humorous stories and histories

I remember the first time my mom and I made love, tried to make love. We were kissing and fooling around. I played with her tits. She stroked my chest. I spread her legs. I ate her out. She sat bolt upright and puked. It was all over my hair and back. It was running into my eyes. (Don't get puke in your eyes. It stings)....

Double Devil Day
"This is my cousin Dante, he'll fill in while I'm gone." The haggard little shoulder angle said, suitcase in hand.
"Where are you going?" asked Kris.
"It's been a rough go. I need a vacation." Said the tired angel, his robes tattered, his halo slouching. "Dante will take good care of you. Fresh out of Seminary."...

The Gift


By


Claude Truveau

The second time it happened she had her arms straight against the back of the bench. Her naked bottom was extended towards me and her back was arched in a particularly flexible position. Her black jogging shorts were at her ankles. I had my two hands on her breasts and was gripping hard through her tee shirt. I had entered her from behind, her slick pussy hungry for my long, hard cock. I pounded away, lost in the immersion, the thrill, the energy, the ...

Shannon

Mais Oui! Reminder & Special Offer
Shannon stretched, tightening and arching her body before settling back into the cushions of her chaise. She tapped the new link on her smartphone.
May We clean your home today? Mais Oui!
Our team will arrive at 4:00 today. You are currently subscribing to the following services:...

The following story recounts actual events. Only the names of the people and places have been changed to protect the guilty--and the innocent.
April, 1991
There were four of us living in a mobile home. Marv and Melissa were married--they had the master bedroom by default. Gina had been there about a year and claimed the second bedroom. And me? I was the couch guy. The new guy. I'd moved in about a month earlier under circumstances I'd rather not revisit, and I rented the L-shaped couch for what little...

Outsourcing Alt
Mae and Levi Cooper were in a competition, and Levi was winning. They had always been competitive; it was part of their relationship from the start. They had met at a trivia night in college, arguing over a Lord of the Rings question. Mae has been wrong, clearly misunderstanding the architecture of Helms Deep, but they both ended up winning. They had been married now for 15 wonderful years, full of challenges and growth and helping each other become their best selves. They had 3 healthy c...

Mission to Mars


By


Claude Truveau

"Initiate cryogenic rehabilitation," orders Captain Billups, Flight Director. Apollo 29 was launched 8 months prior in an exhilarating liftoff, successful in every way, and was now fast approaching the red planet.
Major Carl Hansel and Lieutenant Sherry Steele had been in crypto sleep caskets since a week after launch, after ensuring the flight plan was on track. With a month to go before reaching their destination they were now awake in thei...

"Isn't this supposed to be a slow build?" asked Boleslaw, struggling to unbutton tight jeans made tighter by his expanding wang.
"Better not be," said Liz, bent at the waist to get her hands back to her bra hooks. "If we took the time to get to know each other, we'd probably learn that we're selfish narcissists, and hate each other's guts. We'd still fuck, but it wouldn't be as much fun."...

Sister Ignacio, a devout follower, who lives in a monastery, has been quite the challenge for Carl. He joined her one day where she always waits, in a clearing by a lake on the property of the monastery. Her greeting when a visitor arrives is, "Welcome to our sanctuary. What brings you here today?" Her posted biography includes she is a young-looking woman of 26 years old, who has had a rough few years of living a life that was in opposition to her faith and full of sin. Now aligned and devoted, she has fou...

Couples Therapy


By


Claude Truveau

Doctor Albany led Brett and Jules into her office and offered them their choice of seats. Brett assisted Jules onto the right side of the couch and he took the left. The office was on the third floor of a Mental Health Counseling Center and offered a nice view of the town square below....

Oil Slick


By


Claude Truveax

It's 2am and I have just written a work-related email to my boss. As a result of my early morning pattern of sending at least one email to him, he believes that I am as dedicated and committed to his business as if I owned the place. Far from it. I live a life of secrets and failings. And I'm always evolving in the most intriguing and deceptive ways....

Late Night at the Writers Workshop


By


Claude Truveau

Steamed Milk:
Isabella took the frothing cup that she had half filled with 2% milk and held it just below the steam wand. Her eyes locked with Sam and the two of them held the moment for just a few seconds. Sam reached for the knob and placed his hand firmly around the dial, and waited. Isabella slowly raised up the cup until it was just below the wand, and then the wand was immersed into the placid liquid. Sam turned the k...

Welcome to March College of Natural History - Ashfern, Belleterre
Never heard of her?
That's right, cher, we ain't on no map.
What happens here don't follow real-world rules.
Time slips sideways. Heat hangs heavy.
And love?
Well... sometimes it comes tangled up in sex, secrets, and spells....

It was by mere chance that Tommy ran into some old classmates from high school. They were, by then, all in their 30s. He remembered back in those days how Gabby and Troy couldn't keep their hands off each other-- he had a feeling Troy didn't have to wait for prom for sex.
Wishing to catch up on the past, he invited them to a fine Italian restaurant. Tommy brought Ana, his wife of five years, with him for the double date. He wondered if the flame still burned between them, or if age had tempered their pas...

Louise Spreads Her "Wings".
Chapter 3 Sunday Lunch
I arrived on time at 1.00 drenched, the rain driven by a westerly gale from the Irish Sea, was sheeting horizontally and despite my Burberry Macintosh I arrived soaking wet. Louise opened the door, "my god Laurie, you look as if you've swum here. I've just come back from my morning swim, so I'll need a shower to wash the chlorine off. Take your things off, your coat and hat at least, and come into the warm living room and make yourself at home, I'll b...

The five couples, each consisting of a young woman and an older family member, stepped forward as the golden gates opened.
"Welcome!" an exotically-beautiful, late-thirtysomething woman came forward from the factory entrance wearing a colorful ringmaster-type outfit that was cut to hug her hourglass figure. "Welcome, golden dildo winners!" The woman, of indeterminate ethnic origin with her dark curly hair, lightly-bronzed skin, and almond eyes, struck a pose for the gathered press who remained on the oth...

I've always wanted you," began Amrita. She put a hand on his chest and smiled down at him, and then continued, "I've been telling Sarasvi about you for all this time, and she ached for you, too, enough to move countries, even!"
"It's true," added Sarasvi, and she caressed his cheek gently.
"Further, I think that you have a divine spark that almost no one has, and there is only one way to draw it out of you. This is to push you to your limits of humanity," concluded Amrita....

A short story that pokes satire, humor and fun at the state of todays' world. No apologies to those who can't take my humor. Comments are welcome and yes this is total fiction.
***
11 PM - Midwest time, USA. The television flickered, and then the screen popped to life. Fingering the remote control the sets owner was ready to change the channel when he heard the female newscaster's voice and stopped....

Smile You Are on Candid Camera
This fictional story is the second in the "The Device" story I did earlier. I have had a hard time selecting the name for this one.
There was a show on TV on CBS in 1960 called Candid Camera where people were made part of a joke and were taped responding to a crazy situation. It was a popular show, but people were always let in on the joke and not made to look foolish. Back then people could take a joke. The opening line to the show was "Smile, You're on Candid Camera."...

Author Note: This is a sexy parody of a popular UK television game show. It is written as a narrative for the show. I think you can still enjoy it without knowledge of the show that it is based on.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they explain and discuss the performance of specific tasks....

Author Note: This is a sexy parody of a popular UK television game show. It is written as a narrative for the show. I think you can still enjoy it without knowledge of the show that it is based on.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they explain and discuss the performance of specific tasks....

Author Note: This is a sexy parody of a popular UK television game show. It is written as a narrative for the show. I think you can still enjoy it without knowledge of the show that it is based on.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they explain and discuss the performance of specific tasks....

Author Note: This is a sexy parody of a popular UK television game show. It is written as a narrative for the show. I think you can still enjoy it without knowledge of the show that it is based on.
The show is separated into
1. Studio Part, where they explain and discuss the performance of specific tasks....

"Is it like the old Playboy magazine, you have essays there by the modern day equivalent of Gore Vidal and William F. Buckley Jr.?" -- Justice Samuel Alito
When Justice Samuel Alito first made that comment, it went around the Internet as a joke. People thought of Alito as an out-of-touch geriatric who didn't understand online smut....

Hi! I'm a pervert with a mind dirtier than your papi's panties.
As a little boy, my great-grandpa once said to me: "The powers of perversion are extra strong in you, young one. When you grow up, you will change this sex-hating world in myriad ways."
When I fondled a delectable duo of tofu tits (those were massive, milky mammaries, mind you) for the first time in my teens, my mundane life changed forever. In an instant, the perverted genes inherited from countless generations of my amorous ancestors fi...

Introduction: Deca-Camera
My name is Constance E. Moreau (yes, the irony is not lost on me), age forty-three, woman of letters and occasional woman of legs. I hold two degrees, three ex-lovers worth publishing, and a growing intolerance für emotional carbohydrates. I teach Comparative Literature at a minor but architecturally ambitious university somewhere between Heidelberg and self-delusion. I've read the Decamerone in three languages and slept in seven....

Louise spreads her wings.
Chapter I
This is a sequel to Louise's adventures in Rome in Summer 1956. Mid-January 1957
I received a long letter from Marlene today; she's invited me to be her 'Maid of Honour' which translates to British as 'best maid' at her upcoming wedding to held in Frascati Cathedral in the beginning of May 1st ten days after Easter. She even offered to pay my fare and accommodation! What a cheek, she said nothing about the dresses I'll need. Joking really, I'll have to get Dad to...

Chapter One: A Woman In Need of a Change
Grace moaned, softly, as she worked the vibrator. Her other hand roughly pinched a nipple. On her phone, a blonde bimbo got plowed by two studs, the grunts and groans piping into Grace's airpods. She felt her orgasm rising in time to the bimbo's pumping, and she imagined the taste of the stud's thick cock in her own mouth......

Vagina would be so more refined but she has always been my cunt. She has been wined and dined despite the lack of refinement of vagina which is more acceptable in polite society!
I love her warm moist sensation when I awaken. She has given life to 3 children and is the female source of love, excitement and joy in my life. She gives me excitement and pleasure brings forth my clitoral erections. She is the fountain of my feminism. She bleeds regularly and now prepares my body for cessation of this cycle of...

Chapter 1: The Loaner

The worst thing to go into a computer is water.
The worst thing to come out of a computer is smoke.
Jesse Fisher swore as he bumped the glass, then swore again as the sparks and smoke shot up from the keyboard of his laptop. The lights went out, breaker tripped, and he swore a third time as he smashed his toe against the desk in the dark....