The Shape of Art - Supplemental

Welcome to March College of Natural History - Ashfern, Belleterre

Never heard of her?

That's right, cher, we ain't on no map.

What happens here don't follow real-world rules.

Time slips sideways. Heat hangs heavy.

And love?

Well... sometimes it comes tangled up in sex, secrets, and spells.

Let me spell out the local rules for the tourists.

SECTION I: FOR THE MODEL

1. Arrive Early. Disrobe With Dignity.

You are not stripping. You are entering a state of classical grace. Imagine you're a Grecian urn--just with more thigh.

"What if I've got a situation downstairs?"

Then you need to stay seated and think about baseball. Or taxes. Or her grandma.

2. Assume the Pose. Hold the Pose.

This is not interpretive dance. This is not jazz hands. Stay still, goddammit.

Unless instructed otherwise. Or you're fainting. Then we'll allow it.

3. If Aroused, Do Not Announce.

Do not name it. Do not make eye contact with it. Do not ask if anyone else sees it.

"But what if it just happens?"

Exit stage left. Robe on. Think harder about taxes, or current events.

4. Communicate Professionally.

If you must speak, keep it to:

"Is this angle okay?"

"May I stretch?"

"I require a hydration break."

Not:

X "Does this look like it needs lotion?"

X "You like what you see, Professor?"

5. Know That You May Be Immortalized Forever.

You might become someone's senior portfolio centerpiece. Or someone's very confusing sexual awakening. Either way, congrats!

SECTION II: FOR THE STUDENTS

1. Do Not Speak to the Model Unless Addressed.

Your job is to draw, not flirt. The model is not here to validate your libido.

"But what if we fall in love?"

Save it for a spicy novella on Literotica.

2. Do Not Giggle, Point, Whisper, or Moan

Not even if the model is shaped like a Michelangelo statue with back dimples sent from heaven.

3. No Doodling Hearts Around Genitalia

This includes but is not limited to:

Naming the penis

Drawing tiny hats on the penis

Turning the pose into a centaur (unless assigned as centaur at birth)

4. Keep Your Easel Upright and Your Intentions Pure

No adjusting your angle to "get a better look."

We see you, Derek.

SECTION III: FOR THE PROFESSOR

1. Maintain Neutral Professionalism at All Times

Even when the model is seven feet tall, smells like saddle soap, and moans your name in French when he stretches.

You are not in a bodice-ripper.

2. If the Model Becomes Visibly Enthusiastic...

Dismiss them for a brief break.

Do not approach.

Do not straddle.

Do not whisper "mine" and write your name on their chest in chalk.

Even if it feels right.

Even if your ovaries are on fire.

Even if the students are fleeing like startled deer.

3. Remember: You are the authority.

At least until your model sends your ex-boyfriend a voicemail of you screaming their name.

FINAL NOTES:

This is a classroom. Not a romance novel.

Unless you're Valerina March.

In which case, carry on.