humorous stories and histories

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part Two.
Rather Disturbing Developments.
Lilah Morgan entered the holding rooms, followed by Becker and Fink. Cordelia rose from her bench. The vacancy had left her eyes, she looked disgusted.
"I might have known you'd be in on this, Lilah."
"Dearest Cordelia," Lilah grinned. "It's always a displeasure to see you. I trust you're both, uhm, comfortable?"...

The Female Orgasm
Being a man, I'm obviously an expert on what women experience. Although I have never had a female orgasm, I have caused quite a few, and have some observations. I'm going to make a generalization here, and that is that most women, probably excluding committed lesbians, like cum and feel some thrill at getting a guy off. But this isn't about that; it's about what gets women off. And what they say when they're cumming is a whole different topic. What follows is not based upon a random sam...

"Dude, get over here! That sophomore girl, Julie, is in the pool!
Brad finished pulling on his board shorts and joined his roommate at the window, tying the draw cord. He laughed quietly. "Paying extra for poolside was worth it man! Is that bikini even legal?
"Told ya! Sweet! Her friend's smokin' too!"...

Wike, Totawwy Bimbo! Part One.
A Few Words in Advance.
This is not my usual kind of story; it isn't even mine. One day, quite a few years ago, I ran into this curious Internet phenomenon of chain-writing. It seems that everyday hundreds of people are busy adding to existing stories. A lot of them are about TV celebrities and superheroes. Usually these characters, like Superman or Wonder Woman, are having their adventures transported into the realm of porn. Happily, there usually is a healthy dose of b...

This is a One-Shot-story of the Becoming Monsters universe by Ai Loves, setting used with permission. All canonical and mechanical errors are my own.
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WHAM!
Wendell Aaron Meyer was dead. But not because of the crash that he was involved in. To be precise, he was undead. That's what you get, when the world is mixed up by The Change, and your new Status Screen lists your race now as "Zombie". For him as the class nerd it was sort of an upgrade....

Daisy Lynn Hollister is a sugar-coated demon in a baby-doll wrapper. Yeah, she's got the bows, the blush, the lip gloss that tastes like watermelon--but every single bit of it is calculated. She learned young that men will fall all over themselves for a helpless little bunny, so she became the fluffiest little bunny she could... while privately racking up more notches than a rest stop bathroom stall....

Doctor Eric Von Pump, was highly respected scientist, in the field of medicine.
The fifty four year old man, with short greying hair and a matching beard, ran the new projects department for a big pharmaceutical company, and was about to test possibly, his greatest accomplishment.
For some time now, the company had been second best to another pharmaceutical company, the ones who had invented the little blue pill, so Doctor Von Pump had been tasked to come up with something that would hopefully surpass...

I swear, COVID was the best thing that ever happened to capitalism. Wealth had flowed like crazy to the 1%, while waitering and barista-ing barely covered food and rent. My girlfriend Melissa and I weren't exactly getting rich. Discussing it over dinner one night, we agreed something needed to change....

Author's note: Despite the title, this is NOT a blood-incest story. I only write pretty vanilla stuff. The title popped into my head when I was thinking about the ending.
I'm putting this in the humor and satire category because, interspersed with a few titillating scenes, the story revolves around a minimally sexy act of sex, and inverts a lot of tropes like cheating, three-ways, non-blood incest, and so forth. I had started it intending to follow the trope of "dykes discover dicks" but decided that was...

Anita Handy had never been one for dating apps. She always tried to scope out men
when she went to her local bookstore, or while picking up groceries. She'd frequently
drop something and bend over in front of some random hunk, giving her ass a little shake. However, none of the men ever fell for it. Their eyes simply glossed over her luxurious buttocks and onto the memoirs, or the dairy aisle, or to their wives that stood right behind them....

EXPERIMENTAL AUDIO TRANSCRIPT -- UNAUTHORIZED
PROJECT: Cognitive Enhancement Through Orgasm-Conditioned Reward Systems
TRIAL ID: #A-Em-47
RESEARCH LEAD: Soledad Rodriguez, Ph. D. (remote)
SUBJECT: Alice M., Chief Design Officer
ENVIRONMENT: Private Office, Bluetooth Call
TIME STAMP: 12:03:18 PM -- 12:19:06 PM...

Carina Marie Delvecchio ain't donatin' shit.
Priya's voice had that trained, professional brightness to it--the kind of cheer that came from either years of experience or a solid caffeine addiction.
"Good evening, ma'am! My name is Priya, and I'm reaching out on behalf of the Global Human Fund. We're collecting donations to--"...

Life had not been good to Emil Langois. At forty-two he looked closer to sixty. His hair had left in his twenty's. He let the sides grow very long, and combed the hair over, thin greasy strands topped a shiny, balding pate.
His physique most resembled an eggplant. Narrow at the top and wider at the bottom. His complexion was oily and at times he sweated until his shirt was soaked with perspiration....

The Vybe Urgent Care waiting room was a miserable slice of life--flu-ridden bodies slumped in chairs, someone sniffling in the corner, an old dude with a wrapped-up hand reading The Daily News like this was his morning routine. The walls were beige, the air reeked of antiseptic, and the only entertainment was a Law & Order rerun on the mounted TV....

1953
Detroit's boomin'.
Chrome everywhere, like the whole damn city got dipped in a fresh coat of the American Dream. The factories are louder than hell, spitting out cars and paychecks, and up in the big boy boardroom of the Ford Motor Company, a bunch of stiff suits are losin' their goddamn minds....

Mrs. DeLuca's Kitchen
Bridgette Elise Jakubowicz's place was as immaculate as ever--because, of course, it was. White marble countertops, gleaming stainless steel appliances, and the kind of recessed lighting that made everything (and everyone) look a little more expensive. If Carina Marie Delvecchio had any complaints, it was that the whole place felt like an Architectural Digest spread. Not a single misplaced dish towel, no crumpled-up takeout menus stuck in drawers. A kitchen like this deserved a litt...