Holy Fuck Penny You are So Dumb

????PrettyPenny

hey guys ????

i lost a carrot in my butt

u know how to get it out?

i asked chat but it said i was violating its safety instructions ????

????HaileysComet

HOLY FUCK PENNY YOU ARE SO DUMB

????KittyKat

Hi sweetie, what you need to do is get another carrot and push it in till it's right up against the first one. Then they'll stick together and you can pull them both out

Beta carrotene is magnetic

????HaileysComet

DO NOT LISTEN TO HER

????PrettyPenny

ow ow fuck

kat ur a cunt ????

????KittyKat

????

????HaileysComet

go to the hospital twit

????PrettyPenny

fuck no what am i going to tell them

i couldnt find my ass vibe so i was masterbating with a carrot???

????KittyKat

you mean the little vibe that fell out of your purse and is in the back seat of Hailey's car?

????HaileysComet

JESUS CHRIST

NOW I HAVE TO BURN MY UPHOLESTRY

????PrettyPenny

i got it out

????HaileysComet

????

????PrettyPenny

i mean not exactly yet

but i squirted a whole bottle of lube up my butt so it will come out any minute

????HaileysComet

GO TO THE ER

ill take you if you scrub your nasty asshole juices off my backseat

????KittyKat

I'd take you but I just put a bag of popcorn in the microwave

????PrettyPenny

im not driving it hurts to sit down

im on the bus

????HaileysComet

WTF

????PrettyPenny

also it hurt too much to put on pants and underwear

but this shirt is long enough

????KittyKat

Remember NYE, when you said, I don't need panties, my skirt is long enough

????HaileysComet

lol that tiny miniskirt

????PrettyPenny

uh oh

????KittyKat

Bet you $20 everyone saw her snatch again

????HaileysComet

?

penny?

WTF

????PrettyPenny

im back bitches

i guess when i was walking to the bus stop it like dislodged the carrot

because when i was standing on the bus it started sliding out

????HaileysComet

????

????KittyKat

LOL

????PrettyPenny

people were staring

like this guys mouth was open so wide his gum fell in his lap

and this chinese lady told me, please go poo not on bus, go poo at home

so i squeeze my ass muscles as hard as i can to keep the carrot in

and it shoots out like a rocket bounces off this old ladys leg and lands in her grocery bag

????HaileysComet

OMFG

????PrettyPenny

and the chinese lady says, if you chew your food you will poo at home like normal person

and the rest of the lube dribbled down my legs and made a big puddle on the floor

so when the bus stopped my feet slid out from under me and i went down

my shirt went up to the bottom of my tits and my pussy was on display to literally everyone

????KittyKat

What'd I say?

????PrettyPenny

and when i stood back up the bus started going and i fell over again

im on my hands and knees in just a t shirt with a bus full of people staring at my kitty

and the old lady yelling i ruined her groceries

finally the bus driver stops again and i literally crawl off

while the old lady throws potatoes at my bare ass

anyway im 20 blocks from home in just a shirt and my ass hurts

fuck a potato left a mark

????HaileysComet

where are u?

????PrettyPenny

hiding behind a bush

i think its a lilac

????HaileysComet

send me ur location moron

????PrettyPenny

dont worry

i called an uber

????HaileysComet

an uber? you retard

????PrettyPenny

fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck

????KittyKat

lol what now

????PrettyPenny

the uber guy sees me and theres still lube on my legs so he says he wont take me because ill mess up his car

????HaileysComet

thats very perceptive of him

????PrettyPenny

hes about to leave so i quick take off my shirt

and his eyes bug out of his head like a cartoon

like i don't know if he can drive anymore cause my tits made him go blind

and i use my t shirt to clean the gunk off my legs

and then lay it down on his seat so my ass doesn't touch his precious upholestry

im sitting there now buck naked

front seat too

????HaileysComet

????

????KittyKat

LOL you're such a psycho

????PrettyPenny

hes not looking at the road

hes staring at me the whole time

he has a boner too its super obvious

FUCK ME

he just rear ended a van

theres like 8 people in it

theyre all getting out

i think it's a church van

fuck theyre all staring at me

and videoing

and this little girl just asked me if im possessed by the devil

????KittyKat

There's no other explanation

????HaileysComet

send me ur location im in the parking garage now

????PrettyPenny

do ubers have like location trackers?

????KittyKat

Obviously... why?

????PrettyPenny

when the uber guy got out

i stole his car

????HaileysComet

HOLY FUCK PENNY YOU ARE SO DUMB