Take It Out at the Ball Game

Submitted as part of the yay-team-sex-and-sports-story-challenge-2025-coming-soon

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Take It Out at the Ball Game

(She likes it low and inside)

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[The scene: A minor league baseball park near you]

"You the new Bat Boy? You're cute. The players all call me the Ball Girl. Even though I'm not allowed on the field during games."

"Wow, nice to meet you, Ball Girl. So, fuck me if I'm wrong, but Babe Ruth was a third baseman, wasn't he?"

"You got good stuff, but your delivery needs work. Try this. What's long and hard?"

"My bat."

"Haha, no, slugger. The answer is: waiting for the Colorado Rockies to win a pennant."

"Um, okay. Say, you're looking good in that jersey. You'd look even better out of it. Hope you're not out of my league. Got a boyfriend?"

"I recently became a veteran free agent, due to a cheating scandal not of my own making. So now I'm holding tryouts to find a new staff. I tried giving my phone number to an umpire, but he just wouldn't make the call. What do you bring to the plate?"

"I got a staff for ya. I'm a workhorse too. Can I be in your rotation?"

"Mainly looking for a long man on the roster. Preferably one that knows how to close it out. Or maybe you've got what it takes to be my ace, college boy?"

"Yeah, I can bring it. We should go to the bullpen. 'Cause you're totally warming me up."

"Nah, let's go down under the bleachers."

"What for?"

"You missed a sign there, rookie. You do like to go down, don't you?"

"Oh, I get it. So that I can kiss you on the strikes, and then you'll kiss me on the balls?"

"I bet they're foul. Forget that. I threw you another one down the middle and you whiffed."

"Still the early innings. Are you a knuckleball specialist?"

"I know a lot of grips. You need to tell me first, what size bat you carry."

"Enough to cover the strike zone. I'm a one-tool player: I call mine Merkle's Boner."

"You still didn't answer. Regulation sized?"

"Illegal in most leagues. Too big around."

"So a plus-plus bat. I'm intrigued. Or are you just tryin' ta throw me a curve?"

"Curves? I could stare at yours all day."

"Don't get caught looking. Come to the bleachers, I'll let you take your best swing."

[They do indeed go underneath the bleachers.]

"Ew, it's gross here. So many spitballs."

"You're the one who wanted to go down here, Ball Girl."

"No, I said I wanted you to go down. Here."

"But whattaya you got to offer in return? A high OPS?"

"Is that one of those new SABRsextric stats?"

"Orgasms from Penis Sucking."

"I do lead the league but you gotta pay your dues first, rookie. What's your FIP?"

"Fully Inflated Penis? Season average of 7.69 inches. Here, scout it for yourself."

"Passes the eye test. And batter up, obviously. Cool, you're a lefty, and I like your upright stance."

"There you go, already stroking balls left and right. Touch em all!"

"Want me to lower my arm angle?"

"No, but it's time to remove your chest protector."

"There. No sign of a slump, is there?"

"Wow. Major league yabos there. Now tell me I'm a One-Run Lead."

"Because you're suddenly shaky?"

"No. Because I've got a feeling you're going to blow me."

"Don't go deep -- people call me a choker. But I was thinking through the wickets instead, anyway. Put it in me, Coach. I'm ready to play."

"Oh yeah, that's John Fuckerty's song: 'Center-Feel-Me-Up.' Are you telling me I'm in the on-deck circle?"

"No. not on deck, I said I want you in the hole. I'm not looking for a short stop. And I don't play small-ball, either - I want the long one. And you better be willing to bat cleanup after you finish."

"Oh, I'm an all-around player. Okay, first show me the turf you want me to play on."

"I'll just demonstrate my wide open stance."

"Holy Cow! That's the Snodgrass Muff."

"They call this the bush leagues for a reason, slugger. Most guys enjoy being on my mound."

"But don't you do any groundskeeping?"

"What're you here for, to look or to play ball? You're already up - so be aggressive. Third base isn't what either of us is after. Drive me in. Or at least drive it in me."

"Oh, I will. Get up on your feet. I wanna try to score standing up."

"I'm game. Just put it in play. There's fucks on the pond, and here's the leadoff batter again."

"Leadoff? Hell no, I'm your two-hole man. Turn around and bend over."

"Two-hole? You're calling the squeeze play!"

"Tell me I'm the Umpire, sweetie, and I'll even give you the thumb. I call a tight game. Now give me a good target. Here comes the pitch."

"Ow. Feels more like an infield drill if you ask me."

"Hold still. It's in the gap."

"Nope. You missed the cutoff. That's an error."

"Eh, charge me with an IBB. Intentional Butthole Breach. It's a whole new ball game. I'll try to make it a 1-2-3 inning."

"It's a surprisingly comfortable lead."

"Relax and enjoy the big finish. One, two..."

"A final push for the win. Please, no extra innings."

"... three! And with a perfect slide, he's coming in... safe!"

"Safe?"

"Yeah, I put on a lubed rubber while you weren't looking. To be safe."

"Well, you nailed me. I expected the heat, and you slipped me the changeup."

"If you liked that, I'd love to introduce you to my Uncle Charlie."

"What I'm really interested is your slider."

"So you definitely like it in the dirt, Ball Girl."

"Not usually. I almost ejected you and your torpedo bat but thank goodness you weren't swinging for the fences in the two-hole. Good save."

"Oh, look out. Step off the rubber. I threw it down there a second ago."

"Sneaky quick move."

"Now, are you ready for the split finger? It'll make your knees buckle."

"Bring it. Oooh. Yeah. Right down Broadway."

"That tickles the ol' Clint Hurdle, huh?"

"Oooh yeah. Wanna get together again next homestand?"

"Why wait? Think you can you manage a double header? "

"I did promise you a good OPS and BA."

"BA?"

"Blowjobs Accomplished. I play it from the crouch. I'm not the most talented but I leave it all on the field when I do. I'll expect an all-star ERA from you of course."

"Eating Really Avidly?"

"It's like you're stealing signs from my dugout! I might be in glove with you, Bat Boy."

"And now I need a good catcher. Because I just fell for you too. Ernie Banks said it best - it's a beautiful day --let's play two!"

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[Note to the reader: Writing this was more fun than the time Detroit traded Charlie Furbush for Doug Fister. Please check out my other stories here! Disclaimer: All characters in this and each of my stories are of legal age.]