Getting some lubrication will make it easier on everybody."

Okay, if I'm honest, I felt like I was being bred like a prize bull. Since it's pretty much true, I'll put up with it. It also helped that Margo had been discussing tropical vacations with secluded beaches -- very secluded -- for next winter. And really, here I was with three naked women, one of whom I'd pledged my life to, and two good friends who I would have to have sex with later. I smiled at the thought.

Margo picked up on it and I explained. "Yeah. Here you are, in a room with three naked women, and the only one of them you're not going to fuck is the one you married."

"Maybe later. I hired an overnight sitter."

"Good move. I took Friday off. We have all day while they're at day care."

I heard an oddly familiar sound, not quite like the little "meep" sounds Margo makes when she comes, but close enough that that's the first thing I thought of. Anne and Elspeth were scissoring on the yoga mats they'd laid out, and Elspeth was having a very nice time. Anne was on fire too. They shifted to a 69, and that poor sailor must have gotten seasick from how much her butt was moving as she humped Elspeth's face.

Margo was watching too, and said, "Now that they've come, they'll be ready." She knelt, and made her contribution to the lubrication, drooling on me and spreading it with her tongue. I hated to push her off me, but it was my duty.

Anne and Elspeth got down on the on the floor, missionary position but with their closer legs crossed so that they looked sort of like the Volkswagen logo turned upside down. They gestured me over. "Who first?"

Anne shuddered at that, and said "I think it will be easier for me if you impregnate Elspeth first. If possible, please squeeze your urethra before your ejaculation completes, so that I may have some of the semen too."

As pillow talk goes, it could probably stand improvement, but I wasn't there for fun. I knelt before my sister-in-law, placed my hands on the floor on either side of her rib cage, well away from her skin, and let Elspeth guide me in. She gulped just a little, but evidently was used to dildo play. She wasn't any tighter than Margo had been before childbirth.

I felt an orgasm building. I guess despite the unromantic situation, my dick wants what it wants. "Ready?" They nodded, and I put two pumps of semen into Elspeth before grabbing my cock and pinching off my orgasm, as requested. I pivoted over and entered Anne, who visibly refrained from gagging. Releasing myself, I let my hips do a few thrusts before my orgasm returned in force, and I finished inside Anne with three noticeable surges and a dribble or two.

As soon as I was done, I sat back on my haunches. "I hope it works." Margo helped me up. "Goodbye. I think I'm going to go home and drink some bourbon."

Anne was looking a little queasy. "I'm sorry. I know that wasn't pleasant".

"I expect it wasn't pleasant for you either. I guess now my sex memory book can have a new entry: Woman refrains from puking while I had sex with her.."

"We'd get up and see you out, but we have to lay here so the sperm don't have to swim uphill. It improves the odds."

"Memory book entry: has sex with two lesbians and leaves them on the floor unable to stand up.."

"That sounds like you roofied them." Margo tore her eyes away from the two oozing creampies and handed me my briefs. Elspeth and Anne were gently massaging my spilled seed into each other's pussies, and clearly liking it.

We dressed and left quietly. If they wanted to fulfill Anne's super-organized conception plan by having another orgasm to "draw sperm into our uteri", that was their business. Before closing their front door, I tipped my imaginary hat to them and gave a John Wayne drawl. "Good night, ma'am, ma'am. My work here is through."

Elspeth called the next day to thank us again and say they'd keep us posted. We again wished them good luck. I looked at Margo. "I really hope they conceive. That was unpleasant and embarrassing, I think all around."

"Yeah, no fun for you, honey, nor them. It was all polite and respectful, but I bet you felt like a lab monkey. I thought for a second that Anne was going to hurl."

"I felt like a stud bull, which I guess is appropriate." 

"Don't boast, honey. You're not that big. Do you think I can wash off some of that embarrassment in the shower?"

She knew how to cheer me up and deflate me at the same time. Then she inflated me again.

A couple weeks went by, and Anne sent a text. "both periods late, I feel nauseous, optimistic".

Two days later, "Halfway there!" said the text, showing Anne's hand holding a positive pregnancy test and Elspeth's hand holding a negative one.

Margo texted them back: "if you need sister support, I'm right here"

"They're supposed to be used when I'm at least a week late, but I was impatient and used it when I was only a couple days late. I'll use another one a week from today. Serves me right."

"????"

"❤️ and for Dan, too, and thanks."

Anne made an appointment with her GP to confirm the pregnancy and set up an ultrasound. While they were there, they did a blood draw from each to do a hormone panel, as the home test Elspeth had taken that morning showed a faint positive. Anne also told me I have to withdraw "didn't puke after sex" from the memory book, as she had some bouts of morning sickness.

And that's why there are two adorable kindergartners, Jacqueline and Marco, who refer to me as "Uncle Daddy". They aren't exactly twins, having been born a week apart. And I bet you can guess who the world's most doting auntie is, too.