humorous stories and histories

[Author's note: Lily has inserted herself onto the staff roster of the Grand Hotel for the Literotica Convention. That's as much as I know. She's probably up to something. Knowing her, I'll probably find out at the same time you do. But, that Qupid app is turning up everywhere....
Please read the tags. There is gratuitous poetry in this story and at least one Deus Ex Machina. If these things offend you, then please feel free to browse other stories....

Note to the Reader: Not too long ago, after an unfortunate misunderstanding in a certain drinking establishment known as Eddie's Bar, I had reason to be detained at the Amherst, MA police department, which happens to be almost directly across the street from the Emily Dickinson Homestead and Museum. While gazing from the window of the police station toward the Homestead, a thought suddenly came to me: what if they got it all wrong about Emily Dickinson? Two things about her seem indisputable: she was a grea...

Weekend in Troon.
Mum announced that Aunt May had invited me to spend the last weekend with her down in Troon before returning to my final year. I was surprised, as I hadn't seen her and her husband Uncle Jim for about a year. Uncle Jim was a professional photographer, he'd learned his profession in the RAF and after the war had expanded into fashion and portrait photography. He had studios in both Troon and Ayr and employed folk to take photos of the tourists on the promenades by the shore. He also deve...

FRIDAY NIGHT
The Sarasota night draped itself in heat and salt, the ocean humming in the background as Marla (Big Red) stepped barefoot onto the second-floor balcony. Her sheer black cover-up clung to her soft flesh, exposing every lush curve beneath. No bra. No shame. Just a tiny black thong swallowed between the swell of her ass and nipples as hard as coral, poking through the fabric....

The device
Jason had just finished his morning activities when the "FedEx" truck pulled up. The truck was way early today as it was only 8:30 and it usually came at about one in the afternoon. Well, that was probably a bad sign, and it was confirmed when the "FedEx" driver stomped up the driveway. You could tell he was not happy from the tone of his voice as he muttered fuck, fuck, fuck....

, The device

Jason had just finished his morning activities when the "FedEx" truck pulled up. The truck was way early today as it was only 8:30 and it usually came at about one in the afternoon. Well, that was probably a bad sign, and it was confirmed when the "FedEx" driver stomped up the driveway. You could tell he was not happy from the tone of his voice as he muttered fuck, fuck, fuck....

Jason had just finished his morning activities when the "FedEx" truck pulled up. The truck was way early today as it was only 8:30 and it usually came at about one in the afternoon. Well, that was probably a bad sign, and it was confirmed when the "FedEx" driver stomped up the driveway. You could tell he was not happy from the tone of his voice as he muttered fuck, fuck, fuck....

"Mwah, mwah..." Richard held me in his thick arm and let me rest on his wide chest, laid a few kisses on my hair and forehead, then whispered to my ear with his fascinating, deep voice, "that was so good baby girl..."
After a few rounds of sweat-spattering, mind-blowing crazy sex, Richard and I both collapsed in bed, cuddling and caressing each other, catching our breath and regaining some energy....

This story is a work of fiction, any resemblance to the real life is purely coincidental.
***
The muffled voices of murmurs were echoing around the tiny bar, mixed with cozy jazz music playing on the background. It was at the rush hour, the crowed situation of the room made the air too dense to breath easily and the refreshing breezes were like my saviors, blew in through the door every now and then, giving me some good opportunities to take some nice deep breaths....

I was just fresh out of college and had recently bought my own small bakery. It had always been my dream since i used to bake as a young girl with my grandma but unfortunately she passed away last year. When she passed she left me quite a sizeable inheritance which i wasn't expecting as she was quite modest and no one realised she had money. When i asked my mom how she became so wealthy she told me pops was a banker and made some good investments when he was younger combined with their modest life their ban...

by Eve St. Albert
[Editorial Note - We have been asked to advise our gentle readers that certain details of Danny's recollection and version of the events between him and Amy at the party may not be entirely accurate from an objective point of view.]
Amy shoved her tongue down Danny's throat, grinding up against him like a cat in heat. She grabbed his hand and shoved it in her bikini bottoms....

Back to Nature
My girlfriend Zoe and I were out for a hike. Best not for us women to hike alone you know. This trail is one of our favorites, and we've hiked it many times before. A light breeze provided the perfect balance to the warm afternoon sun. The skies were clear with a few fluffy clouds. The trees and clouds were causing the shadows to dance along the path....

The air inside Book Soup was thick with the scent of the book-lined shelves and freshly brewed coffee, a comforting aroma that seemed to cradle the curious minds of those gathered for the evening's event. Frankie, a seasoned historian with a penchant for the provocative, stood at the podium, his eyes scanning the room as he regaled his audience with ideas from his latest work, Freud and Everyday Political Life....

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Fourteen.
Preparing for an Unforgettable Evening.
Lonely nights give birth to questions. Who was she? Ah yes, her name was Buffy Summers. She remembered, of course, and yes, there was this huge, sinister realm of dark creatures. Somewhere, as a backcloth to her memories, there was this world of magical, supernatural powers with its leering faces, angelic eyes. It was her world, her magic. Or was it? Who was she? Her body lay stretched in darkness, feeling like a smoldering fi...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Thirteen.
Admiring Another Work of Art.
The pink haired woman lay on the tiled floor. She'd fallen forward on the large tits she now crushed with her body, never hearing the distinct plop! as the huge pole of flesh left her yawning ass hole. The only thing she heard was the buzz inside her skull. A pale trickle of sperm oozed from the orifice between her round and swollen cheeks, being pushed out by the constant constrictions of her well-fucked ass. A sheen of sweat covered h...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Twelve.
The Pain of Being Ignored by Your Lover.
Willow sat in her cell, her eyes staring vacantly. The time she had spent with the BimboTech website had left a deep impression on her; it made her wonder why she needed to be locked up like this. Maybe she had to wait her turn, others surely needed the BimboTech treatment before her. If Willow had been in the right frame of mind, she would have looked for her magic. Then she also would have realized that it had somehow been tu...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Eleven.
Soft Hearts Offer Poor Advice.
Just as Fink was wiping away the sweat from his brow, his cell phone rang. One crisis had been diverted with new Anni recognizing her former boyfriend, another was just beginning. The name on Fink's caller ID was Lilah Morgan. Could Lilah have found out about their inability to detain Buffy? Maybe it was something about Becker? Or the damned porn star he still hadn't delivered?...

***Part 14 in an anthology of women performing oral sex.
***All characters are over 18 and are fictional. Any resemblance to any real-life persons or situations is purely coincidental.
Author's Note: Based on an internet joke, expanded into a full story.
.....
Susan did not like that she had to sit next to her cousin Megan. She didn't hate her; she thought she was a sweet woman, but dumb as a rock, and sometimes she couldn't take how stupid she could be. They were at another one of their cousins...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Ten.
Running, Hiding, and Not Feeling So Great.
The Sunnydale heroes trooped through the revolving door; Buffy decided to confront the place head-on. She groaned when she saw the buxom bimbo receptionists. The old man who rode the elevator touched his cap. He asked them where he should bring them....

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Nine.
A Very Disturbing Baby Sister.
Quite unaware of the upheaval in other parts of Sunnydale, Willow stooped over her laptop, staring at the screen without moving a finger. It only showed the logo of a kneeling woman over the word BimboTech. Her usually lively face seemed frozen inside its frame of copper colored hair. White teeth bit on her lower lip....

- Good morning, young man. I haven't seen you before. Do you belong to the nearby monastery?
- Yes, I entered as a novice three months ago.
- How charming! I'm Sister Judith. What's your name?
- My name is Paul. Actually it is Brother Paul now since I moved into the monastery.
- And how is your new life at the monastery, Brother Paul?...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Seven.
Preparing Bait Can Be a Satisfying Activity.
Fink had long since retired to his penthouse office. His scientists had assured him that the Summers' girl was well on her way to become the slut he envisioned her to be. In the meantime, he sat and looked at a monitor on his desk....

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Six.
A Quite Adventurous Field Trip.
Dawn Summers and Janice Penshaw stepped off the bus; so did the rest of their Psychology 101 group. They looked around; Dawn had never been to this part of L. A. She'd heard plenty of horror stories from Buffy and her dad about it.
"Why would they build a top research place in a dump like this?" asked Dawn. She looked at all the blackened, lapidated warehouses surrounding them....

The Futa Brew was a relatively new entry in the tightly competitive industry of American specialty coffee shops. Enlisting the mysterious yet alluring sexual minority, the futanari, the Futa Brew used special proprietary implants to allow the baristas to provide their customers with lactose-free 'cream' for their special lattes. This revolutionary technique had made Futa Brew stand out among the crowd. Starbucks might have sixteen thousand locations in America, but the Futa Brew stood at... about two dozen....

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Five.
Two Happy New Bimbos Doing What They Do Best.
Fink hadn't slept well, not well at all. In fact, he'd never slept worse since he took over this outfit and turned it into his wildly successful BimboTech Incorporation. Its former CEO served as his totally bimbofied personal ass-sistant now. So, what was there to lose sleep over ever again? All had gone smoothly until these god-awful bitches of Wolfram & fucking Hart thought they'd reel in a few of their damn rain checks. I...

Dryer
"Honey, I'm going to do the laundry and then maybe we can shoot the content."
The beautiful woman Kallista called out to her husband Justin. Her hair was up in a ponytail. She wore her most comfortable blue tank top and jogging shorts. Lunch was done cooking and cleaned up. An afternoon with perfect lighting, this was prime content shooting. They had laid out the format, a simple blowjob video. They had talked about angles and positioning. Everything was going according to schedule....

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Four.
Waking Up with Unexpected Assets.
Winnifred Burkle awoke groggily, her body strapped down to a table. She lifted her head slightly and saw two bandaged masses on her chest. Inside must be what were now her definite breasts. The previous night she'd been barely able to see her feet past the two orbs they had grown on her in that strange aquarium. They'd been slightly smaller than Cordelia's, but these new ones must be a good bit larger. Of course, there were the bandages...

The nanobot Swarm raced down Mal's urethra, headed for his testicles. Not that they knew the name of the Hive, i. e., their bonded male host, but that's who they were in. The Swarm's instructions were clear — eliminate DuoHalo, repair and restore any damaged lung function, repair and improve reproductive function — in this host, primarily sperm production, as there was no urethral damage observed by the nanobots during transit. The Swarm had not received the signal that would trigger a regeneration, so gene...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Three.
"No Hate in My Bimbos."
The next morning Fink was reading the file on Dawn Summers. She seemed a bright, quite serious freshman at Sunnydale Community College. Her sole form of rebellion had been rather innocent shoplifting when she was still a teenager. She wasn't acting overly promiscuous, so, a concentrated dose of the happy gas, and some sexy clothes would certainly set off warning bells for the Slayer. Maybe he'd throw some new hair into the bargain, and a set of ...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Two.
Rather Disturbing Developments.
Lilah Morgan entered the holding rooms, followed by Becker and Fink. Cordelia rose from her bench. The vacancy had left her eyes, she looked disgusted.
"I might have known you'd be in on this, Lilah."
"Dearest Cordelia," Lilah grinned. "It's always a displeasure to see you. I trust you're both, uhm, comfortable?"...