humorous stories and histories

Chapter 1: The Loaner

The worst thing to go into a computer is water.
The worst thing to come out of a computer is smoke.
Jesse Fisher swore as he bumped the glass, then swore again as the sparks and smoke shot up from the keyboard of his laptop. The lights went out, breaker tripped, and he swore a third time as he smashed his toe against the desk in the dark....

"You don't watch a lot of anime, do you, Brianna?" Mr. Rice asked me as he held up the costume I was expected to wear for this job.
"No, sir. I mainly just watch shows in the Real Housewives television universe. Not immature kid cartoons like whatever this is from," I said, pointing to the costume. Although I must admit that I was surprised a kids' show would feature a character showing off this much skin....

Hit and Run


By The Ethical Hypnotist

Words failed as his mind bent under the weight of the non-Euclidean horror. Tentacles, teeth, a writhing mass of eyes, a mountain of grey slime that blotted out the sun! If only he could scream, if only he could move, if only he could die rather than face this abomination! He could feel his essence slipping away, a crack in his very soul, everything that was Dominic Vazquez pouring into the void like a broken hourglass....

Sleepily, I rub my eyes and clear the fog from my mind. Hearing the rustling of the tent around me, I'm reminded that I'm camping with my husband. He loves camping but me... let's just say this is just one of the few things I let my husband subject me to so he can be happy.
I roll over in the annoying crinkly sleeping bag to scootch closer to him, stealing his warmth. He smells like sweat, no doubt from doing almost everything to get us here. He bought all the supplies, packed everything, drove us here a...

My name is Tony and I'm a sex addict... Yeah hello to you too.
OK. So. I've been asking myself a question since I got here. Why am I forking out thirty large for rehab when I could be living it up in Vegas?
To make it so's I don't hurt nobody no more cause I like to fuck so much? To become a better person? Nah. I'm here because I don't want to go to jail....

sweet revenge
Dr. Samantha Barnes was happy with her medical practice, she had found the perfect niche for herself. With the Baby Boomers reaching that age where some of the "equipment" was starting to malfunction, her E. D. clinic was busy all the time. She was ahead of the curve, constantly researching and attending new training and seminars, she had a very, very good success rating. Her husband, Dr. David Barnes was happy with his own practice, he was a very successful doctor in his own field of GYN. ...

Another couple of yarns heard when I was parading about the large square to the tune of much shouting and yelling.
Please comment and votes are welcome.
Rude and ignorant comments are not welcome, especially from Mr, Ms or Mizz Anonymous.
Also, the stories are fiction, that means they are not true. It's just a bit of humour people....

Submitted as part of the yay-team-sex-and-sports-story-challenge-2025-coming-soon
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Take It Out at the Ball Game
(She likes it low and inside)
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[The scene: A minor league baseball park near you]
"You the new Bat Boy? You're cute. The players all call me the Ball Girl. Even though I'm not allowed on the field during games."...

It was a large crowd. I don't like crowds, but it was a festive atmosphere and a good night for people watching. So I wasn't too uncomfortable and the women were out in force wearing their finest party dresses and looking like ornaments from a Christmas tree. Beautiful women in gorgeous party dresses, LBDs, strapless gowns and everything in between. Tonight was a little special. A party at a local gallery, a jazz quartet, some free appetizers and drinks until late in the night. The only reason I attend thes...

This is an entry in the YAY TEAM 2025 Sex and Sports Challenge
My name is Clarence Deering and I been a pitcher for the Juneau Jackos (Motto: "We're the Jackos, don't Juneau!") going on 4 years now. Around the ballpark here the players all call me Duff, a name I got after getting knocked on my ass while tagging out a runner barreling into home plate it was my job to be covering. That might have been enough to earn me that nickname, except also, when I stood up, my entire fucking naked rear end was hangin...

"So, why do you let that freak run your life?" I inquired, as I threaded my way through the heavier traffic of the downtown area. "Does she treat everyone like what she did to Penny?"
Marcy nodded.
"Yes Sir." she replied. "It's just her way, I guess."
"It's her way of masking her own insecurities." I observed, as the traffic light ahead turned red....

If you drive through the better sections of Memphis or Jackson, you'll see that most of the rich folks who live there have a swimming pool in their backyard and those pools are really nice. They're made of concrete and sunk in the ground just like the regular swimming pools in some of the parks. Usually they'll have a diving board at the deep end, and steps that lead down to the water at the shallow end....

Author's note:
For those of you fortunate enough not to know, a Proton Pump Inhibitor is a medication used to help manage acid reflux and heartburn. This story is NOT about that.
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"You feel so amazing," Jeff groaned, pushing deep into Kate.
"Mmmm, so do you."
"You came already?"...

Waffles 35
Waffles 35 Recovery Program (WRP),
Year 4, Day 14, Wake Up
Arthur always woke up 3 minutes before his alarm. Six Fifty-Seven.
He rolled over in his stupid giant bed and looked out the giant window overlooking the stupid beach and stupid sunrise. He laid in his bed until his alarm went off. He rolled out and groaned as he stepped out onto his balcony overlooking his 100 acre ocean side compound. Another stupid day of great food, exercise, the worlds most beautiful women, and saving hum...

Just An Average Guy
John Smith was celebrating his thirty-sixth birthday. Well, if the truth was known, John was not celebrating. As John got home from work today, he suddenly realized what a rut he was in.
Someone at work today had been busy looking up data for a new project. In the process, they had said something to John that according to the latest data, the average American male was 36 years old. That struck a chord with John in a negative way....

My name is Tim Goodwood, and I was raised to be a people-pleaser, I do not like to offend people, and I always say yes when asked if I want to do things... here is the first part of my story.
I had to go to Leicester of all places, for my Rural Real Estate Agent course; this was arranged because nobody wanted to go to Leicester University and so they moved some compulsory industry courses there....

Chapter One
Midland City, 10:36 PM
The neon night skyline of Midland City glittered like lube under a strip club mirror ball, sweltering in the summer evening air. The kind of heat that clung to the skin like a needy ex. Asphalt sweated like a drunk uncle at the titty bar buffet. The air was thick with humidity, every breath a mouthful of cherry vape, body spray, and crotch sweat. The whole city pulsed like a dirty thought. Velvet ropes lined pavements outside clubs called The Slurp Tank, The Sin Bin,...

Written for the 2025 Literotica Geek Pride Story Event
Thanks to @kenjisato for the speedy and thoughtful copy edits and suggestions. You rock!
This is the third story I've uploaded to Literotica. Thanks to all that've rated, commented on, and favourited my other stories so far. It's so lovely to have an appreciative audience....

This is a parody of a popular UK television show. It is written as a narrative for the show. It is not that heavy on actual sex stuff. (There is, just not a lot.) But it would feature a few things that allude to it.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they discuss the performance of specific missions....

This is a parody of a popular UK television show. It is written as a narrative for the show. It is not that heavy on actual sex stuff. (There is, just not a lot.) But it would feature a few things that allude to it.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they discuss the performance of specific missions....

Chapter 1
The au pair.
Although I was still growing fast, my mind for the time being had outstripped my body, as was all too obvious from the intimidating equipment on display in the school changing rooms. Although my classmates frequently called me an arrogant wee shite, I could live with a bit of name calling from these thickos, as these big fellows still didn't hesitate to creep up and beg for my help with their maths and physics homework. However, this covert homage to my elite performance in clas...

This is a parody of a popular UK television show. It is written as a narrative for the show. It is not that heavy on actual sex stuff. (There is, just not a lot.) But it would feature a few things that allude to it.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they discuss the performance of specific missions....

This is a parody of a popular UK television show. It is written as a narrative for the show. It is not that heavy on actual sex stuff. (There is, just not a lot.) But it would feature a few things that allude to it.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they discuss the performance of specific missions....

It was a slow day at the Longbranch in Dodge. So Miss Kitty closed up until supper time. The heat was getting to be almost intolerable. The mugginess was getting to Miss Kitty. She had stripped off her bloomers, and set them in the back room. She fluffed the front of her dress as she walked around the room....

The Hunger
©2002 Greymead
It must have been sometime shortly before my last great sleep that I met her. I suspect that the hunger was upon me, for she is one of us now, and answers to me as her Master, but I can never be certain as my memory rarely reveals anything to me from before a sleep.
Let it suffice to say that she was young at the time of her turning for her appearance is still that of a child, though you and I both know that her true age is much in excess of what humans would believe possi...

LembetySeven
Another story that came to me in the night.
Maybe I shouldn't have those Taco Hell burritos just before bed.
It was a kinda nice day; warm, but not too much, breezy but just. Three in the after noon and I had the sun behind me as I looked out on the lake. A woman sat at the other end of the bench, we acknowledged each other and then went back to our own thoughts....

I clutched the Cosmopolitan and made my way upstairs. Mother and Father were away, Sister was fondling the phone receiver lost in her own world, and I looked forward to a quiet afternoon on the terrace. This was my haven, the huge sprawling terrace. Though we lived in a neighborhood where the walls were as cozy as they could get, running abreast of each other, I was at an advantage of altitude. I could spy on every building within leering distance, and from vantage points that promised discretion and forbid...

Chief Stone called for his officers to settle down so he could get through the announcements and assignments that morning. "I want to first welcome Officer June Martinez to the force after having just graduated from the academy. Officer Conley, I will be assigning her to you. Show her the ropes and keep her out of trouble."...

The bell over the door chimed like a warning shot.
The bakery was open.
Not just any bakery--the first adults-only bakery in the county.
PIERRE'S PRIVATE PROOF
Grand opening banners stretched across the glass. Small print: "Fresh bread. Sweeter flesh."
Big Red--Marla--stood behind the counter, heart thumping, apron barely covering her plump tits, straps digging into her shoulders. Her nipples already peeking out over the thin fabric. The apron's hem barely kissed the top of her thighs. Her as...

[In the midst of the Literotica Conference 2025, I take a stool at the bar, waiting for Lily to find me. Cassie is attending the conference as well. As usual, I'm not prepared for what Lily has planned.
Background: Cassie gave Lily a gift at the end of Only Consenting Adults - the power of free will. Since then, Lily has used it to travel into other stories, wandering through all of Literotica]...